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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28711803">Carpe Noctem</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/evacouto/pseuds/evacouto'>evacouto</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Death, Child Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gaslighting, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hogwarts, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Not Canon Compliant, Requited Love, Seer Regulus Black, Sirius Black is a Good Sibling, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, Very long, but sometimes i get lost into details and well, im gonna try to not make this 100 ch long, okay at first he is an asshole but shh just trust the process, things happen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:07:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>100,367</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28711803</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/evacouto/pseuds/evacouto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Golden boy,<br/>Lion boy;<br/>Tell me what it’s like to conquer.</p><p>Fearless child,<br/>Broken boy;<br/>Tell me what it’s like to burn.</p><p>(...)</p><p>In which a very nosy James Potter notices that every weekend, when everyone falls asleep, Regulus Black sneaks into an abandoned fifth-floor classroom, and he can't help but try to find out what the little Black is up to.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Minor or Background Relationship(s), Regulus Black &amp; James Potter, Regulus Black &amp; Sirius Black, Regulus Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>714</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Orochi-chi</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I think your brother is up to something</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Oh dear, finally, I've been wanting to write a Jegulus fanfiction for so long, and I am finally here to do it.<br/>There aren't really that much of jegulus ff on any platform, especially not long-fics, so yeah, Imma try to fix that.<br/>I mean, I don't know exactly how many chapters there's gonna be, but for what I have planned, there's probably going to be more than 50, so yeah I think that would do.</p><p>I would like to add, and this is in the tags so it isn't technically a spoiler, THERE'S GONNA BE A HAPPY ENDING.<br/>Because yes, I'm sick of every regulus ff I read trying to rip my heart off, so yeah, we are going to give little Reggie a happy ending FOR ONCE.</p><p>Also, if you were expecting any Lily Evans bashing, well you can get the fuck out of here because in this house we love and respect Lily fucking Evans. What a queen. She is so amazing.<br/>And I also hate love triangles btw, so yeah, there's not gonna be some lame 'jily vs jegulus' here.</p><p>ONE MORE THING. I'd like to clarify that Regulus is now in sixth year (James in seventh), but he hasn't taken the dark mark, I mean that he is not a death eater yet. I know in the fandom we have collectively agreed on this headcanon of regulus joining more or less when Draco did, around the summer between fifth and sixth year, but as is not specified in the books, therefore is not completely canon, we will just pretend that Regulus is supposed to join in the summer between his sixth and seventh year, okay?</p><p>also, when i say slow burn, i mean slow burn, like, SLOW burn, you are warned</p><p>I love y'all, enjoy the story, I hope you like it &lt;3</p><p>Oh, also, English is not my first language, so if there are any mistakes please go easy on me, thank you ily</p><p> </p><p>https://open.spotify.com/playlist/03UJWyYkwiqwp8alTDQvvl?si=VRRIUyaPQWKheU7VhvCe8w</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>November 6th, 1977</em>
</p><p>
  <em>11.30 pm</em>
</p><p>
  <em> How the fuck did James Potter get to become a head boy?</em>
</p><p>Was the only thing Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon and Frank Longbottom could think, as they listened to the conversation that was taking place at the seventh-year boy’s room.</p><p>The three of them were sitting on Frank's bed — the poor boy, he didn't know what he was getting into when the four Gryffindors were assigned to him as roommates in his first year—, trying to help Marlene to finish the assignment Professor Binns gave them for the weekend and she hadn’t even bothered to start.</p><p>Remus had his arm around Sirius. James was sitting on someone’s bed — probably Peter’s —, leading the talk. The three of them were waiting for Peter to come back from the kitchens with groceries for everyone because, in Sirius’ words, “we will need to feed ourselves to endure all the brainstorming that we still have ahead, Evans”.</p><p>“So, if everything goes as planned”, James declared, pointing at the map spread out on the floor of the room, surrounded by wrappers of chocolate frogs and empty bottles of muggle sodas — a gift from Lily and Remus. “We should be able to get everyone in the room of requirement while Filch and McGonagall are in the opposite wing of the castle.”</p><p>“Where did you say it was the room of requirement again?” Marlene asked, lifting her head from the piece of parchment which she had not even completed half of.</p><p>“Focus,” Lily scolded her. “You’ll never finish If you keep getting distracted.”</p><p>Marlene gave a long sigh before returning to her paper. Despite not having her attention anymore, James answered the question anyway.</p><p>“There,” James put his finger on the section of the map that corresponded to the seventh floor, in the left corridor. “The entrance is hidden opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy.”</p><p>“Wasn’t in the other corridor?” Sirius asked, leaning onto the map, his half long, wavy black hair falling down his face.</p><p>Remus shook his head. “No, I’m pretty sure it was in the left corridor.”</p><p>“I still don’t understand why It won’t appear on the map” James complained, as he folded the piece of parchment. “<em>Mischief Managed</em>.”</p><p>“It’s probably <em>unplottable</em>,” Sirius mumbled.</p><p>“<em>Unp</em>-what?”</p><p>Sirius took his wand from the top of the bed on which Remus and he were leaning. As he whispered “accio,” a bottle of pumpkin juice flew up to his hand. “I said that it’s probably <em>unplottable</em>.  That means is a place which location is hidden; like Grimmauld Place,” he added with a snort. “These places can’t be located in a map, and some of them are hidden from the sight, just like…”</p><p>“Just like the room of requirement,” James finished the sentence. “Yeah, that makes sense.”</p><p>The door was opened from the outside, and Peter entered the room with his hands full of cookies, tartlets, and seven cups of hot chocolate levitating behind him, following him in a single line.</p><p>The steam that came out of the cups flooded the room with the appetizing smell of cocoa, and each one traveled to its respective owner once Peter had closed the room door with his foot.</p><p>“I have everything!” Peter said with his high-pitched voice, as he dropped everything on the floor, where the map was lying a few seconds ago. “So, have you thought about how to get rid of Filch and Flitwick?”</p><p>“Filch and McGonagall” Remus corrected. “Flitwick never stays here for Christmas, remember?”</p><p>“And Slughorn, Sprout, Pomfrey, and Tuttle will be all in Slughorn’s office celebrating that weird Irish thing,” Sirius added. “Dumbly doesn’t leave his office ever. Kettleburn and Pince will be getting drunk in the Hog’s Head with <em>Berf</em>, so our only real problems are Minnie and Filch.”</p><p>“And we already have that solved!” James snapped, a bit overexcited, taking a big sip of his cup of hot cocoa, burning his tongue in the process. “Ouch!”</p><p>Peter giggled, blowing his cup not to commit the same mistake as James. “Do you really think we’ll be able to trick Professor Tuttle?”</p><p>“Why wouldn’t we?”</p><p>“I mean… There’s still a lot of time before Christmas… What if he… I don’t know, has a vision or something?”</p><p>James and Sirius barked a laugh, as Lily stood up from the bed and took a cookie from the center of the room.</p><p>“What?! He is the divination teacher! It-It could happen!” Peter exclaimed, a light tone of red flooding his cheeks.</p><p>“Easy Pete,” Lily said, sending a bad look at James and Sirius. “Tuttle can’t foresee things. He is not a seer.”</p><p>“Isn’t the divination teacher supposed to be one?”</p><p>“Yeah, well, actual seers are pretty uncommon, so I guess the school gives the place to whoever they can get.” Peter sighed in relief, finally taking a sip from his drink. “If you ask me, I’d be much more worried about the fact that the teachers are obviously gonna notice that half of the student body will be staying at Hogwarts instead of going home like any other year.”</p><p>“Not quite,” Frank said, accio-ing a bottle of pumpkin juice. “There’s a lot of students that are staying at Hogwarts this Christmas.”</p><p>“How do you know that?”</p><p>“People talks,” he stated. “Most of the families don’t want their children going home with everything that is going on in the country. Especially after what happened this summer.”</p><p>“They feel safe with Dumbledore around” Remus pointed, stroking Sirius’s hair with the hand that was resting on his shoulder. “Is well known that you-know-who is afraid of him.”</p><p>“Exactly!” James snapped, taking the rest of his cup in one gulp. “That’s why we need to do this. Let’s give people the best New year’s party in all Hogwarts history.”</p><p>“You think now is the best time to throw a party? With everything that is happening?”</p><p>“Yes.” James declared, with no chinks of doubt. “This place is getting so <em>dark</em>, and you know how much I hate<em> darkness</em>.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“People need to have fun, Lily,” Remus added.</p><p>“Yeah!” James effusively agreed, readjusting the position of his glasses, which were about to slip off his nose. “Don’t you remember our first year? Hogwarts used to be magic! And I don’t mean that in a literal way, I mean… Come on! We all were dreaming to come here. And now it seems…<em> Like a hiding spot.</em> It’s all sad and dark and everyone is scared and muggle-borns are terrified of going home with their families and…”</p><p>“Prongs,” Sirius interrupted, starting to notice how James’ voice was shaking. “You fine?”</p><p>James nods, lifting his head and looking at Lily directly in the eyes, determined. “<em>I want people to be happy again.</em> And I know that a stupid party with drinking games and loud music is not going to solve anything. But… we are seventeen. Aren’t we supposed to be doing that? Getting drunk and being loud and having fun?”</p><p>“We just want students to stay at Hogwarts in order to attend to a lame party organized by four teenagers and not because everyone is<em> too scared of going home and never coming back.</em>”</p><p>Lily gave a long sigh.</p><p>Her head was suddenly filled with images of<em> that empty bed</em> on the fifth-year girl’s dormitory.</p><p>She also wanted <em>those girls</em> to smile again.</p><p>“Yeah, you are right, a party sounds… sounds great.”</p><p>James smiled at her, sitting down on Peter’s bed, and spreading the Marauder's Map back onto the ground.</p><p>“<em>I solemnly swear I’m up to no good. </em>So, Moony, what do you think is the best way to get Ravenclaws out of the tower without passing in front of Slughorn’s office?”</p><p>Lily, Frank, and Marlene shared a look, hearing the Marauder’s natter.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe James Potter did deserve to be a head boy after all.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>(…)</p><p> </p><p>“We need some coffee.”</p><p>“I went last time, is Sirius’ turn.”</p><p>“No one is getting more coffee,” Lily snapped. “No way. Is three in the morning, and we all have class tomorrow.”</p><p>“If you are tired go to sleep,” Sirius replied. “You can stay here if you want, we’ll cast a muffliato not to bother you.”</p><p>“Guys, she is right, we’ve been here for four hours…” Frank muttered, rubbing his tired eyes with his hand.</p><p>The boys’ plan was to arrange the party. They were just talking about who was going to be in charge of the food when Marlene started rambling about that party last year in the Ravenclaw common room when Sirius emptied a whole bottle of butterbeer over this Slytherin git from their same year.</p><p>“I’m telling you, even the Slytherins hate Mulciber. I think Snivellus is his only friend — that’s probably a mutual thing.”</p><p>They got so lost in the gossiping that when they realized, it was 2 am and they hadn’t even started.</p><p>“There’s still hella time before Christmas,” Marlene asserted, rereading the parchment that was lying on Frank’s bed for the third time. “You don’t need to ruin my sleeping schedule to get your shit done.”</p><p>“Sod off McKinnon.”</p><p>“Come on, let’s go to bed,” Remus reasoned. “It’s late and our first class tomorrow is with McGonagall, and you know she hates when we are late.”</p><p>“Oh, come on Moony! Just ten more minutes until…”</p><p>“Now, Prongs.”</p><p>James sighed, glaring at Remus.</p><p>“Let us finish at least…”</p><p>“Pads, no,” Remus repeated, looking now at Sirius, who was looking at him with puppy eyes. “Don’t look at me like that, you know I’m right. Come on, let’s go to bed.”</p><p>“Thank god there’s someone responsible here,” Lily babbled. “Hurry up Marls.”</p><p>Marlene was tying her hair in a bun, as Frank folded her parchment and gave it to her.</p><p>“Good night,” both girls said, going through the door. “See you in class.”</p><p>“Night,” James sighed. “Whose turn is it to keep the map this week?”</p><p>“Last time it was Wormie so… You, I think.” With a wave of his wand, Sirius got all the wrappers and empty bottles in the trash can.</p><p>“Oh! Fucking finally!” James shrieked. “Hand me our treasure, Wormie.”</p><p>Peter smiled, as he reached down and picked up the map from the floor, “I will miss you,” he whispered, looking at the map with fake tearing eyes. “Take good care of him.”</p><p>He finally gave the parchment to James, who glanced at it, checking every corridor for possible signs of life.</p><p>“Tsk, boring,” he complained. “Everyone’s sleeping.”</p><p>He was about to fold the map when his eyes caught the glimpse of a name, “Well, well, well, someone’s being naughty this night.”</p><p>“What, there’s someone out of the bed?” Remus asked.</p><p>“Yeah, on the fifth floor,” he narrowed his eyes, trying to read the name without his glasses, which he had already put off to sleep. “Ah, Moony can you read it for me?”</p><p>James handed Remus the map. He quickly looked at the person on the fifth floor, and instantly frowned, “What’s <em>your brother </em>doing on the fifth floor at these hours?”</p><p>Sirius tensed.</p><p>“What? That’s Regulus?” James asked, finally grabbing his glasses and scrutinizing the map properly. “What’s he doing this late out of his common room?”</p><p>Sirius hummed, “I don’t know, playing with his death eater buddies?”</p><p>“He is alone.”</p><p>“Playing alone, then?”</p><p>“Where’s he?” James questioned, ignoring Sirius’ comment, “I’ve never seen that room before.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, I know where that is.” Remus murmured, “No one goes to that area of the castle anymore. When Lily and I were doing our rounds in fifth year, McGonagall told us to skip that part of the fifth floor. Not even Filch goes there. Is completely abandoned.”</p><p>“Woah, that sounds cool,” James sighed. “And what’s the <em>little Black</em> doing on a disused area at three in the morning?”</p><p>“Don’t call him that,” Sirius babbled, wrinkling his nose.</p><p>“What? Little Black?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because there’s no <em>big Black</em>,” he snapped. “He is not- He is the only Black, okay? Now do me a favor and don’t mention him at all.”</p><p>James gave a long sigh before nodding, calmly.</p><p>“Come on, close that thing, who cares what he is doing?” Sirius’s urged, sitting on his bed, and pulling his hair on a messy bun.</p><p>“Maybe he is up to something?”</p><p>“Up to <em>what</em>? A prank?” He scoffed. “For Merlin’s fuck Prongs, he is <em>lame and boring and worthless</em>, and he is doing something probably lame and boring and worthless, just forget it.”</p><p>“I mean, yeah, but as a head boy…”</p><p>“Let’s go to sleep already, okay?”</p><p>James wanted to say something else, but Remus shook his head, sending him a significant look, and he decided that it’d be better to drop it.</p><p>“Yeah. Let’s go to bed.”</p><p> </p><p>(…)</p><p> </p><p>“Regulus.”</p><p>“Pst, Regulus.”</p><p>“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Regulus!”</p><p>The young Slytherin jumped from his seat, hitting his head with the crystal ball that was standing on the table in which he was sleeping a couple of seconds ago.</p><p>“Ah!” He glared at Evan Rosier, breathing heavily. “Why the fuck are you trying to give me a heart attack Evan?!”</p><p>“Sorry, next time I’ll let Tuttle give you detention for a week.”</p><p>“Please,” Barty sighed. “Little Reggie is his golden boy, he would never even raise his voice to him.”</p><p>Regulus rubbed his sleepy eyes, trying to adapt to the sudden lightness of the Divination classroom. He saw his reflection on the ball and instantly began running his fingers through the curls of his raven hair, trying to make his look as immaculate as ever.</p><p>“What happened to you?”</p><p>“Why would anything have happened to me?”</p><p>“Because you look like shit.”</p><p>Regulus rolled his eyes, still trying to fix his appearance looking at his reflection on the ball. “I haven’t slept well,” he added, noticing Evan and Barty's gaze on him.</p><p>“I can see that. Just confess you stayed up reading,” Barty joked, leaning into the small tea table, resting his elbow on it. “What was the name of that lame <em>muggle</em> book again?”</p><p>“The book is not muggle and is definitely not lame,” Regulus replied, narrowing his eyes at him.</p><p>“It’s about muggles.”</p><p>“It was written by a wizard. Indeed, it was written by a Ravenclaw.”</p><p>Barty shrugged. “Still.”</p><p>Regulus rolled his eyes, tightening the knot of his tie. “<em>Le Tour du monde en quatre-vingts jours.</em>” He whispered.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“<em>Le Tour du monde en quatre-vingts jours,</em>” he repeated, a bit louder.</p><p>“Is that supposed to tell me something or…”</p><p>Regulus gave a long, frustrated sigh, before speaking again. “That’s the book I’m reading you, <em>dimwit</em>.”</p><p>“Oh, sorry for not being update with your polyglotism.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, did you just call him ‘<em>dimwit</em>’?” Evan asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“Yeah, what about it?”</p><p>“Uhm,” Evan blinked a couple of times. “Nothing, everything’s fine with <em>dimwit</em>.”</p><p>While the three Slytherins were prattling about Regulus Black’s book affairs, professor Tuttle was in the front of the class. He was surrounded by a strong smell of incense, and his speech was constantly interrupted by the chirping of birds in cages that circled the slate.</p><p>“Ornithomancy is a very delicate branch of the divination,” Tuttle said, his monotonous tone of voice wasn't helping Regulus's intentions to stay awake. “Birds must be kept well cared for and fed. It is recommended to have them exposed to magic from an early age, and that’s why they’ve always been more used by pure-blood families. In ancient times, many wizarding families raised them to augur omens of death. They were very common in the goblin rebellions of 1752, but their use was banned by the ex-minister of magic, Evangeline Orpington in 1853, due to a new stream of dark wizards who used them to predict large crowds of Muggles at the same place. Today, only its didactic use is allowed; now, this raven over here…”</p><p>Regulus establish direct eye contact with one green bird, that looked a lot like his own owl. He narrowed his eyes, looking at the bird with an expression that said ‘Come on, say something, I dare you.’</p><p>“Mr. Black?”</p><p>He quickly moved his sight from the bird, giving his attention to the professor, who was looking at him with a waiting tone.</p><p>He was about to ask the professor to please repeat again with he just said, but Tuttle spoke first. "So, can you help Miss Macdonald with her task?”</p><p>Regulus looked at the blonde girl in the front of the class, who was standing next to the professor, passing her gaze from a black bird — which Regulus identified as a raven — to her divination book, on her face drawn the expression that a person would put on when reading in a language they have not seen in their entire life.</p><p> “I’m not that acquainted with Ornithomancy…” Regulus uttered, not feeling like being slightly productive at that moment.</p><p>“Don’t be silly, with <em>your talents for divination</em> I’m sure that you will catch it in a jiffy. Come on, come closer.”</p><p>He gave a long sigh. “Fine...”</p><p>Evan and Barty giggled. “Yeah, go help the <em>mudblood, </em>Reggie.” Rosier teased, making sure that no one but the other Slytherins around would hear him.</p><p>Regulus glared at him, slapping the hand with which Evan had patted his back. “<em>Don’t call me Reggie</em>.”</p><p>When Regulus reached the front of the class, professor Tuttle rested a hand on his shoulder, and he had to hold back the instinct of shove it away.</p><p>“Miss Macdonald is having troubles interpreting the reactions of the bird, could you help her?” The teacher said, patting his shoulder a couple of times. Without waiting for an answer, he directed his sight to Mary Macdonald, a Gryffindor from Regulus’ year, “Miss Macdonald, could you explain your problem to Regulus?”</p><p>“Uhm…” She looked at him with unsure eyes, Regulus' cold, bored gaze on her didn’t help her nervousness. “Well, uhm, I talked to it, as explained in the book, and… It jumped and squawked, and I don’t know how to…”</p><p>“Can you lend me your book?” He interrupted, bored of listening to her slow speech.</p><p>“Uh?” She looked at him with confused eyes, “Ah! Y-yes, of course.”</p><p>Mary handed Regulus his book, and he was especially careful about not touching her hand. “What did you say to it?”</p><p>“Uhm… what?”</p><p>“What did you say to the bird?” He repeated.</p><p>“Well… I said ‘Hi’…”</p><p>The Slytherins on the back of the class giggled, and some Ravenclaws covered their mouths to hide a teasing smile.</p><p>Mary blushed, and Regulus raised an eyebrow at her. He had never spoken to the girl, further than civil comments during the six years they’ve been in the same class, so as there wasn’t enough confidence between them to do some sarcastic comment or a teasing joke, he skipped to the part where he corrected her mistakes— because their useless teacher was apparently incapable of doing that.</p><p>“Well, here it says It would help if you touch it,” he mouthed. “The bird has to be calm and relaxed, and it specifies you have to be especially careful with ravens, as they are easily altered.”</p><p>“So, what do I have to say?” Macdonald asked, leaning closer into the bird.</p><p>“You are the one who’s supposed to interpret the meaning of the reactions of the bird and apply them to your being, so you are probably supposed to communicate to him using your own thoughts.”</p><p>Mary Macdonald nodded, then she turned to the raven and opened her mouth, to whisper something to the animal, but no sound was heard.</p><p>“Uhm… ‘My own thoughts’? How does that…”</p><p>Regulus heavily sighed. He turned to professor Tuttle, expecting him to intervene, but the teacher was just smiling at them expectantly. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “Just say the first thing that comes to your mind. And try to touch it.”</p><p>Mary raised a shaking hand towards the grooves between the metal bars that made up the raven's cage. She got closer to it, to whisper something to the bird.</p><p>Regulus felt <em>the sudden urge</em> to push away the girl from the cage.</p><p>The slow movement of the raven wings got louder on his head, and the bird’s black eyes seemed to be brighter and wider. He could hear the bird’s breathing clearly, as well as he saw how the rest of the room was losing its light.</p><p>Everything he was feeling a couple of seconds ago was overshadowed by the sudden feeling that something bad was going to happen.</p><p>“<em>Wait!</em>”</p><p>He shoved Mary Macdonald away, causing her to bang on the table of two Hufflepuff boys who were sitting in the front row. The ball that was on top of the tea-table shook but didn’t fall and Mary looked at him with wide eyes.</p><p>A couple of seconds later the raven pushed the door of its cage, and it sped through the opening, letting out a thunderous squawk.</p><p>If Mary hadn’t been pushed by Regulus, the bird would have hit her face, probably sent her to the hospital wing.</p><p>Professor Tuttle waved his hand and the raven was back at its cage, and this time he made sure he had locked the thing properly.</p><p>“Ah… Thank you.” Macdonald muttered, sending him a smile.</p><p>“Sorry for pushing you,” Regulus said quickly, turning his attention to the professor, who was now making sure the rest of the cages were correctly locked.</p><p>“You <em>saw</em> that, Mr. Black?” He asked, a bit overexcited, but lowing his voice so the rest of the class wouldn’t hear him.</p><p>“Pardon me?”</p><p>“You <em>saw</em> that,” he repeated, affirming this time. “You <em>saw</em> that the bird was going to fly off the cage and you pushed Miss Macdonald so it wouldn’t hit her. Am I right?”</p><p>“I didn’t <em>saw</em> the bird flying off the cage,” Regulus clarified. “I just…”</p><p>“Don’t be modest, boy. Is not the first time you do something like that. Your <em>seer abilities</em> are breathtaking. There are not many seers nowadays.”</p><p>“Well. Is not that I'm…”</p><p>“You should be in a more advanced class,” Professor Tuttle extolled. “I could use you in my N.E.W.Ts level class if you are interested, some of my seventh-year students could use your talents for…”</p><p>“I’m not interested…”</p><p>“<em>And you would get to go to class with your brother</em>,” Professor Tuttle added, in a tone as if he thought he had just hit the mark.</p><p>Regulus wrinkled his nose.</p><p>“No, no, definitely not interested.”</p><p>Professor Tuttle seemed surprised, but nodded and smiled softly anyways. “If you think about it, you know where to find me.”</p><p>Regulus nodded.</p><p>
  <em>He was not going to think about it.</em>
</p><p>“So, Miss Macdonald, if you don’t mind following with…”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Eagles and snakes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>November 12th, 1977</em>
</p><p>
  <em>8.45 pm</em>
</p><p>
  <em>James never understood the point of November.</em>
</p><p>According to him, it was a useless month between Halloween and Christmas. Nothing interesting happened in November. It was too cold to go swimming in the black lake, but not cold enough for it to snow.</p><p>Hogsmeade lacked the white pallium that covered its streets in December, but you still had to wear gloves and scarves so as not to freeze to death.</p><p>With Halloween already passed, putting fake spiders in Alice Fortescue’s bed or convincing nearly-headless Nick to help them scare Dorcas Meadowes during potion’s class was completely out of place. And since Christmas was still a month away, it was too soon to start collecting gifts or singing carols.</p><p>So yes, James was fully convinced that November was a useless month. Of course, Sirius flatly disagreed, because, “Prongs, what are you talking about? Is the best month of the year. How can it not be when I was born in it?” And James was thankful with November for bringing his best friend to this world, but the rest of it was still crap.</p><p>“And what are you going to drink Jamie?”</p><p>James looked away from the Three Broomsticks’ glass; Madam Rosmerta was eying him expectantly. Beside her, a white notebook floated, while some kind of levitating pencil jotted down customers' orders.</p><p>He winked an eye at her. “I’ll have a butterbeer.”</p><p>“Brilliant,” she beamed. “I’ll be back in a minute.” She smiled softly at them before turning to the bar, her long red skirt flowing with her short steps.</p><p>Once they all had their drinks over the table— Butterbeer for James and Peter, Daisyroot Draught for Remus, and Berry Ocky Rot for Sirius— Sirius started prattling about this Hufflepuff sixth-year chick that had hinted on Remus during breakfast.</p><p>“Can you believe it?!” He shoved his glass against the table so hard that James was surprised it didn’t break. “The audacity!”</p><p>“There are people that still don’t know you two are dating?” Peter asked, scourgify-ing the table to clean up the red liquid that had spilled from Sirius's glass.</p><p>“Apparently,” Sirius said, with an offended tone. “Moony, we need to be more public.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, ‘more’?” James scoffed. “Weren’t you snogging against Zonko’s wall just like five minutes ago?”</p><p>“And obviously that’s not enough to keep the slimy Hufflepuffs away from my man!”</p><p>Remus cackled, choking on the brownish liquid that filled his glass. “God, Sirius, if I have to put up with the ridiculously big amount of people that check you out every morning in the great hall, I’m pretty sure you can survive one single girl being friendly to me.”</p><p>“‘Being friendly’?! She was practically drooling! Undressing you with her eyes!” Sirius crowed, dramatically. “And you are way out of my league you idiot, imagine how insecure I feel!”</p><p>“You are one of a kind.”</p><p>“You two should kiss after we win the next quidditch game,” James recommended, laughing at Sirius’ dramatic antics. “It’s the first Slytherin versus Gryffindor of the season, so everyone’s gonna be there, and I think it would send the message pretty well.”</p><p>Remus eyed him in frustration. “Potter, don’t give him ideas!”</p><p>“No. No. No. Shut it Moons. That’s actually a great idea!” Sirius shoved his black waves from his forehead, and suddenly wished he had brought something to tie his hair. “It will be <em>very public</em> and also will send a message to the <em>needy bitches </em>who want to steal my boyfriend.” He ended with a grin.</p><p>Remus glared at Sirius, and he smiled innocently at him, sipping from his glass of <em>Berry Ocky Rot</em>.</p><p>The Berry Ocky Rot was just a fruity <em>wine</em> made from berries with barely any alcohol, that Madam Rosmerta started allowing students to buy once they reached sixth year. The thing is, Sirius had always said that wine was a <em>boring snobbish</em> drink for boring snobbish people <em>like his brother or his cousins</em>, and he had sworn never to taste a single drop of it. That's why obviously when James's dad offered him a shot of Berry Ocky Rot last Christmas, and he had to say yes because let's face it, nobody says no to James's dad, and he found himself liking that particular brand of wine, he got so frustrated that the marauders had to start pretending that the reddish liquid was just some sort of fruit juice <em>absolutely not-snobbish and definitely not-boring.</em></p><p>“I’m not collaborating with your delusions,” Remus spatted.</p><p>“C’mon Moony, the boy just wants to show you how much he loves you,” James teased.</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes at the giggle that Peter let out of his mouth. “Sod off Prongs.”</p><p>“And what about you Prongsie?” Sirius uttered, “No one you fancy?”</p><p>James gave a long sigh, before glancing at the beer in his glass; then, he sadly added “I’m afraid not.”</p><p>“Didn’t you confessed having a crush on our <em>dear red hair</em> friend in fourth year?” Sirius inquired.</p><p>“Lily? <em>Oh no</em>.” James quickly denied, “I mean, she is cool and a great friend and everything, and <em>definitely</em> good looking, but that was just a <em>silly crush</em>, it lasted for less than a month.”</p><p>Sirius raised a black eyebrow at him. “There’s a lot of people that would die for a date with you,” he acknowledged. “Yesterday Wormie and I heard that Connie Macmillan wanted to ask you out after transfiguration class, but he backed off at the last second.”</p><p>“I’m not re<em>- What?</em> Did you just say, Connie Macmillan? The keeper from the Ravenclaw team?”</p><p>“What? Interested?” he jested.</p><p>“<em>Surprised</em>,” James corrected. “Didn’t know he was into lads.”</p><p>“Oh yeah,” Sirius confirmed. “He’s been goofing around with Joe Burtler since the beginning of the year.”</p><p>“What? Burtler? The Slytherin? Really?”</p><p>Peter nodded, whipping the traces of foam the beer had left on his lip with his sleeve. “Since the beginning of the year, many Ravenclaws have been hanging out with Slytherins. Do you know Trelawney? The weird girl who keeps talking about her 'third eye'? <em>Whatever that means</em>,” he added, letting a chill run through him. James nodded. “Well, apparently she and the Shafiq sisters, you know, the blonde Slytherin twins that in first year levitated the table instead of the feather.”</p><p>“Yeah, I remember them.”</p><p>“Well, apparently they have been inseparable so far this year,” Peter acknowledged. “Also Delilah Corner and her friends and Aleik Zabini and his friends had been seen a lot all together around the black lake, and I also heard that <em>Sirius’ brother is dating Heather Brown.</em>”</p><p>“How the hell do you two hear all those things?” Remus asked, raising both eyebrows at Peter and Sirius.</p><p>“Pete’s animagus form is really useful to find out about the current gossips,” Sirius answered. “Don’t look at me like that! We just like to be informed, thank you very much.”</p><p>“Oh, come on, you got to be joking!” James raged, making some of the other students that were having a drink at the Three Broomsticks look at him. “What the hell are they doing?! With everything that is going on, and they decide to start being friends with the <em>enemy</em>?!”</p><p>“The <em>eagles</em> have always gotten along with the <em>snakes,</em>” Sirius spouted. “They’re just a bunch of hypocrites if you ask me. Who would want to be friends with that troop <em>of wannabe death eaters</em>?”</p><p>Remus thought about saying ‘Not all of them support you-know-who, you two know that right?’, but decided to leave it out. Years of experience had helped him realize that Sirius and James were a <em>losing battle</em> when it came to Slytherins.</p><p>“How did you not know this?” Peter babbled. “The Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables at the great hall are full of Slytherins these days.”</p><p>“Well, I happen not to spend my breakfast time glancing at the Hufflepuff table you know?” James sputtered. “The world is going fucking insane. In this day and age, we should be making Slytherins isolate themselves in their pathetic cave and never go out again, not let them act like if they were <em>normal members of society</em>. Everything that's going on is their fault after all.”</p><p>“Maybe the other houses are trying to gain the Slytherin’s favor… as if that would help them in case you-know-who wanted to hurt them,” Sirius sneered; an angry smiled crossing his features. James sent him a questioning gaze. “Y’know, the Hufflepuffs have always been too soft for a war, <em>way too cowards for doing anything actually relevant</em>. And the Ravenclaws have always been in the middle ground when it comes to… anything. <em>They are the middle ground.</em> They all probably just want to get rid of the problem by getting some allies on the other side.”</p><p>Remus sighed, emptying his glass in one sip. “What if it's the other way around?” He muttered.</p><p>James, Sirius, and Peter moved their gaze to Remus. “What do you mean, Moony?” Peter asked.</p><p>He snorted. “I’m saying that maybe is not the other houses that want to get allies on the other side, but the Slytherins that want to get allies in our side?”</p><p>“Why would they ever want that?” James asked with a frown. “Oh! You mean like spying the Order?!” He yelled.</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes. “No. I mean that maybe they are trying to keep the distance with those who openly support you-know-who?”</p><p>“Well, is it true that Snape, Avery, and Mulciber had been really by themselves this year…” Peter acknowledged, unsure if it was right to agree with Remus in that situation.</p><p>Sirius raised an eyebrow. “And why would they ever do that?”</p><p>“Uhm, I don’t know, maybe they don’t want to be close with people that are supporting <em>a genocidal maniac</em>?” Remus mouthed sarcastically.</p><p>“Please, Moony, you are talking about them as if they had a moral.” Sirius laughed bitterly, looking at him, “Nah, that’s ridiculous, the snakes don’t feel like the rest of us. Did I ever tell you that <em>my little brother</em> had the walls of his room littered with photographic articles from The Daily Prophet that talked about you-know-who? They admire him. They think of him as a great wizard who’s gonna clean the world of the ‘impureness’ and bring back the glory that the purebloods once had and lost. They probably even <em>enjoyed</em> reading the article that talked about that muggle-born fifth-year girl that was killed this summer. <em>Pathetic sly bastards. Every one of them</em>.”</p><p>Sirius’ voice was so dark and bitter that Peter was scared of even making a sound of agreement.</p><p>“<em>They shouldn’t even be allowed to be at Hogwarts</em>.” James rumbled.</p><p>Remus gave a long deep sigh, eying his friends’ ireful expressions with resignation.</p><p>He <em>did</em> understand them, <em>in some way.</em></p><p>Sirius has built up so much resentment and hatred towards the Slytherin house over the years that Remus was certainly surprised that he hadn't tried to burn down their common room in these seven years. Constantly reminded of how much of a disappointment he was for being sorted in Gryffindor, he began to despise Slytherin and everything that had to do with the house from an early age.</p><p>Remus didn't fully understand how much Sirius hated the snake house until their second year. When he witnessed how Sirius cut off all relationships with his brother instantly after Regulus was sorted into Slytherin.</p><p>James, on the other hand… Remus didn’t quite understand where did his hate came from. He had theorized that it was probably unfounded prejudices from the house's bad reputation, wrongly confirmed when he met its loudest members.</p><p> Remus did share their hate towards Mulciber and Avery. And well, Severus was a separate case. But James just hated every single one of them, no exceptions.</p><p>He couldn’t blame him anyway. With everything that was going on, Remus supposed he needed to have a clear enemy, someone to blame, and who was within his power to beat.</p><p><em>After all, if you don't cling to something</em> <em>how are you supposed to survive this world?</em></p><p>“It’s getting late,” Remus sighed. “What if we go back to the castle? We still have to meet the girls.”</p><p>Sirius nodded, still a bit of bitterness could be heard in his voice. “Sure, let’s go.”</p><p> </p><p>(…)</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Regulus completely loved November.</em>
</p><p>After the tedious Halloween parties that his friends forced him to go, plus the annoying two weeks of October in which the most brainless students of Hogwarts completely devoted themselves to make sure no one could give two fucking steps without stumbling upon some stupid fake giant spider or coerced ghost which was supposed to scare you but ended up just ruining your morning.</p><p>
  <em>Did that sound resentful?</em>
</p><p>It was the month that he had off between the annoying Halloween celebrations and the Christmas period, in which people became sappy and clingy, and in which Regulus would have to rack his brain to decide what to gift to his friends and family.</p><p>Yeah, definitely Christmas was nothing more than a headache that he had to go through every year because <em>he definitely must have done something utterly terrible in his past life. </em>So, he was thankful for having a little break between one headache and another.</p><p>Also, November was the time with the perfect weather. It was cold enough to use it as an excuse when he wanted to stay reading in his room because “Fuck off Rosier, I appreciate my toes thank you very much,” but not too cold for not being able to go out for a walk by the Black lake when he was too tired of hearing the annoying nattering of the common room.</p><p>And he was able to wear sweaters without needing a coat, which also helped a lot.</p><p>One of the other reasons Regulus liked November so much, was because, when he was young, his cousins Bella, Cissy, and Andromeda would take Sirius and him to one of the properties the Black Family had in England, bring an enormous cake, and celebrate together Sirius’ birthday playing games and singing songs and letting Bella and Andromeda show them impressive spells that they learned at Hogwarts.</p><p>
  <em>He would never admit that anyways.</em>
</p><p>Of course, this stopped once Cissy started going to Hogwarts, but he still had good memories that warmed his chest every time November was about to fall.</p><p>
  <em>He would pretend he didn’t.</em>
</p><p>“What you think about this one?”</p><p>“‘Dark nights’” Regulus read on the book that had just been given to him. He turned it around to read its synopsis on the back cover. “‘After the Auror, Katie Montbell, finally trapped the dark witch the ministry has been after for years, she will be ordered to interrogate her to discover the secret she is been hiding and that could end the wizarding world as they know it. In the process, she might end up finding out about something she did not expect to discover, and trusting people she did not expect to trust. A story about secrets, betrayal, rage, and <em>love</em>.’” He raised an eyebrow, looking at the moving photograph of the author, that kept smiling and winking at him over and over. “Sounds cliché.”</p><p>“You think?”</p><p>“Oh yeah,” he assured, “This Katie girl will begin to interrogate the witch, probably because the so-called 'dark witch' told the ministry that she would only speak if her interrogator was Katie. Based on the title, ‘Dark Nights’ I suppose it refers to the nights that she will spend interrogating the witch, which will be really hard and stressful at first, but eventually, they will start making jokes and having fun, and, eventually, Katie will also end up falling in love with her. A time will pass with her not understanding why she wants to spend more time with the witch so bad, and then there will be a moment of revelation ‘Oh! Damn it! It turns out that I was in love with her after all! What am I going to do now?!’. Then Katie will refuse to continue spending more time with her because ‘My work is more important than my love life, besides I cannot fall in love with a criminal.’”</p><p>“A couple of irrelevant things will happen until the dark witch escapes from prison — because we all know that in the books escaping from a prison is as easy as stealing candy from a baby— and goes after Katie. The witch will suddenly appear at her home. Katie will try to fight at first, but then she will— in a very dramatic way— realize that she cannot move against the love of her life. Then the witch will reveal some astonishing secret from Katie’s parents— because yes, she also happens to be an orphan. There will be a tedious fight in which Katie discovers everything about her past, the government will turn out to be the bad guys as always, the mastermind probably being her Auror partner that also happens to be Katie’s older brother. Bla Bla Bla, some irrelevant shit happens and voila, happy ever after.”</p><p>Regulus directed his gaze at the girl in front of him, who was eying him with her mouth slightly opened. Her long straight brown hair fell down her back, shinning while reflecting the lights of the book shop. Her face was certainly pale, and a lot of freckles filled her features. She was wearing Regulus quidditch jumper over her Ravenclaw uniform.</p><p>“Actually… the mastermind was Katie’s best friend who worked in the department of the Improper Use of Magic Office.” The girl said, taking the book from Regulus' hand, returning it to the shelf.</p><p>Regulus laughed looking at the other books in the romance section. “I don’t understand how can you read these clingy books,” he added. “I can never pass the tenth page.”</p><p>“Oh, sod off Regulus,” the girl scorned. “You are a sucker for romance novels.”</p><p>“Yeah, for <em>decent</em> romance novels.” He grabbed a book that had a shirtless centaur kissing a girl who seemed dangerously underage on its cover. “Heather if you are going to compare this with ‘Pride and Prejudice’ I might want to end our <em>friendship</em> right now.”</p><p>The so-called Heather rolled her eyes. “‘Gone with Wind’ is way better than ‘Pride and Prejudice’.”</p><p>Regulus looked completely offended. “You did not just disrespect Jane Austen like that!”</p><p>“‘Gone with Wind’ is a masterpiece!”</p><p>“Owl me when your <em>crappy wind</em> has Elizabeth Bennet.”</p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him. “You have absolutely no taste.”</p><p>“At least I don’t read books where teenage girls go kissing at least a hundred years old centaurs.” He shook the book again, turning the cover in her direction. “Look at that, it’s so disturbing.”</p><p>She raised an eyebrow at the book, analyzing the cover. “I’m gonna buy it,” Heather said, taking it from his hand.</p><p>“Oh my god no.”</p><p>About twenty minutes later, they were outside the bookshop. For Regulus disgrace, Heather ended up buying the weird-centaur-book, and now they were leading back to the castle.</p><p>They were just walking by the Hog’s head, when the door of the tavern was suddenly opened, four guys wearing Slytherin robes coming out of it.</p><p>“Oi! If It isn’t baby Black!” One of them exclaimed, pointing at him with one long finger.</p><p>“Oh no, I’m not going anywhere near these weirdos,” Heather announced. “You coming with me?”</p><p>Regulus passed his gaze from the Ravenclaw girl to the four Slytherins a couple of times. He heavily sighed, before shaking his heath, resigned. “Nah, go ahead, I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p><p>The girl looked disappointed, glaring at the four guys that were walking towards them. “As you pleased,” she breathed. “I’m keeping your sweater by the way.”</p><p>Regulus breathed a laugh waving at the girl as she left. Then he turned to the four Slytherins, who were finally by his side.</p><p>“Your friend is not going to stop and say hi?” Mulciber mumbled. “Rude.”</p><p>“Mind if we join you on your way back to the castle?” Avery asked, patting his shoulder. “We were just talking about something that might interest you.”</p><p>Regulus shrugged, looking down at the floor, as he started to follow the crew of Slytherins.</p><p>Barty Crouch Jr. and Rebastan Lestrange were talking about something that had to do with the words, ‘father’, ‘dickhead’, ‘blood traitor’, and ‘murder’. Meanwhile, Mulciber placed his arm around Regulus's shoulder, making him walk towards him, while nattered about some interesting information he had just received.</p><p>Mulciber was trying to mimic that bored and drawling tone of voice that Lucius Malfoy always spoke with. The difference was that Lucius was able to make it look cool and elegant, while Mulciber sounded like <em>a creepy pedophile.</em></p><p>“I received an owl from my father this morning,” he said, proudly. “Apparently a mudblood scum who worked as an Auror confessed to being guilty of the murder of that mudblood lass and her family this summer.”</p><p>“They are executing him tomorrow,” Avery added. “Dementor kiss, what a destiny,” he mocked.</p><p>“It served him right,” Mulciber widened his smile, and Regulus had to make the effort of holding back the instinct of getting away from him. “Don’t you think <em>baby Black</em>? Two mudbloods killed for the price of one.”</p><p>“But, how did <em>he</em> do that? And Imperio curse?” Mulciber nodded, chortling. “They did an Imperio curse to an Auror? Aren’t they supposed to be trained against that? And It was good enough to trick the ministry? With all the measures they have to stop that sort of things to happen? And especially with the case of the Gryffindor girl… they must have interrogated him for hours… How…?”</p><p>“<em>Impressive</em>, isn’t it?”</p><p>Regulus <em>had to admire</em> how impressive is to be able to trick the whole ministry just like that.</p><p>
  <em>Still, something felt wrong about doing it.</em>
</p><p>“That’s what the Dark Lord can do, Regulus.” Avery affirmed, “And once <em>we join him</em>, we will have so much power, we will be able to do that and loads more.”</p><p>
  <em>Wrong.</em>
</p><p>“Y-yes. It’s certainly impressive.”</p><p> “The first mudblood I’ll <em>kill</em>, will be that Mary Macdonald from Gryffindor, she is in your year, right? I cursed her last month, and she had the audacity to tell that <em>McGonagall old bitch</em>. I got detention for a month! Oh, I can’t wait to teach that scum where she belongs.”</p><p>
  <em>Wrong.</em>
</p><p>Regulus didn’t know what to say, so he just nodded.</p><p>“I heard your cousin is doing a great job in there.” Avery acknowledged, “Yow will have some competence to be part of <em>his</em> highest ranks.”</p><p>“Uhm, well…”</p><p>“You are so lucky your parents are not blood traitors like mine,” Barty crawled. Regulus didn’t exactly notice when had he joined the conversation. “I will have to keep my mark in secret when I’m home. It’s so embarrassing.”</p><p>“Easy Barty,” Rebastan said. “With the way things are going, in no time he will probably be in Azkaban. Or he will be killed by any of us, whatever happens first.”</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Wrong.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>“Uhm, Rebastan,” he niggled, desperate to change the subject. “Will I be seeing you in tomorrow’s quidditch practice?”</p><p>“Uh?” He cocked his head. “Ah, yeah, sure. I want to beat the Gryffindors in the next match. After they win the cup last year, they’ve been so cocky about it, I can’t stand them. If I have a good day, I may even break some lion bones.”</p><p>“Uhm… sure, that’s the spirit.”</p><p>They were already in the castle, on their way to the dungeons when Regulus suddenly stopped walking.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>“You go to the dungeons,” he said, “I’m hungry and haven’t eaten anything, I wanna go to the kitchens and ask the elves for a muffin or something.”</p><p>They peered at him a couple of seconds, but then they shrugged, unbothered. “See you later then.” They said, heading towards the dungeons.</p><p>“Yeah, see ya’.”</p><p>Obviously, they didn’t notice that Regulus was heading towards the <em>stairs</em>, not the kitchens.</p><p> </p><p>(…)</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, shut the fuck up Moony!”</p><p>One more night, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew were all together in the Gryffindor common room, sitting by the fireplace. Lily Evans, Dorcas Meadowes, and Marlene McKinnon were laughing at the way Sirius’ pumpkin juice was coming out of his nose.</p><p>“You are a clown, Pads,” James teased. “Anyone here knows where the two love birds are?”</p><p>“Absolutely no idea,” Dorcas said. “They’ve been disappeared the whole day.”</p><p>“When we woke up Frank was already gone.” Peter droned.</p><p>“So was Alice,” Marlene added.</p><p>James sighed, “Okay, I understand they are being happy and enjoying teenage love and all that crap, but couldn’t they at least let us know if they are alive?”</p><p>“You are just bitter because while they are shagging in some empty classroom you are here drinking pumpkin juice with us and absolutely no one to cuddle,” Sirius mocked, giving a peck to Remus on the lips to make his point clear.</p><p>James threw him his empty bottle of juice.</p><p>“Oh, come on Jamie,” Lily beamed. “Someone will come for you. Someday. <em>Probably</em>.”</p><p>They started laughing at James’s loneliness for the tenth time in the night.</p><p>“You are all so funny.”</p><p>Marlene tried to cut her giggling by giving a heavy breath. “Oh, come on guys, James is an independent man who does not need a woman in his life to feel fulfilled.”</p><p>James rolled his eyes. “Why are you even laughing at?! You are as single as I am!”</p><p>“Yeah, but I handle it better:”</p><p>“Hey, but now seriously, it’s like three in the morning,” Peter commented. “Shouldn’t Frank and Alice be here by now?”</p><p>“It’s three in the morning already?” Dorcas growled. “Yeah, they should be here already… What if something has happened to them?”</p><p>“Do you have the map here?” Remus asked James, he nodded. “Try to see if you can find them.”</p><p>James took the Marauder’s map from his pocket. “<em>I solemnly swear I am up to no good,</em>” he breathed, then began to scan the piece of parchment, attempting to find any moving name. “The castle is pretty much empty…” He caught the glance of the prefects that were doing their rounds.</p><p>When he was eying the area near the Gryffindor tower, his gaze stumbled upon two names that were in the marauders and Frank’s room.</p><p>“Uhm… what?”</p><p>“What? You found them?”</p><p>“Well,” James breathed. “Here it says they are in our room?”</p><p>“But we’ve been in the common room all time since we went to our room to leave the coats, and it was completely empty, right?” Sirius acknowledged.</p><p>“Now that you mention it, I think Frank's bed curtains were closed,” Peter admitted.</p><p>“Well, then… I hope we didn’t interrupt anything,” Sirius grinned, breathing an awkward laugh.</p><p>James gave a guilty smirk. “Oops.”</p><p>“You just love ruining couple’s happiness, don’t you?” Marlene accused, glaring at them, but secretly finding the situation rather amusing.</p><p>“Well, mystery solved then,” James said.</p><p>He kept eying the map, just to make sure no one was out of bed at these hours.</p><p>
  <em>He should have closed the map.</em>
</p><p>“You got to be joking! This little <em>git</em> again?!”</p><p>“Who?” Lily said. “There’s someone out of bed?”</p><p>“Oh, someone breaking the curfew, please Merlin, save us,” Sirius taunted, unbothered. “Who’s the little troublemaker?”</p><p>“It happens to be your little brother, Padfoot.”</p><p>Sirius frowned. “Again?” He said, without really think about it. Then, he quickly added. “Bah, who cares?”</p><p>“Well, I care,” he snapped, “Since I’ve been named head boy, this little prick is, therefore, directly challenging me.”</p><p>He folded the map and got up, “Oi, where are you going?” Sirius asked, with wide eyes.</p><p>“To take some points from Slytherin,” he said, heading towards the entrance.</p><p>“Are you really going to go after him now?” Marlene asked, “James is three in the morning, he is probably just out for a walk…”</p><p>“Or maybe he is doing something <em>evil</em>,” he answered back, “Even if he is out for a walk, he is breaking the rules. I let him go last Sunday, but I’m not gonna drop it today.”</p><p>“Prongs don’t be…”</p><p>
  <em>And James was already gone.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The lions' den</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>November 13th, 1977</em>
</p><p>
  <em>3.12 am</em>
</p><p>James’ insides were boiling.</p><p>Slytherins had never been his cup of tea, but after everything he had been told this evening, he was decided to make clear to all those <em>snakes</em> that Hogwarts was no place for <em>a bunch of wannabe death eaters. </em></p><p>Who knew what the little Black could be doing? The little bastard was so fond of the dark arts, what if he was using them inside the school? Maybe he was doing some <em>work </em>for you-know-who.</p><p>He knew that it was a bit too much to think that a teenager would have joined <em>his </em>ranks at such a young age, but come on, <em>is you-know-who we are talking about here</em>. Everything was plausible.</p><p>He headed to the fifth floor; the moving stairs supposed no problem for him, over the years James —and the entire house of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, who both had to climb seven floors of stairs every time they wanted to get to their common room— had become accustomed to the irregular patterns of the stairs, and had finally learned to identify the path to take so as not to get stuck on the wrong floor.</p><p>When he took the parchment off his pocket and confirmed that, in fact, the little Black was still where he saw him the last time, he tried to locate the path through the map to get to that corridor that he had not noticed in his entire life.</p><p>That night there was New Moon, so absolutely no light entered through the windows. The corridors were only illuminated by the small magic fire torches that were nailed to the walls.</p><p>James was doing the path he had to follow every time he wanted to go to the prefect’s bathroom, however, when the main corridor turned into two small passages, instead of taking the one on the right, as always, he took the one on the left, following the indications of the map.</p><p>He kept walking until he found himself in another crossroad; James, again, eyed the map, and with a sigh saw how in the parchment was indicated that he had to keep walking through the left corridor, which was behind a closed black door.</p><p>James took out his wand and murmured “alohomora.”</p><p>The door made a sound that told James that it had just been unlocked, and he carefully pushed the wood, not wanting to make too much noise and attract Filch’s attention.</p><p>The corridor was completely dark and seemed empty. It smelled like old stone and dust, and there was no sign of anyone walking down that place for years.</p><p>He frowned. Just in case, he eyed again the map, to see if he was close to his destiny.</p><p>
  <em>He was.</em>
</p><p>Regulus’s dot and his own were almost touching in the magic piece of parchment. Proud of himself, grinning cockily, he closed the door of the hall behind him, muttering a “lumos” to see into the darkness of that old area of the castle, and he started walking.</p><p>Thank god he wasn’t scared of spiders, because <em>holy shit </em>that place was full of them. The wood doors were fully covered with spiderwebs, dirty and disused. One of the windows was broken by what seemed like the hole that a bludger would make.</p><p>It was really easy to identify the room in which Regulus was, basically because its door was the only one that had been completely cleaned of spiderwebs and dirt.</p><p>“<em>Got ya</em>’”  James crooned.</p><p>Now that he was getting closer, he started hearing a sound coming from inside the room, like some sort of humming.</p><p>“What the…”</p><p>He shoved the door open. It slammed into the wall with a thud, and James had to cover his eyes from the sudden light that filled the hall.</p><p>He hadn’t prepared himself for that amount of light, for some reason <em>he had expected Regulus to be in the darkness</em>.</p><p>“What the actual fuck!” Regulus growled, jumping in fright, looking at James with wide eyes. He had not expected to meet such an unexpected visitor, not at that time, especially not in that isolated area of the castle where he was. And he certainly hadn't expected such a noisy visitor. The<em> son of a bitch</em> had almost given him a heart attack.</p><p>Once James got used to the sudden light, he quickly scanned the room. Compared to the hallway he had just been in, that classroom seemed cleaner than St. Mungo.</p><p>There was a large chandelier hanging from the ceiling — which was now swinging dangerously over their heads thanks to the loud bang that James had just made on the wall with the door — lighting up the place.</p><p>In the center of the room, there was this really big round table, that had a half-empty cup of coffee on it.</p><p>There was also something that seemed really like a piano over the corner, but James couldn’t be sure because it was covered by a white cloth. Next to the strange large object, there was a big closet, on which were supported about twenty music stands tied with a rope.</p><p>One of the windows was open and a big cold was filling the room.</p><p>Finally, he turned his sight towards Regulus. He was standing in front of a big white… <em>mural</em>. It was a mural as big as the wall to which it was nailed to.</p><p>On the white mural, there were charcoal strokes that looked like the line art of a large drawing in progress.</p><p>Regulus was holding a pencil —probably the one he had been using to draw. He was wearing the school uniform, except for his tie and jumper, which were laying on the table next to the coffee.</p><p>He was completely still, eying at James with both <em>rage and shock.</em></p><p>“What the hell are you doing here?” Regulus growled.</p><p>He was breathing heavily, his chest going up and down unsteadily.</p><p>James shook his head as if that was enough to clean it from distracting thoughts. He was certainly surprised, almost as shocked as the young Slytherin.</p><p>He did not expect to find Regulus doing something as innocent as… <em>simply paint.</em></p><p>Regulus raised an eyebrow at his silence, and James finally reacted.</p><p>“What am I doing? More like what are you doing!” He howled. “It’s fucking three in the morning and you are so past the curfew!”</p><p>Regulus wrinkled his face in a confused grimace. “And how does it affect you that I’m skipping the curfew? What are you even doing here? Not even Filch comes down these halls.”</p><p>“It affects me in the way that I’m a head boy and you are breaking the rules,” he spatted, “So let’s start by taking twenty points from Slytherin for being out of bed at three in the morning, and you’ll be lucky if I don’t tell McGonagall about this.”</p><p>Regulus didn’t even flinch.</p><p>“Oh, right, I forgot you were a head boy,” he muttered, unbothered, turning to the white mural. “I had to hear Mulciber complain about that for a whole week. He was like a whining baby. ‘Can you believe it Regulus?! He is not even a prefect! During his years at Hogwarts, he has broken more rules than anyone else! And they name him head boy?! Are you fucking kidding?! Fuck Dumbledore and all the fucking professors of this fucking shitty school! I'll be the one laughing <em>the day I dance on their damn graves</em>!’. Yeah, sounds like you <em>gained</em> the job.”</p><p>He continued to draw outlines on the mural. Some shapes could be distinguished, such as what looked like a hill, and something that James believed to be some kind of very irregular arch, however, there were still not enough elements to be able to clearly state what Regulus was drawing.</p><p>James shook his head, clearly unused to being ignored like that. “Who do you think you are talking to?” He exclaimed. “Another ten points from Slytherin. And you might as well stop doing… whatever the hell you are doing, and head back to your <em>snakes’ pit</em>.”</p><p>“And who was the ot-” Regulus cut his teasing, suddenly muffling a laugh, “I’m sorry, ‘<em>snakes’ pit</em>’?”</p><p>“Isn’t that where y’all live?” James yelped, annoyed. “Come on, hurry up Black, I don’t have all night.”</p><p>“Yeah, I'm afraid that’s not gonna happen,” Regulus replied, casting a defiant look at James. “So what if you turn around and come back to your… what? Your <em>lions’ den</em>? Is that how we are supposed to call it now?”</p><p>“I’m not-”</p><p>“If you want my honest opinion I don’t know if the Huffies are gonna be fine with the idea of living in a ‘<em>badgers’ burrow</em>’ but you are the head boy so what the hell do I know anymore.”</p><p>James heavily sighed. Over the years he had learned how hard is to deal with Blacks, his overly dramatic best friend had made sure of that, <em>but dear fucking Godric</em>, the Slytherin was already driving him nuts and they had barely shared a couple of phrases.</p><p>“Black I’m not up to put up with your crappy sarcasm, you heard me?” He made his way towards Regulus, eying him irritably. “So don’t make this harder for both of us, and come with me.”</p><p>“Don’t you have to be annoying somewhere else?” Regulus asked, turning towards James with a frown, “Leave. What I’m doing is none of your business. Quit your nosiness, will ya?”</p><p>“You are breaking the rules and as a head boy it is in my <em>right</em> and obligation to give you detention,” James stated. “So you quit acting like a fucking prat and come with me. I was not planning to tell the professors about this, but maybe you need to learn where’s your place after all. I’m not going to let you <em>snakes</em> going around the castle as if it was yours.”</p><p>Regulus raised an eyebrow, “Woah, I already knew you were some <em>lame walking cliché wannabe martyr with a terrible savior complex who goes around with that pathetic ego you carry</em>, but I apparently also have to add to the list the worst kind of <em>hypocrite</em>.” James clenched his fist, and Regulus let out a bitter laugh. “Also add a disturbing lack of anger control. <em>Blood traitor, mudblood lover</em>, Gryffindor, a sad attempt of a rebel troublemaker when you are actually a privileged rich pureblood, Merlin, you have it all lad.”</p><p>“Don’t you dare say that word!” He raged, approaching Regulus threateningly. “You d-”</p><p>“Which word? <em>Mudblood</em>?” Regulus hissed, giving a step closer to James. “What? You don’t like it? You don’t want me to say <em>mudblood</em>?”</p><p>That had been the first time he said <em>mudblood</em> since Sirius left Grimmauld Place. He used to say it a lot at home to enrage his brother, but since he left, he hadn’t had any particular reason to use it.</p><p>If he didn’t hear it so many times coming out of the mouths of his friends and family, he probably would have described it as '<em>unfamiliar</em>'.</p><p>Regulus knew that he was going too far, but he had just come up with the idea that if he could get James angry enough to hex him or punch him, Dumbledore would have to take away his head boy position.</p><p>It wasn't like he was going to accomplish anything especially beneficial out of it, but Regulus had never had a problem compromising his physical integrity to get what he wanted. <em>Self-preservation? The fuck is that?</em></p><p>Also, <em>fuck</em> with his brother’s friends had always been his cup of tea, especially when it came to James. He held a particular distaste against that one.</p><p>
  <em>No one but Sirius wondered why.</em>
</p><p>“You piece of…” James rushed towards Regulus and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, drawing him towards him.</p><p>James put Regulus in a position where their faces were inches apart.</p><p>
  <em>Bingo.</em>
</p><p>James, then, suddenly remembered Lily’s face, threatening him with cursing him if he got his head boy badge taken from him for acting like an idiot berk with no self-control.</p><p>He sent a death glare to the boy before letting go of his shirt.</p><p>
  <em>No bingo.</em>
</p><p>“You are not worth it,” James stated, as he shoved Regulus against the mural. “Pick your shit up and follow me.”</p><p>Regulus sighed, annoyed that the Gryffindor wasn't as stupid as he seemed to him. He fixed the collar of his shirt, considering his options. He could a) act like a smart person realizing that there was nothing beneficial in continuing with that stupid fight, giving in, following James, calmly accepting that he had broken the norms and going back to his common room; or b) act like a stubborn child and keep arguing until he got James pissed off enough to beat him up right there.</p><p>Yeah, well, Regulus Black ended up in Slytherin <em>for a reason.</em></p><p>“You go back to your crappy tower and leave me alone,” Regulus voiced. “I have waited a whole week to continue whatever-the-hell-i-am-doing-that-is-absolutely-none-of-your-business and you just came here for a reason that I don’t feel like asking and told me to leave as if you had any right to tell me what to do.”</p><p>“The next time your brother says you are a pathetic coward that only knows to do what he is told, I’ll have to tell him that he is completely wrong,” James grabbed Regulus forearm. “You apparently can’t even do as you are told. You are coming with me directly to McGonagall’s office, you want it or not.”</p><p>He started pulling him towards the entrance. Regulus tried to struggle, but James was considerably stronger than he was. And taller. And wider.</p><p>And look Regulus was quite short compared to the other boys in his year and he was a seeker so he had no need of any particular strength and <em>fuck he was terrible at physical confrontations.</em></p><p>“Don’t touch me!” Regulus shouted as he tried to separate James's fingers from his forearm. He was squeezing him hard enough so that he couldn't get loose, but just enough not to actually hurt him. “You are mental!”</p><p>They were almost on the door when Regulus suddenly tripped him. James didn’t fall, but the stumble made him let go of Regulus's arm to steady himself, and Regulus used that seconds to shove him against a wall.</p><p>James was used to fights. It’s not like he went beating up everyone around that dared to just look at him, but when some asshole Slytherin called Lily or Mary a mudblood or some snobbish Ravenclaws talked shit about Remus’ scars, he was ready to fight for his friends. So yeah, James was really used to fights.</p><p>Even Regulus had to admire how fast James had recovered himself and was back at trying to grab his arm.</p><p>Regulus tried to take out his wand and petrify the Gryffindor, but James had hit him on the hand before he could even point it at him. His wand leaped from his hand and fell to the floor, <em>sending a half-spoken spell to somewhere in the room. </em>Something made a noise, like a little ‘crack’, but none of them paid attention to it.</p><p>“Could you stop doing that?!” James shrieked.</p><p>With no wand and no physical strength to defend himself Regulus decided that the best option was to try to pin James against the wall and hold him there until he was able to recover —he will think about the how later— his wand, and then hex the shit out of the fucking jerk because <em>oh Merlin he had pissed him off.</em></p><p>So, he used his own arm which James had just grabbed to push both of them to a wall next to the entrance of the room.</p><p>James kicked the door without noticing, when trying to… <em>do something.</em> It wasn’t very clear if he was trying to push Regulus away or keep the hold on him.</p><p>The door shut close with a thud, a loud one.</p><p>Meanwhile, Regulus and James were pushing and struggling and hitting, and they weren’t even trying to hurt each other, they were just trying to win the so-called fight.</p><p>At some point one of them, maybe both —probably both—, tripped over the other's foot. Now they were just struggling on the floor, rolling on top of each other.</p><p>James was on top of Regulus when the Slytherin suddenly went still.</p><p>He stopped moving, kicking, fighting, arguing. He just confusedly looked around the room seeming nervous.</p><p>James let go of his wrists and eyed him expectantly. He didn’t know what had caused the change in Regulus’s attitude and that made him uneasy.</p><p>Regulus felt suddenly scared. <em>Terrified</em>. He felt the sudden urge to move from where they were, both of them. Fast. <em>Fast fast fast fast fast.</em></p><p>Every sound was louder for him, the light of the room was vanishing, he was hearing something loud, <em>so fucking loud</em>, but couldn’t identify what it was.</p><p>“What do I do?!” He screamed, not at James, but at everything else. He was still desperately eying the room, feeling <em>hysterical, anxious, frightened.</em></p><p>James was looking at him with wide eyes, “What?” Was the only thing he could get out of his mouth. He got away from him, trying to give him space, but unsure of doing it in case that was just one of his tricks.</p><p>When James wasn’t on top of him, he got to see the chandelier hanging from the ceiling, <em>swinging</em> so dangerously over their heads, and he was finally able to identify the <em>chirp</em> that was shrieking inside his head.</p><p>“Move! Move! Move!” Regulus screamed, throwing himself at James and crawling somewhere far from where they were lying.</p><p>“Don’t-”</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>CRASH.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>“AH!” Regulus shrilled in pain.</p><p>James was looking with wide eyes at the chandelier on the floor, that would have crushed them if the little Black hadn't dragged them away from where they were less than three seconds ago.</p><p>Regulus relaxed. Everything looked normal, sounded normal, and smelled normal again. If it hadn’t been for the cut his arm now had from a piece of the chandelier that had flown off and injured him in the process, he would have felt almost perfect.</p><p>“How the fuck did you do that?” James mouthed, still trying to come out of the shock from almost being crushed by a chandelier.</p><p>He gazed at Regulus. The fabric of his shirt was dyed red in the sleeve. Blood was pouring from his wound, and he was trying to held his arm against his chest to stop the bleeding, or the pain, or maybe he just didn’t want to see the cut because blood had always given him chills.</p><p>“Are you…”</p><p>“Fix that.”</p><p>James looked at him without understanding.</p><p>“Cast a ‘reparo’ on that thing so I can get to my bag, you idiot!” Regulus urged. “The floor is full of sharping things and thanks to you I don’t have my wand!”</p><p>“There’s no need to be that rude.” James griped, taking out his own wand. “Reparo!”</p><p>The broken pieces of the chandelier were slowly coming together, in an almost theatrical way. Chunks of wood and broken glass flew across the room, reaching the surface from which they had detached and settled into place as if nothing had happened. When the lamp was reassembled, it slowly levitated toward the ceiling, and the chain from which it hung —which was quite rusty, probably the reason it had fallen in the first place —was reattached to its other half.</p><p>Regulus got up from the floor without mouthing a word. He walked over to the point where his wand was lying on the ground and reached for it. Then, made his way towards the table, opened his school bag, and took off a small jar of dittany-based salve.</p><p>His father had always recommended he never forget to carry some healing potions and ointments with him just in case he got hurt and couldn’t go to the hospital wing <em>for whatever reason.</em></p><p>It didn’t turn out to be terrible advice after all.</p><p>“How the hell did you do that?” James said again, after getting up and walking towards Regulus.</p><p>“Do what?” Regulus cawed, sending him a death glare.</p><p>“Do… Yeah, actually the question is, <em>what</em> the hell have you just done?” He stopped at the opposite side of the table, just in front of Regulus, eying him in curiosity and distrust.</p><p>“I don’t know what you are talking about.”</p><p>“How the hell did you know that that thing was gonna fall?” He repeated, “And why did you almost have a panic attack seconds before it? Did you make it fall?”</p><p>Regulus looked at James as if he was dumb. “Yeah, I love to cause chandeliers to almost fall over my head. It’s in my list of hobbies just in the spot between reading and playing quidditch.”</p><p>“Then how would you know it was gonna fall?”</p><p>“I didn’t.”</p><p>“Then why did you drag us away from…”</p><p>“Because I felt like it!” Regulus interrupted. “Salazar! You couldn’t be more annoying if you tried!”</p><p>“I was just wondering why I almost died smashed by a fucking chandelier and a Slytherin none less has been the one to save me!”</p><p>“I didn’t save you!”</p><p>“I would have died if it hadn't been for you!”</p><p>“But I didn’t do it on purpose so It doesn’t count!”</p><p>“Look I’m just asking you how did you-” he shut his mouth when Regulus rolled up his sleeve, showing his left arm.</p><p>The first thing he noticed was that Regulus didn’t have the dark mark, which certainly helped a lot to the situation they were in.</p><p>The second thing he noticed was how pale Regulus was in comparison to his brother, who was rather tanned.</p><p>The third thing he noticed was “How the fuck are you not screaming in pain! Look how deep is that thing!”</p><p>Regulus hissed in pain, as he eyed the certainly-deep-cut now exposed to the view. He waved his wand to get rid of the blood on his forearm and his shirt and reached the pot of the ointment.</p><p>“What are you doing you, idiot!?” James shouted, “You have to go to see Madam Pomfrey!”</p><p>“In case you haven’t noticed, Potter,” Regulus declared, still focusing his attention on the injury. “It’s almost half-past three in the morning, which, as you have stated at least five times, means I’m way too past the curfew, which means I would get asked what the hell was I doing to get injured in my room, and as I wouldn’t know what to answer because there’s no credible enough lie to answer that and get away with it without seeming like an idiot, I would get punished. And I don't feel like being given three weeks detention with Slughorn. So yeah. Going to the hospital wing is not on my plans.”</p><p>Regulus raised the bottle of dittany over his arm, and he tilted it so that a small drop would fell on the wound.</p><p>It was painful, but he had been worse. <em>Way worse.</em></p><p>“How did you do that?” James asked a third time, watching how Regulus’s injury healed itself. “Were you trying to get the chandelier to smash me but you didn’t expect to see yourself under it with me? That’s why you panicked? Because you thought you were gonna die too?”</p><p>Regulus just raised his head and focused his gaze on James. His expression was calling ‘stupid’ in ten different languages.</p><p>“So?” James insisted, narrowing his eyes. “That’s why you were here in the first place? To attract me here? Or was Sirius the one that you wanted?”</p><p>“You actually lack more brain cells than I thought. And that's really impressive considering I thought you were as smart as a baboon,” Regulus breathed. “It’s not like I need to explain myself to anyone— and especially not to you. But as you are being especially stupid, I feel in the moral obligation of correct you so you don’t embarrass yourself by telling this to someone else.” James was about to say something, but Regulus didn’t let him talk. “First of all, why would I ever try to kill you on the school grounds, where not only a hundred paintings that are literally everywhere but ghosts, students and professors, could catch me. Also, if I were to kill you, I would use something at least slightly more sophisticated than getting you smashed with a chandelier, especially considering all the things that can go wrong with a plan as ridiculous as that, like, uhm, I don’t know, getting crushed too? Exactly like it almost just happened? And especially, how the fuck would I be trying to attract you just for being here, how the hell did you know that I was here in the first place?”</p><p>“I didn’t,” James quickly answered, obviously not wanting to reveal anything about the Marauder’s map to a Slytherin.</p><p>“Then why would you say that I was ‘attracting you’ by being here?”</p><p>“I was the one doing the questions.”</p><p>“Well, I have questions too now.”</p><p> James was trying to think of how to get out of that situation. “That doesn’t explain what were you doing in the room in the first place. Or how would you know the chandelier was gonna fall. And I asked first.”</p><p>Regulus let another drop of dittany fall over the wound, which was almost cured, before closing the small vial.</p><p>“None of your business and I have no idea of what you are talking about.” He answered both questions, <em>or at least something close to doing it.</em></p><p>“Then is none of your business how or why did I came here either.”</p><p>Regulus glared at James for a couple of seconds. Then, he shrugged and put the ointment inside his bag. “Fine. If this conversation is over can you leave already? I really don’t like being this close to you. To anyone really, <em>but especially to you</em>.”</p><p>“I can’t let you stay here at these hours.”</p><p>Regulus clinched his fist, finally losing his cold temper. “For fucks sake Potter! I’m not finished yet which means I’m not leaving yet! Is that so hard to understand for your little brain?!”</p><p>“Don’t talk to me like that Black! And what are you even doing here that you can’t do in any other moment when you are not breaking any rule?!”</p><p>“That’s none of yo-”</p><p>“Then I can’t-”</p><p>“OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE! Painting! I’m painting! I’m fucking painting!” He pointed at the white mural, and James watched again the few charcoal traces that were forming different irregular shapes “See?! A mural! To paint! I’m painting! I’m not doing an invocation! I’m not bringing an army of vipers to the school! I’m fucking painting!” He took a pencil from his bag and shake it in front of James’ face, “See?! A pencil! To paint! You use it to paint! Now leave me fucking alone so I can finish painting!”</p><p>James watched wide-eyed as Regulus composed himself. The little Black was always so cool and collected. The kind to send death stares and roll his eyes. Of whispering hexes and hissing insults in your ear. James couldn’t even imagine him losing it like that.</p><p>
  <em>Blacks were full of surprises.</em>
</p><p>“You mean painting as in…”</p><p>Regulus screamed in frustration.</p><p>“Don’t freak out like that,” James breathed a laugh, amused with seeing how nuts he could drive the younger Black. “And can’t you just paint in your dorm? Or if you are so fond of this classroom, can’t you do it at any other time when you don’t skip the curfew?”</p><p>Regulus was rubbing the sides of his head with his thumbs. “I need it to be big, and I share my room with another human being so I can’t just put a whole white mural in the wall. And I can’t do it at any other time of the day because people would start asking questions if I start disappearing all the time and I really don’t feel like answering them, as you might have noticed.”</p><p>“So what? You just come here every night to keep doing that…” He eyed the mural again. “Okay no offense but what are you even painting?”</p><p>“<em>I have no idea</em>.”</p><p>James turned his gaze to Regulus again, who was now observing the mural with a thoughtful expression.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“I think is a hill.”</p><p>“You think is a… <em>what?</em>”</p><p>“It seems like a small mountain, but I still don’t get what’s with the big arch.”</p><p>James frowned, looking at Regulus as if he was insane. “Are you saying that you don’t even know what you are painting?”</p><p>Regulus was not listening anymore.</p><p>“Black!”</p><p>“Ah?” he came back to reality, “Oh, yeah…”</p><p>James didn’t even know what to say anymore.</p><p>This kid was definitely <em>mental</em>.</p><p>“Ah, you know what? I’m not even going to be able to keep drawing this night, you just… <em>ruined everything</em>,” Regulus stated.</p><p>He eyed the mural a couple of times more, before shoving his bag over his shoulder and walking towards the door.</p><p>“What? You are gonna leave? Ju-just like that?!”</p><p>“Isn’t that what you wanted?”</p><p>“Well, yeah. But-”</p><p>“Then shut up and enjoy your victory, or whatever, I don’t care, just stop talking, you are giving me a headache.”</p><p>And just like that, Regulus Black opened the door and got out of the room.</p><p>James scanned the room one more time, in case there was some dark thing he had not noticed before. <em>Obviously, there wasn’t</em>, so he left after a couple of seconds too.</p><p>When he was on the dark corridor again, he observed the map, to see if Regulus was heading back to his common room. When he saw he was, James folded the parchment, muttering “Mischief managed” and started the way back to his own common room.</p><p> </p><p>(…)</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, mate.”</p><p>“Prongs.”</p><p>James rubbed his eyes, wrinkling his face at the sudden brightness. He carefully opened his eyelids, to find that Sirius had opened his bed curtains and was watching him with a worried expression.</p><p>“Mate, you okay?” He asked again. “We didn’t hear you come back last night. Something bad happened? Is everything okay?”</p><p>James titled his head, remembering everything that happened before he came back to his dorm last night.</p><p>“Padfoot, your brother is <em>mental</em>.”</p><p>Later that morning, James would be telling the other three marauders the whole event as they exited the <em>lions’ den</em>.</p><p>
  <em>Because apparently, that’s how we are supposed to call it now.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. All the things he would never say out loud</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>November 17th, 1977</em>
</p><p>
  <em>2.15 pm</em>
</p><p>Regulus considered himself normal.</p><p>Not the kind of normal that you might consider a good thing. Not like the typical normal as in <em>regular</em>; like I have regular grades, regular friends, a regular life, <em>and I’m fine with that.</em></p><p>He was <em>average</em>.</p><p>All the heirs of the Black family were supposed to be special, to be everything but average.</p><p>His entire family had left or were leaving their mark on the school.</p><p>His cousin Narcissa had been one of the best chasers to ever come through the Slytherin quidditch team. She was beautiful and nice and everyone wanted to be friends with her because being around her was like being in the presence of some kind of <em>goddess</em>.</p><p>Bellatrix had been top of her class during all her school years. No one ever managed to beat her in a duel. She was one of the best Defense Against the Dark Arts students to ever set foot in Hogwarts. She was powerful and strong and a lot of professors still used her as an example of <em>everything that was correct.</em></p><p>Andromeda was popular and nice. She was humble and caring. The kind of person that everyone wanted as a friend. She was friends with muggle-borns and Hufflepuffs and blood traitors and all that people that Regulus was not supposed to be around with. She was the kind of person who remembered everyone’s birthdays and brought you groceries when you were sick at the hospital wing.</p><p>Even his brother, who he was not supposed to admire in any conceivable way because he was a disgusting blood traitor and a Gryffindor and disowned and a bad son and brother and he didn’t deserve his attention. He was leaving his mark in his own questionable way. He got good grades, he was popular, he had a lot of friends, everyone knew him and wanted to be like him. He was the kind of cliché teenage rebel with tattoos and long black hair that everyone wanted around. And half of the student body wouldn’t mind getting in his pants either because <em>fuck he was handsome</em>. Too bad that Lupin guy got there before all of them did.</p><p>And Regulus was just… <em>there</em>.</p><p>He was a seeker, and he liked to believe he was good, but not good enough to win every game. And he was top of his class, and that’s something great when you are not part of the Black family, but the very least Walburga and Orion expected from a son of them was to be top of his class.</p><p>He was definitely not popular. It was true that everyone knew him, whether it was from Quidditch or the Slug Club or his brother, but he didn't like being around people so he never tried to make a lot of friends.</p><p>Actually, he was more like a <em>loner</em>. He hanged around with people because he was supposed to. His parents wanted him around these purebloods so he was around them, but he didn’t consider them his friends. In any case the people he really enjoyed hanging out with could be counted on the fingers of one hand.</p><p>And he was handsome, but not the breathtakingly kind of handsome. His face was pretty, and a lot of people had told him that his eyes were stunning and his jawline was sharp — he wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing— and his hair was so nice to touch. But he was tiny and short and thin and people found handsome the kind of people like Sirius was; tall and tanned and muscled and loud and smiley.</p><p>He wasn’t nice, he didn’t smile. He was sarcastic and bitter and couldn’t take anything seriously. He knew how to give good advice but rarely did. He didn’t like people to feel bad but wouldn’t go to comfort you if he found you crying. He didn’t think of him as the kind of person who anyone would want around. He wasn’t shy, but he preferred to be quiet. He enjoyed being alone. He was a seeker, so he obviously didn’t mind the spotlight, but out of the pitch, he would avoid it if he had the chance. He was someone normal, one way or another.</p><p>
  <em>He was average.</em>
</p><p>And he always felt like he constantly had to meet all these expectations on him, because everyone else he was supposed to be like was special. <em>And he wasn’t</em>. And he wanted to be talented and cool and popular and a great seeker that no one could ever beat but he couldn’t because that <em>wasn’t him.</em></p><p>And when he finally got to Hogwarts and he met his brother’s friends— because at that time they didn’t hate each other yet— he saw the disappointment on their faces when instead of meeting another bold naughty loud boy like Sirius was, they just met a nerdy quiet kid with an upper-class accent who got sorted into Slytherin.</p><p>He was just the shadow of all the people who were before him. He was the forgotten one, the mediocre one.</p><p>He was average and he hated himself for not being special.</p><p>
  <em>He would never say that out loud anyways.</em>
</p><p>“Severus, could you…” Regulus stopped talking when he realized that Severus had his attention on another person. He followed his gaze to the Gryffindor table, directly to a red hair girl that was laughing with a dark-skinned girl whose name Regulus didn’t know. “I don't understand how that poor girl hasn't put a restraining order against you yet.”</p><p>“Oi! Severus! Careful! Potter is coming!” Barty exclaimed, who had witnessed the failed attempt of communication.</p><p>Snape widened his eyes as he raised his wand, pointing around with it, expecting some attack.</p><p>Barty busted a cackle, while Regulus breathed a quiet laugh. They looked at each other complicity.</p><p>
  <em>Barty Crouch Jr. was one of those few persons that Regulus considered his friends.</em>
</p><p>“You should stop looking at the mudblood from across the hall,” Barty addressed. “You know how much it annoys Mulciber.”</p><p>“I wasn’t watching her,” he lied, coldly, leaving his wand on the table. “Did you know that Potter is been keeping his eye on you the whole week?”</p><p>Regulus raised an eyebrow, as he turned to the Gryffindor table and looked for James Potter. He was obviously sitting next to Sirius, and he was looking at him, and when Regulus’ eyes met his, he didn’t show any intention of looking away, as if he didn't care if Regulus caught him staring. Or simply he considered that there was nothing Regulus could do about it anyways.</p><p>Potter was narrowing his eyes behind the lenses of his glasses, watching him as if he could get the answer to every question Regulus had left unanswered the other day by just looking at him.</p><p>He had told Remus, Sirius, and Peter about the incident the very next morning.</p><p>Sirius got raged. He said Regulus probably had planned it with his death eater friends, that he probably wanted to hurt James or even kill him.</p><p>Remus said that Regulus didn’t know they had a map that showed you the position of every person at every moment, so there was no way that he had planned that. That he probably just heard the chain from which the chandelier was hanging breaking and moved James and himself out of a purely natural instinct.</p><p>Peter agreed at first with Sirius, and then with Remus, but didn’t give any particular theory himself.</p><p>Remus told him that the best option was just to ignore it and stay as far as possible from the little Black, especially considering how susceptible Sirius got every time his brother was mentioned.</p><p>He had agreed at first, but he was still <em>so fucking curious</em>.</p><p>Even Peter looked at him as if he was stupid when he told them that Regulus <em>knew </em>that the chandelier was going to fall before it did. <em>How the hell had he done that? He needed to know.</em></p><p>Not only because he was as pig-headed as Sirius was, but also because it could be something dangerous, or he could be painting something dangerous. How could anything that Regulus was painting be dangerous? But what if… <em>Ugh, he was going mental.</em></p><p>Anyways, he decided to keep an eye close on him heir after that.</p><p>“Why is <em>the Gryffindor pig</em> watching you so closely?” Barty asked, raising an eyebrow, as he took a sip from his pumpkin juice.</p><p>“I don’t know nor care,” he looked James up and down before turning to the front again. “Severus, can you pass me that apple?”</p><p>He shoved his plate away before taking the apple Severus was handing him.</p><p>“You should eat that,” Barty started, looking at him with an unreadable expression. “You have quidditch practice this evening.”</p><p>“I’m not hungry.”</p><p>“You are never hungry-”</p><p>“Barny, drop it.” He leaned on his seat before biting his red apple. “We have to finish our potions assignment today, have you collected the herbs we need?”</p><p>Barty sighed. “Yeah.”</p><p>“Good.” He bit his apple again. “We can finish it in our room, I don’t feel like going to the library. The Hiccoughing Solution only has to repose for about six hours, so we’ll be fine.”</p><p>Barty nodded before focusing his attention on the book in front of him again. It was written in some weird language that Barty was trying to translate. His expression was bored and confused.</p><p>“Why are you translating a book in Latin?”  Severus asked, eying the book from over Barty’s shoulder.</p><p>“My father wants me to practice my Latin so I don’t forget anything; the fucking asshole, I hate him.” He drove the quill into the parchment sheet with more force than necessary, breaking the tip. “Oh, come on!”</p><p>“Why would he want you to learn Latin?” Regulus asked, leaning and taking a quick look at the book and the translation Barty was doing. “It’s a dead language, nowadays is only useful for snobbish people who like to presume they know Latin,” he stated.</p><p>“Yeah, well, tell that to him,” he took another quill from the pocket of his tunic, before sighing as he read the next line. “Come on! Hear this out! ‘<em>Si non iubes, ibo egomet; comitem mihi Pudicitiam duxero.</em>’ What does that even mean?!”</p><p>“‘If you don't give it to me, I'll go alone: modesty will be my company.’” Regulus said, with a monotonous tone. “Oh, you are reading ‘Amphitryon’, right? My mother made <em>us</em>- me. She made <em>me</em> read that when I was younger.” </p><p>Barty angrily bit his lip, sending Regulus a death glare. “You can read Latin?!”</p><p>“Well, I’m snobbish and I like presuming of the things I know, what do you think?”</p><p>“I can’t stand you.”</p><p>“No one can.”</p><p> </p><p>(…)</p><p> </p><p>“You should try the Wroski Feint. That McKinnon girl has good eyesight and is quick on the broom, but in Gryffindor's last match against Hufflepuff a bludger from Abbott nearly ripped her head off, and in the first match of the season she crashed into one of the field posts, so she probably doesn’t have very good reflexes.”</p><p>Regulus was sitting on his broom, hovering about a hundred feet above the ground. He was wearing his quidditch training uniform, and he was listening to the indications Arabella Warrington— a red hair girl from seventh year, who had occupied the spot of Quidditch captain for three years— was giving him.</p><p>“If you manage to get her injured, you'll just have to take care of finding the snitch,” she stated, side-eying the field where Carrow, Nott, and Pucey were passing the Quaffle to each other at an admirable high speed. “Nott! Explain to them the Hawkshead Attacking Formation! We’ll be using it in the next match!”</p><p>“Last time I tried the Wroski Feint I broke my arm,” Regulus replied. “I’m not sure if I’ll manage to control it before the match. There are only like nine days left.”</p><p>“Well, you’ll have to try,” Warrington bitterly addressed. “I'm not going to put up with Potter looking down at me for another single day. Lestrange and I will have your back all the time, and if you need some help to get rid of the McKinnon girl just tell us and we'll figure out how to use ... <em>unorthodox methods. </em>But we really need you to catch that snitch. You are fast, you are one of the fastest seekers of the school, use that to your advantage. I can help you train if you want.”</p><p>“Nah, I’ll find the way to manage it myself. Maybe I could…” He suddenly stopped talking and narrowed his eyes, as if something was bothering him inside his head. “Oh, If I were you, I’d move to the left.”</p><p>Arabella looked at him with a frown but moved anyways. Seconds later a Bludger was flying past just where she had been just a moment ago.</p><p>“Lestrange!” She screamed, searching the beater that had left the bludger fly around on its own. “Be careful you idiot!” Then she turned to Regulus again, an eyebrow raised. “Will you ever explain to me how the hell do you do that?”</p><p>He smirked at her. “Probably not.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes, breathing a laugh. “Well, make sure to do <em>whatever you can do</em> to avoid all the bludgers in the match, if you get injured, you’ll be responsible for my suicide.”</p><p>“Noted.”</p><p>“Well then, Rebastan and I are going to practice some coordinated attack with the bludgers; Nott, Pucey, and Carrow will be our blanks, that way they’ll practice some bludger-avoid too, you know how the Gryffindor beaters are, our chasers need to prepare themselves…”</p><p>“Oh yeah, I’ve seen Sloper and Vance’s Dopplebeater Defence, I hate to admit it but it was quite impressive,” Regulus said, unbothered at Warrington’s death glare. “That’s the truth. They’ve been quite aggressive this season so far; I’m not worried about Michel or Hannah, but Alecto… She’s really useful as a chaser because of those big arms she has, but she is rather slow. If a bludger from Emmeline Vance hits her she’ll be unconscious for a week.”</p><p>“We’ll work on that too,” Warrington sighed. “Anyways, Rowle must be in the changing rooms, he left barely ten minutes ago, so I guess you are free to go.”</p><p>Regulus nodded before flying down to the ground.</p><p>He barely exchanged a few words with Rowle in the locker room. A couple of minutes later, he had his Quidditch bag slung over his shoulder as he walked back to the castle.</p><p>It was cold. A nice cold.</p><p>He had never understood the popular opinion that summer was better than winter. Why would anyone prefer to be hot over cold? Or sweat in the sun instead of having your cheeks blushed from the cold?</p><p>In his opinion, the November landscape was much more attractive than the one in middle July. The mist descended to the ground and surrounded everything with an aura of mystery. If he had a record player with him, he would have put on Gnossienne No.1 by Erik Satie and set the perfect mood for a fairytale scene.</p><p>He was sweaty and flushed. Regulus had always hated to get showered in the locker rooms, so he much rathered to wait and get a shower in his own room back in the castle.</p><p>The Slytherin dorms were distributed in double rooms, just like the Ravenclaw ones. He had heard that Gryffindor and Hufflepuff dorms were distributed in rooms of five people, but he had never been into the Gryffindor nor the Hufflepuff common room, so he couldn’t be sure.</p><p>His assigned roommate in first year was Barty Crouch Jr, of all people. They grew to like each other with time, once they realized how well they… complemented each other.</p><p>You see, people say opposites attract, and well, Barty and he were opposites<em> in every conceivable way.</em></p><p>Regulus was quiet, reserved, calm. Barty was loud, talkative, sometimes even aggressive. Regulus much rather avoid the spotlight, while Barty enjoyed constantly being the center of attention. Regulus held a profound respect for his parents, Barty hated his. Regulus liked reading, studying, learning; Barty thought all those things were boring. Barty was a prefect, Regulus wasn’t even interested in those kinds of positions.</p><p>Barty was the one who argued in the middle of the class when a professor scolded Regulus for not paying attention, and Regulus was the one who had to talk to the Professor after and make up something to get them both out of detention.</p><p>Barty was impulsive, hot-headed, and determined. Regulus always thought before acting, he was cunning and hard to read.</p><p>And somehow in all that chaos, they both found a way to rely on each other. They had been best friends since they were both eleven, and Regulus couldn’t even imagine how that was supposed to end.</p><p>Because he had assumed it was going to end, someday.</p><p>Everything ended at some point.</p><p>Who was going to leave first, to betray the other first, to hurt the other first? That he didn’t know.</p><p>But he had pretty much assumed it was going to happen.</p><p>
  <em>Circle of life.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everybody leaves.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No big deal.</em>
</p><p>He had already gotten to the castle when it was rather past 10 pm. Warrington scheduled the practices at those ungodly hours so she could avoid some lame students from the rival houses eavesdropping on the plays for the next match.</p><p>Two prefects were on the door, probably making sure that no one was skipping the curfew outside of the school. He knew one of them, a Ravenclaw boy from his year. The other one was a girl from Hufflepuff, but he couldn’t identify her.</p><p>“Black, hey, what’re you doing at these hours?” The Ravenclaw boy had dark brown hair, which he kept stroking with his hand.</p><p>“Night Belby. I had a quidditch practice this evening. Warrington is paranoic with the whole ‘other houses want to spy on Slytherin’ thing, but hey, at least I get to skip the curfew.”</p><p>The Hufflepuff girl sighed, irritably. “Oh, great, that’s going to give us a lot of problems.”</p><p>Belby nodded in agreement. “Head to your common room,” he said. “If you stumble upon a prefect tell them I’m taking care of the Slytherins.”</p><p>“Yeah, sure, thanks,” Regulus answered, as he started walking.</p><p>The castle was dark and empty, the corridors only lit by small torches nailed to the wall.</p><p>He was used to seeing the castle completely empty. He liked to go out of his room at night, Barty usually helped him to avoid the areas where the prefects were doing their rounds.</p><p>He enjoyed the night.</p><p>It was dark and silent. Especially when there was a full moon and the Black lake reflected it on its surface.</p><p>He liked the sky, the moon, the stars.</p><p>His cousin Andromeda was a sucker for astrology. When he was young, Andy would take Sirius and him to the roof of Grimmauld Place and teach them to identify the constellations.</p><p>The House of Black had the tradition of naming their children after stars, which made it way easier and more interesting to learn the name and the location of the constellations in the night sky.</p><p>He was named after the star Regulus, from <em>the lion</em> constellation.</p><p>Of all constellations, he had to be in the lion one.</p><p>
  <em>Life was beautiful.</em>
</p><p>Sirius was named after the Dog Star, the brightest star from the Canis Major constellation. <em>The brightest star in the sky.</em></p><p>Regulus didn't think any of their names were appropriate for them.</p><p>He was not a lion, and he would never be a lion.</p><p>He was a <em>snake</em>.</p><p>Because that's what he was supposed to be.</p><p>Because that was what he should be.</p><p>He liked being a snake.</p><p><em>And Sirius was not a star</em>; bright and ravishing, illuminating everything on its path.</p><p>
  <em>Not for him.</em>
</p><p>Sirius was like a bright comet. Like an asteroid. That traveled the world without caring about destroying everything in its path.</p><p>He was a bright burning flame that ruined everything it reached and then would stop to observe the ashes that he himself had created with the same critical tone which his own mother used to observe him with.</p><p>Sirius meant <em>destruction</em>.</p><p>Like when a star explodes and destroys everything around it, condemning the rest of the nearby stars — certainly not so bright or so fiery— to explode with it or burn in the flames.</p><p>
  <em>Maybe Sirius was a star after all.</em>
</p><p>“Hey, you!”</p><p>Regulus deeply sighed, rolling his eyes and turning around.</p><p>Did he really expect not to find any other prefect in his way towards the Slytherin common room? Please, that was just embarrassing.</p><p>He looked at the prefect with bored eyes.</p><p>Oh, it wasn’t a prefect. It was a head boy.</p><p>Oh, look, it was James Potter, of all people.</p><p>Regulus sighed again because, to be fair, he should have seen that coming.</p><p>Life was an ironic bitch that enjoyed making things harder for him, he should have learned that by now.</p><p>“What’s with you and the curfew?” James asked, bothered, heading towards him with an annoyed tone. “Do I have to explain to you what ‘10 pm’ means?”</p><p>“I just got out of quidditch practice,” Regulus stated, pointing at his bag with his head. “I just talked to Theodore Belby at the entrance. He said he was taking care of the rest of the Slytherins.”</p><p>“And what are you doing training at these hours?” James inquired again. “Do the pr-”</p><p>“I’m not captain, Warrington schedules de practices, not me. Talk to her if you are so pissed about it.”</p><p>“Show more respect, Black,” James rapped out. “I’m still not forgetting about last Saturday, I want to know what dirty stuff you were doing. And you should be thankful I didn’t tell the professors about it.”</p><p>“You are still on that? Merlin, Potter on Sunday morning I had already forgotten about your existence, and you’ve been unsettled the whole week over nothing?” He mocked. “That’s kind of sad.”</p><p>“Black, I don’t know what you think you are playing, but-”</p><p>“Look, can I just head back to my common room?” Regulus asked, visibly tired. “I’m all sweaty and exhausted. And having this conversation is the last thing I’d like to be doing right now.”</p><p>James frowned. He had shown much more aggressivity the last weekend. “As long as you head back to your common room and not to-”</p><p>“I won’t. Good night.”</p><p>James observed as the little Black passed him by and walked his way towards the entrance of the dungeons.</p><p>He waited a few minutes in case Regulus appeared in the corridor again to go somewhere he shouldn't be going.</p><p>Regulus didn’t, and he left to keep doing his rounds.</p><p>He was still thinking about the fifth-floor classroom when he realized that it was almost midnight and he should be going back to his common room.</p><p>Fucking Regulus Black.</p><p>
  <em>He was most definitely going to discover all his secrets.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Dreams and goats</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>November 19th, 1977</em>
</p><p>
  <em>6.10 pm</em>
</p><p>James and Sirius somehow managed to convince Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas to help them with “The most <em>incrediblitastic </em>Christmas party in all the history of Hogwarts and all the other wizarding schools in the world — yes, Dorcas, including Dumstrang.” Their words, not mine.</p><p>So, they were all together, gathered around the fireplace of the common room, trying to speak as low as possible so the rest of the students wouldn't hear them. Not like they needed to anyway, the common room was full of teenagers shouting, laughing, and talking and barely anyone was paying them any form of attention.</p><p>It was decidedly not the first party they had planned— Gryffindor parties didn't have the reputation of being legendary for nothing— but they wanted it to be perfect this time, partly because it was the only fete they were going to get to be part of before their graduation at the end of the year— they had decided not to count the lame Hufflepuff Halloween party they attended in October as a proper party because, in James’ words, “That would be an insult to every actual party we've been to or ever will be.”</p><p>James and Sirius were especially motivated to make something memorable these last days. Everything that was going on outside the castle was getting under everyone's skin, and who could blame them?</p><p>After the news that shocked the entire castle of that Gryffindor fifth-year who died— <em>was killed</em>— over summer, the atmosphere got so <em>dark. </em>The Daily Prophet arrived every morning with the fresh news of missing people, dead people, places destroyed, things stolen. James, who had started that year as a head boy, wouldn't know, but Lily and Remus had mentioned on a couple of occasions that the corridors at night were way emptier that year than any other.</p><p>
  <em>How could people even be afraid of going out of their common rooms?</em>
</p><p>James always said he wasn't scared.</p><p>He was a Gryffindor; he was a <em>lion</em>. He was brave and courageous, and he trusted that the <em>good ones</em> always won.</p><p>James was the smiling sunshine that brought everyone <em>peace</em>.</p><p>Not peace as a book or a coffee or watching the stars might bring you peace, but as a shield or a sword or a spell might bring you peace. The peace of being <em>protected</em>, the peace of being <em>safe</em>.</p><p>Sirius learned what peace was in his first year when James hugged him after he fell off a broom and he started crying, because he was eleven, and kids cry when they are sad or scared or hurt —<em>even if Walburga and Orion Black never accepted that fact</em>. Sirius learned what peace was in his fifth year when James gave him a home and a family and <em>a brother </em>for the first time in his life.</p><p>Remus learned what peace was when James came up with the idea of becoming illegal animagus in their second year. When he thought he was going to be alone forever and James brought him <em>hope</em>.</p><p>Peter learned what peace was every time he looked at James and saw a <em>friend</em>; because James was the very first friend he ever had; Sirius and Remus came after, of course, but the first person to talk to that chubby short, weird kid that was sharing a room with these four handsome tall and cool guys <em>was James. </em>That's part of why he held such a big admiration for him.</p><p>James was a <em>bright burning star</em> that lighted everything on his path.</p><p>He was the one that didn't know fear because heroes weren’t supposed to feel fear.</p><p>
  <em>But James was actually terrified.</em>
</p><p>Because he was supposed to protect all these people. He wanted to protect all these people. He <em>needed</em> to protect Sirius, and Remus, and Peter, and Lily, and Dorcas, and Marlene; and the list went on with a lot more names because James was a person that loved too easily.</p><p>He cared. He worried. He was the smiling sunshine that lighted everyone's mood because <em>someone had to be that person.</em></p><p>And he hated all of <em>them; </em>you-know-who, death eaters, purists, those Slytherin bastards who were willing to start killing people once they graduate. All of them. Because they were trying to take the people he loved away from him.</p><p>And he knew he couldn't save <em>everyone</em>.</p><p>
  <em>But he had to try.</em>
</p><p>Sirius was sitting on top of the table, elbow resting on Peter's shoulder, while he bragged about how he was the oldest one, therefore, everyone had to listen to him because “Young kids like you should listen to their eldest, Moony, we are much wiser.”</p><p>“You are like six months older than me,” Remus babbled. “And we already have stated your music taste is terrible.”</p><p>“That's not true.”</p><p>“It is,” Peter replied.</p><p>“Yeah, it definitely is,” Marlene followed. “Besides, I think you should focus your attention on how to get Peeves to help you distract Filch and professor McGonagall while you sneak a hundred students into the room of requirement.”</p><p>“We are already working on that,” James said, adjusting his glasses on his face. “Nick is going to talk to the baron, see if he's willing to help us. He's the only one who can get Peeves to do whatever he wants, so we just need his help.”</p><p>“The Bloody Baron is not exactly our cup of tea,” Sirius uttered, nodding at James' explanation. “But any sacrifice shall be made for a greater purpose like this.”</p><p>Remus took a sip from his cup of cocoa; he was sitting on a couch, a closed book over his knees, as if he had planned to read but then been interrupted by three loud Gryffindors entering the common room screaming none-senses. “We should make a backup plan just in case,” he said. “The Bloody Baron is not exactly friends with Sir Nicholas; actually, he is not friends with any ghost in the castle but the Fat Friar, and they don't seem that close to me anyway.”</p><p>“Once I was doing my round around the quidditch pitch and I stumbled upon Edgar,” Lily mouthed; the flames from the fireplace lighting her hair, making it look almost like the fire itself. “We talked for a while, and he mentioned something about how Lord Draben always used Helena to get the Bloody Baron to do whatever he wanted because, apparently, the Baron will do anything she says. Maybe you could talk to her.”</p><p>“Helena?” Dorcas asked. “Who's Helena?”</p><p>“Helena Ravenclaw, of course,” Lily said. “You know, the Grey Lady? That ghost of a woman who sneaks sometimes into McGonagall's transfiguration classes?”</p><p>Marlene looked at Lily with wide eyes “What?! The Baron and the Ravenclaw lady?” she voiced. “Goddammit, the ghosts of this school have a whole soap opera going on from which we don't even know half of.”</p><p>“Nah, but the Grey Lady is a complete loner,” Sirius mentioned, shaking his head. “I've been in this school for six years and a half and I think I have seen her talking to like three students in my whole life. And I'm sure all of them were Ravenclaws. That's a dead end.”</p><p>“Maybe you could try to ask for Lord Draben's help?” Peter suggested, rubbing his chin.</p><p>“We shouldn't get that many ghosts involved, I already have my doubts on the Baron, so imagine that disdainful snobbish ghost. No thanks.”</p><p>“Yeah mate, one thing is asking Nick to ask for the Baron's help, and another completely different thing is talking to that slimy Lord.”</p><p>“We could ask a Ravenclaw to help us with the Grey Lady,” Remus said.</p><p>“It's highly unlikely she listens to any of them; we'd better wait and see what Nick can do,” James established, getting up from the floor. “My actual concern was more like who are we going to let into the party.”</p><p>“No one who will turn us in,” Sirius said, stroking his hair with one hand, averting the front strands from his forehead. “No Slytherins. Absolutely not McLaggen or any of his friends...”</p><p>“What's wrong with McLaggen?” Lily asked, raising her eyebrow.</p><p>“He is an arse.”</p><p>“So are you.”</p><p>“But that’s different,” Sirius replied, grinning at the red hair. “I both am and <em>have</em> a nice arse, the kind of arse you always want around. He, on the other hand, is just fucking annoying.”</p><p>“Right-”</p><p>“Come on,” Remus intervened, slapping Sirius' knee. “The whole point of this is cheering people up, and there's no way his friends and he are turning us in.”</p><p>“If we are going to let wankers like McLaggen and his gang into our party we should as well let some Slytherins in!” Sirius pointed irritably. “Maybe they need to have a little fun too! You know, waiting for you-know-who to mark them like cattle must be tiring.”</p><p>“Don't get all defensive with me,” Remus snapped. “I'm just telling you to grow up and stop making everything about your personal preferences.”</p><p>“I don't do that!”</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes. “Yes, you do. We are letting McLaggen in you like it or not, because it was your idea in the first place to cheer people up, and even if you don't like him, I'm sure he is going through the same shit that almost everyone in this school is going through and he could use some having fun and forgetting everything for a night, and that's gonna be it.”</p><p>Sirius glared at Remus with narrowed eyes. “Look at me all you want, you know I'm right,” he snorted.</p><p>“Moony's got a point mate,” James mouthed, palming Sirius' back. “Besides, you are going to get drunk in like the first thirty minutes, is not like you're going to notice he is there anyway.”</p><p>Sirius laughed at that. “Yeah, you got a point...” He gave a long sigh. “Ugh, sure, whatever. Sorry for being rude to you.”</p><p>“'s okay,” Remus said.</p><p>“We are also inviting Hunter and his friends, right?”</p><p>“The Ravenclaw?” James asked; Sirius nodded and James cocked his head to the side. “I mean, sure, they are fine and everything, but why them in particular?”</p><p>“They are pure stoner material,” Sirius said. “The Prewetts have graduated and those Ravenclaw smart fuckers won't go out of their common room unless is a matter of life or death. I want to benefit from their presence as much as I can. Not being able to get high on a daily basis is lowkey boring.”</p><p>Marlene nodded at Sirius. “I <em>lowkey</em> agree with you.”</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. “You are a lost cause. Both of you.”</p><p>Marlene and Sirius let out a laugh at the same time, as both Lily and James sighed heavily. “Fucking crackheads,” James laughed. “Anyway, now that we are on that matter, Pads, you are getting the drinks.”</p><p>“What? Why me?” Sirius turned to face James, looking completely offended. “Wormie has it way easier to come and go out of the castle!”</p><p>“Last time I got the drinks I got caught by professor Binns...”</p><p>“How the fuck did you manage to get caught by Binns?! He is literally senile! And almost deaf!”</p><p>“I got scared!” He said. “I thought it was Filch coming! However, you can use James' cloak so you don't get caught.”</p><p>“So can you!”</p><p>“Well, I went the last time, so now It's your turn,” Peter settled, crossing his arms over his chest.</p><p>Sirius snorted, he much preferred Peter in his first five years, when he just did whatever he said without complaining. He didn't know what was going on this year that was making Peter kind of bold.</p><p>Later, it occurred to him that maybe having to face a war was making little Wormtail grow up, and that actually made Sirius feel a bit <em>proud</em> of him.</p><p>“Sirius, as our eldest,” Dorcas started. “Are you really going to let us, little unwise kids, go do something as dangerous as sneaking out of the castle to go get drinks?”</p><p>Sirius opened his mouth, indignant. “Are you using my own words against me, Meadowes?”</p><p>“You know I am.”</p><p>They heard the door of the common room closing but didn't pay any attention to the new visitor until they sensed how someone was approaching them.</p><p>“Lily, are you busy?” A blonde chubby girl asked as she approached the fireplace. “I could use your help with a potions assignment...”</p><p>“Yeah, sure, I'll help you,” Lily answered, as she stood from the floor. “You mind guys?”</p><p>“Nah, we'll do fine without you,” James said. “How're you doing Mary? Slughorn's giving you a hard time?”</p><p>The young girl nodded. “I don't know why I decided to pick advanced potions, I always screw the whole damn thing. Last week we made amortentia and I ended up brewing some sort of sleeping potion. It was so embarrassing.”</p><p>“If it makes you feel better, last year I blew up my cauldron trying to brew amortentia,” Peter said.</p><p>“Actually, thanks to that, we are revising it this year, just in case <em>someone </em>didn't get to comprehend the process,” Sirius added. “I'm not complaining though, I really enjoyed last year when Moony blushed as he smelled my breath-taking cologne from the cauldron.”</p><p>Remus glared at Sirius, punching his arm. “Sod off Padfoot.”</p><p>“Don't worry about it,” Lily said. “Amortentia is such a hard potion to brew, and James and Sirius may act like they are so smart, but it took them three attempts to get it correctly.”</p><p>“You didn't make it until the second class!”</p><p>“But I don't go bragging about it,” she replied. “Besides, I got better marks than you two on potions last year anyway, so don't get all big heads out of that.”</p><p>“Is everything a competition for you?” James asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“You are one to talk!”</p><p>“In my class, only Black got it right at like the second attempt, and Brown and Belby managed to do it by the end of the class. Also, Matlock got really close, his cauldron was already giving a lovely essence, but he didn't have time to finish before the bell rang. But me? Merlin, I did terribly! Not even close to a good smell or a pinkish tone, and then Crouch started to make fun of me, even though he wouldn't be capable of finishing a single crappy potion if Black didn't help him all the time, which got me on my nerves, so I stupefyed him and that got me three weeks detention with Slughorn and a lecture from McGonagall about how a prefect should be an example of behavior and not solve things by jinxing other students, especially when that other student is also a prefect, and then... Ugh, well, you can see that I've had a terrible week.”</p><p>“Well, first of all, congratulations for teaching Crouch a lesson, second, take it easy,” Lily added, stroking the girl's back. “Sixth year is hard, and potions is one of the trickiest subjects you have, so don't let it get to your head, you'll be fine, right guys?”</p><p>“I mean, I didn't take potions last year for a reason...” Marlene said, then Dorcas elbowed her and she quickly added. “I mean, but I'm as smart as a goat, so what would I know?”</p><p>“A goat?” Remus asked, tilting his head.</p><p>“You think I'm smarter than a goat?”</p><p>“I mean, I wouldn't know, but why specifically a goat?”</p><p>“Goats are really smart, you know?” The girl said, smiling graciously, as she hugged her knees up to his chest. “Berf told Frank and me once when we were at the Hog's head that they are really misunderstood animals. Then he introduced us to his goat Clodette, he called it 'his little girl'. I think he has a thing for goats, but he's still a good lad.”</p><p>Lily shook her head. “Right.” She turned to Mary, smiling fondly. “So, shall we go to the library?”</p><p>The young girl nodded and they both turned to the door.</p><p> </p><p>(...)</p><p> </p><p>“Guys, it's almost ten o'clock,” Lily said, as she entered through the door of the common room, about two hours after she first left with Mary Macdonald. “What could you possibly still be doing just in the same position that you were two hours ago?”</p><p>“Hey, Lils!” Alice Fortescue greeted her, waving her hand. “Dorcas was just telling us about a guy she is been talking to this week.”</p><p>“And being a fucking fathead in the process,” James mumbled irritably, his chin resting on the palm of his hand.</p><p>“Jealous Jamie?” Marlene teased, grinning. “Come on, don't be. You'll find someone that will love all that arsehole material you have.”</p><p>“Eat my arse, Marlene.”</p><p>“Don't be silly Prongs, you'll find someone that will gladly eat your arse someday,” Sirius scoffed. “There's no need to draw on such desperate measures-”</p><p>“Oh, go to hell Padfoot!” James cut him off, as Marlene, Dorcas and Sirius laughed at his singleness. “Morons. All of you.”</p><p>“We'd stop teasing if you kept it together and stopped being a whining baby about not having a lover,” Lily said, as she approached the fireplace. “Besides, I have a lot of friends that would gladly go on a date with you. If you are so desperate why don't you just ask someone out?”</p><p>“I'm not desperate,” James said. “I'm not looking for a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, or any romantic partner.”</p><p>“Then why does it bother you so much?” Remus asked.</p><p>“Because you think you are better than me for having someone to kiss!” He snorted. “You guys kiss and cuddle and sleep together and say 'I love you’ all the time. And that's really cool and I'm really happy for both of you and for Dorcas and for Frank and Alice, but I really don't need anyone! I'm fine! I don't anyone to cuddle or to kiss me or to look at the stars with or to help with homework or to hold hands or any of those things couples do.”</p><p>“Yeah, you sound just fine on your own,” Marlene mouthed. “Anyway, whatever you say James, but I have a friend that is interested in you and would be just beaming if you invited her to the next Hogsmeade trip.”</p><p>“I'm not interested in one-night stands Marlene.”</p><p>“Who says she just wants a one-night stand?”</p><p>James titled his head in a skeptical tone. “She wants a relationship?”</p><p>“That's what she told me.”</p><p>James sighed deeply. “I'll think about it.” He turned his gaze to Lily. “Where's Mary by the way?”</p><p>“She had a sleepover or something in the Hufflepuff common room,” she explained, opening the can of soda Alice was handing her. “Now that you mention it, can you guys check on the map if she got to the kitchens fine?”</p><p>“Sure,” Peter said. “Is Moony's turn, isn't it?”</p><p>Remus nodded as he took the map from the pocket of his uniform. “Yeah, I have right here.”</p><p>Remus was going to search for his wand, but Sirius raised his first and muttered the words, “<em>I solemnly swear I am up to no good</em>.”</p><p>Lily unfolded it and spread it out on the floor, taking special care not to bring it too close to the fireplace so as not to cause the four boys to brutally murder her.</p><p>“I can't see her anywhere,” she said.</p><p>James leaned into the map, with Dorcas and Alice. “Me neither... Oh, yeah, look,” he pointed his finger at the Hufflepuff common room where a spot with Mary's name was surrounded by another three names.</p><p>Lily looked at the spot. “I don't know any of those girls...”</p><p>“They must be from Mary's year, “Alice mouthed. “It's already ten past ten, shouldn't Frank be already back from finishing that Herbology assignment?”</p><p>“He is right there,” Sirius pointed at the stair that connected the sixth and the seventh floor. “He'll be here in less than a minute.”</p><p>“Who had to make rounds on Saturdays?” James asked, analyzing the map with his eyes, observing how the only people out of their common rooms were all prefects and professors.</p><p>“The fifth-year prefects from Gryffindor and Slytherin, “Lily said. “The sixth years from Ravenclaw and seventh from Hufflepuff.”</p><p>“Be a prefect must suck,” Sirius said, and Marlene nodded in agreement. “Is there any little trouble-maker out of bed?”</p><p>“Some girl called Matilda Hoggs,” James read. “She seems to be going back to the Hufflepuff common room.”</p><p>“Maybe she is just out for some food,” Peter said.”Oh, no, look, she entered in the Hufflepuff common room.”</p><p>“That's how you four have fun when we are not around?” Dorcas said. “You spy people on the map, and guess what are they doing?”</p><p>“Pretty much yeah.”</p><p>
  <em>James saw something on the map.</em>
</p><p>Then he frowned.</p><p>Then he frowned deeper.</p><p>Then he took the map by the corner and hid it for everyone else's sight, making the rest of his friends yell at him.</p><p>“What's gotten into you?” Sirius exclaimed.</p><p>“I have to go.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>He quickly got up and folded the map. “I'm borrowing this Moony; I'll give it back tomorrow.”</p><p>“James, what are you on about?” Lily said, skeptically looking as he turned away from them and headed to the door, “James!”</p><p>“Prongs where are you going?!”</p><p>James opened the door of the common room, giving a last look to their friends. “<em>I'm going to catch a snake</em>,” he humbled. “I'll explain it to you later. See you in the morning!”</p><p>With that, he left the common room, once again.</p><p> </p><p>(...)</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Fucking fuckity fuck.</em>
</p><p>If Regulus ever had to see Mulciber's face again he would give proper use for that Dark Arts book he got from Bella on his last birthday.</p><p>Fucking disgusting piece of garbage. Brainless bastard. Fucking. Piece. Of. Shit.</p><p>That tremendous jerk thought he could give him orders?</p><p>
  <em>Let. Him. Try.</em>
</p><p>You actually needed to distinguish the front from the back of your wand to use it properly, and Regulus was sure Mulciber had just the right number of brain cells not to shit himself.</p><p>The bastard had the audacity to tell him how 'incorrect' of him was to let people see him going around with that Ravenclaw blood traitor <em>bitch</em>.</p><p>He didn't have any particular reason to call Heather a bitch, he just liked to go calling girls bitch, or whore, or slut, only because he resented the entire female population since he had never had a girlfriend. This was evidently because the entire student body found him repulsive. Their reasons were more than obvious.</p><p>He had told him that he should only be seen with decent people —Regulus couldn't help but laugh when Mulciber put himself and Snape as an example—, and obviously Heather wasn't. Because apparently, no one was good enough for Mulciber unless they were constantly yapping about killing muggles and purifying the wizarding world and how great and powerful the Dark Lord was.</p><p>It wasn't Regulus' fault that Mulciber and Avery and Snape didn't have any other interest in life further than doing dark magic and torturing people, but Regulus enjoyed talking about different things from time to time.</p><p>It was true that he founded rather nice the thought of... <em>Uhm</em>.</p><p>He founded something nice<em>. He did</em>. His mother had told him how great and admirable the Dark Lord was and Regulus knew she was right. It wasn't even worth thinking about it because <em>it just was</em> and that was all he needed to know. His mother knew what was right and wrong and he was too young and naïve to understand it, but he will.</p><p>
  <em>He just had to not think too much about it.</em>
</p><p>Where was he?</p><p>Oh, yeah.</p><p>If Mulciber had ended the conversation with a piece of simple unwanted advice, it would be fine.</p><p>But he then started babbling about Lucius, and how he would not be pleased with him if Mulciber mentioned that he has been hanging out with the incorrect people.</p><p>“She is not a blood traitor.” Regulus would say.</p><p>“She still doesn't have the right idea. Have you ever heard her call a mudblood 'mudblood'? People who avoid calling things for their names are not worth your time baby Black,” Mulciber would spat back. Regulus would feel furious because he loathed when people called him that ridiculous name.</p><p>“We happen not to talk about muggleborns all the time,” Regulus would say without thinking. “Besides, I've been being friends with her since fourth year and-”</p><p>“<em>Mudbloods</em>,” Mulciber corrected, “And maybe you should consider people who might give you a chatter about something worth hearing, like how the Dark Lord is planning to-”</p><p>Regulus would roll his eyes and Mulciber would stop talking, just to wait for the very next second to open his filthy mouth and mention how his mother would probably be really unpleased by him hanging out with the inappropriate people.</p><p>Barty was quick enough to take Regulus’s wand out of his pocket before he could because, if Regulus had had his wand, he would have fucking hexed the shit out of Mulciber right there in the middle of the common room.</p><p>After that, he left, wandless, hungry because he had skipped dinner to stay in his room reading, and furious because he hated everyone in Hogwarts.</p><p>He was walking to the kitchens, and then he knew exactly where to go.</p><p>He'd been having these weird dreams the whole week. He’d been having them since the beginning of the year, and they showed no signs to stop. If anything, they were getting more usual.</p><p>At first, he thought it was just normal nightmares. Since he was a child, he had had nightmares quite often, so he didn't think they might be anything out of the ordinary. But he soon realized that that was different.</p><p>It was much worse.</p><p>He dreamed of <em>agony</em>, <em>pain</em>, <em>fear</em>, <em>sadness</em>, <em>anger</em>, <em>rage</em>, <em>loneliness</em>, <em>terror</em>. He would get up screaming, scared, breathing heavily, sweating, with Barty from his own bed complaining that he had woken him up and asking him if he was okay.</p><p>Then, his seer-super-powers —as Barty liked to call them— would increase incredibly, and he would start seeing weird things in his crystal ball in divination class, and he would know something was wrong.</p><p>That's when he started painting his dreams. He didn't know what he was doing, the pencil seemed to move by itself through the paper and his hand seemed to be just following it.</p><p>He hadn't drawn in years. He quit in his third year, when he lost interest in all those things that used to make him happy as a kid, like painting, or playing the piano —he still played though, because his mother liked to show off about how talented his son was in front of the other pureblood families—, or astrology, or writing. Cissy always said it was a pity, because he was quite skilled at painting, and he would probably have had a great future as an artist. Is not like his mother would have allowed him to be an artist anyway, but it was nice to think about it.</p><p>Then, around the beginning of October, <em>a friend of his</em> showed him the fifth-floor classroom. He had been sneaking there every weekend since then, painting something he still didn't know what it was, but that had to mean something. Something important.</p><p>He didn't have many reasons to think it was important, but he knew it was.</p><p>Just like when he didn't have any reason to move to the left but he did anyway and he happened to have just avoided a bludger.</p><p>Because when it came to these seer things, he much rather not to ask questions and just do whatever the <em>something</em> that he had inside his head told him to do.</p><p>“Black!”</p><p>
  <em>FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK.</em>
</p><p>At that moment he swore to Merlin that he was going to burn that fucking school to the ground with everyone inside.</p><p>“Hey, Black! Stop walking!”</p><p>Before Regulus could decide between start running and avoid another pointless conversation or face the head boy and scream at him everything that he didn't scream at Mulciber, he felt how someone grabbed him by his shoulder and turned him around.</p><p>“You are really insistent on skipping the curfew,” James Potter said, looking at Regulus with a frown.</p><p>“And you are really insistent on stopping me.”</p><p>“What are you doing this time?”</p><p>Regulus shoved his hand away from his shoulder, giving a step back as to set some distance between them. “Why do you care?”</p><p>“I'm a-”</p><p>“Oh, Merlin no, I'm not going through this again,” he said, turning around. “Go waste someone else's time.”</p><p>James blinked a couple of times, as he watched Regulus leave him behind; once he reacted, he quickened his pace to reach and walk beside Regulus. “Wait!” He said, as he followed Regulus down the hall. “What do you think you are doing?”</p><p>“I'm going to the kitchens,” he said, with a blank expression.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Why do people usually go to the kitchens?”</p><p>James rolled his eyes. “Why are you going to the kitchens now that is past the curfew, and what are you planning to do after?”</p><p>Regulus glared at James. “Are you just going to follow me?”</p><p>“I'm not following you.”</p><p>“Yes, you are.”</p><p>“No, I'm not.”</p><p>“Yes, you are. And if you think I can't keep giving you the same answer for hours you are completely wrong, so if I were you, I'd stop asking stupid questions. Actually, I'd stop asking questions. And talking at all. And following me.”</p><p>“What were you doing last Saturday in that classroom on the fifth floor?” James snapped, getting to the point. He was not planning on give Regulus detention tonight, he just wanted answers, and depending on those answers, he could either forget about Regulus's existence because it was completely boring and irrelevant or bring him to justice because it was dangerous and murderous.</p><p>Regulus gave the longest sigh James had ever heard, “What part of 'I have no idea what you’re talking about' You didn't understand?”</p><p>“I'm not stupid, Black.”</p><p>“Oh, but aren't you?”</p><p>“If it's nothing dangerous just tell me so we both can forget about each other forever,” James said, decided to ignore Regulus's attempts to offend him. “You are making this harder for both of us.”</p><p>“'Dangerous'?” Regulus laughed. “What could be dangerous about me painting a fucking... something?”</p><p>“I don't know, you tell me.”</p><p>Regulus turned his head to examine James. He looked at him up to down, unimpressed. “Why do you care so much?”</p><p>“I don't trust you.”</p><p>“Why would you trust me?” Regulus scoffed. “You don't know me, and I know just enough about you to know I'd punch you in the face if I had the chance, but that's it.”</p><p>“Oh, but <em>I do know you</em>,” James stated, and Regulus raised an eyebrow at that. “You are a Slytherin. You believe you are superior to everyone else because you are a 'pureblood', and rich, and you come from that disgusting family that abused his own son and believed themselves to be royalty. And you think you are so much smarter than everyone else. And don't get me started on how you are so willing to join you-know-who, become cattle, and die trying to serve your disgusting Lord. That's what you are all. That's what you all want and that's everything I need to know. And now you are telling me what were you doing in that room and what happened with that freaking chandelier unless you want me to curse you right here.”</p><p>Regulus kept walking, analyzing every word of James' little speech.</p><p>“If Freud heard the crappy psychoanalysis you just did, he would writhe in his grave. You just disrespected the Mental Iceberg model in at least five different ways.”</p><p>“Who the fuck is Freud?”</p><p>“What the fuck do they teach you in those shitty muggle studies classes?” Regulus snorted, rather offended. “All the time surrounded by muggleborns but you can't even identify one of the greatest names of the contemporary philosophy. Maybe you should stop obsessing about me painting, open 'The interpretation of dreams', and culturize yourself a little. Tell me at least you know who Socrates is.”</p><p>“Uhm, what?” James shook his head; he didn't have the sightliest idea of what Regulus was talking about. “Why you always have to start nattering about random things as if the conversation weren't with you? You realize is completely impossible to talk to you?”</p><p>“I'm taking that as a no,” he said, sighing again. “Now, answering to your... whatever that was. I don't think I'm so much smarter than everyone else.” He turned to face James, walking backward for a couple of seconds. “<em>I know I am.</em>”</p><p>James rolled his eyes, snorting, glaring at Regulus. “That's all you have to say? You are not even going to try to deny it? Not that it would trick anyone, but at least it would be fun to see you try to deny how you are just a <em>pawn on everyone else's game</em>.”</p><p>“What do you exactly want me to say?” Regulus snapped, crossing his arms as he turned to the left in the following corridor. “You said I'm a Slytherin, which I thought was pretty obvious, but thanks for noticing, I guess. Then you said something about my family, which I suppose came from <em>whatever shitty lies</em> my brother told you, so none of that is worth discussing, especially not with you. And then you told me that I'm willing to die. Which, and I'm sorry to burst your bubble, I'm certainly not. It has its ups and downs <em>but I still have so many things to do</em> <em>in this life</em>; like, you know, write a book, plant a tree, that sort of things.”</p><p>“'<em>Whatever shitty lies</em>'?” James repeated, “What do you m-”</p><p>“I really don't wanna hear it.” Regulus interrupted, “I know what <em>he</em> says about us. About <em>her</em>. Pure bullshit. Taken out of context. She has always done <em>what was best for us</em>, but <em>he</em> has never appreciated that.” Regulus gave a long breath, muscles tensing. “He is your <em>problem</em> now though, so who cares what he says anyway.”</p><p>“You are so fucking disgusting!” James voiced. “He <em>was</em> your brother! How could you be so indifferent at what he was living?! How could you not care?!”</p><p>James had always wanted to ask Regulus that. Sirius was a good person, who cared about everyone, even if he didn't show it all the time, <em>but he did, he cared. </em>How could someone like Sirius share any kind of blood bond with <em>someone like Regulus?</em></p><p>“So now you are going to-”</p><p>James didn't give him the chance to get all sarcastic again. He wanted his answers. All of them. Why would anyone hate Sirius as he did? James couldn't even bear the possibility of not liking Sirius. Let alone hate him.</p><p>Was the younger Black as heartless as he seemed? Did he ever pity his brother? Did he feel things at all?</p><p>“Both you and your parents made his life a living hell!” He said. “And for what? Power? Heritance? You-know-who? Simply enjoying seeing people suffer because that's what you enjoy in your family? Why would anyone get his abusive parents' side instead of his brother's <em>who's always been there for him</em>? Maybe you are not as smart as you think you are, but more stupid than anyone else? After all, from what Sirius tells, they didn't exactly treat you nicely either. Maybe you are too stupid for knowing what's good for you?”</p><p>James' words didn't affect him.</p><p>They didn't affect him because they weren't true.</p><p>His brother was the bad one. He was the one who disappointed their parents, who got them mad. Their mother had always loved them, Sirius just wasn't capable of seeing it.</p><p>Regulus knew they were just teaching them to be strong, to be smart, to behave. They loved them. And all they wanted as <em>repayment</em> was their sons to make them proud. And Sirius thought that was too much. It was his fault. Not theirs, <em>his.</em></p><p>Sirius was the one who enjoyed seeing Regulus suffer.</p><p>He was the one to left. He was the one who wasn't there for him.</p><p>James' words weren't affecting him, because they weren't true.</p><p>The lump in his throat was just due to being tired.</p><p>
  <em>He was utterly tired.</em>
</p><p>“I really don't want to have this conversation.”</p><p>“You are fucking disgusting.”</p><p>“You already said that.”</p><p>“In case you didn't hear me the first time, I want to make it really clear to you. <em>You are fucking disgusting, Regulus Black, never forget about that</em>.”</p><p>Regulus nodded. He caught the sight of the painting of a bowl of fruit, as he approached it, he spoke one more time. “So are you going to let me be fucking disgusting alone?”</p><p>He tickled the picture of the pear in the fruit bowl. The painting giggled and a green goatee grew out of it.</p><p>“I already told you. You are telling me everything I want to know, and right now you are not giving me any answers, so if you want me to leave, you know what you have to do.”</p><p>“Well,” before pushing the door of the kitchen open Regulus looked directly at James' eyes, whispering. “Let's see how many names you get to call me by the end of the night then, because believe me<em>, I can be much worst that fucking disgusting when I want to.</em>”</p><p>He smirked, eyes full of hatred, as he entered the kitchen.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Make it make sense</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>November 20th, 1977</em>
</p><p>
  <em>12.00 am.</em>
</p><p>James followed Regulus through the kitchen door, suspicious. He didn’t care if he had to follow him the whole night, he just wanted to forget about the younger one and keep living his life. He wanted answers. And he was going to give them to him, even if he had to force him into it.</p><p>“Why are you going to the kitchens?”</p><p>Regulus didn’t bother answering that. They walked the little corridor that divided the kitchen from the door behind the painting. They reached a doorframe from which came a bright light and an appetizing smell of food, which reminded James of the chicken that had been served for dinner.</p><p>Elves were running around the room, cleaning plates, pots, pans, and glasses. Some of them noticed them but were too busy to pay them any attention.</p><p>Regulus looked around the room until he spotted who he was looking for. A slender elf with large ears and the longest nose James had ever seen. She was snapping her fingers, causing spots of soap and water to spill onto a reddish tablecloth that was being washed levitating in the air.</p><p>Another hairy elf who had already seen James and Regulus, approached the young elf to give her a gentle nudge, pointing at the door frame where the two boys were standing.</p><p>The elf directed her attention to them, and James frowned in confusion when he saw her beaming. She put down the tablecloth and the cleaning supplies on top of a table to rush over to them with a smile on her face.</p><p>“Mister Regulus!” She said once she got in front of them. She bowed down slightly, and James observed how Regulus smiled softly. “And Mister Regulus’s friend,” she added, bowing at James, who awkwardly waved his hand at her, not bothering to correct her. “Good night! How’d we be able to help you?”</p><p>“Night Vinke,” Regulus said nicely. “How are you? Dumbledore’s giving you too much work?”</p><p>“Just the right amount,” she said, with a wide smile.”Vinke’s fine, thank you for asking Mr. Regulus, Vinke appreciates that. Would you like to sit and wait while we prepare something for you?”</p><p>“I would love that.”</p><p>The elf enthusiastically made two chairs appear with a snap of her fingers in the corner of the room and offered both Regulus and James to sit down. A couple of elves that were carrying a pot on their shoulders waved a hand at Regulus as they passed by.</p><p>“Is really late, I’m assuming you want something to keep you awake?”</p><p>“You are assuming correctly, Vinke,” Regulus laughed. “Could you please make me a coffee if you have time?”</p><p>“Of course!” The elf quickly said. “We are happy to serve you, Mister Regulus.” She then turned her attention to James, who was looking shocked at Regulus’s small talk with the elf, whose name was apparently Vinke. “And what could Vinke bring for you, sir?”</p><p>He blinked a couple of times. “Hot cocoa,” he mouthed.</p><p>Regulus snorted, sending him a death glare; then he turned to the elf again, giving her a fond smile, as she turned to the kitchen and made appear two mugs, beginning to prepare the drinks. “A ‘please’ wouldn’t kill you,” he spatted, grabbing his chair and dragging it a few feet away from James.</p><p>“How do you know <em>its</em> name?” James asked, “Why were you so nice with <em>it</em>, does <em>it</em> work for you?”</p><p>“I’m decidedly ignoring every stupid thing that comes out of your mouth.”</p><p>“Does this have anything to do with the room? The painting? The chandelier? Is that elf helping you?”</p><p>“Merlin fucking dammit.” Regulus laughed wryly. “Yes, Potter, you got me. We are living a forbidden love story about overcoming societal prejudices and breaking barriers, secretly planning to take over the world while distracting everyone with cups of steaming hot chocolate.”</p><p>James sighed heavily, frustrated, trying to decide between punching Regulus or just laughing. “Godric, you are so freaking annoying.”</p><p>“And yet here you are, following me like a creepy stalker, insulting me, and being impolite with a perfectly nice elf.”</p><p>“What’s with you and that elf?”</p><p>Regulus didn’t answer, instead, he checked his nails unbothered, ignoring James completely, waiting for the elf to come back with his well-deserved coffee.</p><p>“So, what were you doing in that classroom?” James insisted, turning to Regulus. He was looking down at his hands, short strands of curly black hair falling down his forehead. James noticed the dark circles under his eyes, that stood out against his pale skin. “You’ve been going there the whole week?” He asked surprised.</p><p>“Why would you ask that?” Regulus said in a quiet tone, shoving his curls away.</p><p>“You seem like you haven’t slept in days.”</p><p>Regulus raised his head, frowning at James, finally directing his sight to him. “Why do you care?”</p><p>“I don’t, I just want to know if that has something to do with whatever you are up to,” he stated. “Why did the elf ask abou-”</p><p>“Her name is Vinke,” Regulus interrupted, his lips pursing. “They have names, so stop treating them as if they were objects, will ya’?”</p><p>James tilted his head. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>Regulus growled, crossing his arms over his chest, returning his gaze to the rest of the kitchen, where the elves were still cleaning all their supplies. “You are just like <em>them</em>. Shocking.”</p><p>“What? Who’s them? What are you talking about?”</p><p>“Like them,” Regulus said again. “Like Lucius, like Severus, like Bella, <em>just like them</em>.” James was still processing Regulus’s words, trying to identify those names which he was used to hearing as <em>enemy </em>names spoken with such familiarity, when he added, bitterly, “like my brother too, <em>of course. </em>Until he changed you for that weirdo with scars all over his face that he is shagging, you two looked like creepy Siamese twins, why wouldn't you discriminate against an entire species together too?”</p><p>Mouth open, frown in his face, eyes narrowed, James looked at Regulus as if he could not believe what he was saying. “I’m dis- What’s with you and these- <em>You </em>are accusing <em>me </em>of discriminating a whole species?!” He yelled, offended. “You?! The purist that enjoys dark arts and goes calling people ‘mu-m- you know what I mean!”</p><p>“What do the dark arts have to do with anything?! And yeah, I’m essentially calling you a <em>racist</em> because just a minute ago you referred to them as ‘It’! And I don’t go calling anyone ‘mudblood’!”</p><p>“Has anyone ever told you that you speak too fast? And you do so many questions at the same time <em>and</em> is completely impossible to answer them all! I can’t follow a single thing you say!”</p><p>“Actually, yes, people tell me I speak too fast quite often, but is not my fault if all of your brains work slower than the average!”</p><p>“Is the average supposed to be the fucking Flash?!”</p><p>“Who the hell is Flash?!”</p><p>“Oh, so you know who Freud or Socrates are, but you don’t know who Flash is?! And here I thought you had a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contained!”</p><p>“I have a working knowledge of the <em>important things </em>of the entire universe and everything it contains!”</p><p>“God! You are such an annoying know-it-all!”</p><p>“And proud of it, thank you very much!”</p><p>Both students were glaring at each other, raged, when Regulus caught by the corner of his eye how two small walking beings were approaching them.</p><p>“Do we interrupt something, Mr. Regulus?” Vinke said, carrying a big cup of smelling coffee.</p><p>Regulus breathed deeply before turning to the little elf, composing himself. “Not at all Vinke, thank you for the coffee,” as he took the cup the elf was handing him, he eyed the other elf that walked next to Vinke. A bit older, with hairy eyebrows and big hands, that was looking disappointed at James. “Thanks to you too…” He sent a look at Vinke, asking for help, and she moved her mouth, mimicking the other elf’s name without saying it out loud. “Gunter.”</p><p>The other elf, apparently called Gunter, beamed as he bowed at Regulus and then, quite less enthusiastically, at James, before turning around and going back to his work. “Have a good night, sirs.”</p><p>“May Vinke ask what book is having Mr. Regulus awake this night?” she politely asked, as James surprisedly observed how Regulus and the elf started a conversation.</p><p>“Is not a book this night,” Regulus answered, “But it will probably be tomorrow, so I’m telling you anyway.”</p><p>James saw Regulus smile grew wider and realized he had never seen Regulus actually smiling. More like smirking, or laughing wryly, but never smiling enthusiastically how he was in that moment.</p><p>“It’s called ‘A farewell to arms’, and It goes about the love story between Henry and Catherine,” Regulus took a sip from his coffee, which James thought was too black to actually taste good. “Henry is an American paramedic who serves in the Italian Army, and Catherine is an English nurse which, in my not so humble opinion, deserves something way better than Henry. It’s set during a war the muggles call the ‘First World War’. I don’t know what has gotten into my system these last weeks, but I just can’t stop reading these tragic love stories set in war. I always spend two weeks depressed after finishing a book because one of the main characters <em>always dies</em>, but Merlin it's worse than a drug.”</p><p>James choked on his drink; coughing lamely, he turned to Regulus with confused eyes. “You read Muggle books?”</p><p>Regulus stopped looking at the elf to turn to James with tired eyes. “Are you going to interrogate me about what I read too?”</p><p>“I didn’t mean-”</p><p>“Do you have a problem with me consuming muggle literature too? As if they weren’t just like any other normal book written by a wizard?”</p><p> “<em>I </em>don’t have a problem; I’m surprised that <em>you</em> don’t have a problem.”</p><p>“Your writing skills don’t depend on your magic abilities.”</p><p>“I know that-”</p><p>“Then why would represent a-”</p><p>“Could you let me finish a freaking sentence?! I’m just saying I’m surprised that an avid muggle hater like you read their books!”</p><p>“They are normal books!”</p><p>“It’s not about the books!” James yelled, tired of going on and on on the same subject. “I just think one would assume that you and <em>your people </em>hated everything muggle-related! But I guess you chose what to hate depending on how it suits you! You are just hypocritical like that!” Then, bitterly, James added, clenching his fist and sending Regulus a death glare, “For your information, if you kill all muggles there won’t be more books for you to read.”</p><p>Regulus thought that James was decidedly an idiot because he kept bringing up things that had nothing to do with what they were screaming about.</p><p>Who was talking about killing all muggles anyway? No one wanted to kill all muggles.</p><p>This was about regaining the glory wizards once possessed, about ruling, <em>not killing.</em></p><p>The Dark Lord wasn't like those psychotic muggle dictators Regulus had read about in books. The Dark Lord was not Hitler and the red-haired muggleborn girl Severus was obsessed with was not Anne Frank.</p><p>Bella always talked about the greatness of the Dark Lord and how he was training her, how she was becoming a powerful witch, how excited she was about Reg finally meeting the Dark Lord because he was <em>a great powerful wizard who was going to make them not have to hide anymore.</em></p><p>Those articles in the Daily Prophet. Specific cases. Coincidences. People tried to resist and <em>they</em>... <em>they</em> had no choice.</p><p>They would have been killed if they hadn't killed them first. <em>Probably</em>.</p><p>James was an idiot because he also tried to resist, and because of him, people were dying.</p><p>
  <em>No one deserved to die.</em>
</p><p>Everything would be so easy if everyone could see things <em>as they were.</em></p><p>His mother often mentioned how lucky they were to have been born at the same time as the Dark Lord. Both she and his father talked about how powerful he was, about how glad they were to support his cause, how he was going to bring back their glory.</p><p>Regulus knew what his brother <em>and his people </em>said about his family, about the Dark Lord, but they were just idiots. Brainless idiots with absolutely no idea about anything.</p><p>Killing. It just sounded so ridiculous. <em>Killing. </em></p><p>Ah, what would <em>they</em> know?</p><p>Anyway.</p><p>
  <em>Idiots, all of them.</em>
</p><p>“<em>You don’t know anything</em>.” He muttered quietly, not bothering to look at James, taking a sip from his cup. “This tastes really good Vinke, thank you.”</p><p>“Black coffee with a lot of sugar,” Vinke recited. “I would never forget it.”</p><p>“You are just going to ignore me completely?” James asked, pissed.</p><p>“Pretty much.”</p><p>“Can’t say I’m surprised,” James mumbled. “What’s the point of having black coffee if you are going to add a lot of sugar?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Your coffee,” James repeated, pointing at the cup regulus was holding by the handle with two fingers.</p><p>“Oh,” he hummed. “So now we’re just going to play the ‘Twenty questions’?”</p><p>“If you're going to make me miss my wonderful night by following you around the castle until you decide to tell me what I want to know or make me beat it out of you, you could at least try to make my night a little more enjoyable.”</p><p>“Would talking to me make your night more enjoyable? Didn't you just say that I was fucking disgusting less than fifteen minutes ago?”</p><p>“Talking to you is the last thing I want to be doing right now.”</p><p>“Then I don't understand why you're still here.”</p><p>“Because you won't get rid of me so easily.”</p><p>Regulus smiled bitterly, visibly annoyed, shaking his head. “What do you want from me exactly?”</p><p>“Answers,” James firmly stated.</p><p>“The answers would disappoint you.”</p><p>“If that's true then give them to me and we both can forget about each other.”</p><p>“I don’t want to.”</p><p>James rolled his eyes at how childish the younger Black was. “I could get them out of you if I wanted to.”</p><p>“And that's why you're still here talking to me over a cup of chocolate?”</p><p>“I’d prefer to avoid any method that involved two months of punishment and my head boy badge being taken away from me, but I will not hesitate if you leave me no other option.”</p><p>“Mr. Potter has self-control, who would have guessed?”</p><p>“You might make me lose it.”</p><p>“<em>I might like to see that</em>.”</p><p>James held Regulus’s cold, sardonic gaze, and noticed that his eyes weren't quite as similar to his brother's as people always said.</p><p>Both were grey, but Sirius’ eyes were light grey. The kind of grey that can be mistaken with blue; that you can look at and sink into an ocean. Regulus’s were dark grey, steel-like, almost black. Looking at them was like looking at the sky before a thunderstorm.</p><p>They even looked at things in a completely different way.</p><p>Sirius’ eyes were heat, anger, rage, <em>fire</em>.</p><p>Regulus’s eyes were cold, dark, jeer, <em>ice</em>.</p><p>Actually, the brothers weren’t similar at all if you paid enough attention.</p><p>Sirius’ hair was longer, almost his shoulder height. And it was wavy, as if he had always just came out of the sea. Regulus’s was shorter, the bangs were long enough for some strands to reach his forehead, but it was still short. And curly, much curlier than his brother's.</p><p>Regulus’ skin was way paler, pink lips and dark circles standing out on his white skin; while Sirius was tanned, like these shirtless models from muggle magazines that Marlene and Sirius himself were constantly drooling over.</p><p>Sirius was taller than James— as he was constantly reminded—, while Regulus barely reached James’ chin. Regulus had sharper, finer features; a more shy smile, a more distant look.</p><p>James didn’t understand why people always said that they looked like twins because Sirius and Regulus weren’t alike <em>at all</em>.</p><p>He caught how Regulus shivered uncomfortable, hiding his face behind his cup as he took the last sip. “Could you stop staring at me?”</p><p>James shook his head, coughing, blinking fast. “I was not staring.”</p><p>Regulus nodded, humming as he looked away, suddenly feeling way too exposed to the eye. He didn’t like people staring at him; he always felt judged, as if they were looking for the tiniest mistake to make fun of him.</p><p>His mother used to call him out every time she saw something she didn’t like. ‘Regulus fix that shirt, you look like a beggar’, ‘Regulus, do your hair, it looks all dirty and grotesque’, ‘Regulus, you are too thin, I could mistake you for a starving man’, ‘You look worse than the undead, do yourself a favor and sleep’, ‘Your arms look like spaghetti, maybe you should try harder at Quidditch’.</p><p>That was different, of course, mothers were supposed to worry about their kid’s appearance. It was just for his own good.</p><p>When people like James stared at him, though, it was different; <em>they were judging.</em></p><p>“Of course, you weren’t,” Regulus mouthed, turning to Vinke, who had been quietly listening to the conversation the whole time just in case they needed her for something else. “I’m finished, thanks for the coffee Vinke, see you tomorrow?”</p><p>The elf nodded, “We’ll be glad to prepare whatever you ask for Mr. Regulus, but we insist that we could just take a drink to your room every night.”</p><p>“There’s no need to do that, I enjoy coming here and talking to you.” He smiled softly. “I hope you have a good night,” he said, as he stood up.</p><p>“Hey, I’m not finished,” James said, pointing at his mug still half-filled.</p><p>Regulus debated for two whole seconds what to answer to that. “You are the one stalking me, don’t expect me to collaborate,” he finally mouthed, waving one last time at the elves as he walked to the door frame.</p><p>James growled loudly as he rudely handed the mug to the elf and followed Regulus with an annoyed expression. “You are not getting rid of me that easily.”</p><p> </p><p>(…)</p><p> </p><p>James had been thinking all the way to the fifth-floor classroom about how to solve the matter as quickly and easily as possible.</p><p>Regulus walked ahead, with no apparent intention of saying a word. James took the opportunity to take a couple of glances at the Marauder's map while Regulus walked crestfallen, lost in thought, only to verify that no one was following them, or that there was no one nearby.</p><p>He wondered how Regulus managed to get to the fifth floor each night from the dungeons without being caught by a professor or prefect; then he became aware of the nonexistent sound of his footsteps. With how stealthy he was, and how fast James guessed he probably was thanks to his small size and his position as a seeker, he probably had a good enough ability to sneak away in case he ran into an obstacle in his path.</p><p>When Regulus entered the classroom door, he stopped abruptly in the dark, the only light coming from the night sky through the windows. He closed his eyes angrily as if he had just remembered something.</p><p>“What?” James asked.</p><p>Regulus turned to James and opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. “Fuck,” he mumbled.</p><p>James frowned as he crossed his arms over his chest.</p><p>Regulus seemed to be debating something really frustrating in his mind, turning to the inside of the class, looking up at the chandelier hanging from the ceiling, and turning again to James opening his mouth to say something but closing it in annoyance a couple of seconds later.</p><p>“What are you doing?” James asked confused, grabbing his wand from his pocket, muttering a “lumos,” making the lights of the room ignite. “I don’t see a shit.”</p><p>Regulus smiled smugly, finally walking into the lighted room, James keeping up with him. He went towards the window to open the glass, letting a nice cold sneak into the room.</p><p>James looked around the classroom, analyzing every spot, not seeing any difference from the last time he had been there. “Why have you opened the window?”</p><p>“It worries you that I might consider throwing myself through it?”</p><p>“It’s cold.”</p><p>“I like cold.”</p><p>Regulus walked to the closet on the corner of the room, and James observed as he took a wood black box. James was about to ask what was he doing when he noticed that he was simply grabbing a pencil.</p><p>He also noticed that there were some things over the round table in the center of the room. A brown book, a chocolate frog box, and the same empty cup of coffee that Regulus left there last week. The white mural was the same. Putting two plus two together, he deduced that Regulus hadn't been back in the room since last Saturday.</p><p>He examined the chandelier from the floor, making sure that there was nothing wrong or suspicious about it. When he assured that everything was alright, he turned to Regulus again.</p><p>“What is that?” He said, pointing at the brown book.</p><p>“My people call them books.”</p><p>James sent Regulus a death glare, as he approached the table and stared at the cover of the book. The title was in French, but with the little French he spoke, due to listening to his mother and Sirius speak in another language to annoy the ‘non-bilingual illiterates,’ he couldn't know what it said for sure.</p><p>“I don’t know what you think that is gonna happen right now,” Regulus spatted, finally closing the door of the closet, and then walking towards the door of the room to do the same. “But you’re probably gonna get bored.”</p><p>James didn’t take his eye from him as he went to the white mural and stood there, staring at it with a thoughtful expression.</p><p>“You are distracting me.”</p><p>James frowned. “I’m literally doing nothing.”</p><p>“I can hear you existing.”</p><p>“‘Existing’?”</p><p>“I can hear your heartbeat, the blood rushing through your veins, your breath, your blink. It’s annoying.”</p><p>James wanted to laugh because Remus had dedicated them those exact same words on more than one occasion, but he kept it to himself. “What do you need to be so focused on anyway? It’s just painting, wasn’t it? Keep doing your work then.”</p><p>Regulus sighed. “Couldn’t you at least cast a silencing spell on yourself or something?”</p><p>“Cast a deafness spell on you if my existence bothers you so much.”</p><p>“I would if I could, but I don’t have my wand.”</p><p>Regulus instantly regretted his words. Crap. Now James could do whatever he wanted with him.</p><p>Regulus was already evaluating how good he was on wandless spells when James spoke again. “What?”</p><p> “Nothing.” He said, in the hope that maybe James was stupid enough to not have understood him.</p><p>“You don’t have your wand?”</p><p>
  <em>Crap.</em>
</p><p>“Are you also deaf?” Regulus angrily said, turning around and resting his back against the mural.</p><p>“You haven’t had your wand in this whole time?”</p><p>“I did but I decided to throw it away when we were in front of Myrtle’s bathroom.”</p><p>James was decidedly ignoring Regulus’ sarcastic additions because it was totally pointless trying to have a coherent conversation with him. “Where’s your wand? Who took it away? Why don’t you have it?”</p><p>“Why would I tell you?”</p><p>“Do yuu have something to hide?”</p><p>“Certainly not about the fact that Barty took my wand from my pocket so I wouldn’t hex Mulciber to death and then I rushed out of the common room too mad at the world to worry about reclaiming it, but I don’t know why I should give you expl-”</p><p>“You’ve already told me.”</p><p>Regulus realized that he had, in fact, already told James, and cursed himself for being so talkative sometimes.</p><p>“Why would you want hex Mulciber?” James asked, sitting on the table, looking at how Regulus shoved his curls away from his forehead.</p><p>“Why wouldn’t I?”</p><p>“I thought you were friends.”</p><p>“Why would you ever think that?”</p><p>“I’ve seen you together.”</p><p>Regulus sighed in annoyance. “Yeah, because Barty is friends with him and he thinks that that gives him the right to talk to me and act like if he knew me, which he doesn’t. And he is stupid. But like, actually stupid, I don’t even know how he got made a prefect. He is repulsive. Dumb and disgusting. Like I don’t even understand how something so wrong can exist in the same reality as I do.”</p><p>James tilted his head in surprise, looking at Regulus as you look at a math problem you can’t solve.</p><p>He never imagined the younger Black being so… <em>talkative</em>.</p><p>And especially giving an opinion he agreed with in every possible way.</p><p>James had already started Regulus, and as Barty and Evan knew very well, that meant there was no stop until he had finished with everything he had to say.</p><p>“And today he had the audacity of coming to me and tell me who I can hang out with and who I can’t! The fucking idiot. I was going to curse him till death. And of course, Barty had to stop me because he is always talking about hexing people but when it`s my turn, he will never let me light whoever I want on fire!”</p><p>“Why don’t you like Mulciber?” James curious asked. The actual question he was thinking about was ‘Why would anyone like Mulciber?’, but he was genuinely surprised at Regulus hating that jerk.</p><p>“Why would anyone like Mulciber<em>?</em>”</p><p>
  <em>That was certainly interesting.</em>
</p><p>“Elaborate.”</p><p>“He is disgusting. I can’t stand him. And he's with those two idiots all day who will do whatever he says. I do tolerate Severus, but he still seems like a jerk to me. And Avery is like a wall, apologizing to the walls. He is stupid, thick, flat, bland, and it makes you want to punch him to see if that way the irrigation reaches his brain and he stops being such a moron.”</p><p>James was surprised both in a good way and in a bad way.</p><p>Good way because it was always nice to see someone talking shit about Mulciber, Avery, and Snivellus.</p><p>Bad way because he didn’t understand why Regulus didn’t like Mulciber. He did understand the reasons, god he even shared them, but he didn’t understand why Regulus had those reasons. <em>Slytherins didn’t think like that.</em></p><p>“I don’t get it.”</p><p>Regulus tilted his head, “You don’t get what.”</p><p>“Why you don’t like him.”</p><p>“Do you like him?”</p><p>“Of course not, I despise him.”</p><p>“Then why do I have to like him.”</p><p>“You and I are not the same.”</p><p>“Fortunately.”</p><p>“I happen to have a moral.”</p><p>“I have a twisted one but is still a moral.”</p><p>“<em>You are a bad person</em>.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t say I’m a good person.”</p><p>“Why would you hate someone that acts just like you want people to act?”</p><p>“And how do you think I want people to act?”</p><p>“Like him.”</p><p>“That’s decidedly not true.”</p><p>“Is not?”</p><p>“<em>Is not</em>.”</p><p>“Then how do you want people to act?”</p><p>“That’s a stupid question.”</p><p>
  <em>Silence.</em>
</p><p>James observed Regulus; every little detail of his expression, but couldn’t found anything that would be useful at all.</p><p>“Why were so nice with that elf?”</p><p>Regulus opened his mouth in surprise. “What? What does that have to do with anything now?”</p><p>“Answer me,” James stated coldly.</p><p>“Uhm,” Regulus shook his head, trying to clear his mind and think about James’ sudden interest in his relationship with elves. “Why did you treat her so rudely?”</p><p>“I wasn’t rude to her. I just treated her how anyone would treat any other elf.”</p><p>“Referring to them as an ‘<em>it</em>’?”</p><p>“They don’t care.”</p><p>“Have you asked them?”</p><p>“I’ve never seen them complaining.”</p><p>“Your presence is making me really uncomfortable and you’ve been pissing me off since I stumbled upon you, but I have stopped complaining about it a while ago since I saw you were gonna stay with me and it was pointless trying to reason with you about how awkward and weird you were making this night for me. But if you asked me right now, I would tell you how much I wish that you’d leave me alone, but I don’t have a wand and I can’t physically fight you, so there’s nothing I can do about it and I have no other choice than keep putting up with your existence.”</p><p>James saw that Regulus had a point.</p><p>But why he cared so much? Since when was he capable of caring about someone else that wasn’t himself?</p><p>“Why do you care anyway?”</p><p>“I don’t think it’s fair for them.”</p><p>“But you think it’s fair that you go insulting and bullying muggleborns? Or you have nothing to say about that?” James yelled. “You think is unfair how I treat elves, but you have no problem how <em>you</em> treat muggleborns?”</p><p>“That’s different.”</p><p>“How is it different?”</p><p>
  <em>How is it different? How is it different? How is it different?</em>
</p><p>Regulus, for the first time of the night, didn’t have an answer to that.</p><p>
  <em>How is it different?</em>
</p><p>“It just is.”</p><p>“Is that so?” James said, a sardonic laugh coming out of his mouth. “Why do you care so much about elves, but you don’t care about muggleborns? Actually, is not that you don’t care. You want them dead. You are worse than the ones who don’t care.”</p><p>That word again. <em>Death. Killing. </em>Ridiculous, simply ridiculous.</p><p>“You know nothing.”</p><p>“Don’t do that. Don’t avoid the question. Not this time. I want my answer; why do you care so-”</p><p>“I heard your question.”</p><p>“Then answer it.”</p><p>“I don’t want to.”</p><p>“That’s because you don’t have an answer; because you know it doesn’t make any sense.”</p><p>“Is not the same situation!” Regulus yelled.</p><p>“It is.”</p><p>“Is not!”</p><p>“Why are you screaming?” James said, laughing at Regulus's loss of control. “I’m just asking you a really simple question.”</p><p>“You are saying nonsenses!”</p><p>“You are the one saying nonsenses.”</p><p>Regulus looked angry, glaring at James, fist clenched, mouth pursed. “Muggleborns are a threat for the wizarding world.”</p><p>“How are they a threat?”</p><p>“Blood shouldn’t be tainted.”</p><p>Regulus thought that was a lame answer, but it was late, James was provoking him a headache, and he hadn’t eaten in the whole day. He was sure if he had been in a better mental state, he would have been able to give James a much better answer to his stupid question.</p><p>“And that’s enough reason to want them dead?”</p><p>“No one wants them death!”</p><p>James's face contorted in anger. He jumped out of his seat and faced Regulus, eyes blazing with fire. “Oh really?! And what about all the people who are dying <em>because of</em> <em>you</em>?! They cursed themselves?!”</p><p>“No one would die if you weren’t so- so stupid! <em>You</em> are the problem! <em>You</em> are making people die!”</p><p>“How dare you?!” James screamed angrily, pushing Regulus against the mural; he made a pained noise when his head hit the wall, but he kept staring at James with wild eyes. “How is it our fault that your deatheater buddies are killing innocent people?! What about the girl that was killed this summer?! Haven't you heard about Amanda?! She was fifteen! She was just a girl! How did she pose a threat to anyone?!”</p><p>Regulus didn’t answer.</p><p>He didn’t have an answer.</p><p>
  <em>Why did they kill her?</em>
</p><p>“She-” James's voice cracked, because it was just so painful to think about it. “She was an innocent young girl with a muggle family that didn’t pose a threat to anyone. And now she is dead. And it’s your fault. You are making this happen and <em>you are making people die. </em>So, don’t come all cynical on me with how I treat house elves.”</p><p>“I’m not,” Regulus whispered, a lump in his throat that prevented him from saying much more.</p><p>“You are. Don’t think for a second that because there isn’t a mark in your arm you are innocent,” James coldly stated. “You are just like them. You are willing to join <em>him</em>, to get marked like cattle and start killing whoever he orders you.”</p><p>“What would you know?” Regulus defensively yelled. “You know nothing! You know nothing about what <em>he</em> wants!”</p><p>“Oh. You’ve spoken to <em>him </em>personally?!” James replied. “Enlighten me, then! What does he want?! Make this world a safer place where muggleborns and purebloods can live in harmony?!”</p><p>“Neither have you! You know nothing about <em>him</em>!”</p><p>“I base my opinion on the evidence! There’s one side killing innocent people and the other side trying to stop them! And the ‘bring back the glory of the pureblood families’ it’s just the tale they tell to the idiots like you that are easy to manipulate!”</p><p>“I don’t have to listen to this bullshit! You know nothing! <em>Nothing!</em>”</p><p>“Where did your silver tongue went?” James asked mockingly, grabbing Regulus’s arm as he tried to get away from him. “What do you think every time you read about the attacks made by those death eaters and that lord you admire so much? You think they are doing the right thing, right? Do you wish you were helping them? Are you just as pathetic and evil as that?”</p><p>“Let me go!” Regulus screamed, panicked, trying to separate James’ fingers from his wrist. “<em>Please let me go</em>!”</p><p>James tightened his hold instead. “Why are you acting like that? I’m not telling you anything that you don’t know. Don’t be cynical and just admit you are perfectly fine with people dying.”</p><p>“I’m not!”</p><p>“Yes, you are!”</p><p>“Stop it!”</p><p>“No one’s gonna eat that ridiculous role of Defensor of the other species! Everyone knows you are a bad person! Everyone knows you don’t care about anyone that is not you!”</p><p>The only thing James’ was seeing of Regulus right now was his hair, flailing with his attempts to grapple, covering his face. He kept trying to use his other hand to free his wrist from James's grip, with much less effort than before, as if he had already resigned himself to the fact that James was much stronger than him and he was not going to get anything by force.</p><p>“Ugh,” James finally freed him, shoving Regulus against the wall in the process once more. “You are pathetic.”</p><p>Regulus slid down the wall to the floor, sitting with his knees pressed against his chest, hiding his face in his arms. “Are you done?” He whispered.</p><p>“Why are you pretending to be so affected? You expect me to feel compassion for <em>you</em>?” James asked, looking down at Regulus. “I could never feel compassion for someone who despises human life as your people do.”</p><p>“That’s not true.”</p><p>“Stop lying.”</p><p>“I’m not,” Regulus mumbled, his voice drowning out on his arms, so low that James had barely heard him.</p><p>“Who are you trying to convince?”</p><p>Regulus began to rub his face in his arms as if trying to wipe something off his face. “I don’t want anyone to die,” he whispered, talking more to himself than to James.</p><p>James tilted his head, frowning. “People are dying killed by the maniacs you support<em>. </em>Make it make sense.”</p><p>“I don’t know how to.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I want to, but I don’t know how to,” he said again.</p><p>“You don’t know how to what.”</p><p>“<em>Make it make sense</em>.”</p><p>“That’s because it doesn’t make sense,” James quickly declared.</p><p>“<em>But it has to.</em>”</p><p>James frown deepened, staring at Regulus, trying to put his pieces together like a puzzle. He watched the way his fists clenched on his clothes, his shaky breathing, the way his body trembled. “Are you-”</p><p>“Please, leave me alone,” he said, voice <em>cracked</em>.</p><p>“But-” James fall on one knee and leaned into Regulus, separating his arms from his face and knees.</p><p>His face was wet, traces of tears staining his cheeks. Regulus's eyes were red, very red, and all the hatred with which they had looked at James was gone to give way to exhaustion. He didn’t look sad, or angry. Regulus's face was the same as someone who continues to study for an exam at four in the morning and who cannot understand what he is reading would have. He looked lost and exhausted. Shaky breaths coming out from his lips.</p><p>
  <em>Slytherins were able to cry?</em>
</p><p>James always had thought their emotions didn’t work as everyone else’s did.</p><p><em>Why the hell was he crying? </em>He was not supposed to cry, he was supposed to get mad and scream at James and tell him all that nonsense pureblood bullshit, <em>but not cry.</em></p><p>
  <em>Had he provoked that?</em>
</p><p>Regulus got away from him as if James’ gaze burnt him. “Please, you’ve already enjoyed yourself, I physically can’t do anymore. Please I just want to be alone.”</p><p>Why was he feeling bad? He had the little bastard death eater begging him to leave him alone. Why wasn’t he enjoying himself even more? Why was he feeling like the bad guy?</p><p>“But I’m-”</p><p>Regulus bit his lip and tightened his legs over his chest, shrinking more into himself, and James just thought he looked so <em>small. </em>He seemed so fragile as if he could be broken just by looking at him.</p><p>“Look I’m not going to do anything, I’m just painting a silly landscape I saw in a dream and I come here because I don’t want anyone to bother me,” Regulus insisted, “I will go to my common room if you want to but please <em>just leave me alone.</em>”</p><p>“That’s it? You are painting a landscape?” James incredulously asked, uncomfortably seeing how tears were still falling from Regulus’s eyes and he was doing nothing to wipe them off; he probably wasn’t even noticing them. “Why would I believe you?”</p><p>Regulus looked at the floor, thinking for a convincing answer, but his head was a whirlwind of things at the time. He shrugged in defeat. “I’m telling you the truth.”</p><p>“I don’t trust you.”</p><p>“I’m not asking you to.”</p><p>James bit his lips with a thoughtful expression. “What’s the matter with you? Why are you yelling one second and crying the next one?”</p><p>“I’m tired and my head hur-”</p><p>“Tell that bullshit to someone else,” James replied.</p><p>“I don’t know what you want me to say.”</p><p>“Explain to me what’s the matter with you, <em>because I can’t understand you</em>.”</p><p>“What’s there to understand?”</p><p>James sighed deeply. “You. You don’t make sense at all. You are the worst kind of cynical.”</p><p>Regulus nodded, and James finally understood that the conversation was over. Regulus wouldn’t say anything else.</p><p>“Can I leave?” Regulus whispered.</p><p>“You are asking for permission to leave?” Regulus shrugged again. “I can’t control what you do.”</p><p>“You are a head boy.”</p><p>“Last time I checked you didn’t give a fuck about that-”</p><p>“I don’t want to be near you.”</p><p>“Thanks for the honesty,” he bitterly said. James shrugged. “I told you I was not leaving until you gave me what I wanted to know.”</p><p>“I told you what you wanted-”</p><p>“And instead, you have given me more questions.”</p><p>“There’s nothing interesting enough about me to have that many questions.”</p><p>James thought that that wasn’t something anyone should say that about themselves.</p><p>“Why do you hate muggleborns so much?”</p><p>Regulus tightened the grip on the fabric of his clothing. “You just ask the first question that comes to your head and expect me to give you an answer?”</p><p>“Pretty much. Is just that if you hate an entire community so much, you must have a strong opinion that you’d be glad to share with anyone who asked,” James mockingly said.</p><p>Regulus shrugged. “Please le-”</p><p>“One more answer and I’ll leave you alone. Answer me. Why do you hate muggleborns so much?”</p><p>“I just do!”</p><p>“That’s not a reason!”</p><p>“There’s no reason! I just do! People sometimes do things for the sake of it!”</p><p>“‘The sake of it’ is not a good reason to kill anyone!”</p><p>“I don’t want to kill anyone!”</p><p>“Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, <em>but you will</em>. Or try, at least, if someone doesn’t kill you first. I might even be the one to kill you or even your brother. Or you might be the one to kill me. Who knows?”</p><p>Regulus stared at James with wide eyes, lips trembling.</p><p>“Why the idea scares you so much? Do you think joining you-know-who means you will just get rid of every muggleborn alive and get drunk on power just like that? Are y’all so stupid not to even know what are you signing up for?” James leaned into Regulus, as the kid shivered, wanting to get as far as possible from him. “Actually, no. At least Mulciber and Snape and Crouch are proud of it, are proud of how they are going to try to kill <em>me</em>, or Sirius, or Lily. You are the coward that is trying to deny it, aren’t you? <em>You are worse than them</em>.”</p><p>Regulus covered his ears with his hands, as he did when he was young and he wanted to stop hearing his mother screaming at his brother. Or at him.</p><p>“But why are you trying to deny it? Shouldn’t you be happy with the idea of purifying the wizarding world or however you call it?”</p><p>“Yes but-”</p><p>“Do you even know what that means? Do you even know what you believe in?”</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>“<em>Then why do you hate muggleborns so much</em>?”</p><p>Nothing came out of Regulus, and James let out a bitter laugh.</p><p>“You don’t know. You just do what they tell you, don’t you? You act all smart and superior, but you are just a pawn that everyone moves when they want to. You are pathetic.”</p><p>James got up from his place, leaving Regulus made a ball of mess in the floor, tightening his knees so hard that it had to hurt.</p><p>“You are right. There’s nothing that interesting about you. I have everything I need to know that you are not even a threat. I can’t believe I lost my time like this.”</p><p>He gave him a last bored look before heading towards the door and getting out of the room.</p><p>Regulus wiped the tears from his cheeks, which was completely useless because they were still falling from his eyes, and at that moment he <em>did feel</em> <em>pathetic</em>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. That's just the way it is</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>November 22th, 1977</em>
</p><p>
  <em>7.30 am.</em>
</p><p>James Potter rolled over in bed, yawning as the first rays of sunlight came through his window and hit him directly in the face. He stretched out, covering his face with his pillow, trying to dig up a few more minutes of rest.</p><p>He could still hear Peter's snoring in the bed next to him, as well as the door to the bathroom he shared with his four other roommates closing, which he guessed probably meant Frank Longbottom was going to shower, as he was normally the first to get up in the morning.</p><p>Oh, how he hated mornings. He was tired, he had sleep in the eyes and the last thing he wanted to do at that moment was to get dressed and go down to class and listen to their —despite very dear—, very strict transfiguration teacher.</p><p>Squinting, trying not to be blinded by the sunlight before adjusting to the new light, he scanned the calendar with photos of Quidditch players that hung on the wall beside his bed. Saturday was marked by a red circle; beneath the number 26, in small, crooked letters, evidently written in a hurry, could be read ‘Sl vs Gr', marking the date of the expected first derby of the season.</p><p>James then remembered with excitement that week they would have the last training sessions before the big game. He was determined to spend most of the training with their new keeper, Owen Anthony. The boy had potential, but the fifth years used to get quite nervous, especially in the first games, so James was going to try to polish the boy's technique as much as possible so that the nerves would not be a problem at the crunch.</p><p>The rest of the players didn’t worry him at all; Emmeline and Jack were prepared for whatever dirty tricks Warrington or Lestrange might try to pull off, and the other two chasers and he had been preparing different moves and tactics in case they found themselves in trouble —not that James wasn’t one hundred percent sure they were going to win the match, but just in case, it never hurt to have a few tricks up your sleeve.</p><p>Marlene had mentioned her concern about Black a couple of times, though. The year before, even though Gryffindor had won the Quidditch cup, Marlene had had some trouble competing with Regulus Black in catching the snitch on several occasions.</p><p>James had repeated to Marlene what he thought himself, that she had to see the snitch before Regulus did. Marlene would look at him heavily and tell him with annoyance that it was easier said than done.</p><p>James would shrug and assure her that all she needed to do was to focus fully on the game and don’t let the little Black slip into the shadows and come out when it was too late to catch him. James had assured her that if she couldn't beat him in speed, she would have to do it in strategy, so both teens had spent several days doing private practice during the hours when the Quidditch pitch was free.</p><p>The day before the game on the calendar had a drawing of a full moon. James had all the full moons of the year marked, to make sure he remembered when he needed to take a trip with the invisible cloak to Hogsmeade to buy candies for Remus, or take double notes in class in case he had to give him a copy because Moony felt too bad to attend class. It was three days until the next full moon, and Remus had already started having dizziness and pain the day before, so James had already assumed that his friend would not be leaving the room that morning.</p><p>He noticed that there were only five weeks until New Year, and neither he nor Sirius had received any word from nearly headless Nick about his conversation with the Bloody Baron. He made a mental note to look for him later, as he finally shoved the covers and got up from the bed. He stretched once more, yawning as he rubbed his eyes adorably. A hand went through his hair, messing it even more.</p><p>“Padfoot?” He whispered, standing up and glancing around the room.</p><p>Frank's bed was empty, confirming his suspicions from a while ago. Peter was curled up in the sheets, his face peeking through a gap in the scarlet fabrics, revealing his plump, sleeping face. James gave a silent laugh when he saw how a small trickle of saliva slid down his lower lip, coming out of his slightly open mouth. "Wormie!" He exclaimed, trying to wake him up, knowing how deep Peter's dream could get.</p><p>Peter didn’t even flinch, and James decided that the fastest option would be to grab a pillow from his own bed and throw it at him, using his chaser aim to make it hit squarely his face. Peter finally opened his eyes and glared at James. "Ouch!" He exclaimed dryly as he shuffled into his wrap of blankets and tossed the pillow onto the floor of the room.</p><p>"Get up," James ordered. "Minnie is going to kill us if we're late again."</p><p>He turned his gaze to Sirius and Remus's bed —originally, they were two separate beds that Remus had joined with a simple spell to merge them into one—, but the curtains were closed, so he couldn't tell what the two of them were doing inside.</p><p>Due to past —traumatic— experiences, he made the decision not to jerk the curtains open, but instead shout Sirius and Remus's name until one of them decided to come out of their hiding spot.</p><p>(…)</p><p>Regulus opened his eyes as he took a deep brusque breath. He hit the book that was standing in front of him, hiding his face from the rest of the room, causing it to fall with a thud too loud for its size.</p><p>Professor Binns raised his head from the book he was reading in a flat voice, his translucent eyes staring at Regulus. "Is there something wrong Mr. Black?"</p><p>Regulus blinked a couple of times, trying to quickly turn his brain on again. “Ah… No, not at all, I’m just amazed by the passionate history of...”</p><p>“The Soap Blizzard of 1378,” Barty whispered in his ear, covering his mouth with his hand so he wouldn’t be caught by the Professor.</p><p>“The… The Soap Blizzard of 1378,” Regulus repeated.</p><p>Professor Binns nodded monotonously as he lowered his head again and kept reading the book with a bored tone. Regulus heard Lestrange's laugh coming from a few rows ahead, but was too busy quickly opening his book and turning to the page he was supposed to be on to bother sending a death glare.</p><p>“Is this going to become a habit?” Barty asked, leaning nonchalantly on the back of the chair, arms crossed over his chest. “I think you should start considering having a normal sleep schedule.”</p><p>“Sleeping at night is for losers,” Regulus stated, yawning quietly.</p><p>Evan Rosier, who was sitting in the seat in front of Barty and Regulus, turned to them with a raised eyebrow. "Nightmare?"</p><p>"What?" Regulus asked, resting his elbow on the table and his chin on his hand.</p><p>"I told Barty to wake you up because you were whispering things in your sleep and Binns was going to end up catching you," he explained.</p><p>"Oh yeah, our dear Evan was so worried about you, Reg." Barty sent Evan a smug smile. "He was this close to taking you to the hospital wing, the poor thing.”</p><p>“Go to hell, Crouch.”</p><p>“Where do you think I come from?”</p><p>Evan gave an exasperated eye roll, returning his attention to Regulus. “So, nightmare?”</p><p>Regulus nodded slightly. “I guess you could say that.”</p><p>"Just because you two don't need to pay attention in class because Black is going to let you copy him on the exam day doesn't mean everyone else is in the same situation," snapped Hannah Pucey, the girl sitting next to Evan, turning sharply to face them. "So, if you could shut up and let me attend to the explanation and take notes, I would appreciate it very much."</p><p>“Binns is literally reading it from the book, Pucey,” Regulus said back. “You don’t need to take notes in history of magic. I don’t even understand how y’all don’t fall asleep listening to this pathetic excuse of a Professor reading as if he was speaking to a bunch of eighty-year-old retirees.”</p><p>“Not all of us are able to sleep through our classes and still get straight outstandings, Black.”</p><p>"Then don’t blame the rest of us for your intellectual disabilities and try to study a little more.”</p><p>Hannah blinked a couple of times, “what has gotten into you today?” She said with a grimace, as she turned to the front again, angrily writing down what the professor was reading.</p><p>"Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed," Evan crooned, watching over his shoulder as Hannah squeezed her pen tight. "What is eating you, Reggie?"</p><p>"For the umpteenth time," Regulus muttered, crossing his arms in annoyance, flopping against the back of the chair, "Do. Not. Call me. Reggie.”</p><p>"But it's a lovely name," Evan scoffed, leaning toward Regulus with a grin. "It suits you perfectly."</p><p>"Fuck off Evan."</p><p>Evan bit his lip in amusement. “Don’t be rude. Why don’t you tell me about your nightmare?”</p><p>Barty gave a sardonic laugh, and Evan glared at him in annoyance. “Problem?” He asked, and Barty quickly shook his head.</p><p>“Not at all, don’t mind me, I’m just listening to Mr. Binns impeccable explanation.”</p><p>They both shared a knowing look before Evan turned to Regulus again. “So? Wanna talk?”</p><p>“It’s really not that big of a deal,” Regulus said. “It was just a dream with my uncle.”</p><p>“Your uncle?” Evan inquired, “Uncle Cygnus?”</p><p>Evan's mother was Regulus's aunt's sister; Druella Black, née Rosier, wife of Cygnus Black and mother of Narcissa Black— soon to be Malfoy—, Bellatrix Lestrange, and Andromeda Tonks.</p><p>Because of that, Regulus and Evan met at a young age, and being two boys of the same year, they were practically raised together.</p><p>Their friendship was not as deep as Barty and Regulus’s, the two of them had simply fitted in with each other instantly. Still, they had known each other since childhood, and Regulus knew that Evan was worthy of his trust. <em>He knew that he would never try to hurt him. </em>Which was a pretty dangerous claim those days, especially considering his <em>personal experience</em> on the matter.</p><p>There weren't many people Regulus fully trusted, so being one of the chosen few was kind of a big deal.</p><p>“No, not uncle Cygnus,” Regulus whispered. “My uncle Alphard. It’s been like a few months since the last time I saw him, my mind must have gone nostalgic.”</p><p>Evan nodded, compressively. “But why is a dream involving your uncle a nightmare?”</p><p>“<em>He was dead.”</em></p><p>“What?”</p><p>"Yes," Regulus murmured. "I mean, maybe not dead, but unconscious. He wasn't moving and his eyes were closed." A chill ran through him, as he looked at the book on his desk apprehensively. "We were in a house with a garden and a lot of light, and suddenly everything became dark and sinister."</p><p>Regulus shook his head, trying to shake off his own thoughts. "It's probably the stress," he theorized. "I've been with my head elsewhere these days."</p><p>"I've noticed," Barty commented. "Could you tell me why you have been like an <em>inferi</em> since the weekend?"</p><p>"I'm feeling bad, that's all," Regulus <em>lied</em>.</p><p>"Yeah, sure."</p><p>"Really," Regulus insisted. "I feel like my head is going to explode."</p><p>"Well, I'm sorry but it doesn't surprise me; in three days you have hardly eaten anything. You can't live on apples and fruit tarts, you know that, right?"</p><p>"Apart from my sleeping schedule, do you also control my meal schedule?"</p><p>"Someone will have to do it considering that you don't pay attention to your own well-being."</p><p>"You are not my mother."</p><p>"Lucky for you."</p><p>Regulus rolled his eyes in exasperation, "I really don't want to hear it today."</p><p>"You tell me that every day."</p><p>"Then maybe you should stop meddling in my business."</p><p>Barty nodded curtly. "Being nasty to me isn't going to help you and you know it."</p><p>Regulus sighed heavily. "Yeah, I know that.” He gave Barty a resigned look. “I'm fine, really. Just tired. I have a lot of unstarted jobs due next week and just thinking about opening the book gives me a headache."</p><p>"I still don't understand how you manage to stay top of the class with the shitty study schedule you have."</p><p>"It's called sleepless nights and short-term memory."</p><p>Regulus stayed doodling eyes in the corner of his book during the rest of the lesson and thanked Merlin when Binns finally dismissed the class.</p><p>When everyone was getting out of the room a pale, short girl with freckles and dark brown hair approached them, holding her books against her chest.</p><p>“Hey Reg,” Heather Brown said, giving him a friendly shoulder slap, smiling briskly.</p><p>“Morning Heather,” Regulus mumbled, grabbing his books and putting them in his bag. “How’re you doing?”</p><p>“Better than you, obviously,” she quickly answered. “Is the fourth time you fall asleep in class this week so far, and we’re still on Tuesday.”</p><p>“He doesn’t need you to give him the talk,” Evan spatted, looking at Heather like you would look at an annoying bug that has stuck to your clothes.</p><p>Heather eyed Evan unbothered, raising her eyebrows. “<em>Right</em>.” She turned her attention to Regulus again. “Let’s go, we are going to be late and I don’t feel like being scolded by Professor Kettleburn.”</p><p>“Yeah, sure, let’s go,” he looked at Evan and Barty.  “I see you at lunch,” he said, waving his hand as Heather dragged him out of the classroom.</p><p>(…)</p><p>Once the morning was over, James, Sirius, and Peter went down to the great hall for lunch. Peter tried to put all the books in his bag while trying to keep up with the fast pace of Sirius and James, who were talking about Dorcas Meadowes' new fling.</p><p>"He's not the worst, I mean, if you compare him to the others," Sirius said. "Dorcas has always had a thing for jerks. A nice Hufflepuff boy is what she needs right now.”</p><p>"I guess you're right," James muttered. "I only know Fawley from games, it should be noted that he's a great keeper, he doesn't cheat, so I guess that's a plus, but he still seems a bit of an idiot to me.”</p><p>"You're too picky," Sirius commented, loosening the knot on his tie. "No one is good enough for you."</p><p>"I worry about my friends getting hooked on idiots," he stated.</p><p>"Well, I think he's a nice lad," Peter added, who had finally managed to fix the problem with his bag. "Marlene and I have been doing research," he explained, "he's Professor Sprout's golden boy. Good grades; not as good as Lily, but not as bad as ... as mine." He laughed at his own joke. "He is friends with Mary; she told us that last year she had to do a potions work with him and she described him as ‘funny and humble’.”</p><p>"Well, I guess it’s good to hear that," said James. "Ah, I suppose we should trust Dorcas's judgment, but if he hurts her, we put him headfirst into the black lake without a doubt."</p><p>"You talk as if our dear Meadowes isn't going to plunge him headfirst into the black lake herself."</p><p>"Oh, I know that, I meant we do it after her."</p><p>When they finally reached the doors of the great hall, they were wide open. The sun filtered through the windows, illuminating the room, making unnecessary the use of the candles that illuminated the hall at dusk.</p><p>The four tables were practically full, the only missing students were those who came from the most remote areas, such as those who had care of magical creatures in the gardens, near the borders of the forbidden forest, or those who had divination in that 7th-floor classroom out in the boonies.</p><p>They walked to the Gryffindor table, where Lily, Alice, Frank, Dorcas, and Marlene were already seated. Lily had her nose buried in a book, Marlene and Alice were laughing uproariously, and Frank and Dorcas were too focused on eating to pay attention to what the other three were doing.</p><p>Sirius sat in his usual seat next to James; on the other side of him, an empty seat that normally belonged to Remus, and opposite him, Peter sat between Frank and Marlene. "What are you reading Evans?" Sirius asked, as he grabbed a jug of pumpkin juice and filled his glass with it. "They should start serving butterbeer, if only for the seventh years,” he mumbled, glaring at his now-filled glass of juice.</p><p>"<em>1984</em>," Lily replied dryly, turning the page. "George Orwell, Muggle author, you probably don't know him."</p><p>"Futuristic novel?" Alice asked, smiling at her.</p><p>"Dystopic," she corrected. "This boy named Winston and his girlfriend Julia are part of the resistance that opposes the Party, some kind of corrupt government that spies on the population and brainwashes them.”</p><p>"Sounds dark."</p><p>"Nah, it looks like there is going to be a happy ending," Lily muttered. "Or so I hope because if this ends badly, I won't recover from it.”</p><p>“Sounds boring,” Sirius said.</p><p>“You are boring.”</p><p>“In what world?”</p><p>"In <em>our </em>world. And f I asked the Lilys from other realities I'm sure they would say the same."</p><p>“Bullshit.” He turned to face James, "Prongs, be a <em>deer </em>and pass me an apple from that bowl.” James crackled a laugh, reaching for a red apple from the bowl in the center of the table.</p><p>Alice rolled her eyes. "Are you never going to get tired of that joke?"</p><p>"Highly unlikely."</p><p>"How’s Remus?" Frank asked, finally drawing his attention away from his plate. "This morning he looked really bad."</p><p>"He had a horrible night," Sirius replied, lowering his tone of voice so no one but them would listen. "He says not to worry, the moons around the winter solstice are usually the worst of the year, but still. This Friday is probably going to be a tough night.”</p><p>"Do you think he would mind if we stopped by to see him later?" Marlene asked.</p><p>"He seemed to want to be alone," Sirius replied. "But if he's better he'll probably go down to the common room in the afternoon."</p><p>Marlene nodded understandingly; then she glanced at the door, and suddenly raised her hand to greet someone. "Morning Mary!"</p><p>The other seven Gryffindors turned their gaze to the entrance of the Great Hall, where a bunch of sixth-year students were coming from the gardens after their care of magical creatures class. Mary walked with two other Gryffindor girls, waving as she approached them.</p><p>"Good morning!" She exclaimed. "Oh God, we had the best class of the year today. Professor Kettleburn has finally started the subject of jackalopes. They are the cutest things I have ever seen in my life!"</p><p>"What are you going to tell us." Dorcas laughed. "When we studied jackalopes last year, James and Sirius were this close to abduct one and illegally keep it in their room and feed it with chocolate frogs and root beer."</p><p>“If it hadn't been for Remus 'James, Sirius, don't talk nonsense and drop that damn horned rabbit' Lupin, Lily 'stop acting like thick-skulled berks' Evans and Frank 'I already live with four stinky beasts I don't wanna add one more to the list' Longbottom," James said, his tone resentful. "Right now, we would have a precious jackalope that would brighten our lives and fill us with happiness and joy in these difficult times. "</p><p>"Why would we want a jackalope when we already have you?" Lily teased.</p><p>Mary gave a cheerful laugh, narrowing her eyes as her flushed cheeks rose. "Well, see you later guys,” she said, as she moved away to the area of the table where the sixth years sat.</p><p>James caught from the corner of his eye how more students from Mary’s year crossed the doors of the great hall, and without intending it, he saw Regulus Black enter the threshold accompanied by a girl with dark brown hair and white freckled skin.</p><p>He watched as Regulus bit his lip, suppressing a laugh, and how the girl pressed her face into the crook of his neck, stifling her laughter.</p><p>The last time James had seen Regulus, he was walking out of the fifth-floor classroom, leaving alone a shattered boy that stared at James in the same way that a little kid would stare back at his mother who is yelling at him for something he doesn’t understand.</p><p>Then, barely two days later, Regulus Black walked as if nothing had happened, laughing with a girl who was now walking alone to the Ravenclaw table.</p><p>The morning after the 'incident', James was bombarded with questions by his fellow Gryffindors, asking for explanations as to why he had suddenly run off the night before. James thought about omitting some of the information at the time, but let's be honest, since when was James Potter capable of hiding something from his friends?</p><p>So, he told them how he saw Regulus Black sneaking to the kitchen the night before and decided to follow him so he finally could discover what he was up to.</p><p>He told them how they went to the kitchens and the elves talked to Regulus as if they were talking to an equal. How the kid <em>so hypocritically </em>told him off for absolutely no reason.</p><p>How he discovered that Regulus read muggle books as if it was in his right. How he followed him to the fifth floor and they started an argument about how cynical Regulus was, preaching this lame elf-friendly speech while he laughed at assholes harassing muggleborns in his free time.</p><p>He told them how the kid seemed to shatter when he started talking about death, because they were living a war, and talking about death with someone who supported a genocidal maniac didn’t seem like such a derangement.</p><p>He told them how he did not understand why Regulus had been so affected, mentioning that it would surely be a plot to get rid of him, trying to make James feel sorry for him or something like that. How he had found Regulus pathetic because, in his pursuit of — of what? Power? Supremacy for the purebloods?</p><p>In his pursuit of whatever-objective-he-had, Regulus repeated a speech that he obviously did not understand.</p><p>“Mate,” Sirius said after hearing the twisted anecdote. “I don’t know what has gotten into you these days, but really, <em>he</em> <em>is not worth your time</em>. He just repeats everything <em>his</em> mother tells him, and he is too soft— no, not in a good way. He is too coward for doing anything actually relevant.”</p><p>“I know that now,” James quickly answered. “I just needed it to confirm it myself.”</p><p>“You wouldn't have had to if you had listened to me from the beginning.”</p><p>“I know, I know. I’m sorry, I was just worried he could be planning something…” James mumbled.</p><p>“What could he have been planning?” Sirius asked mockingly.</p><p>“I don’t know, is just… Ugh, I’m sorry, I can see how paranoic it sounds now.” James sighed, rubbing the back of his head. “There’s just so many things at stake, we cannot afford to underestimate <em>them</em>."</p><p>"There is nothing to<em> estimate </em>about <em>him</em>, he is <em>useless.</em> You’d be just wasting your time."</p><p>"<em>I know that now, </em>Padfoot."</p><p>"Good." Sirius looked at James thoughtfully. “So, you won’t go after him again?”</p><p>“Of course not. <em>Why would I</em>?”</p><p>James watched as the brown-haired girl who was with Regulus said goodbye to him to approach the Ravenclaw table. He quickly kicked Peter under the table, trying to get his attention.</p><p>Ignoring the exaggerated squeak of pain Peter let out, he nodded at the Ravenclaw girl. "Who is she?" He asked.</p><p>Peter stopped looking offended at James to turn to the indicated point and fixate on the girl. "Who, the freckled chick walking to the Ravenclaw table?" James nodded. "Heather Brown," Peter replied. "Why? Do you like her?"</p><p>James shook his head emphatically. "Of course not. I was just <em>curious</em>."</p><p>Peter cocked his head to the side but shrugged and directed his attention back to the conversation of the rest of the group anyway.</p><p>James, who had already lost sight of Regulus, decided not to bother looking for him in the crowd in the great hall and listen to what Marlene was saying instead.</p><p>
  <em>He still couldn’t believe he had lost his time like that.</em>
</p><p>Evan Rosier watched with narrowed eyes as Regulus approached the Slytherin table, having watched quietly how Regulus and Heather entered the great hall together, probably laughing at some stupid joke of them.</p><p>“Aren’t they spending too much time together?” he asked Barty, who was focused on eating his scrambled eggs.</p><p>Barty raised his head and sent Evan a knowing smile. “Jealous?” He asked wryly.</p><p>“<em>Curious</em>.”</p><p>Barty breathed a laugh. “They have this ridiculous class together, care of magical creatures. He could have chosen to have a period off with us, but no, he prefers to go touch stinky beasts with that sad excuse of a professor.”</p><p>Evan thought that watching Regulus play throw-and-catch with a niffler had to be an adorable image, but decided not to say anything. “Why did he sign up for that class for extra credits? There only go either the Ravenclaws who have neither friends nor anything better to do with their time or the goofy Hufflepuffs who cannot pass the course with their mediocre grades in the other subjects.”</p><p>“You don't even stutter when it comes to objectifying other houses.”</p><p>“They do the same with us,” Evan pointed.</p><p>“<em>Are they wrong, though?</em>”</p><p>If Evan had an answer, he didn't have time to share it, as Regulus had already arrived at the table and was taking his seat across from Barty. "Hey, what's up?"</p><p>"Alright. Did you have fun with your stinky beasts?" Barty asked mockingly.</p><p>"Oh, shut up," Regulus complained. "We are studying jackalopes. Professor Kettleburn has brought a pair so that we could see them more closely. They would skip around us, and sometimes the horns would bump into the ground and cause them to trip and fall. They were <em>so</em> cute."</p><p>Regulus took an apple from a bowl and turned it over in his hand, fiddling with it in a way his mother would not have approved of.</p><p>"Have you turned in your potions work?" Evan asked. "Rebastan and I have just started; he thinks that we will have time to finish it in an afternoon, but I honestly doubt it."</p><p>"Very unlikely," said Barty. "It took us more than three days."</p><p>"You mean it took <em>me</em> more than three days," Regulus corrected. "You did rather nothing."</p><p>Barty gave him an innocent smile. "I offered you my help."</p><p>"And I kindly declined because you annoy more than you help."</p><p>Barty rolled his eyes. "Sod off Reg."</p><p>"Maybe you could help us?" Evan asked Regulus. "I can get rid of Rebastan and <em>we'd be alone together</em>, maybe that way I could finish the essay on time..."</p><p>Regulus bit his lip nervously. "Well, I don’t have a problem with helping you, but it's just ..."</p><p>"What? Don’t you want to give us a hand?"</p><p>"No! It's not that. It's just that I have Quidditch practice and ..."</p><p>"I'm sure you can skip it even for an afternoon," Evan muttered, giving Regulus an annoyed look.</p><p>"But Saturday’s game is important, and Arabella is going to be upset if we miss. Besides, I still have to practice some movements..."</p><p>"Course grade depends on this work Reg; I really could use your help."</p><p>"Ah..." Regulus looked at Evan apprehensively.</p><p>
  <em>Regulus had never known how to say no.</em>
</p><p>"Well, I can try-"</p><p>"He said no, Evan," interjected Barty —<em>as he always did</em>. "Do not insist."</p><p>"No, it doesn’t matter, I can find the tim-" Regulus tried to say, but Barty shook his head. "No. You have an important game and you have to train. If Evan cares so much about the work he should have started it earlier."</p><p>"B-”</p><p>"He said he can make some time," Evan said defensively. "What do you care if he helps me with the essay?"</p><p>"Reg, do you have to train?" Barty asked, ignoring Evan.</p><p>"Well yeah, but ..."</p><p>"Then that's it."</p><p>Evan bit his tongue glaring at Barty, and Regulus dedicated himself to eating his apple in silence, avoiding eye contact within the awkward situation that had just been created.</p><p>As the lunch went over, a noise came from the windows of the great hall; flapping wings and some squawking. Students raised their heads from their plates to find a flock of owls of various sizes and colors flying into the great hall.</p><p>"Mail!" someone yelled.</p><p>Regulus's gray owl flew up to him rapidly; his mother had made sure to buy him one of the fastest owls on the market in case she needed to send him an urgent message. It carried a copy of the prophet coiled in its claws.</p><p>The rolled-up paper fell into his lap, and his owl landed on his shoulder, careful not to clench its claws too tightly and injure Regulus. "Good morning," Regulus greeted foolishly, nodding. He reached for a bowl of raisins and gently brought one to its beak.</p><p>"You know it can't understand you, right?" asked Snape, who was sitting next to Barty, lifting his head from his arithmancy book in irritation. "I hate those critters; they make a lot of noise and smell terrible."</p><p>Regulus thought about saying ‘just like you’, but decided it wouldn’t be worth it.</p><p>"Owls are very clean and well-mannered animals when educated well, Severus,” Regulus stated. "Ignore him, he's just mad that he doesn't have an owl as good as you." He whispered to his owl, who gave a kind squeak in response.</p><p>Regulus jumped as another envelope fell onto the table without him expecting it. A similar envelope fell onto Snape's lap, and another dangerously close to Evan's glass, as well as a couple more on a few seats closer to the other end of the table. The black owls carrying the envelopes turned and left the way they had come, not expecting to get food from the receivers.</p><p>It was a black envelope, with a golden wax seal. Regulus chuckled at how his owl watched the envelope curiously, reaching out to pick it up and turn it over.</p><p>In a golden script, the same color as the stamp, it read 'Regulus A. Black.'</p><p>Careful not to tear the envelope, he peeled off the wax and pulled out a neatly folded piece of parchment.</p><p>"Together with their families, Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black request the pleasure of your company as they exchange wedding vows." Evan read out loud, who had carelessly ripped the envelope and was flipping through the black scroll of extravagant gold decorations, on which the names of Lucius and Narcissa appeared in large letters.</p><p>Regulus drew his own invitation from the envelope, careful not to crumple it up too tightly. "Fourteenth July 1978 at five o'clock in the afternoon at Castle Kennedy Gardens; dinner and dancing to follow." He laughed out loud, shaking his head as he examined the back of the scroll. "Obviously it had to be in a castle."</p><p>“They couldn't be more outlandish if they tried,” Evan added. "Lucius will bring his albino peacocks and Narcissa will wear that tiara that we used to play wizards and princesses with when we were kids because it 'makes her feel nostalgic'."</p><p>Regulus shrugged, putting the invitation back in the envelope. "It's their wedding, let them have a good time."</p><p>"How much fun are you having writing the poem Cissy asked you?" Evan said teasingly.</p><p>"Poem?" Barty asked, sipping his pumpkin juice.</p><p>"Cissy asked Reg to write a poem about ‘her overwhelmingly commoving love story with Lucius Malfoy, the love of her life and father of her children’,” he explained. “Have you started it?”</p><p>Regulus shook his head. “Not really,” he answered. “I have tried, but I just can’t concentrate.”</p><p>"You used to write a lot when you were younger, why did you quit?" Evan asked, turning his face to look at Regulus, watching him shrug vacantly. "You were good at it."</p><p>"It got boring," Regulus muttered.</p><p>"It can't be too difficult to write a poem," Snape said, tucking his own invitation into his robe. "You just have to put a couple of words together and make them rhyme."</p><p>"You are so subtle, Severus," Regulus muttered. "Reducing the delicate art of representing the intensity of the soul and human emotions through carefully chosen words put in the correct order and in the correct position to 'putting a bunch of words together and making them rhyme' may be the best comparison made in this century so far.”</p><p>Severus gave him a dry look. “You are so full of yourself.”</p><p>Regulus shrugged, not bothering to spend more time talking to Severus; he was about to start a conversation with Barty when he slapped him on the hand, "What?"</p><p>Barty pointed somewhere behind him. "Your ghostly friend is here."</p><p>Regulus turned and looked around the room; finally, in a corner near the professors’ table, he saw the ghost of a woman, who was wearing a long gray dress and a lot of necklaces around her neck.</p><p>Helena Ravenclaw seemed out of place; she was looking around the room absently, with her hands behind her back, and that expression of a strange mixture of sadness and superiority that she always carried on her face.</p><p>Her gazes met, and Regulus raised his hand to greet the ghost woman. He decided that yelling something from one end of the great hall to the other would be both tacky and vulgar, so he just moved his lips mimicking a ‘hello’.</p><p>The Ravenclaw lady said hello back, smiling weakly.</p><p>"I thought she never came to the great hall," Evan pointed.</p><p>"She doesn't usually," Regulus commented. "Maybe she is looking for Lord Draben."</p><p>Regulus turned around, knowing the ghost had no plans to approach him, much less start a conversation. He perfectly understood her shyness, people only caused problems most of the time. Helena only spoke to him in private; in the astronomy tower, on a table at the back of the library far away from the rest of the students, or sometimes even in the room on the fifth floor.</p><p>
  <em>The fucking room on the fifth floor.</em>
</p><p>Regulus swallowed hard, remembering his experience last Saturday.</p><p>He had tried with all his might to ignore James's speech, but it just came back to him like an annoying insect in summer.</p><p>
  <em>Why did they kill her?</em>
</p><p>He wasn't overwhelmed by the feeling of being lost, or by the doubt that James had put into his body like poison directly into his veins.</p><p>It was not a foreign feeling for him. He hadn't felt in control of his life in a long time —<em>had he ever felt in control of his life even?</em></p><p>He supposed it was simply the fact that his own questions had been shouted in his face with that contemptuous tone that James had used on him what now prevented him from going on with his life.</p><p>There was also no one with whom he could talk about everything that was haunting him; his mother had taken good care of it. She had killed his childlike curiosity like a virus, mercilessly.</p><p>She had taught him that asking too many questions was wrong, therefore he no longer asked questions at all.</p><p>Still, he had the mind of an avid questioner, and his mother, thankfully —or unfortunately, it depends on perspective— hadn't been able to kill that. That is why Regulus was sometimes attacked by dangerous questions which he was not able to answer.</p><p>
  <em>Why do you hate muggleborns so much?</em>
</p><p>Sooner or later, he would forget about the conversation with James, that was for sure. He'd been living in the same vicious cycle for his entire life, Sirius had taken care of it.</p><p><em>Sirius's words had lost much value to Regulus over the years.</em> It got to a point where Sirius’s words were just whispers in the wind; reciprocally, the words of his parents turned into storms, the kind that frightens children on summer nights.</p><p>The fall of the Black brothers came when Regulus decided — <em>they convinced him</em>—  that Sirius was someone not worth listening to, and Sirius decided— <em>gave up</em>—  that Regulus was not someone worth talking to.</p><p>As if it were a vicious pulley, the higher one went the lower the other fell, and it came to a point where Regulus was so low that no one bothered to look for the remains.</p><p>And no one would ever bother, because no one cared enough to pull the damn rope out of the bottom of the lake he was slowly drowning in, barely without realizing it.</p><p>Eventually, he would forget about James's speech because there was no other choice.</p><p>He just had to not think too much about it.</p><p>Because if he thought about it, he would have questions.</p><p>And that questions would request to be answered.</p><p>And answers would bring doubts.</p><p>And he couldn’t have any doubts.</p><p>
  <em>In Regulus Black's life doubts were not allowed.</em>
</p><p>And that was never going to change. There would come a point where the lake in which he drowned inadvertently would be too much for him, and then he would disappear without a trace, with no one to cry for him, because no one cared enough to shed tears for Regulus Black.</p><p>
  <em>That's just the way it is.</em>
</p><p>But until that happened, he would torture himself a little more with the doubts that still filled his mind, and the unanswered questions that wouldn’t let him sleep.</p><p>Until they decided to leave like every vain speech that his brother had shouted in his face with the same aggressiveness with which James had blurted out his words.</p><p>He really wasn't worth anyone's time.</p><p>In the moments when he felt lost, he was grateful to have at least his mother to show him the way. The doubts were still there, but at least he knew that his mother knew what was good for him.</p><p>
  <em>Or something like that.</em>
</p><p>At least she was still with him. It was already more than what others had done.</p><p>His parents were the only thing he had left, the least he could do was to silence his immature boyish doubts and obey them.</p><p>Love — or whatever Orion and Walburga gave— had a price, everything had a price. <em>The least Regulus could do was try to pay for it.</em></p><p>His owl brought him out of his musings. A gentle peck on his cheek and a little squawk, as if he was asking if he was okay.</p><p>Regulus nodded looking at his owl, not even doubting whether it had understood him or not.</p><p>The animal pointed to the newspaper next to Regulus’s plate with one of its wings, and Regulus reached out to grab it, delicately undoing the ribbon with which the paper was wound and stretching it so that both his owl and he could read it.</p><p>The first article was about Lucius and Narcissa's wedding. Rita Skeeter — whom Regulus knew to be an old classmate of Bellatrix — had written in great detail how the only Malfoy heir was to marry Cygnus Black's youngest daughter.</p><p>There was a point in the article in which it was mentioned how expectant both Skeeter and his faithful readers were to find out if Narcissa's older sister, Andromeda Tonks, would be invited to the wedding, after the scandal that was for the family when she got engaged with a muggleborn with which she shared the position of head boy and head girl in her last year at Hogwarts, also mentioning that the couple's daughter, Nymphadora, would turn five next June.</p><p>There were several criticisms of Minister Minchum, who was increasing the number of Dementors guarding Azkaban in a futile attempt to stop the rise of the Dark Lord.</p><p>In the final pages, some articles spoke of unusual migrations of werewolves and giants, as well as a failed escape attempt in Azkaban by two Death Eaters who had been imprisoned by Alastor Moody, an Auror who had stood out in recent years for his talent in tracking down and imprisoning dark wizards.</p><p>When Regulus stopped to read the last article, he felt like he was going to vomit.</p><p>
  <em>'Muggle family found dead in their home in central London'</em>
</p><p>‘The ministry traced the trail of unforgivable curses performed in the presence of Muggles by unidentified adult wizards. When the aurors arrived at the scene, they found the inert bodies of two adults of muggle origin, clearly victims of the Killing Curse. Likewise, the body of a young girl of about seven years, whose name appears in the records kept by the Ministry of muggleborns born in England, was also found. The girl would likely have received her letter from Hogwarts in about four years.</p><p>The dark mark was found in the sky at the scene, so the aurors assume that it was the work of Death Eaters. The director of the department of magical security, Bartemius Crouch Sr. has avoided commenting.</p><p>According to ministry records, the family has a member who is currently studying at Hogwarts. Martin Beccles is in his fifth year at the Hufflepuff house. As reported to us, the Aurors are going to Hogwarts this morning to inform the boy of the dire events.’</p><p>Regulus shot an almost guilty glance at the Hufflepuff table. There was no sign of Martin Beccles — he supposed the aurors had already taken him— but there were quite a few sad faces on the table, as they read the same newspaper that he was holding in a gloomy tone.</p><p>Barty, who was reading his own newspaper delivered by his owl, gave a quiet laugh. "‘Bartemious Crouch has decided not to comment’," he read aloud mockingly. "No wonder, the stupid man must be with the water up to his neck."</p><p>
  <em>What harm could a regular muggle family do?</em>
</p><p>"I know this Beccles guy," Evan added. "He is such a whining baby, I bet he is curled up in his bed crying right now."</p><p>Regulus's gaze met Stuart Craggy, a boy from fifth year; he hadn't seen him at the Slytherin table in a long time, as he lately preferred spending time with the hufflepuffs, at the table closest to the other end of the great hall.</p><p>He seemed to feel<em> ashamed.</em></p><p>James, from his place at the Gryffindor table, was reading the exact same article. The paper crumpled low with the force with which he squeezed the ends of the newspaper. His gaze traveled to Lily, who was biting her lip hard, almost making it bleed, fighting back tears with all the strength she had.</p><p>Lily felt guilty and selfish, but as she read the devastating article, all she couldn’t help but wish was that the next name wasn't hers.</p><p>Marlene put an arm around Lily's shoulders, trying to comfort her without words, there wasn't much she could say anyway.</p><p>He shared a look with Sirius; he looked angry. Not the kind of angry you feel when a teacher yells at you for not doing your homework. It was the kind of anger you feel when you feel powerless, when you are sitting at a table eating delicious food and joking with your friends while everything is wrong out there and there’s nothing you can do about it.</p><p>He looked at Peter, who did not take his eyes off the prophet's article. He looked horrified, his hands shaking with what could have been identified as guilt.</p><p>"Wormie," James whispered, gently placing his hand over his. "It's not your fault, don't torture yourself."</p><p>Peter nodded, lost in his own world.</p><p>"It's his fault," Sirius said then, who had also been concerned about how devastated Peter looked. He pointed unequivocally —and even raised his voice a little— at the Slytherin table. "You-know-who is the enemy, don't blame yourself."</p><p>James, who had just been reminded of the existence of the Slytherins, cast a look of deep contempt at the table, noting the expressions of some of its members.</p><p>Mulciber and Avery looked at the article almost with glee, and James swore he could get up right there and beat them up out of sheer rage.</p><p>Snape looked uncomfortable as he read the article. Curtains of his greasy hair fell down both sides of his face, making it difficult to understand his expression.</p><p>Barty Crouch still rejoiced in his father's failure with Evan Rosier.</p><p>Then his gaze fell on Regulus; He had his back to the Gryffindor table, yet James's seat was at the perfect angle for him to see Regulus's expression.</p><p>His posture was stiff. His expression was blank. He noticed that he wasn’t talking to his friends, and had an insane, unwelcome thought about how he seemed very fundamentally out of place—like he didn't want to be there but wasn't sure where else he could go.</p><p>James frowned, trying to get something out of his expression, but as he had already learned in their previous encounters, he was not able to figure out little Black's expression.</p><p>"Isn't it a bit immoral to give the boy's name in the article?" Dorcas Meadowes said, getting back James’ attention.</p><p>"The prophet takes advantage of these things to sell," said Marlene. "They have no morals."</p><p>"The boy must be devastated," Alice whispered. "Imagine, finding out from some aurors that your family has... My God."</p><p>The bell that announced the end of lunch rang, and it took the students a few seconds to collect themselves and get their things for the next class.</p><p>James got up, ready to head to the potions classroom, once again letting his gaze travel to Regulus Black as he collected his stuff.</p><p>Barty Crouch was saying something to him that James couldn't hear, and Regulus nodded absently as if he hadn't even listened to his friend's words.</p><p>He watched as Mulciber approached him and put an arm around his shoulders, and how Regulus tensed with the obviously unwelcome touch.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Nasty crushes and Hogsmeade dates</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>November 26th, 1977</em>
</p><p>
  <em>7.00 am.</em>
</p><p>The small piece of paper flew down the hallways, flapping its fake paper-wings; it was carefully folded by expert hands, releasing a small stream of air at each student who passed by. Following the orders given by the previously executed spell, it turned to the left, followed by its identical friend a couple of feet behind.</p><p>It flew up the stairs, drawing the attention of Filch, who was holding a broom bitterly in the middle of the path the paper bird was following. It stopped in front of the painting of the Fat Lady, who was practising her high notes in the early morning, causing characters in nearby paintings to cover their ears in annoyance.</p><p>The Fat Lady didn't even flinch when she saw the birds out of the corner of her eye; they, unable to argue, with clear orders to deliver the message in the shortest time possible, quickly changed course. They exited the hall through one of its open windows and travelled to one of the rooms at the top of the Gryffindor tower.</p><p>Sirius Black, who was sleepily getting out of bed, saw the birds rush into the bedroom; one of them stopped flapping its wings and fell statically onto his lap. The other bird continued its way to the corner of the room, where James Potter was picking up his Quidditch uniform from his closet. It fell lightly onto his shoulder, and James rushed to pick it up before it slid to the ground.</p><p>James turned it over and read with arched eyebrows the delicate handwriting of Professor Slughorn on one of the paper bird wings. He unfolded it reluctantly. “You got an invitation too?” He heard Sirius ask.</p><p> "Yeah," James nodded, reading the teacher's invitation, in which he suggested James to join him for dinner on the second Saturday of December. "He doesn't give up, huh?"</p><p>"You have to admire his dedication," Sirius said, rolling the now-ruined bird into a ball of paper. "Evans will probably go, though."</p><p>"Probably," James said. "I still don't understand how she can stand that old josser."</p><p>"She loves compliments," Sirius pointed. "I mean, I get it, who doesn't? But come on, not from Slughorn.”</p><p>“Nah, he knows exactly what he’s doing, being all nice and smiley,” James muttered, pulling on his Gryffindor sweater. "Besides, his ridiculous club is full of slimy Slytherins."</p><p>"I think one of the main reasons our dear Lily goes to those meetings is because she likes to see the faces of those plonkers gnawing away every time Slughorn compliments her.”</p><p>James scoffed a laugh. “Oh Merlin, how would I love to see Lestrange frowning like an idiot, showing those crooked teeth that he has.”</p><p>Sirius laughed as he shook his head. "Ah, morons, all of them. Anyway, Prongsie, ready for today's game?"</p><p>"I was born ready," James muttered, winking at his reflection in the mirror on the closet doors. "We're gonna beat them."</p><p>"You better will," Sirius warned. "Wormie has bet a lot of money on Gryffindor; besides, I doubt that we will be able to bear the embarrassment if we lose <em>against Slytherin.</em>"</p><p>“You don’t need to tell me that, Padfoot,” James said, overconfident. "Who runs the betting on the matches this year?"</p><p>"Two fifth-year Hufflepuff chicks," Sirius replied. "Madee and April, I think. I know one of them got Pete to bet a lot of money, I told him not to go overboard, but you know how he gets when someone flirts with him. I would have bet too, but well, you know I'm a little short…”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter Pads,” James quickly said, not wanting Sirius to feel uncomfortable.</p><p>Among the many perks Sirius had had from being disowned by his own parents —getting rid of the toxic people in his life, being able to escape from his abusive parents' home, and moving into his best friend's house with a family in which love was a good and common thing and not something to condemn— there was the terrible downside that, with all that disinheritance and disgracing thing, Sirius no longer had access to the Black fortune. Because of that, he had passed from privileged rich pureblood to kept man in less than a summer.</p><p>Obviously, neither James nor his parents had any problem supporting Sirius until he could find a job after graduating from Hogwarts. Anyways, for obvious reasons, the topic of money was an issue that had been bothering Sirius quite a bit since the summer he ran away from home.</p><p>"Gambling is silly; it has only served me to lose money during our years at Hogwarts," James said, dismissing it. "Where the hell is Wormtail, by the way?”</p><p>Sirius was finishing putting on his uniform— the tie undone, slung over his shoulders like a priest's stole, giving him the look of a rebel teenager cliché with tattoos starring in a book Heather Brown would probably read. “No idea,” he said, approaching the mirror in the closet to comb his hair, lacing his fingers through his dark locks. “Didn’t he enter the bathroom like half an hour ago?”</p><p>“Uhm…” James walked over to the bathroom door and patted the wood a couple of times. "Wormie! Are you there?!"</p><p>"Ye-Yeah!" A voice stuttered back from inside the bathroom, more high-pitched than usual. "Go ahead! I'll catch up with you! I'm- uh ..."</p><p>James and Sirius shared a look of amused exasperation.  “Don't finish that sentence," James cut him off. "Have fun. We'll be in the hospital wing with Moony. We are leaving now."</p><p>"No-No! It's not what-"</p><p>"Whatever you say Wormtail,” James scoffed. "Come on Pads,” he said, nodding at the bedroom door.</p><p>Sirius wrinkled his nose at the bathroom door and followed James into the hallway.</p><p>The common room was empty, for obvious reasons. The only motive James and Sirius were up at such ungodly hours on a Saturday was because the night before had been a full moon, and Remus had had to spend the night alone at the hospital wing —Madame Pomfrey did not allow the students to spend the night in the hospital wing unless they were ill, as they could disturb patients.</p><p>Even though thanks to a <em>certain event </em>that happened in their fifth year, which the four marauders had promised not to mention ever again, — yet Remus brought up from time to time when he needed to reproach something to Sirius— all the Professors knew about how Remus’ secret furry problem was not secret anymore, Madam Pomfrey kept sighing disapprovingly every time she saw James, Peter and Sirius carry an exhausted Remus in their arms every full moon night, and obviously, she didn't let them spend the night with him in the hospital wing either. They had tried to argue but finally had to resign themselves to going to see Remus first thing in the morning the next day and bringing him chocolate from the kitchens.</p><p>They hurried to the kitchens, running into a couple of teachers on the way, who wished James luck in the game to be played that afternoon.</p><p>Sirius tickled the pear painting, and they crossed the hall behind the door that had been opened. In the kitchens the elves scampered around, preparing breakfast.</p><p>James recalled inadvertently how the last time he had been in the kitchens had been with a boy very much like Sirius —<em>and yet completely different</em>. Unable to help it, he looked for the slender elf with the big nose that Regulus seemed to get along with. He found her —or so he thought, the truth was that to James all elves looked exactly the same— preparing a large plate of toast with the help of three other elves.</p><p>Several elves ran past them, and James couldn't help but notice that none of them greeted them or made the slightest gesture of sympathy towards them, even though they had done so very pleasantly to Regulus last weekend.</p><p>Sirius whistled at one elf, who was running past them, carrying a large pot on his shoulders, and he quickly stopped what he was doing to get closer to them. "How can Hoby help you?" the elf asked nervously.</p><p>"Do you have hot chocolate?" Sirius said disinterestedly.</p><p>The elf nodded; he seemed to be about to say something else, but James cut him off before he had time to do so. "Then we want that; and also, a couple of pumpkin pasties.” He shot a look at Sirius. “Anything else?"</p><p>"I don't think Moony is very hungry," he replied. “Is fine with that.”</p><p>The elf nodded and turned to go and prepare what James and Sirius had asked for without another word. Somehow James hoped that he would also offer them a chair to sit on while they waited, but the elf didn’t.</p><p>"Did you talk to Nick?" Sirius asked, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. "Is the Bloody Baron willing to help us?"</p><p>"Marlene and I ran into him yesterday after Quidditch practice," James replied, taking his mind off the house-elves. "He confessed that he had been avoiding us all week,” he explained. "Apparently the Baron wasn't very happy about being suggested to help host an illegal party," he said with a jaded snort.</p><p>"What a spoilsport," Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes. "So, what do we do now? Do you think we can convince Peeves ourselves?"</p><p>“Highly unlikely; last time we tried that, we ended up covered in cookie dough," he recalled. "I still find chocolate chips in my clothes from time to time."</p><p>Sirius shook his head. "Well, if Nick can't convince the bloody baron, we'll have to find another way."</p><p>"An alternate plan to distract Filch and McGonagall?"</p><p>"During our years at Hogwarts we have already done everything," Sirius pointed out. "If we use some old trick with Minnie, she will catch us on the spot, the only solution in Peeves."</p><p>James stroked his chin thoughtfully. "What if we try flooding the dungeons or something?" He suggested. "It would keep the professors away from the seventh floor, which is where the room of requirement is, and also would prevent Slytherins from leaving their common room, therefore we avoid them sneaking into the party, two birds with one stone."</p><p>"I like your thinking," Sirius gestured, with a smirk. "But no, that would just make the professors we don't have to worry about have to leave their offices to go fix the mess down there, which would make us have to deal with at least twenty professors running around the castle. Besides, if for whatever reason the flood gets out of control, we'll end up leaving the Hufflepuffs trapped in their common room as well."</p><p>"Damn, you're right," James muttered, running a hand through his hair, messing it up even more than it already was by nature. "So what? Should we listen to Lily and try talking to the grey lady?"</p><p>"I don't see what other option we have," Sirius replied. "We also have Lord Draben, but unless we're very desperate, I'd rather not go near that old balls."</p><p>"Have you ever seen her talking to someone?" James asked.</p><p>"Never," sighed Sirius. "We should drop by the Ravenclaw common room one of these days, see if we can talk to her, or at least know who to ask for help."</p><p>James nodded, looking at his wristwatch. "The elves are getting slower and slower every day; at this rate, we won't get to see Moony." He shook his head, looking impatiently at the elf who was carefully filling four cups of hot chocolate for them. "Anyway, yeah, stopping by the Ravenclaw common room will be fine; let's talk to Hunter and see if he knows how to help us."</p><p>Sirius agreed, yawning, still tired from getting up so early. A minute later, the elf approached them again, now laden with four cups of hot cocoa and a paper bag of —probably— pumpkin pasties. He handed them the bag and cups and murmured a thank you.</p><p>James remembered how Regulus had thanked the elves last Saturday and then wondered why this elf had thanked them when he had been the one to bring them food. Then he wondered why the hell now that seemed strange to him when since his first year at Hogwarts the elves thanked him every time he asked for something in the kitchens.</p><p>"Let's go Prongs," Sirius hurried. "Moony must be awake by now."</p><p>James turned to Sirius and nodded absently. “Yes, yes, come on."</p><p>He took one last curious look at the hairy elf who had just brought them the pumpkin pasties and cups —which Sirius was now levitating behind him in a single line— and another at the slender, big-nosed elf who was a friend of Regulus, before following Sirius down the corridor back to the pear painting.</p><p>(…)</p><p>In the hospital wing, everything was empty. There was a Ravenclaw student sprawled on one of the beds, his face covered in pimples — James guessed it was the result of a fight using the Furunculous jinx — but he was alone and asleep.</p><p>The white room was lit by the rays of the morning sun streaming through the windows, open for ventilation. Madam Pomfrey was sitting at her desk, she squinted at them over her circular glasses, before turning her attention back to the files she was reviewing. “Good Morning,” she muttered dryly.</p><p>“Morning,” both Sirius and James replied, following their way to the bed furthest from the hospital wing door, which was surrounded by a closed white curtain, bewitched with magic so that it couldn’t be seen what was being done behind it— Sirius and Remus had made good use of that quality on several occasions.</p><p>Sirius carefully drew the curtain aside, sliding behind it; James followed, deftly dodging the cups that still levitated behind Sirius in single file.</p><p>Remus Lupin lay in the hospital bed, haggard, staring at the ceiling with narrowed eyes as if the light irritated him.</p><p>"Good morning Moony," James greeted, making the four cups of chocolate travel to the nightstand next to Remus' bed.</p><p>"Maybe it's good for you," Remus answered harshly. He pushed the white sheets off himself, suddenly deciding they were too hot for him, and gave James and Sirius a dry look.</p><p>"Don't be rude," Sirius said, leaning over the bed to kiss Remus on the lips. "Have you had a bad night?"</p><p>"What do you think?"</p><p>"Yesterday was a rough night," Sirius said, ignoring how grumpy Remus was that morning. "You almost escaped us in the middle of the forbidden forest. Give thanks that Prongs is always alert."</p><p>"No need of such thing,” James said amusingly. "Are you hungry Moony?"</p><p>"Yes, but my stomach hurts too much for me to want to eat anything," he replied.</p><p>Sirius sighed with concern, sitting down on the bed next to Remus. "Do we ask Pomfrey for a potion to take away your pain or something?"</p><p>"She's already given me about four different ones," Remus informed. "And they haven't been of any use, so don't bother."</p><p>Sirius nodded, looking down at the floor, clasping the fabric of the sheets with his fist. "We have hot chocolate, maybe something hot will help you-"</p><p>"I've already noticed, Sirius. And no, some drink is not going to help me," Remus cut him off dryly, pinching the bridge of his nose as if his head ached.</p><p>Sirius closed his mouth and looked apprehensively at his own lap, nodding again.</p><p>James looked at Sirius pityingly. He gave Remus a reproachful look mixed with understanding, like the one a mother would give you after doing something wrong but understanding why you did it.</p><p>He nodded at Sirius, motioning for Remus to say something.</p><p>Remus looked at James in resignation before nodding heavily. "Thanks anyway, Padfoot," he murmured. "Sorry, you know how the morning after is like, I’m feeling bad, that’s all. I don’t wanna pay it with you.”</p><p>Sirius raised his head and gave Remus a soft smile. "I get it," he whispered, brushing a couple of strands off Remus' forehead gently. "You should take a shower when you get back to the common room."</p><p>"Only if you join me," Remus replied smoothly, smirking.</p><p>Sirius laughed, leaning in to kiss Remus again, this time appropriately.</p><p>"If you had told me I was going to be here third-wheeling I would have thought twice before coming," James said mockingly when he considered that the kiss was already going on for too long.</p><p>Sirius threw his head back, away from Remus "Did you have to ruin the moment?"</p><p>"When the moment lasts more than two minutes it is no longer called 'the moment'."</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes, laughing heartily. He reached out to grab a mug of steaming hot chocolate from the table and handed it to Remus. "Drink, you'll feel better."</p><p>Remus nodded but made no attempt to raise his arms or grab the mug. Instead, he stared at Sirius, lips parted. Sirius took a few seconds to finally bring the cup to Remus's lips and tilt it for him to take a sip.</p><p>James rolled his eyes as he saw his friends looking at each other with an almost-erotic intensity. He enjoyed seeing certain displays of affection from time to time; his friends being happy made him happy, but having a 'moment' every two minutes seemed like too much.</p><p>“I already made sure you are alive and safe, Moony,” James muttered. “I think I leave you in safe hands, now if you’ll excuse me, I have to train, some of us have to give a show worth seeing this afternoon, you know?”</p><p>“Oh, poor thing,” Sirius laughed pityingly. “We made him uncomfortable.”</p><p>“Come on Prongs, don’t leave,” Remus said, shaking his head. “We’ll stop.”</p><p>“Please, you are not even doing it on purpose,” James complained. “You just have this annoying undeniable chemistry in everything you do.” He stopped to grab a pumpkin pastie from the paper bag. “Don’t forget to come watch the game, we are going to beat Slytherin.”</p><p>Sirius nodded. "We wouldn't miss it.”</p><p>"See ya!" James exclaimed, as he drew back the white curtains and disappeared behind them.</p><p>Remus was looking with an awkward smile at the point where James had just disappeared. "I feel bad," he murmured.</p><p>"I feel awful," Sirius followed, laughing awkwardly, shaking his head. "If you stopped eye-fucking me every five seconds these things wouldn't happen."</p><p>"Me?!" Remus yelled, feigning offence. "You're the one who goes around asking me to pin him up against the wall and fuck him right there! I'm just a poor victim of Sirius Black's charms!"</p><p>"You only love me for my looks," Sirius joked.</p><p>"Shut up, you idiot," Remus cut him off, before grabbing Sirius by the nape of his neck and slamming his lips back against his.</p><p>Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus's neck and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Remus smirked against Sirius's lips and played along.</p><p>He had practically already forgotten how much his body ached from the night before.</p><p>(…)</p><p>Barty Crouch held a book in his hand, observing it with a critical eye. He was lying on his bed, his legs propped up against the wall. With his other hand, he held a lit cigarette, the ashes of which were falling onto his bed, leaving a black burn on the sheets; he didn’t seem to care.</p><p>The door of the room was opened, and Evan Rosier entered through it, not even bothering to knock. "Where is Reg?" He asked, closing the door behind him and glancing around the room.</p><p>Barty pointed to his own ear, and then Rosier noticed the sound of water falling that came out of the closed bathroom door.</p><p>Evan sighed in resignation, flopping onto the bed next to Barty. "What are you doing?"</p><p>"Analysing this book," he answered dryly, bringing the cigarette to his mouth and taking a drag, blowing the smoke through his nose.</p><p>"Why are you analysing a book?" Evan asked disinterestedly, wrinkling his nose at the smell of tobacco. "I don't know how you can smoke that rubbish."</p><p>“<em>My cigarettes are better for me than you are</em>,” he harshly replied. “You see, Reg had this in his nightstand,” he said, nodding at the book.</p><p>“Is that supposed to give me an answer?” Evan asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“I just want to figure out what he finds so interesting about these things,” he explained, turning the book around, reading the title out loud. “‘Alice in Wonderland’ by Lewis Carroll,” he turned his head to face Evan. “Sound familiar?”</p><p>Evan shook his head. “Probably muggle,” he sighed, heavily. “If his mother knew about these interests he has in muggle crap; Merlin, she would literally kill him.”</p><p>“His mother is the scariest person I’ve ever met in my life,” Barty stated, dropping the book, letting it fall on the bed. “She is mental.”</p><p>"You should see her at Christmas dinners," Evan added. "Last year it was pretty quiet, with Regulus' asshole brother already gone, but the years before were a massacre."</p><p>"His brother got the worst of it, <em>I hope</em>," Barty said, glancing at the bathroom door, making sure it remained closed and motionless.</p><p>"Oh, of course," Evan stated. "Regulus would get a slap from time to time, a jinx maybe, if he laughed too loud or said something out of time, but his brother used to get worst curses.”</p><p>Barty shook his head. "At least they’re not blood traitors, like my parents," he said in disgust. "Regulus should stop taking what they say so seriously, though."</p><p>Evan nodded in agreement. At that moment, the bathroom door was opened. Regulus emerged from the bathroom, shirtless — to avoid getting his clothes wet by the drops that still fell from his hair— humming a song under his breath. "Oh, hi Evan," Regulus greeted, noticing the presence of his friend, going near his nightstand and grabbing his wand, putting it in his pocket. “You good?”</p><p>Evan blinked a couple of times idiotically. “<em>Ah- Uhm- Yeah, perfectly</em>." He answered. "Ready for the match?"</p><p>"<em>No</em>," Regulus replied. "I’m terrified, but I have to play it anyway, so what difference does it make?"</p><p>"Your confidence is overwhelming," Barty sneered.</p><p>Regulus scanned his nightstand, frowning as he realized something was missing. He glanced around the room, his gaze finally stopping on something between Barty and Evan. "Is that my book?" Regulus exclaimed, scowling at the book that was lying on the bed next to Barty. "I've told you a thousand times not to touch my books!" he exclaimed, reaching out to pick it up.</p><p>"And I keep doing it, so I don't know why you bother," Barty laughed, taking another drag on his cigar.</p><p>Regulus took the book brusquely, snorting in annoyance, almost tripping and falling on top of Evan in the process. "I'm going to start casting a spell on my stuff so it will curse you every time you try to touch it."</p><p>"Don't be rude," said Barty. "Here, take a drag, relax."</p><p>Regulus narrowed his eyes at him, grasping the cigarette Barty was holding out to him with the hand he was not holding the book with. "You are annoying."</p><p>"But you love me."</p><p>"That doesn't make you less annoying."</p><p>Barty laughed, watching as Regulus walked over to his large bookcase and placed the book on one of the neatly arranged shelves; then Regulus raised the cigarette to his lips and drew on it, puffing the smoke slowly from his mouth.</p><p>Barty glanced at Evan, <em>who was looking at Regulus</em>.</p><p>By saying that he was looking at Regulus I mean that he wasn’t taking his eyes off him. Barty could swear he hadn't seen him blink in at least two minutes.</p><p>"Warrington has summoned the team in ten minutes in the outfield," Regulus muttered, searching distractedly inside his closet for the rest of his Quidditch uniform. "I lent Heather my Slytherin sweater over two weeks ago and she hasn't returned it to me yet, and I need it to play today, so she better give it back before the morning is over or I swear to god I’m gonna kill her."</p><p>He grabbed his shirt and put it on quickly, grabbing his broom from inside the closet. "I'm sorry for leaving so quickly, but Warrington hates it when we are late for the meetings, besides, lately she is been very susceptible with all this playing-against-Gryffindor thing and... well, I better go now."</p><p>"Good luck," said Barty. "See you at lunch."</p><p>"At lunch we will surely be practising the last-minute plays," Regulus pointed, approaching the door. "But if you don't come to see me at the game, I won't speak to you again for the rest of my life,” he said smirking, as he opened the bedroom door. “See ya!”</p><p>“See ya,” Barty muttered, waving at Regulus, as he disappeared behind the door. The moment the door was closed, Barty let out the laugh that he had been holding on for three minutes.</p><p>“<em>Ah- Uh- Uhm- Yeah lov- I mean Reg- I am perfectly</em>,” he mocked, laughing uproariously, rolling onto the bed to face Evan. "You are so <em>subtle</em>."</p><p>If looks could kill, Barty Crouch Jr. would already be buried in his coffin. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”</p><p>"Oh, so we have returned to the state of denial?" Barty scoffed. "Evan dear, I thought we were over that phase already."</p><p>"<em>Fuck. Off.</em>"</p><p>Barty rolled onto the bed and lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. He gave another laugh, shaking his head. "This is the best thing that has ever happened to me."</p><p>"Your life must be very boring, then," Evan muttered, sitting up in bed and leaning against the headboard.</p><p>Barty shook his head again. "It's just so... so... <em>nasty</em>!" He exclaimed, giving Evan a maniacal smile. "<em>You like Regulus, Evan. You fancy fucking Regulus Arcturus Black!</em>"</p><p>As Barty gave another hysterical laugh, Evan hit him on the shoulder with more force than necessary. "Shut up, moron!" He squealed, glaring at him. "Do you know what could happen if someone hears you?!"</p><p>"I can't help it, Evan," Barty repeated, turning on the bed to face him. "It's just so nasty. You guys are related, it's just-"</p><p>"We're not related," Evan corrected quickly. Barty tilted his head to the side, giving him an incredulous smile. "Not by blood," he insisted, and Barty raised an eyebrow at that. "No more than any other pureblood, at least."</p><p>"<em>'Not by blood</em>,'" Barty repeated. "A lovely way to start a relationship." Evan was about to say something, but Barty shook his head and spoke before he could. "And why, instead of drooling over my best friend, don't you confess already your undying love for him? I mean, if you're not related by blood, it shouldn't-"</p><p>"You know that's not the only problem," Evan snapped, shooting him a meaningful look.</p><p>"Uh?" Barty repeated, cocking his head to the side. "Oh, right. It's not just that Regulus would be <em>horrified and disgusted</em> if he found out that you, the guy he considers his brother more than his own brother, has a crush on him; it's also that your family would probably kill you if they found out that you fancy a lad."</p><p>Evan turned his head to the side. "You know nothing."</p><p>"Forgive my intrusion Evan, it's just fascinating," Barty insisted. "It's the best impossible love story I've ever heard. If this were part of a book Regulus would read it without hesitation." Barty burst out laughing. "On the one hand you have your family; you yourself witnessed Regulus's parents’ reaction when they found out that Sirius was fucking that tall, scrawny prefect. Imagine what they could do to Reg if they found out that their other son also swings the other way,” he ranted. “Now, on the other hand, you have the fact that, and don’t try to deny it because you know it’s truth, Regulus would be disgusted at even the thought of having something romantic or <em>physical</em> with you. You were basically raised together- You share an uncle and three cousins!” He yelled. “Imagine how betrayed poor little Reg would feel if he knew that all this time he’s been trusting you like a brother you’ve been wanting to pin him against the wall and sti-”</p><p>“Okay! Enough! I get it!” Evan cut him off. “I get it.”</p><p>"It's not like I want to rejoice in your misery, but you should also keep in mind that in his short life Reg has only shown interest in <em>girls</em>," Barty finished, with a teasing smile. "Your chances are non-existent, so you have to resign yourself to drooling over Reg every day for the rest of your life until you a) get over your ridiculous crush or b) marry some beautiful pure-blooded lady and not be able to satisfy her in bed because while you're with her the only thing you'll be thinking about is how much you wish Regulus were the one you were screwing instead. "</p><p>"Why did I decide to tell you?" Evan asked aloud, shooting Barty an angry look. "Instead of helping me, the only thing you do is laugh at my misfortunes!"</p><p>"You told me because you knew I was the only person in these dungeons who you could tell without being called a <em>poof</em>, or… what had Avery called Joe Butler last week? A <em>sperm gurgler</em>?" Evan gave him a jaded look. "Don't look at me like that, be grateful that my father is an inveterate homophobe, that helped me see the path of truth."</p><p>"You do know that doing and saying the exact opposite of what your father does and says is not a personality, right?”</p><p>"You're right, it's not a personality," Barty conceded. "<em>It’s a lifestyle</em>."</p><p>Evan rolled his eyes. He flopped down on the bed, sighing heavily, looking first at the ceiling and then at Regulus's bed. “<em>How are you supposed to confess to your childhood best friend</em>?” He asked out loud, not waiting for Barty to give him an answer.</p><p><em>"Not doing it</em>," Barty snapped, his tone suddenly serious. "Not doing it because you know what it might mean for that friend if you confess. Didn't you just hear my whole speech about how many things could go wrong if you tried something with Regulus?"</p><p>"And what do you expect me to do?"</p><p>"How about not causing him more trouble?"</p><p>"Oh, for Merlin's sake, stop watching over him like he's a four-year-old," Evan complained, snorting harshly.  "Sometimes you're so suffocating," he snapped. "And I don't care what you say. I know there is still the slightest possibility, and I'm going to take it. If it weren't for that Heather shrew, I'd be-"</p><p>"Even if I share your dislike for his hoity-toity Ravenclaw friend, Brown is the least of your problems. Regulus is not even interested in her.”</p><p>“They spend too much time together, surely that harpy is trying something with him. How could someone spend so much time with Regulus <em>and not fall head over heels for him</em>?”</p><p>Barty arched an eyebrow at that, blinking idiotically. "Mate, you've got it bad."</p><p>(…)</p><p>In the back gardens of the castle, it was wintry cold. The sun reflected off the frosted leaves of the trees, and a cold wind flushed the cheeks of everyone within reach.</p><p>The draft of air absentmindedly stroked Regulus's hair, who was watching a pair of squirrels leap from one branch to another of a willow tree in the middle of the garden. Next to him, the Slytherin Quidditch team listened attentively to the words of their captain, who was giving them the very-unmotivating talk before starting the match.</p><p>She was telling them something about how in half an hour they would have the court free to practise, and she wanted everyone to give their best since it was the first derby of the season.</p><p>"And you, Black," Warrington finally said, getting his attention back. “Have you practised the Wronski feint? You think you’ll be able to do it this afternoon?”</p><p>“Uhm, probably?” Regulus replied. "I don't know, I’ve been practising and I managed to do it most of the times, but I think if we try it on the game it will all depend on luck."</p><p>"Well, we can't trust our luck!" Arabella exclaimed. "As soon as those stinky Gryffindors get off the pitch I want to see you practice the fucking play as your life depended on it!"</p><p>Regulus nodded. "Okay, okay," he sighed. "The Gryffindor seeker has been practising, anyway. I don't know if I can fool her."</p><p>"She's from Gryffindor, don't worry about how insightful she can be, they're dumber than a baboon, you'll be fine."</p><p>"I'm not so sure about-"</p><p>"Shut up." Warrington cut him off. "If you start to have doubts, we're screwed. You have to catch that snitch no matter what."</p><p>"If you find yourself in trouble," Alecto Carrow whispered. "We can always turn to an <em>ace up our sleeve</em>."</p><p>All eyes then turned to Rebastan Lestrange, who smiled smugly. "Regulus, my dear friend, I have just what you need," he reached into his backpack and pulled out a small bottle containing a red liquid. “Ferocia Solution; It will relax you, make you more aware of the game and give you more confidence in your abilities. The Huffies used to give them at parties," he explained, handing the bottle to Regulus. "I think its side effects include the sudden change of emotions and increased physical strength in your right arm, but I have never tried it so I can't say anything for sure.”</p><p>Regulus examined the bottle; on its label, it was classified as 'hallucinogenic'. "Isn't this against the anti-doping rule and all that stuff?"</p><p>"Probably," Rebastan said, shrugging.</p><p>"As long as Madame Hooch doesn't catch you for me, no problem," Warrington said. "As long as it doesn't affect your reflexes, obviously."</p><p>"On the contrary," Rebastan said. "It will make him aware of everything."</p><p>Regulus examined the bottle for a few seconds. "I think I'll pass," he finally said. "Hallucinogens and I don't get along very well."</p><p>He returned the bottle to Rebastan, who took it disinterestedly. "Worse for you," he stated.</p><p>"Still," Warrington said. "You would have no problem using certain unorthodox methods, would you Black?"</p><p>"Elaborate.”</p><p>"If you were in trouble, you wouldn't have a problem with us helping out with the McKinnon girl, right?"</p><p>Regulus shrugged. "Do whatever you want, I'll try so that we don't have to resign ourselves to such desperate measures, anyway."</p><p>"That's the spirit," Arabella smiled. Then she glanced at pocket her watch. "We should head to the pitch, the Gryffindors are probably gone by now,” she said. “And if they aren't, we'll kick them out and go, you know, to start warming up."</p><p>(…)</p><p>The Gryffindor table erupted in applause as the team entered the great hall door after morning practice. Reciprocally, the Slytherin table booed almost instantly.</p><p>All seven members wore their red and gold uniforms. James wore a smirk of superiority as he gave a derisive wink to the Slytherin table. Owen Anthony and Haley Dakota were the only fifth-year students on the Gryffidor team, and they greeted their friends sitting at the table with a funny smile.</p><p>The team took a seat in the centre of the large table, commenting on the plays and the players. James dropped to a spot next to Lily Evans and Dorcas Meadowes, who watched their triumphal entry with raised eyebrows.</p><p>"We'll have to be careful with Pucey," Timothy Justin said, grabbing the first glass within reach and filling it with maple root juice. “She's very into the Parkin's Pincer, last year I almost broke my leg because of that."</p><p>"We shouldn't underestimate them," said James, who was looking at the table for Sirius. "But let's not forget that we are much better than them and that they don't stand a chance. Morning Evans,” he greeted, turning to his friends. “Mary, Wormie, Dorcas,” he followed. “Excited for the game?”</p><p>“Probably not as excited as you,” Dorcas said. “Sirius and Remus are in your room, by the way; Remus was feeling bad and they left like an hour ago, but they are coming to see the match.”</p><p>“Good to know,” James said, messing his hair. “How you’ve been doing? Did you get bored without me?”</p><p>“We were starting to enjoy the silence a bit too much,” Lily said, eying Mary out of the corner of her eye. “We were talking about how everyone is so excited about the match; I really don’t think is that big of a deal.”</p><p>“You don’t appreciate Quidditch as we do, Evans,” James said, shaking his head. “Is not an art for everyone.”</p><p>“By calling Quidditch an art, are you implying that you are an <em>artist</em>?” Lily asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“Well, yeah!” James yelled. “The field is my canvas and the broom is my brush.”</p><p>Lily shook her head, breathing a laugh. “Right,” she turned to Mary. “You also think everyone is way too obsessed with this match, right?” She asked, smiling incredulously.</p><p>James leaned into the girls, grabbing a glass and slamming it against the table, just to make his point. “Bollocks. Mary, tell her how important this competition is, maybe she will listen to you.”</p><p>Mary Macdonald gave a soft laugh, shrugging funnily. “I would lie if I said I’m not excited,” she mouthed. “But I think maybe is a bit too-”</p><p>“See?!” James interrupted, looking at Lily, pointing his arms at Mary. “She understands!”</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. “Shut up, Potter.”</p><p>“Make me, Evans.”</p><p>She took her wand from the pocket of her tunic and pointed it at James. “If you insist…”</p><p>James burst out laughing, slapping Lily’s wand so it wouldn’t be inches from his face; Lily followed him, laughing softly. “Idiot.”</p><p>Suddenly, James felt a pair of arms wrapping around his neck, and he turned his head to find the brown eyes of Marlene McKinnon staring at him. “Jamie, dear,” she started. “Remember last week, when I told you about this friend who was head over heels for you?”</p><p>James eyed her suspiciously. “Yeah…”</p><p>“Well, here’s the thing,” Marlene said, adjusting her ponytail. “I told her you were gonna think about it-”</p><p>“I haven’t thought about it yet.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, uhm,” she mumbled. “I-”</p><p>“Marlene, what have you done?” James asked heavily, arching an eyebrow. “I told you I’m not int-”</p><p>“You told me that you were not interested in one-night stands, and she is not interested in that either,” Marlene replied, composing herself. “And you also told me that you were going to think about it, and it’s been a week since that and I haven’t got an answer, so don’t come complaining now.” She stated. “I have a perfectly nice girl waiting for you at the Hufflepuff table and you are gonna talk to her, Potter.”</p><p>“Marlene I-”</p><p>“That’s my last word.” Marlene ended firmly. “I’m gonna bring her, trust me, she’s nice, you are gonna like her.”</p><p>James snorted in annoyance as he saw Marlene walking towards the Hufflepuff table. “Great,” he whispered harshly. He saw out of the corner of his eye how Lily and Mary were staring at him and turned to face them. “What?”</p><p>“Is it really so bad the prospect of having a date with a random Hufflepuff girl?” Mary asked. “Maybe you’ll like her?”</p><p>“I don’t feel like go dating around <em>asking for someone to love me</em>,” James said, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. “When I tell my grandchildren about how I met their grandmother I don’t want to say ‘a friend introduced her to me because I was desperate and it turned out we were a decent enough couple to get married,’” he mumbled.</p><p> Lily sighed pityingly. “A lot of people love you, James,” she affirmed, undoubtedly. “You have friends and family, and you don’t need anyone to be fulfilled.” She said, stroking his hand. “As long as you are happy.”</p><p>“I know, I know,” he said, taking his hand away from Lily’s. “Is just, I don’t want it to be like that, you know?” He looked at Mary and Lily. “I don’t want to go dating people around until I find someone appropriate enough… I don’t know if it’s too childish but I always thought I would find…”</p><p>“<em>The one</em>?” Mary asked, smiling softly.</p><p>James nodded awkwardly. “Yeah.” He took a sip from his glass, vacantly. “You know, I always thought there would be this person with which I would click instantly…”</p><p>“James Potter is a romantic,” Lily scoffed. “Who would have guessed?”</p><p>“You are still seventeen James,” Mary pointed. “You don’t have to meet <em>the one</em> in high school.”</p><p>“I know but, come on, out of these walls there’s not a perfectly nice peaceful world in which we’ll be able to meet people and do funny things,” he said, sadly. “I could be dead before I turn twenty, this is the moment to rush things up.”</p><p>Mary swallowed hard. “Don’t say that…”</p><p>“It’s the truth, Mary.”</p><p>Lily sighed in the silence that had just been created. “Let’s not talk about sad things,” she said, uncomfortable. “You’ll find <em>the one</em>, and then you’ll marry her, or him, or whoever makes you happy, and you will have a lot of children and they will call me aunt Lily and love me because I give them the best presents on Christmas.” She stated, smiling at James. “And that’s my last word.”</p><p>James breathed a laugh sadly, shaking his head. “I hope you are right.”</p><p>“Please, James,” Lily insisted, smiling brightly. “<em>When was the last time I was wrong about something?</em>”</p><p>James was about to add something, but a new presence on the table distracted them from the subject they were in.</p><p>A Ravenclaw girl with indian features, dark brown long her and big green eyes took a seat in the empty spot next to Mary. “Morning dear,” she greeted, slapping Mary’s shoulder with her own. “How are you this fine Saturday morning?”</p><p>“Morning Arti,” Mary smiled graciously. “You guys know Arti?” She asked Lily and James, who shook their heads. “Arti Nair, she is in my year,” she turned to the dark-haired girl. “These are James Potter and Lily Evans; they are in the seventh year.</p><p>“Hi,” James greeted, shaking the girl's hand. “Morning,” Lily said, doing the same.</p><p>“Why aren’t you at your table?” Mary asked, facing the Ravenclaw girl.</p><p>“I’ve been brutally abandoned by my friend,” she answered, distractingly searching for an empty unused glass in the Gryffindor table to serve herself a pumpkin juice. “I don’t know if you guys know Heather Brown,” Arti said to James and Lily. “But you don’t want to. She is an evil back-stabbing swine,” she said under her breath, finally finding a glass for her to use.</p><p>Lily raised an eyebrow. “I haven’t had the pleasure.”</p><p>“Lucky you,” Arti mouthed, finally finding a glass for her to use. “Can you believe she left me for Black again?”</p><p>Mary cocked her head to the side. “Isn’t the Slytherin team supposed to be training right now?” She asked James.</p><p>James, who had started to frown from the moment he heard the word 'Black', nodded.</p><p>Before he could join Arti, Mary and Lily in the conversation, James felt someone pinch him on the shoulder. He turned abruptly with a pained noise, and found Marlene once again, smiling brightly, standing next to a tall, short-haired girl with glasses and flushed cheeks. "Jamie," Marlene greeted. "How nice that I find you right here, do you remember that cute girl I told you about last weekend?"</p><p>James opened his mouth in surprise, unprepared to come face to face with the girl Marlene wanted to get him involved with. Marlene gave him a meaningful — threatening— look silently motioning for him to get up and say hello to her friend. "Oh yeah, yeah, of course," James said, standing up to kindly extend his hand to the girl, who was almost as tall as he was. “I’m James, nice to meet you.”</p><p>The girl smiled sheepishly, "Nao Shio," she whispered. “Pleasure to meet you.”</p><p>"But look at you!" Marlene exclaimed, beaming, taking a step back. "You are adorable," she said confidently. "Come on, come on, sit down, get to know each other better," she hurried, grabbing James and the girl's shoulders and shoving them into two empty seats. "Imma leave you alone, have fun guys," she crooned as she walked away.</p><p>From where they were, James could still hear the conversation between the three girls. "Obviously," Arti was saying, looking at Mary, loud enough for James to hear glancingly. "Apparently Black had lent her his Quidditch sweater on the last trip to Hogsmeade and obviously she had to go give it back to him for today's game because now they have the kind of relationship in which they borrow each other's sweaters," she added with a grimace.</p><p>James narrowed an eyebrow, but before he could turn to continue listening, he remembered that he had the Hufflepuff girl waiting in front of him; he raised his head and gave her a smile. "So, Nao, what year are you in?"</p><p>"Seventh," she replied, loosening her tie, looking anxious. "Are you nervous about today's game?"</p><p>James breathed in a laugh. "Not really, we've been training for a long time, so I don't think we'll have any problems," he replied, scratching the back of his neck absently. "So, you like Quidditch?"</p><p>"Oh yeah," she replied. "I have this big Holyhead Harpies poster in my room that my friends laugh at all the time; now I can't because I'm at Hogwarts and all that, but when I was little, I didn't miss any of their games."</p><p>James nodded smiling; when he was about to respond, he caught some of the conversation taking place on the other side of him again.</p><p> "Not that I care, but seriously, are those two dating?"</p><p>"They say no."</p><p>"And what is that supposed to mean?"</p><p>Arti sighed heavily. "It means that on the one hand, you have Heather saying that she is not dating Regulus Black and on the other hand you have Heather hugging Black, wearing his sweaters to class, studying with him, going to the library together, and sitting surprisingly close to each other..." The girl babbled. "So, you decide what to believe."</p><p>"James?" He heard Nao ask.</p><p>James returned his attention to her, muttering an apology, fidgeting with his hands in his hair. "Uhm, and haven't you thought about playing Quidditch at Hogwarts?" He asked, trying to continue the conversation.</p><p>She sighed softly. "Well, not exactly," she replied. "I'm not very good at flying," she explained, adjusting her glasses against the bridge of her nose.</p><p>"Too bad, Quidditch is so much fun, and so much better when you play it yourself," he said.</p><p>"You are a very good chaser," Nao flattered. "I've seen you play- Well, the whole school has, but I mean, you're good at it."</p><p>"Well, I'm glad to hear that," he replied, grinning widely. "Hope to see you in the stands today," he added with a wink.</p><p>"Absolutely.”</p><p>Arti's voice crept into his ears again just as Nao added something. "Meh, I've talked to him several times and the kid isn't bad. I can appreciate a good sense of humour, and he's honestly smart," she said. "And you know, he looks <em>ridiculously</em> <em>peng</em>."</p><p>James wrinkled his nose, narrowing his eyes. Out of all the words he would have used to describe the little Black, 'peng' was surely not among them. Maybe 'tosser', 'wanker', ‘toff’, ‘twat’; but definitely not 'peng'.</p><p>“Isn’t that like a little too superficial?" Mary said quietly.</p><p>James pursed his lips, prepared to turn to them and tell them to stop talking nonsense, when he heard — finally— Nao whisper. "Oh well if you don't feel like it ..."</p><p>"What?" He asked, facing her with wide eyes. "No! Uhm- Excuse me, I just didn't hear the last thing you said."</p><p>“I was wondering if you would like us to go to Hogsmeade together on the next trip, but I mean, you don't have to...”</p><p>“No, no.” He interrupted her. “I would love to go Hogsmeade with you. The next trip is in two weeks, can I send you an owl to arrange the details?”</p><p>The girl smiled widely, nodding her head. "Of course!" She exclaimed. Afterwards, she gulped to relax and added shyly. "And you can tell me more about how cool it is to play Quidditch."</p><p>James thought the girl was pretty cute and quite nice, but the date still didn't seem like a good idea to him. James had always been very bad at rejecting people anyway.</p><p>He tried to have high hopes, though; maybe the cute and nice girl from Hufflepuff was the future love of his life.</p><p>"Uhm," he reached out to touch Lily's shoulder, drawing her attention. "Nao, do you know Lily?"</p><p>The two girls shared a smile, “Of course," Nao said. "Marlene had already introduced us, everything okay Lily?" She asked, holding out her hand for Lily to shake it.</p><p>"Yeah," the redhead answered. "Oh, so you were the perfect girl for James that Marlene has been talking about all week?" She asked with an amused smile.</p><p>"Now, that's embarrassing," Nao laughed, turning red.</p><p>"Oh nonsense; James is behaving like a real gentleman, I hope?"</p><p>Nao nodded, "Yes, of course," she said, smiling at James.</p><p>"Great," said Lily; after her, she glanced at her pocket watch and asked, "James, shouldn't you guys be already going to the pitch?"</p><p>"Uhm," James grabbed Lily's watch and glanced at it, worried he'd been distracted by the conversation and forgotten the time; then he breathed a sigh of relief. "No, no. We have to in half an hour."</p><p>"Oh sorry," Lily murmured; then she turned back to Nao and pointed at Mary and Arti with her hand. "I guess you don't know them, they're Arti Nair and Mary Macdonald, sixth year."</p><p>"Morning," Arti greeted, shaking her hand. Mary did the same, smiling kindly.</p><p>Lily looked at Arti and Nao, smiling. “And you guys, are you as excited as the rest of the school for today’s game?”</p><p>“Absolutel-” Nao was about to say, but Arti cut her in the middle of the sentence.</p><p>"Not even close," Arti replied. "I honestly don't understand why everyone gets so excited about the Gryffindor and Slytherin matches." At James's offended look, she quickly added. "I mean, don’t get me wrong, I understand that you guys are excited about the game, but the people at my house have been talking about plays and brooms all morning, and if I hear someone mention how good Vance and Sloper's Dopplebeater Defence is, I swear to Merlin himself I'll kill someone."</p><p>Lily laughed out loud. "Totally agree," she said with amusement. "I suppose it has to do with this old rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin, but still people go too off their heads.”</p><p>“Yeah! I get the whole ancient rivalry thing, but there's nowhere near the same excitement for Ravenclaw vs. Hufflepuff matches as for Gryffindor vs. Slytherin. Not even close.”</p><p>"I suppose it would be nice if there was so much hype for the matches in the rest of the houses," Nao whispered. "But that's how the sport works, I guess."</p><p>"Everybody looks forward to the Gryffindor vs. Slytherin matches because the whole school wants to see Slytherin humiliated," James declared sarcastically.</p><p>Arti nodded curtly. "Yeah, well, I guess that too," she murmured. "I mean, some Slytherins are fine; Zabini and Shafiq are nice and everything, <em>but the house as a whole is a no for me</em>."</p><p>"When I meet a Slytherin who's ‘fine’ I'll cut off my left testicle," James stated, firmly.</p><p>Arti made an unpleasant face. "What a graphic image," she whispered.</p><p>"My personal experience with the Slytherins isn't the best, so I'd rather be as far away from them as possible," Lily muttered, awkwardly sipping her juice.</p><p>"I don't know too many," Nao said quietly. "Actually, I don’t know any of them. Some of my friends have Slytherin friends, but I prefer not to get close to them,” she added, shrugging.</p><p>"No wonder," James commented.</p><p>Nao nodded. "Well, I think I should be going," she said, getting up from her seat. "Nice to meet you all," she added, smiling, waving at Arti and Mary. "I'll be waiting for your owl," she finally said, turning to James. "I really want to go to Hogsmeade with you."</p><p>James winked at her, nodding. "See you around Nao."</p><p>The girl waved goodbye; as James watched her walk away, he felt Lily nudge him in the arm. "See how it wasn't such a bad idea after all?" She crooned with a smirk. "She is really cute."</p><p>"She's nice," James agreed. "I mean, I know her for less than fifteen minutes, but she seems nice."</p><p>"Marlene is going to explode when she finds out that you asked her out on a date."</p><p>"Actually, she asked me out."</p><p>Lily raised an eyebrow. "Hm, determined, I like it," she murmured. "And now do me a favour and do not sink into your pit of misery, have high hopes, I think you two could make a good couple."</p><p>"I just m-"</p><p>"I know, I know," Lily sighed. "But you know; don't rule it out just because it's not the way you thought you would find the love of your life." She smiled slightly. "Do you know what <em>serendipity</em> is?"</p><p>James raised an eyebrow. "You know long words aren't my thing Evans."</p><p>Lily laughed, shaking her head. "Well look it up. <em>Or ask someone who knows about long words</em>."</p><p>James nodded, rolling his eyes. "How poetic you get sometimes, Lily."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Quidditch makes the young people aggressive -and horny</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>November 26th, 1977</em>
</p><p>
  <em>6.34 pm.</em>
</p><p>The cheers could be heard all over the ground; in the back of the Quidditch pitch, the Slytherin team was looking at Warrington’s playboard, hearing her loud tone of voice while she ranted about different plays and players they ought to be careful with.</p><p>The quidditch commentator was already welcoming the students from the four different houses. “How’re y’all in this fine Saturday evening?” A thunderous voice said through the microphone. “Oliver Doyle, by the way. The wizarding world’s next best-ever professional Quidditch commentator. That’s the plan, at least.”</p><p>Warrington finally put aside the playboard and had the team gather in a circle. “Well, this is it,” she said, already sweating. “We have to beat them, there’s no other option.”</p><p>The whole team nodded, determined. Rowle cracked his knuckles, and Carrow made a little noise that sounded a lot like a snarl.</p><p>“We have to go out in two minutes or so, so prepare yourselves mentally for what is coming, it will be a tough game,” he reached out to grab Regulus by the wrist, nodding her head for Rebastan to follow them. “Black, Lestrange, we have something to discuss.”</p><p>She led them to a secluded corner, so the rest of the team wouldn’t eavesdrop on them. “Have you been practising the Wronski feint?” She snapped at Regulus, who nodded rapidly. “And? You’ll be able to do it at the match?”</p><p>“Well, yeah, I think so,” Regulus answered. “I mean, I managed to do it at the practice, but maybe with the heat of the moment...”</p><p>“Forget about the heat of the moment!” She yelled. “Whether we win or lose is up to you, Black! Don’t screw it!”</p><p>“In these kinds of situations, people usually say ‘no pressure’ and call it a day,” he mumbled, rolling his eyes. “I can beat her, probably. As long as the Gryffindors don’t cheat.”</p><p>“If they cheat, we cheat first,” Arabella stated. “Rebastan and I have something planned in case you need help; if you find yourself in trouble, give us a signal and we’ll get her out of the way,” she murmured, with an almost scary look.</p><p>Rebastan nodded, with a haughty smile. “Just a little trick Rowle and I found in a book in the restricted section,” he said, smugly. “Trust us, baby Black, we’ll clean the way for you, and the only thing you’ll have to do is catch that snitch; as easy as stealing a candy from a child.”</p><p>“As long as it doesn’t include seriously hurting anyone, I really don’t give a damn about what ‘little trick’ you want to pull out,” Regulus said blankly, brushing his hair from his forehead.</p><p>“Of course not, Reggie,” Rebastan said, smirking. “It’s just a game, we wouldn’t hurt anyone,” he added with a laugh. “Don’t be nervous.”</p><p>Regulus gave Rebastan a sly look. “I’m not nervous. And don’t call me Reggie.”</p><p>“You better not be,” Warrington chimed in. “You can beat that harridan with your eyes closed, you have done it before. The fact that they have trained a little more than necessary only indicates that they are not sure they can beat us either.”</p><p>“I know, Arabella.”</p><p>“Please welcome the beloved Gryffindor team!” Quidditch commentator’s voice yelled again.</p><p>From the place where the Slytherin team was, it could be heard how the brooms of the other team’s players broke the wind, rising with speed up to the sky. “Owen Anthony! Gryffindor’s new keeper.” Oliver yelled.  “He’s a good lad but still owns me ten sickles,” a small snort that seemed to come from a woman was heard in the background through the microphone. “It was just a fun fact professor. Look at the beaters, Vance and Sloper!”</p><p>The cheers from the audience shook the stands, and Warrington looked down at the vibrating wood with a disapproving frown. “Come on, we’re about to go out there.”</p><p>“The seeker, McKinnon!” Doyle exclaimed again; a particularly loud exclamation from the stands was heard, and then Doyle added, “Woohoo! We hope to see such a good twirl in the game blondie!”</p><p>Regulus followed his captain down the bleachers. “And there are the chasers! The stars of the team!” Doyle exclaimed excitedly. “Justin and Dakota! And of course, the captain, James Potter! I heard some teams in the professional leagues have their sights set on our star chaser, so hurry up girls! Potter won’t be on the market for long!”</p><p>The stands welcomed James as if he were a professional player, they cheered him more than any other. Regulus could almost imagine that stupid grin James gave to the stands at every game, or the ridiculous wink with which he thought he was the master of the world.</p><p>“Pathetic,” Arabella muttered, with disgust in her voice. “Prepare the brooms!” She exclaimed.</p><p>“And on the other side, we have the Slytherin team!” Doyle exclaimed.</p><p>At that moment Arabella gave the signal for everyone to take off. They passed through the curtains that covered the inside of the stands, and a sudden light blinded them for a few seconds. The morning sun had disappeared several hours ago, and the sky was cloudy, full of grey clouds that seemed to augur rain for the night.</p><p>Regulus felt the pleasant softness of the wind on his face. The force of the air was pulling his hair back, and the only thing that could be heard were the sounds that came from the stands. The cheers were significantly lower, though the Slytherin bleachers screamed with all their might, welcoming their players.</p><p>Regulus looked around, finding himself surrounded by the entire Hogwarts student body, who watched both teams expectantly for the game to begin.</p><p>Most of the time, Regulus simply preferred to avoid the spotlight; being the main attraction was just not his thing. However, having all eyes on him as he flew around the pitch was one of the sensations he most enjoyed. He liked to hear the commentator shout his name when his hand closed around the snitch; he rejoiced like no one at seeing the disappointment and anger on the faces of the rival team when they found out that they had lost.</p><p>And those times when both seekers would dive towards the snitch, pushing each other, trying to make the other fall off the broom, and his arm reached out to catch the ball and caught it inches from the other seeker’s face… Merlin.</p><p>The bewildered face; The seconds they spent staring at Regulus’s clenched fist absently, trying to process that they had lost the match. <em>Fuck, he loved that.</em></p><p>“The chasers! Carrow, Nott and Pucey!” Doyle yelled while the three mentioned did pirouettes on their brooms, showing off their skills. “And there’s the keeper, Rowle!”</p><p>The Gryffindor stands were booing —exactly as the Slytherin stands had booed seconds before. The Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw bleachers were quiet, even though they had loudly cheered the Gryffindor players before; only a few members softly applauded the Slytherin players who were being named by Doyle, some out of mere politeness, others because some of their friends were part of the Slytherin house and wanted to support their team but were too embarrassed at the idea of being the only ones yelling and cheering to do so.</p><p>The Slytherin stands were an entirely different story. They cheered and screamed with all their might. Regulus watched gracefully how some first-years had drawn banners and were waving them enthusiastically in the air. ‘It looks very <em>Black</em> for Gryffindor!’, ‘Warrington for president!’, or ‘You are <em>Nott</em> gonna win you Gryffindor <em>Puceys</em>!’ were some of the sentences that could be read.</p><p>Rowle gave a dry laugh while Oliver Doyle called out the beaters’ names. “First years got into puns, huh?”</p><p>Hannah Pucey, flying between Rowle and Regulus, snorted as she glared at the Slytherin bleachers. “Shut up,” she muttered angrily.</p><p>“And there is Regulus Black! Slytherin Seeker!” Doyle exclaimed, and Regulus searched the stands for his friends. Among the Ravenclaw seats, he found Heather sitting next to an Indian girl named Arti. She seemed completely uninterested in the match, her face buried in a book, although when Regulus’s name was mentioned she raised her head to give him a smile from her seat. “It is said that Black has been practising some tricky plays this morning; does he have any tricks that will allow Slytherin to win the game and take the top of the leader boards this season, or does it just indicate that <em>the little Black</em> is nervous about facing Gryffindor’s favourite girl? Stay and find out!”</p><p>“‘The Little Black’?” Regulus repeated, with an offended grimace. “Excuse me, kiddo, but I’m literally older than you.”</p><p>“Even the first years call you ‘little Black,’ Regulus,” remarked Nott, who was flying by and had overheard his silent complaint. “Face it, you will die with that name.”</p><p>Regulus rolled his eyes. “Oh yes, I can almost imagine my grave; ‘Here lies the little Black, beloved son and cousin. Devilishly intelligent. Succeeded at failing. Actually, his real name was Regulus but no one ever really called him that.’”</p><p>Nott gave a dry laugh. “If we lose the game today, you will be adding to your eulogy ‘premature death’, because Warrington could honestly murder us all and then kill herself if we don’t win this rubbish.”</p><p>Their little pre-match chat was interrupted by the whistle of Madame Hooch, calling for all the players from both teams to meet in midfield. Nott nodded at him before twisting the broom and flying toward the woman, and most of the players did the same.</p><p>Regulus started to head to midfield with the rest of the team, but first glanced around the court, inspecting the players who were still greeting the crowd, as if they were in a professional league game, smiling smugly and arrogantly, with <em>that</em> expression that practically said ‘get ready to see how to play Quidditch for real’.</p><p>It seemed like Regulus had almost asked to meet the sight of James Potter, riding his broom in the air; the wind ruffled his hair, and his smirk told you that he wore the red and gold of his uniform with pride. It was hard not to notice James’ presence on a pitch. When it was time for the game, he became the protagonist. Not that he wasn’t always the centre of attention everywhere he went, but on the broom, his presence was even more impressive.</p><p>
  <em>God, how he hated that guy.</em>
</p><p>There was a moment when James noticed Regulus’s eyes on him, and for just a couple of seconds, he stopped paying attention to the cheers of the audience and turned his gaze to Regulus.</p><p>Their eyes met, James raised an eyebrow, prompting Regulus to challenge him in some way. <em>‘Come on, do something snake, I dare you</em>,’ written all over his face.</p><p>Oh god, how he wanted to wipe that smile off his face.</p><p>The image of James with a puzzled face as he realized that they had lost the game that he seemed so sure of winning was one of the most beautiful images Regulus could think of.</p><p>Regulus had never given a shit about James Potter. All he knew —and wanted to know— about him was that he hated him. Ever since that first letter he got from his brother as a ten-year-old talking about that super cool friend he had made at Hogwarts and that Regulus was going to <em>love</em>.</p><p>Since the first time he saw him walk away with his brother down the hall on Regulus’s second day at Hogwarts after Sirius forgot <em>— or just ignored the fact</em>— that he had a brother. Since the first time he saw him attack Severus and Mulciber and Barty from behind down the hallways. Since the first time he saw him play Quidditch and shoot <em>that damn smile</em> into the stands.</p><p>He didn’t know him and didn’t want to. All he knew was that he hated him, and for six years that had worked perfectly. All Regulus remembered James Potter for was to snort disapprovingly and tell his friends some sarcastic comment about how such a small brain could coexist in the same world as his own.</p><p>But since <em>that</em> night, in <em>that</em> classroom, the existence of James Potter had gone from being a small piece of shit that had collaborated in making his life miserable to being a great pile of garbage that Regulus <em>would like to set on fire</em> and laugh at its ashes.</p><p>Perhaps he was angrier at himself rather than at James — after all, Regulus had always had an easier time blaming himself than blaming others— but the memory of giving James the power to tear him apart infuriated him. Giving James the ability to put questions into his head — in fact, he’d only brought up questions Regulus had already asked himself and tried to drown with all his might; <em>but he’d never admit that out loud</em>— infuriated him; every time he wondered why the fuck he was doing what he was doing he would get furious.</p><p>And with even more fury, he remembered that he had never been able to set anything on fire. Because, while Sirius, or his parents, or his cousins, were born with destruction and fire in their blood, he seemed to be made of gasoline;<em> he didn’t burn people, people burned him, </em>with an almost worrying ease.</p><p>It infuriated him that James had managed to go from someone he would like to <em>see</em> disappear, to someone he would like to <em>make</em> disappear.</p><p>Anyway, he knew there was nothing he could do, so he was going to try to satisfy his anger — probably without success— by at least wiping <em>that smile </em>from James’ face.</p><p>Regulus snorted, accompanied with a sneer. When he made such faces, he became the spitting image of his mother, who was well known for never smiling.</p><p>If James was planning to do something about the utter disregard Regulus had directed at him, he never got to find out what, because as soon as Madame Hooch blew the whistle again, he flew into the centre of the field, leaving James and his arrogance behind.</p><p>“You know how this works, gentlemen,” the woman said, glancing at the players as the last of them approached. Hannah Pucey, Marlene McKinnon, and Emmeline Vance cleared their throats. “And ladies. I want fair play. If we catch any player cheating their team automatically loses the match. When the snitch is caught, the match is over. Questions?”</p><p>With only silence as an answer, the professor glanced at the two captains; James and Arabella stood on either side of Hooch, giving each other murderous glances from time to time. “You know what you have to do.”</p><p>Arabella was the first to extend her hand, a determined frown flooding her face. James quickly shook her, narrowing his eyes smugly.</p><p>“Good luck,” James muttered. “You are going to need it.”</p><p>“I would wish you good luck, but not even that could help you now,” Warrington responded slyly.</p><p>“To your positions!” Hooch exclaimed. “I insist, I want fair play! From both teams!”</p><p>The brooms rose again, Marlene and Regulus were the ones who flew the highest, having a panoramic view of the pitch and all the people in the stands. Facing each other, they gave each other a dry look, before looking down at the rest of the players, who were circling from the air the point where Madame Hooch was going to start the match.</p><p>“And there is Hooch with the snitch!” Doyle exclaimed, his voice echoing in the silence of the field. “Take a good look at it, next time we see it, it will be in possession of one of those two who are flying over everyone,” the gazes from the stadium turned to Regulus and Marlene, as if the students didn’t already know who the seekers were.</p><p>Madame Hooch held up a small wooden box in which the Snitch was kept. As she opened it and the light touched the Snitch’s brilliant golden metal, it spread its wings and flew through the air. Both Regulus and Marlene tried to follow it with their gaze, but they both lost sight of it after a few seconds.</p><p>At one end of the field, Filch waited by the chest in which the Bludgers were kept, which would be released the instant the game began.</p><p>When Madam Hooch pulled out the Quaffle and held it at arm’s length, preparing to launch it, Regulus caught the mouth-watering of the chasers. James tightened his grip on his broom, in anticipation, and Carrow tossed her reddish hair back, keeping it from bothering her when she needed to dive for the ball.</p><p>As Hooch launched the Quaffle into the sky, Filch opened the chest with the Bludgers, which started to fly mindlessly across the field. Before Doyle had time to yell “The game starts!” all six chasers had already aggressively launched for the Quaffle, and they all seemed to be fighting over it in the air, while the beaters already had to deal with small attacks from Bludgers.</p><p>Regulus flew around the pitch, trying to get a better perspective of the field, ignoring the hubbub that was taking place a few feet below him.</p><p>“It looks like Pucey... No, Potter... No, Pucey again- No, now it’s Dakota- Dakota takes possession of the Quaffle!” Doyle exclaimed. “She heads for the goalposts! She passes it to Potter! Who passes it to Justin! Justin flies in possession of the Quaffle!”</p><p>“Justin stands in front of the goalpost! Looks like he’s going to throw- Rowle prepares to stop the Quaffle! Justin in position! Possible first ten points for Gryffindor! Justin is going to the- JUSTIN FEINTS AND HANDS IT TO POTTER!”</p><p>Regulus stopped searching for the snitch for a few seconds to look at the rest of the players. James was holding the Quaffle ready to throw it. Rebastan tried to destabilize him with a Bludger, but he dodged it —with admirable skill—and tossed the Quaffle into one of the outer goalposts as he did so. Rowle, who had already prepared to stop a Quaffle thrown by Justin into the hoop at the opposite end, barely had time to brush it with his fingertips.</p><p>“Ten- nil to Gryffindor!” Doyle exclaimed, moving the marker signs to make it 10-0. The stands erupted in applause, and Regulus swore he could hear several people cheering James’s name from the Gryffindor bleachers.</p><p>From the corner of his eye, he watched as Marlene jumped on her broom, making a celebratory gesture with her raised fist. Arabella yelled something to Rowle, who was already handing the Quaffle back to Carrow, ready to start the counterattack and even the scores.</p><p>“Carrow passes it to Pucey! Pucey in possession of the Quaffle! A Bludger from Vance approaches... And she dodges it with a successful Sloth Grip Roll! Pucey heads to the goalposts! She passes it to Nott! Nott in possession of the Quaffle!”</p><p>Something inside Regulus’s head told him to move to the right at that very moment. Almost heavily, as if his instincts annoyed him more than anything else, he stepped out of the way, and almost brushing his face, passed a Bludger that had escaped the beaters. Within seconds, Rebastan Lestrange flew by, chasing the Bludger.</p><p>“He’s getting closer to the goalposts! Anthony prepares to stop the Quaffle! Dakota and Potter are hot on Nott’s heels! Potter accelerates and stands next to Nott! Nott does a twirl to avoid him! He passes it to Pucey! Pucey does a magnificent Chelmondiston Charge…! Oh! <em>Better luck next time</em> <em>Slytherin</em>!”</p><p>“Doyle, just comment on the game, impartially.” Professor McGonagall’s voice said.</p><p>“It’s not okay to limit creativity, Professor,” Doyle dryly answered. “Anthony has stopped the Quaffle and Gryffindor is back in possession!”</p><p>Regulus saw McKinnon out of the corner of his eye circling the field, and remembered that he had other things to do than watch the game. He quickly scanned the pitch, ignoring the swirls of green and red that flew back and forth, looking for the slightest sign of a golden ball.</p><p>He pulled away just in time for another Bludger to hit him, and decided to descend to the lower part of the pitch to see if he could find anything.</p><p>Without needing to turn around, he noticed how Marlene was watching him warily, trying to deliberate whether he had seen the snitch or not. If the girl was going to be so attentive to his movements, tricking her with a feint was going to be a doddle.</p><p>(…)</p><p>“And another goal from Carrow!” Doyle’s booming voice exclaimed, causing Regulus to narrow his eyes in annoyance. “That leaves the scoreboard at seventy-ninety to Gryffindor! No trace of the snitch has been seen yet. Come on blondie! Black! Spice things up a little!”</p><p>Regulus gave him a look of deep annoyance. “Do you want to come here to see how you manage?” He muttered under his breath, knowing Oliver couldn’t hear him.</p><p>Marlene just raised her middle finger and brazenly showed it to Doyle. “I’m just saying what we’re all thinking!” He defended himself, with a laugh; Although part of the audience had laughed, Regulus doubted that Marlene had found it funny. “Anthony passes the Quaffle to Potter! Gryffindor opts for a Hawkshead Attacking Formation with Potter in the centre! The Quaffle passes from Dakota to Justi- Ouch! A Bludger from Lestrange straight to the face makes him lose possession- the Quaffle falls tow- <em>Yes</em>! Potter regains possession and heads to the goalposts! Dakota follows behind! Rowle prepares to st- WARRINGTON INTERCEPTS POTTER AND STAMPS AGAINST HIM! “</p><p>Regulus watched as Arabella fllew off to intercept James midway, causing him to drop the Quaffle and nearly fall off the broom in the process. James pushed her hard and went down after the Quaffle, but Hooch blew the whistle before he had time to move more than a few feet. “Penalty for Gryffindor!” Doyle announced, and the Slytherin stands erupted in boos.</p><p>Well, he needed to find that snitch, because things were looking pretty ugly for Slytherin.</p><p>James scored the goal, because obviously no one conceived the possibility of James Potter missing a damn penalty. “Seventy- Hundred to Gryffindor,” Doyle exclaimed, as if Regulus needed a reminder.</p><p>He watched James bump fists with the jerks of the rest of the Gryffindor team, and there it was again.</p><p>
  <em>That damn smile.</em>
</p><p>One corner of his mouth was slightly raised, showing his upper teeth. His left eyebrow was arched, and his eyes looked confidently at everything behind those dorky glasses.</p><p>On land he insisted on constantly ruffling his hair, to make it look as if he had just got off the broom, because he thought it made him look very cool. But in the air, he didn’t need it; his hair, already naturally messy and generally hideous, had that wind-blown look, messy from movement, tossed about by match turmoil.</p><p>His confidence was overwhelming; it was annoying. Regulus hated it; hated him. He wanted to take the wind out of his sail. He wanted to put an end to that smile.</p><p>Thank goodness Regulus had good reflexes —come on, he was a seeker for a reason— because with that mania he had for monologizing to the universe so occasionally, he was easily distracted from what was happening around him; <em>so thank goodness Regulus had good reflexes</em>, because if that golden ball that was passing so close to his head had escaped him, the poor boy would have become a victim of a brutal murder carried out by his team captain.</p><p>It was not a moment before Regulus dove after the Snitch. He saw perfectly how the two wings flapped so fast at its sides that it was hard to see anything more than a trail of gold in motion. “Ah? What? It seems Black has finally seen the Snitch!” Doyle yelled.</p><p>He caught sight of the mop of blond hair looming behind him from the corner of his eye, seeing that McKinnon had wasted no time starting to follow him. He tried to block her path so that Marlene wouldn’t get to his side, losing speed and losing proximity to the Snitch.</p><p>Regulus dared to look away from the Snitch for a mere second to analyse how far McKinnon was from him and make a quick calculation as to which would be the smartest option at the moment.</p><p>Marlene looked around him, searching for the Snitch, and Regulus realized that Marlene had not seen the Snitch herself, but had only followed Regulus after he gave a sign of having seen the ball, and now she was trying to find it among the commotion of players and noise that now had all their attention riveted on them.</p><p>When he turned forward, the Snitch was changing direction, flying forward, parallel to the field, but Regulus did not change course.</p><p>He plummeted to the ground, and lived through the tense seconds of his life as he waited to see if Marlene was still following him or if she had been able to see the snitch for herself and was leaving Regulus behind.</p><p>He turned his head a little, just enough to glance back.</p><p>
  <em>Yes! Fucking yes!</em>
</p><p>Marlene was still looking for the Snitch like an idiot somewhere in front of Regulus’s head, who could not contain a smirk when he saw that his deception had worked. He was very close to hitting the ground, but if he wanted to get Marlene to plummet to the ground without having time to stop, he had to risk things a little.</p><p>The last time he had tried the damn Wronski Feint he had broken his arm and his parents almost forced him to leave the team; if this went wrong, he wasn’t going to need Warrington to beat him to death with his own broom, he was going to take care of tying stones to his ankles and jumping into the black lake.</p><p>He just needed a few more seconds.</p><p>Come on, just little more.</p><p>Almost…</p><p>
  <em>Now!</em>
</p><p>Regulus raised the broom as fast as he could; His knees brushed the ground, and he was really surprised that the back of his broom didn’t break when it hit slightly against the land; Perhaps he had delayed a bit the moment of feinting the direction, but you know what people say, <em>no guts no glory.</em></p><p>He heard Marlene slam to the ground, yelling in pain. For a moment he worried that the girl had really hurt herself, but when he turned his head around, he found her sitting on the ground, looking up angrily and reaching for her broom, which had fallen a considerable distance from her, to get back on it, so Regulus guessed that the scream had been more of surprise and anger than pain.</p><p>“Regulus Black has tricked the Gryffindor seeker with a tremendously risky Wronski Feint!” Doyle yelled in admiration. “And now he’s heading for the Snitch, this time for real! It’s completely unlikely that McKinnon will recover in time to reach the Snitch before Black! It seems that luck has turned in Slytherin’s favour!”</p><p>The Slytherin stands screamed with all their might. Regulus flew as fast as the broom could; the snitch was far away, but not so far away that Regulus couldn’t reach it. He dodged a Bludger that was coming from behind him, and thanked all his ancestors whose name he remembered for having blessed him with clairvoyance.</p><p>The next day he would probably be complaining because ‘No, Barty, being a seer is not super cool, and I definitely don’t like to predict that your pumpkin juice is going to spill during dinner’, but at that moment, god, he would have blown a kiss to the universe.</p><p>Accelerate a little more, he only needed to accelerate a little bit more and his fingers could practically brush against the Snitch’s wings.</p><p>He felt another Bludger coming at him, and he had to slow down a bit and push his outstretched arm away. He cursed when he saw the Snitch moving away from him; and then he cursed again when he heard Doyle saying, “It looks like McKinnon has already gotten the broom back and is to join the game again! You better hurry up little Black!”</p><p>He was hurrying, boy was he hurrying. He heard Warrington stop a Bludger near him, and he stretched his arm even further, having once again closed the distance with the Snitch.</p><p>His fingers brushed against the metal, a few inches more and he could clench his fist and claim victory. “McKinnon is hot on his heels! Although it seems that Black already has his hands on the prize!”</p><p>Should he have expected someone to get in his way just as he was about to savour victory?</p><p><em>Evidently</em>.</p><p>A Quaffle; a bloody Quaffle pushed its way between Regulus and the Snitch.</p><p>It barely did more than slap his hand, but managed to re-establish distance between Regulus and his long-awaited treasure; and when he wanted to gain proximity again, the Quaffle’s launcher appeared with defiance, getting in his way, forcing Regulus to brake.</p><p>He looked up with rage, fury, <em>fire</em>.</p><p>Clearly that shitty smile caught him off guard. On the other hand, the messy hair, the raised brow, and the challenging gaze brought him back.</p><p>
  <em>Oh, boy did it bring him back.</em>
</p><p>He ignored James Potter’s look and grin like it was nothing; he watched as McKinnon passed them by, and how she approached the snitch as he watched from behind, with James Potter still standing in front of him, almost scoffing at the anger that washed over him<em>.</em></p><p>
  <em>How unfortunate.</em>
</p><p>“Arabella!” He exclaimed, as loud as he could, having no idea where the girl was on the field.</p><p>
  <em>He really didn’t want to resort to unorthodox methods.</em>
</p><p>Warrington gave him a hysterical look, reminding him that the Snitch was moving away from him — and taking the victory with it— and he was doing nothing to prevent it. “<em>Do it!</em>” Regulus screeched, having no idea what he was allowing Arabella to do.</p><p>
  <em>But winning is winning, one way or another.</em>
</p><p>Arabella looked at him blankly for a moment; then she whistled at Rebastan, who put on the evilest smile Regulus had ever seen him give. James looked from Warrington to him, uncomprehending, ready for some attack.</p><p>Rebastan waved the bat which he hit the Bludgers with, so that it didn’t look suspicious at all. The commentator was practically shouting victory for Gryffindor when Marlene screeched.</p><p>Regulus couldn’t say for sure what happened after that.</p><p>He heard James call out Marlene’s name as he passed him, his gaze fixed on the Snitch.</p><p>
  <em>And then the sounds of the Quidditch pitch got louder in his head.</em>
</p><p>He felt the knot that formed in his stomach every time something around him was about to go tremendously wrong, and knew that at that moment the best thing would be to stop the broom and see what the hell was happening in the field.</p><p>And he decided to do what at any other time when he was in full rational faculties he would not have done.</p><p>He sent his instincts to hell and chased the golden ball because on the one hand he had a mere knot in his stomach and on the other he had the Slytherin stands cheering his name, the choice was obvious.</p><p>Ironically, Regulus was sometimes carried away by his own stupidity.</p><p>Anyway, you know, <em>the heat of the moment.</em></p><p>He’d heard Doyle say something about Marlene stopping suddenly, but it didn’t seem like anyone was paying any attention to her at the moment. “Black recovers and goes for the snitch! It’s the tensest chase I have ever seen! Will one of them be done at once with the Snitch or we will have to wait a little longer to see who finally wins the first derby of the season?!” Gryffindor stands booed, Slytherin stands clapped. “What’s wrong with McKinnon?” Doyle asked through the microphone. “Looks like she’s been attacked by a bee or something. Wow! Fortune doesn’t seem to smile on Gryffindor today! Too bad, they were the favourites of the season! Don’t lose hope lions, maybe McKinnon will recover and turn the tables! Although... Black seems to be already savouring the prize.”</p><p>Many Bludgers flew near him, and the other two chasers seemed to be trying to repeat James’ previous attack with the Quaffle, but it mattered little when Regulus already had his fingers on the Snitch.</p><p>“Black is close! McKinnon doesn’t look like ... Is she flying around? The Gryffindor seeker has lost her mind and Black takes the opportunity to...”</p><p>He stopped hearing the noises from the field the moment his hand closed around the Snitch.</p><p>“Regulus Black has caught the Snitch! The marking is Two hundred and twenty- Hundred to Slytherin! Slytherin wins the match!”</p><p>The Slytherin stands erupted in applause. The team descended to the ground with raised fists, claiming victory. Regulus held the Snitch proudly between his fingers, watching hypnotically as it flapped its wings caught in his hand.</p><p>“You were great, Regulus!” Pucey exclaimed, grinning widely. “God! We have won!”</p><p>“Tonight we have to celebrate it!” Alecto Carrow exclaimed, hitting Regulus on the shoulder hard. “Nott, you’ve been awesome,” she added enthusiastically. “Your first goal? Damn! Anthony was blinking like an idiot!”</p><p> “BUGGERING HELL!” Regulus heard Doyle squeal, as Arabella walked up to him to congratulate them, interrupting the celebrations. “McKinnon fell off the broom!”</p><p>His neck twisted like a spring, and he found the disturbing image of Marlene McKinnon writhing in the air as she fell to the ground. Regulus watched with wide eyes as her team members flew towards her at full speed to try to break her fall.</p><p>Haley Dakota was about to grab her wrist in the air when Hooch raised her wand and cast a spell that made Marlene appear on the ground of the field safe and sound, although she was writhing on the ground like crazy, scratching her clothes and hair, as if trying to get rid of something that was itching all over her body.</p><p>Rebastan gave a little laugh, as if to say ‘oops, my bad,’ and then waved his wand as quietly as he could to made some sort of beetle land on his hand. Marlene continued to stir for a few more seconds until she finally calmed down, breathing irregularly with tears in her eyes.</p><p>“What have you done to her?” Regulus asked, looking away from the Gryffindors and Hooch, who were gathering around Marlene, to turn to Rebastan with unsure eyes.</p><p>Rebastan gave another laugh. “Nothing too serious,” he replied dryly, patting him on the back. “Good job Reggie, we’ve won because of you.” Regulus gave him an insistent look, and Rebastan snorted heavily. “See this?” He asked showing Regulus the beetle. It was red, although certain parts of its body had golden colours; ironically, it seemed to have been designed by a Gryffindor. “I nicked it from Kettleburn’s office, I don’t remember its name, but I know they act somehow like Cornish pixies, only they’re smaller and more aggressive. I threw this in that <em>louse</em>’s hair, and you see, the result has been successful.”</p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, he saw James arguing with Madame Hooch while pointing his finger blatantly at them, and Hooch giving him an apologetic look, shaking her head.</p><p>“It was them! I saw it!” Screamed James.</p><p>
  <em>There was no longer a smile on his face.</em>
</p><p>“I’m sorry Mr Potter, but I haven’t seen anything suspicious-”</p><p>“Don’t give me that rubbish! I don’t understand how you still haven’t banned the Slytherin team after all the cheating they did during the last season! It’s obvious it was them!”</p><p>“Miss McKinnon has been attacked by an insect in the middle of the game, I don’t see what is suspicious in-”</p><p>“Oh! Come on now! Are you fucking kidding?!”</p><p>He directed an irate glance at the Slytherin team, and his gaze then fell on Regulus, who was more attentive to seeing Marlene get up from the ground helped by Anthony and Dakota than to see the argument.</p><p>“And you...!”</p><p>“Mr Potter!” Hooch exclaimed, watching as James walked away from her and headed by leaps and bounds to the Slytherin team. Arabella seemed ready to challenge him, just as Rebastan and Rowle seemed to rejoice in his anger. Regulus, for his part, didn’t really notice him until he felt James grab his shoulder tightly and slam his fist into his face.</p><p>He felt the pain in his jaw, and how the blow had pushed him back. When he raised his head in bewilderment, not expecting such a sudden attack, he found James’s face burning. His eyes, behind his glasses, were the picture of anger, and his eyebrows were no longer up with derision, but down with rage.</p><p>
  <em>Oh yeah, his face was definitely better that way.</em>
</p><p>Hannah Pucey seemed to be about to hex James with her wand when Regulus’s hand slammed into his cheek. He saw how the palm of his hand had left a red mark on James’s cheek, and he quickly felt how James grabbed him by the collar of his uniform and brought him closer.</p><p>Hannah and Nott were yelling something at Hooch, but Regulus was only paying attention to the words James was saying inches from his face.</p><p>“I knew I wasn’t wrong when I said you were a bad person,” he snapped, shaking him in the air, ready to land another blow.</p><p>“<em>I never said you were</em>,” Regulus replied dryly, shoving James away.</p><p>After that, their fight turned into chaos. James pushed Regulus, grabbing his clothes and pulling him to the ground, Regulus dragged James with him, hitting his shoulders hard. There were a punch and some other kicks, and at some point, they noticed how some hands were trying to grab them by their shoulders to separate them, but they were moving too fanatically for anyone to be able to do it.</p><p>What finally separated them was the spell that Hooch cast angrily, propelling them both backwards like some kind of firecracker placed between them.</p><p>Regulus was breathing irregularly; James and he shared a look of deep anger as he noticed how Hannah grabbed his arm and asked if he was okay. Arabella was yelling at Hooch something about how James was a mindless gorilla who deserved to be in a cage when the professor raised her hand to silence her.</p><p>Hooch lowered the wand looking completely offended. She scanned both Regulus and James with a critical eye, then yelled, “This is unacceptable! One would expect more from two sixth- and seventh-year students! And even more so considering that one of them is a head boy, Mr Potter!” When James was about to jump to his own defence, Hooch added, to finish the job. “Detention! Both of you!”</p><p>(…)</p><p>“You should be ashamed,” the stern voice of Professor McGonagall scolded.</p><p>James and Regulus had been dragged off the court to Professor McGonagall’s office by Professor Hooch about fifteen minutes ago, and at that moment they were sitting in two chairs in front of the professor’s desk listening to how unacceptable their behaviour had been, how tremendously ashamed she was that some of her students had such a way of dealing with the results of a ridiculous Quidditch match, and how they were going to be grounded all weekend to reflect on their actions.</p><p>Regulus sat idly in his chair, listening to the teacher speak without making eye contact with her, preferring to watch the fickle flames of the fireplace instead. Every now and then he would snort when Professor Slughorn —who was standing behind Professor McGonagall— added some unfortunate comment; but he had not contributed anything substantial to the conversation for the moment.</p><p>James was another matter, he was arguing avidly with both teachers, demanding for the match to be repeated, or for Gryffindor to be given the victory outright, since Slytherin had obviously cheated.</p><p>“That is not the issue we are discussing, Mr Potter,” McGonagall snapped, for the sixth time. “Mr Black has caught the Snitch clea-”</p><p>“Bollocks!”</p><p>“Mr Potter!” McGonagall exclaimed, once again, causing James to finally shut up. “Enough! You two have had a deplorable attitude!” She exclaimed again. “One would expect you to honour Gryffindor values and have a little more decency when it comes to losing a game! But you’ve chosen to act like a brainless lion instead!” She then turned to Regulus, with the same stern gaze, and cleared her throat when she saw that Regulus was not paying attention to the conversation. “Mr Black, I would appreciate it if you would honour us with your attention and not act like the conversation has nothing to do with you.”</p><p>Regulus turned to Professor McGonagall, waiting for her to add something, and she gestured for Slughorn to scold his student. “Oh!” Slughorn exclaimed, realizing it was his turn to speak. “I fully agree with Professor McGonagall, young man, it is completely unacceptable behaviour, and very unbecoming of you!”</p><p>“I just defended myself,” he replied passively.</p><p>“You shouldn’t have followed Mr Potter’s game, I thought you were smarter than that, Regulus. One would expect something like that from your brother, but certainly not from you-”</p><p>“I don’t see the need to compare students, Horace,” McGonagall interrupted, giving the professor a cold glance. “And of course, I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk about my students like that, much less when they are not present,” she discarded the option of letting Slughorn continue talking and stared at Regulus instead. “It takes two to tango, Mr Black,” she said simply. “You two will be punished on Friday, Saturday and Sunday of next week; from four o’clock until you finish what is ordered.”</p><p>“Don’t you think that three afternoons of punishment copying phrases or cleaning the trophy room is a bit of a stretch for a punch and a smack?” Regulus replied bitterly, interrupting the teacher. “We got into a fight, okay, so? It’s not like we set the pitch on fire.”</p><p>“We will decide what punishment is sufficient, Mr Black.”</p><p>“Besides, are you going to punish us together? What kind of school punishes two students who got into a fight by putting them in the same room for an entire afternoon and hoping they don’t kill each other?”</p><p>“Mr Black! Enough!” McGonagall cut him off. “If you have a problem with traditional methods of punishment you might want us to get a little more creative with your case!”</p><p>“Be my guest,” Regulus hissed, with an irritating sneer.</p><p>James scowled at Regulus, but before he had time to tell him to shut up, Professor McGonagall snapped, “In that case, Professor Kettleburn would be delighted to have you help him clean up the herd of Imps that have arrived from Germany this week.”</p><p>Regulus cursed under his breath. “In my opinion, Imps are the friendliest creatures.”</p><p>“Especially when they kick,” James muttered, glaring at Regulus, remembering his ordeal with an Imp in sixth year. “This is fucking brilliant.”</p><p>“Language, Mr Potter.” McGonagall hissed. “And now, Mr Black, if you’ve finished making inappropriate comments, you are free to go,” she said dryly. “I’d like to exchange a few words with Mr Potter, if you don’t mind.”</p><p>“Why would I ever mind?” He asked disinterestedly, getting up from his seat, dragging the chair purposefully in the process. “Good afternoon,” he said, turning around and heading for the office door at a brisk pace.</p><p>He slipped through the office door and closed it behind him; when he found himself back in the hallway, he gave an irate snort. “<em>Son of a bitch</em>,” he mumbled, scornfully.</p><p>“Now you talk to yourself? Did he really hit you that hard?”</p><p>Regulus turned to the source of the sound; leaning against one of the hallway windows were Barty and Heather, watching him sardonically.</p><p>“I’m not in the mood.”</p><p>“We can see that,” Heather said, rising from the windowsill and approaching him, one eyebrow raised. “Now you get into fights with Gryffindors, Reggie? I thought you were smarter.”</p><p>“Oh, shut up Brown,” Barty snapped, slapping Heather aside and putting an arm around Regulus’s shoulders. “Little Reggie is finally growing up,” he hissed mockingly. “He smashed a Gryffindor’s face. I’m so proud.”</p><p>“Do you want to be next?”</p><p>Barty gave a dry laugh. “I’d like to see you try,” he sighed. “This is the first time you get detention and it is not my fault, I am so proud to see that you are finally following in my footsteps.”</p><p>Regulus gave him a withering look, slapping his hand away from his shoulder. “Clowns, you two, fucking clowns.”</p><p>Heather rolled her eyes harshly. “Language.” She reached out to grasp his chin and lifted his head, inspecting his jaw. “Tsk. My brother sure has a potion to remove that bruise, do you want me to help you heal it?”</p><p>“No, no,” Barty hurried, shoving Heather away. “You have right here the prove that Reggie is <em>a real man</em> and you want to erase it?” He asked her, in an offended tone. “<em>It enhances his masculinity</em>.”</p><p>Heather grimaced in disgust as she raised an eyebrow and pushed Barty away to grab Regulus again. “If you think a bruise ‘enhances masculinity’ I can understand why you don’t have a girlfriend.”</p><p>“He doesn’t have a girlfriend because he’s a player,” Regulus stated, pushing both Heather and Barty away. “Stop arguing over me like I was candy.”</p><p>“You’re just as sweet,” Heather said, with an innocent smile. Regulus glared at her in response, and she laughed. “No, but seriously, do you want me to heal that for you?”</p><p>“No,” he replied, shaking his head. “I can do it myself.” Then he turned to Barty. “Where is the rest of the team?”</p><p>“Getting drunk in the common room, probably,” he answered. “The Gryffindor team has been arguing with Hooch to replay the game since they took you and that <em>baboon</em> to McGonagall’s office,” he explained. “Seeing the frustration on their faces put our house in a good mood, so they threw a party in the common room, you know, to celebrate.”</p><p>Regulus made a face that made Barty understand that he would rather be tied to one of the branches of the whooping willow than go to that party.</p><p>“I suppose you want to go up to our room and lock yourself up until tomorrow.”</p><p>“What an observer you are,” he sneered. “We should head to the common room; Potter jerk must be about to leave the office and I don’t want to meet him again.”</p><p>“Why not?” Barty hissed. “If you want, I can help you finish the job.”</p><p>“What about no.” He sighed wearily. “Can you believe that they have punished us all next weekend?”</p><p>“Hey, guys,” Heather interrupted, nudging Regulus and hitting Barty. “I smell trouble,” she murmured, pointing down the hall.</p><p>Two people were briskly approaching them; Barty grinned, Regulus sighed heavily, cursing the entity that decided to send him to this world in the first place. “You attack one and the others come like bees to honey,” Barty hissed. “Are we about to witness a lovely family reunion?”</p><p>As Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew approached, Heather, Barty and Regulus began to be able to distinguish their expressions. Sirius was fuming; he literally had a red face.</p><p>Regulus shook his head, nodding for Heather and Barty to go with him, confident that his brother would continue in the same vein as the last two years and completely ignore him. “Heather, are you coming to our common room?” She nodded curtly, not taking a withering look from the two approaching Gryffindors.</p><p>“What? Just like that?” Barty asked, looking almost wistfully at the two Gryffindors. “It’s not fair, I als-” Regulus gave him a meaningful look, and Barty swallowed the rest of the complaint, nodding, starting after him.</p><p>What Regulus did not expect was that Sirius would stop his path he passed by ttheir side and slam him against the wall. He grabbed Regulus by the collar of his shirt and pulled up, so that their faces were level, lifting Regulus into the air.</p><p>“Sirius!” Peter exclaimed, evidently not expecting the sudden attack.</p><p>Regulus was so surprised that he didn’t even know how to react, he just stood there, looking his brother in the eyes, which were narrowed in anger.</p><p>He shook him once in the air. “Listen to me!” He screamed in his face. “If you or your disgusting friends dare to go near James, or Marlene, or anyone again, I swear-”</p><p>They never knew how Sirius’s threat was supposed to end, because he quickly let go of Regulus when he noticed someone pulling him back and slamming him against the wall as well.</p><p>Barty didn’t bother to threaten; he punched him in the face with all his might, then grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, grinning maniacally. “<em>What if you and I have a nice talk instead?</em>”</p><p>Sirius, who wasn’t the type to get hit just like that, quickly pulled Barty’s hands away from his shirt and pushed him back hard. “Don’t bust my balls, Crouch.” He said threateningly. “What? Do you need people to come and fight your fights? Are you not even good for that?” He said, looking at Regulus, who was grabbing Barty’s arm and pulling him away from Sirius.</p><p>He decided that the best option would be to ignore Sirius, because so far in his life it had been working quite well. “Barty, come on.”</p><p>“Let me, I’ve been wanting to punch your brother since I know him. Come on Reggie,” he begged, but wasn’t actually resisting as Regulus pulled him.</p><p>Regulus shook his head firmly.</p><p>“Nothing to say?” Sirius attacked again.</p><p>“Barty let’s go,” Regulus said quickly, in a pleading tone. Heather tugged on Barty’s other arm until they finally got him to stop trying to get close to Sirius; when Regulus was ready to turn and walk away without saying another word, Sirius grabbed his arm once more. “Don’t leave me hanging. If you ever get close to James or any of my friends, I swear to Merl-”</p><p>“Have you ever heard the expression ‘get the hell away from me’?” Regulus interrupted, finally giving up the option of not making contact with his brother. “Do not touch me.”</p><p>Sirius ignored how his brother pulled his arm away for him to release him; he ran his gaze up and down Regulus, and gave a snort of contempt.  “Oh? What’s wrong? <em>Little Reggie </em>is still bitter about being put in his place? James told me what happened last week. Honestly, that was embarrassing.”</p><p>“What happened last week?” Barty asked. Regulus shot him a guilty look, biting his lip nervously.</p><p>“What? Haven’t you told him? Meh, no wonder, I guess it wouldn’t help you rise through the ranks of Death Eaters that a Gryffindor, blood traitor no less, made you cry like a bloody baby.”</p><p>“Who did what, how and when?” Heather exclaimed, stepping forward. She stood next to Regulus and tried to find his face, but he looked away, almost embarrassed. She saw that Sirius was still grabbing Regulus’s wrist, and she clawed him so that he would let him go. “Stay away from him, <em>you vermin</em>.”</p><p>Sirius made a pained noise, clutching his hand, seeing the crescent-shaped marks Heather had left on his arm. “Who the hell are you?!” He exclaimed, looking the girl up and down.</p><p>The office door opened again — <em>it was about time</em>— and James stepped out, looking sulky.</p><p>“Hey Pad-” He cut off the greeting when he saw the panorama. “Are you still here?” He snapped, glaring at Regulus.</p><p>Regulus raised an eyebrow at him; then another to his brother.</p><p>He should have assumed that they would discuss the matter among themselves, chattering about what he did or did not do, but the truth was that he hadn’t even stopped to think about it.</p><p>Potter had told him ...</p><p>Oh God, let the earth swallow him at once.</p><p>“He was leaving,” Sirius snapped, his words slurred. “I was just explaining what happens when Death Eaters don’t know where they belong.”</p><p>“And where do <em>you</em> belong? <em>The</em> <em>cemetery</em>?” Barty asked, raising an eyebrow, grabbing Reg and pulling him back. “Oh no, wait, that’s already full of mudbloods… Meh, a mass grave woud do<em>; is not like you are worth of anything else</em>.”</p><p>Even Regulus flinched at the comment. Heather opened her mouth in surprise, blinking idiotically.</p><p>James and Sirius drew their wands so fast that Barty and Regulus didn’t have time to see them. They were propelled backwards, and Heather had to let go of Regulus’s arm to keep him from dragging her with them.</p><p>Barty was quick to react; Instead of making sure the blow hadn’t seriously hurt him, he drew his wand and struck back at Sirius and James. Sirius conjured a shield and James launched another attack. Barty defended himself as best he could, but it was two against one, so he didn’t have much of a chance. Luckily Heather and Regulus were there to launch an “Expelliarmus!” to Sirius and James and send their wands to the other end of the hall.</p><p>When Barty was about to take advantage of his unarmed opponents, Regulus roughly grabbed his shirt sleeve and dragged him out into the other hall.</p><p>“Hey! Regulus let me finish them!”</p><p>“Stop it!” He exclaimed angrily, dragging Barty down the hall.</p><p>Heather joined them, not saying a word. They descended the stairs, with no sign of Sirius and James following them, and reached the dungeons without encountering any more problems.</p><p>“What the fuck was that?!” Regulus exclaimed, as they entered the maze of dark corridors of the dungeons. “Two against one?! Are you crazy?!”</p><p>“It wouldn’t have been two against one if you stopped letting that jerk step on you and you had attacked them with me,” Barty replied, staring at a hole in his shirt that had been broken by a spell from James.</p><p>“They weren’t worth it,” Heather snapped. “All you’ve done is put on a show in front of Professor McGonagall’s office. We were lucky she didn’t hear it.”</p><p>Barty rolled his eyes, ignoring Heather. “What happened last week?” He asked quickly. “What was your brother talking about? Did Potter do something to you? Why didn’t you tell me anything?”</p><p>“Nothing happened,” Regulus replied hastily. “We had a run-in, nothing more.”</p><p>“He said you cried.”</p><p>“<em>He lied</em>.”</p><p>Barty frowned, scrutinizing Regulus’s utterly uncomfortable expression.”You know you can tell me, right?”</p><p>“Yeah, but there’s nothing to tell.”</p><p>“Reg-”</p><p>“Really,” Regulus replied, shaking his head. “I was in the kitchens Saturday night and I ran into Potter; he tried to get all head boy with me and we argued. Then I left. Nothing else happened.”</p><p>Barty raised an eyebrow. “You are terrible at lying,” He pointed.</p><p>Regulus sighed deeply; he looked at Barty pleadingly. “Please let it be, really. It was nothing.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Regulus breathed in and out softly. Barty gave him a serious look, and Heather brushed his shoulder in a friendly way.”We don’t have to talk about it now,” she said, shooting a stern look at Barty, who rolled his eyes in defeat. “But don’t keep things to yourself. If Potter did something to you-”</p><p>“He did nothing to me,” Regulus stated, seriously. “We fought, that’s it.”</p><p>“So today wasn’t the first time?” Barty asked; Regulus shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p>“I couldn’t find the time.”</p><p>Barty was about to tell Regulus that that was a shitty excuse when Heather elbowed him in the stomach. “We’ll talk tomorrow,” she stated.</p><p>Regulus nodded in surrender.</p><p>Barty shook his head, approaching the wall that led into the common room. “Whatever,” he replied. “So, is this <em>harpy</em> coming with us?”</p><p>Regulus laughed, and Heather gave Barty a withering look. “I don’t like spending time around you either, don’t worry.”</p><p>Barty gave her a sarcastic laugh. “<em>Potes</em>,” he murmured, staring at the wall in front of him.</p><p>As the stone wall loomed before them, Heather turned to Regulus with a raised eyebrow. “Potes?”</p><p>“Is Latin for ‘power’,” Regulus explained, stepping into the common room.</p><p>(…)</p><p>“Drunk Arabella Warrington,” Regulus hissed, entering his room and closing the door behind him. “What a concept.”</p><p>“What a stink,” Heather muttered. “Your common room smells worse than my brother’s room.”</p><p>“No shit, how do you expect it to smell with people vomiting on every corner?” Barty snapped. “The parties down here are not about having fun; they are about seeing who catches an alcoholic coma and dies first.”</p><p>Heather rolled her eyes, flopping onto one of the two beds in the room. “Ouch!” She exclaimed, sitting up abruptly and searching for something under her back. She found a book lying on the bed, and grabbed it curiously. “‘Carrie.’” She read the cover aloud. “Is this yours, Reg?”</p><p>Regulus, who was reaching out to get something from his nightstand, looked up to see what Heather was showing him, “Yes.” He replied dryly.</p><p>“Now you read Stephen King?”</p><p>“I found them in a Bristol bookstore in the summer,” he replied. “Not bad; terror is not my thing, but still.”</p><p>“Ah, I was left alone with the bookworms; great,” Barty sighed, flopping onto the bed next to Heather. “This is my bed, Brown, get out.”</p><p>“<em>Piss off</em>,” Heather and Regulus responded in unison.</p><p>“I just don’t know what you find funny about these things,” he said, snatching the book from Heather’s hands. “Whenever I try to read a book my eyes go through the words but I don’t understand a shit about what they are telling me.”</p><p>“That’s because you haven’t found a book interesting enough,” Heather replied.</p><p>“<em>Reading is boring</em>.”</p><p>Regulus and Heather grunted. “You have no idea,” she said. “Reg, do me a favour and cultivate your idiot friend.”</p><p>“He’s a lost cause,” Regulus replied, sitting on the edge of his bed.</p><p>Barty gave Heather a sly smile, and she shook her head. “Bullshit. You just need to find the appropriate book.” She jumped up from the bed and walked over to Reg’s bookshelf. “Let’s see what you’ve got here ...”</p><p>“Don’t touch my books...” Regulus muttered, turning in frustration on the bed, his face buried in the pillow.</p><p>“Shut up, Reggie,” Heather sneered. “Let’s see…” Barty propped himself up on his elbows and watched as Heather rummaged through Regulus’s bookshelf. “Uhm-”</p><p>“What?” Barty asked, seeing how the girl had suddenly turned pale.</p><p>“Ah. Reg-” she started, pulling a book off the shelf and looking at its cover with a disgusted expression. “Why do you have this?”</p><p>Regulus sat up heavily and looked at the book Heather was showing him. “What?”</p><p>Heather tossed the book onto the bed dryly, and Regulus leaned down to read the title. “‘The 120 days of sodom,’” he said, with absent tone. When he processed the information, he quickly pushed the book out of Heather and Barty’s sight. “That’s not mine.”</p><p>“Oh, really?” Heather muttered. “Sorry, I guess the fact that it was on your shelf where all your other books are gave me the wrong idea.”</p><p>“What’s wrong with that book?”</p><p>Heather ignored him. “The Marquis de Sade, Regulus?” Heather exclaimed, offended. “How can you read something written by that man? He is repulsive. And terribly misogynistic!”</p><p>“It’s not mine,” Regulus insisted, seriously. “I mean, technically it is mine, but it was a gift. Lucius gave it to me on my birthday because he apparently liked it a lot when he was little and thought for sure I would like it too.” Heather raised an eyebrow at that. “Seriously!” Regulus defended himself. “It is true, I did try to give it a chance at first, but it made me terribly uncomfortable. I haven’t read it.”</p><p>“But don’t keep me clueless!” Barty complained, jumping onto Reg’s bed and taking the book from him. “May I know what this is?”</p><p>Regulus groaned and tried to take the book from Barty. They began to roll on the bed until Barty pushed Regulus away and opened the book to a random page. “Let me read it!”</p><p>“It’s horrible,” Heather pointed out as Barty searched for a paragraph to start reading. “I don’t understand how anyone could enjoy reading that.”</p><p>“‘<em>They go upstairs together and, as you may well conceive, curious about the forthcoming tete-à-tete, I go and establish myself at the hole. Poor little Lucile was overcome by a shame only to be described by superlative expressions, hence not to be described at all, for those expressions are needed to represent impudence, the brutality, and the ill-humor of her sixty-year-old-lover.</em>’” Barty read aloud. “Ah... So, it’s one of <em>those</em> books?”</p><p>“Read on,” Heather muttered.</p><p>Regulus tried to complain, but Barty was already reading the next paragraph. “<em>‘“Well, what the devil are you doing there, are you a stone?” Says he in a harsh voice. “Do I have to tell you to get your skirts up? I should have been looking at your ass two hours ago… Don’t stand there like an idiot, move.”</em>‘ Barty frowned. “‘<em>“Very well. Now fart.”</em>’ Okay, what the fuck.” Barty continued to read the words in the book in silence, a look of utter disgust developing on his face. “This is awfully graphic. Damn.”</p><p>Heather shot a gagging look at the book. “Enough,” she said, taking it from his hands; then she gave Regulus a stern look. “And I want to see you burn this rubbish tomorrow.”</p><p>“No, wait,” Barty interrupted, grabbing her arm, “Give me the book, I want to know how it ends- Ouch!”</p><p>Heather hit him on the head with the book. “Okay, I know what kind of books might interest you,” she stated, sharing a jaded look with Reg. “If your thing is the erotic novel, fine, but let’s read something less penis-focused, okay?”</p><p>Barty looked at her doubtfully, but nodded passively and let her go. “Do you have something that might interest us, Reg?” Heather asked.</p><p>“If you have porn novels on that shelf, I swear I’ll never be able to look you in the face the same way,” Barty muttered, looking at Regulus with raised eyebrows.</p><p>“How vulgar you are,” Reg replied, then turned to Heather. “Fourth shelf from the left.”</p><p>“Oh Merlin, save us,” Barty murmured, flopping limply onto the bed.</p><p>Obviously, Merlin was not very fond of them, because the next thing that happened was that the door to the room was thrown open; a smell of fire whiskey filled the ambient, causing Heather and Regulus to wrinkle their noses. “<em>Goodnightmydearfriends</em>,” Evan said, his words tumbling from his mouth in a rush of barely distinguishable syllables. </p><p>“Oh, great, he’s drunk,” Barty scoffed, looking critically at Evan’s appearance; the terribly flushed cheeks, the hair across his face, the goofy grin and the nearly full bottle of Fire Whiskey in his hand.</p><p>“Good night, Evan,” Regulus said from his bed, waving him carefully. “Are you- Uhm- Okay?”</p><p>“<em>Perrrfectly</em>,” he drawled, and Barty laughed at that. He stepped into the room, and Heather looked at him with a critical eye. “Wharsshe doin’ here?” Evan asked when he saw Heather rummaging through books on the bookshelf.</p><p>“Passing the time,” she replied dryly.</p><p>Evan seemed to be about to say something when Regulus spoke before him. “Are you sure you’re okay, Evan? Do you want us to take you to your room?”</p><p>Evan blinked a few times foolishly, looking at Regulus with a groggy smile. “Well, I would not min’ if ye’ wanted to take meh to my room.”</p><p>Regulus understood what he said with difficulty, and laughed softly, taking it as a joke. He rose innocently from the bed and grabbed his shoulder. “Come on, I’ll take you to ...”</p><p>“Oh, for Merlin’s left testicle,” Barty growled, getting up from the bed and pulling Regulus away from Evan, tossing him onto the bed. “Come on, go away, you fucking drunk. You’ll thank me tomorrow.”</p><p>“Wait, no-”</p><p>Barty pushed him out of the room. “Have a good time,” he said, slamming the door in his face. Afterwards, he seemed to think better of it, because he reopened the door and stretched an arm towards Evan, who was still standing in the hall; however, instead of bringing Evan back into the room, what he did was snatch the bottle from his hand and slam the door back in his face, muttering a “Night.”</p><p>Regulus looked at him with folded arms. “What was that for?”</p><p>Barty disinterestedly opened the bottle and held it to his lips. “We must stop our friends from doing <em>stupid things</em>.” He explained, taking a sip from the Fire Whiskey.</p><p>“Oh, I think this will do,” Heather announced, finally picking up a book from the shelf and throwing it at Barty. “See if you like it.”</p><p>Barty rolled his eyes, opening the book to a random page. Before starting to read, he handed the bottle to Regulus. It took Regulus a few moments to pick it up, finally shrugging and taking an adorably small sip He narrowed his eyes at the strength of the drink, and shook his head, wrinkling his nose. He then handed it to Heather, who eyed the bottle suspiciously. “Don’t you have a glass or something?”</p><p>“Drink up and shut up, Brown,” Barty snapped. Heather snorted, but she grabbed the bottle and took a small swallow, wrinkling her nose as soon as she tasted the liquid.</p><p>“Ah, teenage alcoholism,” Regulus muttered. “The perfect companion for a Saturday night,” he turned to Barty and nodded at the book. “Come on, read us something.”</p><p>Barty rolled his eyes, looked down at the book, chose a random paragraph, and began to read.  “‘<em>He took her in his arms again and drew her to him, and suddenly she became small in his arms, small and nestling. It was gone, the resistance was gone, and she began to melt in a marvellous peace. And as she melted small and wonderful in his arms, she became infinitely desirable to him, all his blood–vessels seemed to scald with intense yet tender desire, for her, for her softness, for the penetrating beauty of her in his arms, passing into his blood. And softly, with that marvellous swoon–like caress of his hand in pure soft desire, softly he stroked the silky slope of her loins, down, down between her soft warm buttocks, coming nearer and nearer to the very quick of her</em>.’” Barty stopped reading and looked at Regulus and Heather, who had sat together on the floor, watching him read from his seat on the bed. “This is the most vanilla thing I’ve ever read.”</p><p>Heather grunted in frustration. “Keep reading!”</p><p>Barty raised an eyebrow; he shared a look with Regulus, who also wanted him to resume the reading, and sighed heavily. He reached for the bottle from Regulus’s hands and took a long swallow. “We are going to need more of this if this is the plan for tonight.”</p><p>“If you find yourself in need of satisfying your body with hallucinogens you can go down and take more of that,” Regulus said quickly. “Come on, keep reading.”</p><p>Barty grunted, looking back down at the book. “<em>‘And Lady Chatterley felt Clifford like a flame of desire, yet tender, and she felt herself melting in the flame. She let herself go. She felt his penis risen against her with silent amazing force and assertion and she let herself go to him. She yielded with a quiver that was like death, she went all open to him. And oh, if he were not tender to her now, how cruel, for she was all open to him and helpless!’</em>”</p><p>(…)</p><p>“‘<em>She sat on his thighs, her head against his breast, and her ivory–gleaming legs loosely apart, the fire glowing unequally upon them. Sitting with his head dropped, he looked at the folds of her body in the fire–glow, and at the fleece of soft brown hair that hung down to a point between her open thighs. He reached to the table behind, and took up her bunch of flowers, still so wet that drops of rain fell on to her.</em>’”</p><p>Heather giggled, clutching the now nearly-empty bottle of Fire Whiskey. “What’s so funny?” Barty asked, taking a cigarette out of his mouth, watching as Heather ran her hands through Regulus’s hair, whose head rested on her lap.</p><p>“It’s just that-,” she giggles. “‘Fire-glow.’” She said, as if it were obvious, with a funny tone.</p><p>Barty laughed when he saw her laugh, but he hadn’t gotten the joke. “What about ‘fire-glow’?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Heather said, shaking her head. “It’s just-,” she was interrupted again by her own laughter. “Fuck, it’s- it’s the way you’ve read it.”</p><p>Barty shook his head, rolling his eyes and giving a dry laugh. “Right. I think you’ve had a lot of that already, love,” he muttered, taking the bottle from her hands.</p><p>“So? Do you like the book or not?” Regulus asked, taking a drag on his cigar as well, being careful not to blow the smoke on Heather.</p><p>“Not bad,” Barty replied dryly. “I have my doubts on the realism of some of these, but not bad.”</p><p>Regulus shrugged. “It seems to me that they exaggerate the time a lot,” he commented, stumbling on certain words. “Like, have you noticed those half-hour long kisses? I couldn’t be kissing someone for more than two minutes!”</p><p>“Have you ever even kissed someone?” Heather asked smugly, cocking her head.</p><p>“<em>Unfortunately</em>,” Regulus replied.</p><p>Heather raised an eyebrow. “Spill.”</p><p>Barty gave a long laugh, leaning fully on the mattress of the bed he was using as support for his seat on the floor. “Oh god, don’t bring those memories back,” he said, shaking his head.</p><p>Regulus snapped the bottle out of Barty’s hands and took a long drink, “I’m not going to start gossiping with you about my <em>illicit affairs</em>.”</p><p>“‘Illicit aff-” Barty burst out laughing. “Oh please Reggie, don’t ever change.”</p><p>“Don't call me Reggie.”</p><p>“You are adorable.”</p><p>“Shut up; I hate you both,” Regulus muttered, taking an aggressive drag and reluctantly blowing the smoke. “Don’t gossip about my life.”</p><p>“It’s just that you have the most interesting life, love,” Barty sighed, finally closing the book and laying it on the bed.</p><p>Heather, who had already seen how Barty had discarded the idea of reading further, and who was really curious about Regulus’ ‘illicit affairs’, suggested the first thing that came to her mind to keep hanging out. “Do you feel like playing truth or dare?”</p><p>“Just the three of us?” Regulus asked, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“I don’t see why would that be a problem,” she replied, shrugging; her gaze travelled to Barty, who was shaking his head.</p><p>“‘Truth or dare’? What are we? A bunch of lame third-years?” He mumbled derisively. “Do you also fancy a ‘never have I ever’? Or maybe a round of ‘spin the bottle’ to warm up?”</p><p>“Oh, shut up,” Heather mumbled. “Truth or Dare can be the most exciting game when played right.”</p><p>“And do you know how to play it right?”</p><p>“Obviously,” she replied smugly. “Come on, come on, come on, make a circle.”</p><p>“More like a triangle,” Regulus whispered, sitting up off the ground, annoyed that he had to stop using Heather as his personal pillow. “Who starts?”</p><p>“Me,” Heather and Barty quickly said. They shared an annoyed look until he finally said. “Ah, come on, you start, it’s your idea after all.”</p><p>Heather smirked. “Good. Let’s see, Reggie, truth or dare?”</p><p>Regulus was playing with Barty’s wick in his hands, turning it on and off, watching the flames tremble. “Dare.”</p><p>“Oh, feeling bold, are we?”</p><p>Regulus sighed heavily. “If I pick truth, you are going to subject me to an interrogation, and I don’t feel like it.”</p><p>“Crafty bastard,” Heather muttered, narrowing her eyes. “Well, er...” She looked around the room, trying to find something appropriate for a challenge. “Look, you know what? Finish this, you’re way too sober; Crouch and I are on unequal terms,” she snapped, handing him the bottle, which was already in its final stages.</p><p>“Then we’ll have to go get more,” Barty muttered, getting up from his seat. “I’ll be back in a minute ladies.”</p><p>Regulus showed him his middle finger as he disappeared behind the door. “I’m not going to drink that like I’m a drunken 40-year-old whose wife just dumped him, Brown,” he snapped, turning to Heather.</p><p>“You have to,” Heather murmured, waving the bottle near his hand for him to take it. “Come on, you had a hard day, and you won the match, so go ahead, relax a bit.”</p><p>Regulus shook his head. “Yeah, well, something like that,” he mused. “Do you happen to know if McKinnon is okay?”</p><p>Heather cocked her head. “The Gryffindor Seeker?” Regulus nodded. “Uhm, no. I mean, I think if something had happened the whole school would have found out by now, but I can’t assure you of anything either, sorry.”</p><p>“No, it’s fine; you’re right, if something had happened to her, we would already know.”</p><p>Heather nodded, smiling softly. “Well come on, meet the challenge,” she said graciously, handing him the bottle once more.</p><p>“I’m way too lazy to pick up the bottle, I think we’re going to have to discard it,” Regulus sneered.</p><p>Heather burst into laughter. “Well, that has an easy solution,” she said, sitting up in her place. When Regulus was about to ask what was she doing, Heather sat on his lap.</p><p>“What are you doin’?” She asked her, raising an eyebrow, seeing the smirk that was growing on her face, as she pushed her hair back with one hand.</p><p>“Come on, open your mouth,” she said. Regulus blinked idiotically, and she impatiently grabbed his chin. “Come on! We don’t have all night.”</p><p>“Why?” Regulus asked wide-eyed, staring at Heather as if she had lost her mind. “And can you get off me? You’re not exactly a feather.”</p><p>Heather opened her mouth in offence. “Bastard,” she mumbled, slapping him on the shoulder. “I’m trying to recreate the scene from the book where Lady Chatterley and Clifford drink the bottle of rum, so shut up and let me do my thing!”</p><p>“Doesn’t that end with her giving him a blow job?”</p><p>“We can skip that part,” she said disinterestedly. “Now come on, open your mouth.”</p><p>Regulus shook his head heavily, but let Heather tug at his chin and make his lips part. Heather wore an expression of concentration, as she lifted the bottle into the air and tried to tip it. “We don’t have all night, Heather.”</p><p>“Shut up,” she silenced him dryly. “In the book, this seemed easier, I can’t find the right angle,” she sighed. “Ah fuck it.”</p><p>Heather brought the bottle to Regulus’s lips and tilted the bottle to drop the liquid into his mouth; little by little she was moving it away from his lips until the whiskey seemed to fall from the bottle like a waterfall directly into Regulus’s mouth.</p><p>Regulus slapped the bottle suddenly, coughing. “But give me time to breathe!” He exclaimed, coughing chokingly. Heather burst out laughing, and Regulus followed her shaking his head, laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.</p><p>“This seemed easier in the book,” Heather sighed, giggling. “I have been brutally deceived by the fantasy of erotic books.”</p><p>“Haven’t we all?” Regulus asked, wiping his lips from the drink.</p><p>At that moment, the door of the room opened again, and Heather and Regulus turned their heads to meet Barty, who was drinking from another full bottle of Whiskey. Barty paused in the doorway, peering at Heather sitting on Regulus’s lap. “Am I interrupting something?”</p><p>“A terrible recreation of a scene from an erotic book,” Heather said dryly, pulling away from Regulus.</p><p>Barty frowned in confusion and horror. “Uhm-” Heather and Regulus burst out laughing again. Barty shook his head. “Then you wonder why people think you’re dating.”</p><p>“Shut up,” Regulus dismissed, waving his hand, resting his head on Heather’s shoulder. “Shall we continue with the game?”</p><p>Heather nodded. “It’s your turn, Crouch.”</p><p>“Great,” he drawled. His gaze turned back to how Regulus nestled his head on Heather’s shoulder, the curls of his hair brushing her cheek, and how she smiled with that smug smirk that she had, looking at Barty with an expectant tone. “You know what? I want to check something.”</p><p>“Check what?” Regulus asked.</p><p>“Brown,” Barty said, ignoring Regulus. “Truth or Dare?”</p><p>“Dare.” She answered quickly, and raised an eyebrow at Barty’s shocked face. “What?”</p><p>“Oh nothing,” he said, shaking his head. “You are from Ravenclaw, I just thought you would choose truth.”</p><p>Heather snorted in annoyance. “How stereotypical of you,” she muttered. “It’s not that my house has to do anything with whether I choose truth or dare or whatever, but if we are going to go down that line, you should know that the logical thing would be to think that a Ravenclaw would choose dare.”</p><p>“Why’s that?”</p><p>“Because we know the value of words,” she answered in a tone of obviousness. “Well come on, what’s the dare?”</p><p>Barty’s smile widened. He looked from Regulus to Heather a few times, and Regulus frowned suspiciously. “<em>I dare you to kiss Reggie</em>.”</p><p>Regulus and Heather sat uptight, staring at Barty wide-eyed. “What?!”</p><p>“Yeah, come on, I’m sick of seeing this possible-sexual-tension between you two. I don’t know if you just don’t know the limits of friendship, or is just that you have the hots for each other,” Barty explained irritably.</p><p>“How many times do I have to tell you that there is nothing between us?!” Reg exclaimed in annoyance. “I don’t want... I mean, no offence, but I don’t want to kiss you,” he said, looking at Heather apologetically.</p><p>Heather nodded her head quickly. “I mean, you’re handsome and smart, and you know, a lot of things, but... no, you’re not my type.”</p><p>They both looked at Barty with a pleading expression, and he shook his head in dismissal. “Less talking and more kissing.”</p><p>“I didn’t know you were voyeuristic,” Heather spluttered, crossing her arms. Barty flashed an apologetic smile, and Heather turned heavily to Regulus. “Ah, let’s make this quick, okay?”</p><p>Regulus nodded quietly. He gave Barty one last glare before moving over to Heather and standing in front of her.</p><p>“Four Mississippis,” Barty added mockingly. “Don’t be shy if you want to use tongue.”</p><p>“You’re disgusting,” Heather muttered, as Regulus rolled his eyes.</p><p>Finally, Heather took the first step, leaning over Regulus and grabbing him by his shoulders, carefully placing her lips on his.</p><p>Regulus’s lips moved awkwardly over Heather’s. It was weird. They didn’t know exactly what to do, or where to put their hands. Barty was looking at them with a raised eyebrow; he had never seen such a dispassionate kiss in his life.</p><p>When they finally parted, they both wore a grimace of distaste. “Did you feel something?” Barty asked, raising both eyebrows.</p><p>They both glared at him. “<em>Discomfort</em>.”</p><p>Barty nodded. “Has no buried feeling of passion surfaced?”</p><p>“Not at all.”</p><p>Barty nodded again. “Great,” Barty shot a glance at Heather, inviting her to speak. “Your turn, Brown.”</p><p>Heather narrowed her eyes at Barty. “Truth or dare, Crouch?”</p><p>“Dare.”</p><p>Heather’s smile widened. “<em>I dare you to kiss Reggie</em>.”</p><p>“Why me?!” Regulus exclaimed, in an offended tone, turning to Heather with his mouth open and his expression wrinkled. “What have <em>I</em> done?!”</p><p>“It’s my revenge,” Heather replied, winking at Regulus. “Sorry, you are just collateral damage.”</p><p>Barty suppressed a grimace. “So, are we going to start kissing each other like we’re horny fourth-years?”</p><p>“You started this,” Heather replied dryly. “Come on, five Mississippis. Don’t be shy about using your tongue,” she said smugly.</p><p>Barty sighed heavily. “You see, Brown, we don’t swing that way-”</p><p>“Better, then,” she chimed in. “There’s no danger of buried feelings emerging, just a little kiss to reinforce the friendship, uh Reggie?” She said, nudging him.</p><p>“I fucking hate you both.”</p><p>Barty rolled his eyes. “Come on, let’s get this over with as soon as possible.” He rose from his seat and walked over to Regulus, taking a long drink from the bottle in the process; then he handed it to his friend, who snatched it from his hand and drank bitterly. After putting the bottle aside, he looked Barty in the face, and Barty grabbed him from behind his neck with the practice gained from many previous kisses. Regulus tried to look him in the eye, but it was just too awkward. He looked away, and felt Barty entwine the fingers of his own hands behind the nape of his neck.</p><p>“Fuck, I can’t do this,” Barty whispered, looking at Heather with pleading eyes. “It’s like kissing my little brother or something.”</p><p>“I’m four months older than you,” Regulus pointed out in an offended tone.</p><p>Barty ignored him, expecting some mercy from Heather, which shook her head smugly. “Kiss him. Or are you scared of a pair of lips touching?”</p><p>Barty narrowed his eyes. “Don't challenge me, Brown.”</p><p>“It's literally what I've done, you idiot,” she said bluntly, rolling her eyes. “But nevermind, I guess if you're too cowardly to-”</p><p>Barty finally pushed the back of Regulus's neck and planted a kiss on his lips. Regulus exclaimed in surprise, but the sound was drowned out by Barty's mouth; he was trying to make the kiss as less awkward as possible, but fuck, it was weird.</p><p>His hands moved down Regulus's neck to his shoulders, holding him in place. Regulus's lips moved softly, awkwardly following Barty's movement. It wasn't unpleasant, but it wasn't ideal. There was a moment when Barty sat up, causing Regulus to lift his head so that their lips wouldn't part. It wasn't the worst feeling; Regulus thought that if it had been someone else instead of his best friend he might have even enjoyed it. At one point Barty deepened the kiss, and the sensation was almost nice.</p><p>Regulus had held onto Barty's arms as soon as his lips had touched; as a reflex action caused by nervousness. As soon as he considered that the kiss had lasted too long, he quickly released him and placed a hand on his chest, pushing Barty away softly, wiping the edges of his mouth with his sleeve, and Barty laughed when he saw the blush on his cheeks.</p><p>“Oh god, let's never do that again,” Barty hissed. Regulus nodded shyly, avoiding eye contact with the other two people in the room. </p><p>“What? No feelings surfaced?” Heather asked in an irritating tone. Regulus gave her a look of deep anger, and Barty gave her the middle finger disinterestedly.</p><p>“Anyway,” he sighed, grabbing the bottle and taking another sip. “Reg, your turn.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Kisses, brotherhood and thwarted plans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>November 27th, 1977</em>
</p><p>
  <em>11.30 am.</em>
</p><p>The light coming through the windows was warm and bright. They had tea in a small room that didn’t need the help of lamps or candles, as it was completely illuminated by the natural light that filtered through the windows.</p><p>Regulus listened to the singing of the birds, flying in the garden. The house of his uncle Alphard had always had that smell of flowers, nature, and river.</p><p>He took a sip from his drink, and felt someone gently pinch his arm. “Reg, Bella was asking how are you doing with the spellbook she gave you,” his cousin Narcissa said; her hair was tied in a long braid, revealing her beautiful, pale face. She was smiling at him gently, nodding at her sister with her head.</p><p>“Oh sorry, I’ve been on my own head lately,” he murmured, then turning his gaze to Bellatrix, who was sitting on the other side of the small dining room table. “I’m doing great Bella, some spells are resisting me, like that one that makes vines grow from the ground. But I have mastered the inflammatory spell section just fine.”</p><p>“I’m glad to hear that Reg,” Bella said, carmine red lips dedicating a gracious smile. “If you need my help don’t hesitate to owl me. That book is the secret of my success at Defense Against the Dark Arts, I knew you would find it interesting.”</p><p>“I can’t believe you gave it to him instead of me.”</p><p>Regulus looked at the person who was sitting right in front of him. “Jealous, <em>brother dear</em>?”</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes, as he took a sip from his bottle of root beer. “I’m the older brother, one would think I should be the one inheriting Bella’s most prized possessions.”</p><p>“You were not gonna appreciate it how it deserved,” Bella replied, giving Sirius a gentle nudge, playfully. “If little Reggie wants to share it with you though, I’ll have no complaints.”</p><p>“Don’t call me Reggie,” Regulus quickly said, glaring at Bella with a warning smile.</p><p>“What’s wrong with ‘Reggie’?” Cissy asked. “I think is a really nice name.”</p><p>“It’s a dog name.”</p><p>“Show more respect for dogs,” Sirius spatted. “They are very loyal creatures, beautiful, elegant, and incredibly smart. You wish you could compare yourself to one.”</p><p>“If you like dogs so much, why don’t you marry one?” Bellatrix teased.</p><p>“He is too busy with the Lupin guy, right Siri?” Regulus added.</p><p>“Shut up,” Sirius laughed. “Uncle Alphard, tell these uncultured people how great dogs are,” he added, looking at the end of the table that was closest to Regulus.</p><p>“Don’t listen to him uncle dear,” Cissy mouthed. “He is delusional.”</p><p>“Yeah, just ignore him Alphard,” Bellatrix said.</p><p>Regulus, hearing no reply from Alphard, also turned to the end of the table, where his uncle was sitting.</p><p>Regulus was surprised to see that he was not looking at them, but staring at the ground. His long, greying hair fell on either side of his head, hiding his face. If Regulus hadn’t been sure he had heard him speak a couple of minutes ago, he would have thought Alphard had fallen asleep.</p><p>“Uncle Alphard?” He asked, reaching out to touch his uncle’s arm, trying to make him react.</p><p>Regulus looked at his cousins and his brother, and frowned when he saw that they had continued their talk as if nothing was happening.</p><p>“Uncle Alphard, are you okay?” Getting no answer, he slid out of his seat and cautiously approached his uncle’s. “Uncle...”</p><p>He put a hand on his shoulder and gently shook it, making his uncle’s long hair wavy with the movement.</p><p>
  <em>Cold.</em>
</p><p>The man was cold as ice. Regulus had just touched his shoulder, covered with a thin black shirt, and he had felt as if he was touching frost.</p><p>A wave of panic washed over Regulus; he turned a pleading look at his brother, but he had disappeared from the table, and was nowhere to be seen. He then looked at Bellatrix and Narcissa, but they were just staring at him from their sits, their talk seemingly over.</p><p>He turned again to the man, grabbed his shoulders and began to shake him gently, trying to get him to react somehow. His arms, which were resting on his lap, fell inert on either side of the chair, and his head tilted to one side, resting on one of Regulus’s hands, letting Regulus feel the coldness of his face. “Uncle Alphard!” Regulus yelled, grabbing the face of his uncle and tilting it up.</p><p>
  <em>Cold.</em>
</p><p>His eyes were open, staring without seeing, as well as his mouth, from which no breath came out. He looked— <em>was</em>— empty.</p><p>Regulus jerked away from his uncle and his head fell limp again, with an almost grotesque movement. Regulus walked back, away from what was left of his uncle Alphard, stumbling against the table leg, losing his balance and falling to the floor.</p><p>With much effort, he managed to look away from the paler-than-usual Alphard and ask his cousins for help, but they were no longer in the room.</p><p>The sound of the birds was gone, and now there was only the echo of his own attempts to get away from the corpse of his uncle.</p><p>Regulus’s panic was suddenly interrupted by a wet sensation in his hands. He looked down to realize that the entire room was soaked; water was flowing from the cracks in the floor, soaking Regulus’s clothes, flooding the room.</p><p>While trying to discover the origin of the flood, he heard something fall and splash against the water; he looked straight ahead and discovered the body of his uncle, lying on the floor, face down, his clothes and hair getting wet from the water that was slowly filling the room.</p><p>Regulus couldn’t breathe properly; he felt his eyes fill and getting heavier, a lump forming in his throat, and a ball seemed to be growing in his stomach. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t scream, he didn’t know what to do. He just watched as the room grew darker and more and more water filled in.</p><p>He closed his eyes, and felt a pain in his arms, as if something were grabbing him hard, so hard that it looked like it was going to cut off the circulation from his wrist.</p><p>His breath was gone, and there was no hope it would return. The warm heat was gone, and in its place had left a cold; scorching cold, like jumping into a pool in the middle of November.</p><p>He opened his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>Water.</em>
</p><p>He was surrounded by water. The room was gone; now there was only <em>water</em>.</p><p>There was neither beginning nor end. He didn’t know where he was. He just knew that he was soaked, that he couldn’t breathe, that he couldn’t swim, and that he couldn’t see. The only thing he heard was his own struggle against the water, as something dragged him to the bottom. His ears ached from the pressure, and he began to notice how the oxygen that was left in his body was no longer enough to keep him awake. His movements became smoother, until it got to a point where he just let himself be carried away by the current.</p><p>He heard a voice calling his name. “<em>What do you want from me</em>?” He quietly asked, the water took advantage to seep into his mouth and Regulus felt the pain and the agony of it reaching his lungs.</p><p>He felt how something shook him.</p><p>A feeling of exhaustion grew bigger inside of him.</p><p>He heard someone calling his name again.</p><p>And then everything went dark.</p><p>(…)</p><p>“Regulus!”</p><p>He opened his eyes abruptly and was blinded by the light from the small chandelier that hung from the ceiling, casting a dim light on the room. With relief, he noticed how the air entered his throat and reached his lungs unimpeded. He ran his hands over the surface he was on, noting the softness of the sheets on his bed instead of the ethereal coldness of the water.</p><p>Small hands brushed his hair from his forehead, softly calling his name. He opened his eyes slowly, trying to get used to the light, to find Heather’s pale freckled face leaning over him.</p><p>“Reg, are you okay?” She asked in a low voice, once she saw that Regulus seemed to regain consciousness. “You seemed to be having a nightmare.”</p><p>Regulus nodded, straightening on his elbows.</p><p>He ruffled the hair in his bangs, undoing all the work Heather had done to comb it, glancing at the state of his room. There were two empty Fire Whiskey bottles on the floor, surrounded by cigarette packs and discarded shoes and sweaters.</p><p>Barty was in the next bed, still sleeping. Regulus’s gaze then travelled to Heather, who was lying on his bed, looking at him with concern. “Are you okay?” Heather asked, sitting on the edge of the mattress, narrowing her eyes and raising her hand to her temple as she did so, letting out a soft grunt of pain.</p><p>Regulus tried to ignore how racing his heart was, or how he still remembered the icy water forcing its way down his throat and preventing him from breathing. “Ah, er- yeah. A bad dream, that’s all,” he whispered, straightening up. “Uhm- Are you okay? You look bad-”</p><p>“I think we drank too much yesterday,” Heather cut him off, pinching the bridge of her nose. “My head is going to explode... Do you know what time it is?”</p><p>Regulus reached for his nightstand drawer and pulled out a pocket watch. “Eleven thirty,” he said, noticing how his own head flared as he focused his eyes to read the time.</p><p>“What?” Heather exclaimed, looking at Regulus with a horrified expression. “Oh god; Arti is going to kill me.”</p><p>She got out of bed in a hurry; she grabbed her Ravenclaw sweater off the floor and pulled it over her shirt quickly. “Do you have a mirror?” She asked, as she grabbed her shoes and sat on the bed to put them on.</p><p>Regulus pointed to the bathroom door, and before he could add anything, Heather had already finished tying her shoes and was running to the bathroom.</p><p>“Why the hell are you making so much noise?” A slurred voice asked as Heather slammed the door shut. “Can’t one sleep with his hangover alone in this damn dungeon?”</p><p>“Reg!” Heather exclaimed, opening the bathroom door and poking her head out of the frame. “Do you have a comb?”</p><p>“Fourth drawer under the sink.” He answered dryly, watching as Barty got up from the bed, taking off his tie and throwing it to the floor.</p><p>“Ah, Reggie, dear, why you keep letting me do these things?” Barty asked, massaging his temples with his thumbs, trying to ease the pain in his head. “You have to be the responsible one, otherwise this group falls apart.”</p><p>“Why do I have to stop you from doing stupid things?” Regulus replied in offence. “Besides, we both know that I can’t stop you from being a jerk; in any case, you end up dragging me into your brainless shit.”</p><p>“Well, it has been working until now, hasn’t it?” Barty said, smiling sardonically. “Where is the Ravenclaw harpy?”</p><p>“In the bathroom,” Regulus replied dryly.</p><p>“So, now she not only sleeps in our room but also uses our bathroom?” Barty asked in a complaining tone. “Don’t you think that girl is taking a lot of liberties?”</p><p>Regulus watched passively as Barty got up from the bed and approached him. “You didn’t seem to-” He interrupted what he was saying and swallowed hard when he saw the raised eyebrow that Barty was giving, looking directly at him.</p><p>“I didn’t seem to?” Barty asked, putting both hands on the mattress and leaning toward Regulus.</p><p>“To… ah…”</p><p>And just like that, his mind was filled again with the distorted images of the night before. He remembered how Barty’s hands tangled around his neck, and how he planted his lips on his. He remembered how his tongue twisted in his mouth for a few seconds until Regulus ended the kiss, nervously pushing him back.</p><p>Oh.</p><p>His face was hot.</p><p>Was he blushing?</p><p>…</p><p>Please tell him he wasn’t blushing.</p><p>Regulus didn’t know what thought process his brain followed when he pushed Barty to the side. Sitting on the bed, he watched Barty look at him from the floor with a puzzled expression. “What the hell, Regulus?”</p><p>“Eh-” he shook his head quickly. “I’m- Oh god, I’m sorry.”</p><p>Barty raised an eyebrow, getting up off the floor and walking back to the bed. Regulus swallowed hard again, clinging closer to the headboard. “Wha- What are you doing?”</p><p>Barty glanced at him as he leaned over. “Taking my wand,” he replied dryly.</p><p>Regulus foolishly turned his head to discover that Barty’s wand had been perched on his table at some point in the night. As he walked away, wand already in hand, Regulus felt Barty’s breath hit him on the shoulder.</p><p>Okay.</p><p>
  <em>What the hell was happening.</em>
</p><p>His lips recalled the sensation they’d felt last night when Barty put his lips on Regulus’s; the slow movement, the soft breathing, the dampness; as if asking for more.</p><p>He was suddenly nervous. Why was he suddenly nervous? It wasn’t Barty, Barty didn’t make him nervous; by Merlin, he was his best friend, how was he going to make him nervous?</p><p>With that thought in mind, he turned back to his <em>best friend</em>, analysing his posture.</p><p>Barty was doing a spell on the bed, making the sheets flatten and lay on their own. His shirt was unbuttoned, his hair was messy, his eyes were hollow, and his lips were wet from just getting up.</p><p>Regulus remembered how Barty’s hands had grasped his shoulders carefully, to keep him in his place, and how his own hands had hooked onto his forearms out of sheer nervousness. He remembered the taste of alcohol and smoke and guessed that probably if at that moment he kissed Barty again, his lips would still taste like whiskey.</p><p>He remembered Heather’s sly smile as she carried out her revenge, and Barty’s disinterested grin when he continued with the game as if nothing had happened.</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>Barty’s voice —thankfully— interrupted his thoughts. “<em>No</em>,” he replied flatly, frowning in concern.</p><p>The number of people Regulus had kissed in his life could be counted on the fingers of one hand, and none had aroused hidden feelings in him with the ‘brush of delicate feminine lips’ as happened in the books, where the two protagonists kissed, and the sparks of their love arose.</p><p>In fact, the closest contacts Regulus had had with ‘<em>love’,</em> could be summed up in him reading rose novels from three centuries ago.</p><p>But he had read enough romance novels to know that if the image of a kiss that was supposed to be insignificant repeated itself over and over in someone’s head, something was wrong.</p><p>Something was <em>tremendously</em> wrong.</p><p>Okay, let’s do this properly. Let’s think with logic, because if there is something that Regulus Black does well, it’s to use logic.</p><p>He was dizzy, not because of the memories of the kiss —probably—, but because there was still alcohol in his system; yesterday they had gone to bed very late, drunk, and had slept very little. He was dizzy and sure that when he got up, he would run to go vomit in the bathroom.</p><p>The kiss was still very recent, and it hadn’t been unpleasant, so that’s probably why it was so fresh in his memory.</p><p>Barty was many things, but unattractive was not among them, and it was normal to feel attraction when you kiss someone attractive, even if that someone was a boy and he <em>most definitely</em> did not like boys, although he supposed that the brain did not make those kinds of distinctions.</p><p>Was Barty thinking about the kiss as well?</p><p>Nah, no way. Barty’s brain didn’t work the same way as Regulus’s. He didn’t think so much about things; if Barty were a connoisseur of contemporary philosophy, Regulus would tell him how he was the perfect example of nihilism.</p><p>If it had crossed his mind, he would have already mentioned it. Barty had no qualms about talking about such things.</p><p>Should Regulus mention it? No. That would be a terrible choice. ‘Hey, Barty, do you remember a couple of hours ago when you were shoving your tongue down my throat? I just wanted to tell you that out of fifteen minutes I’ve been awake, twelve I’ve been thinking about that.’</p><p>Heather opened the bathroom door and came out with a ponytail that pulled all the hair out of her face. “I’m late, see you, I love you, bye.” She said hurriedly, running out of the room. Barty said curtly good-bye, and Regulus gave her a vague wave of his hand, while he kept thinking the matter over in his head.</p><p>Honestly speaking, Barty was a good kisser.</p><p>Not that that was important, but Regulus just wanted to clarify that detail.</p><p>Oh shit, now he was alone with Barty.</p><p>Since when did he care to be alone with Barty?</p><p>“Screw having a healthy eating schedule,” Barty exclaimed, jumping onto the bed. “I don’t feel like going down for breakfast today.” When Regulus didn’t respond, Barty shot him a suspicious look. “What’s eating you Reg?”</p><p>
  <em>You.</em>
</p><p>“No-nothing,” he replied. “I’m fine, totally fine.”</p><p>Barty raised an eyebrow. “Is there something wrong?”</p><p>“Why would you say that?” Regulus jumped up from the bed. “I’m going to- uhm- see how Evan’s doing,” he stammered, approaching the door. “See you later.”</p><p>Before Barty could respond, Regulus was out of the room.</p><p>Now that he was standing, he noticed how indeed he was dizzier than he had thought.</p><p>
  <em>Yeah, sure it was nothing.</em>
</p><p>Probably —<em>hopefully</em>— by the end of the day he would have already forgotten about the kiss.</p><p>(…)</p><p>James Potter was angry.</p><p>The thing is, when mortals like you or me get angry, nobody cares. The world does not stop because we are in a bad mood.</p><p>But James Potter and his egotism was not like other mortals.</p><p>When James was angry, he walked with that scowl behind his glasses, his arms crossed and his shoulders constantly tense, stomping his feet, and snorting at anyone who dared to speak to him. When James was angry people would walk away from him through the corridors, because no one wanted to be a victim of the hex of an angry James Potter.</p><p>The night before, after his little confrontation with that little bug Crouch and that pathetic cheater Black, with special intervention from the unknown Ravenclaw girl, Sirius and he joined the rest of the Gryffindors in a heated discussion with Hooch about the results of the game.</p><p>Marlene was fine, after all. The bug that the Slytherins had thrown at her had made a couple of scratches, but it hadn’t led to anything more serious than that; still, the girl radiated anger, and so did the rest of the team.</p><p>James kept insisting on how he had seen Regulus signal Warrington to do something to Marlene, but Hooch firmly told him that without proof there was nothing that could be done. Then she gave them a talk about sportsmanship, knowing how to lose without making a fuss, and giving their best in the following games to have a chance to still win the season.</p><p>Sirius and James had been ranting all night about the Slytherin team being unprincipled cowardly scoundrels, about them trying to confront ‘Orion’s and Walburga’s little spare’ and his friends having to come to defend him because he couldn’t do anything by himself, about Warrington going to find out what it was like to play Quidditch in the next game, and some comments here and there about Carrow’s double chin or Lestrange’s big ears.</p><p>And obviously, when they got to the great hall the next day and found the Slytherin table empty of fifth-years and up, to later discover that, apparently, there had been a party, and all the older students were hungover, the mood of both one and the other had only worsened.</p><p>You see, James was resentful because of the game, angry that next weekend he was going to spend three days in detention with little Black, and all the sly smiles of the Slytherins did not help to improve his mood.</p><p>On the other hand, Sirius was angry that the Slytherins had unfairly won the match, of course; but especially because last night had been his first conversation with his brother since he had run away from Grimmauld Place two summers ago, and well, it had struck a chord with him.</p><p>Could that even be called a conversation? The only thing that had happened was that Sirius had screamed and Regulus had done nothing to prevent it. Sirius rolled his eyes at the memory; the brat hadn’t changed at all, he always kept quiet when someone raised their voice at him, no wonder James had managed to tear him apart so easily. James could do a lot of damage when he didn’t measure —or didn’t want to measure— his words, and Regulus had always been a softie.</p><p>No, not in a good way; the bad kind of softie.</p><p>Crouch’s intervention had put Sirius in a particularly bad mood. Now they were best buddies or something? Not that he cared at all. Regulus could throw himself into a pit and die if he felt like it; Sirius had already given up a long time ago on continuing to worry about where his brother was getting into.</p><p>If Regulus preferred to follow the path of misery that their parents offered him, Sirius could do nothing about it. At first, he had thought of observing as a bystander but eventually decided that if his brother was going to <em>drown</em> in perdition, he would rather not see it.</p><p>
  <em>‘His brother.’</em>
</p><p>Funny thing to say.</p><p>James was his brother.</p><p>Regulus was someone he shared blood with. At some point, they had been brothers, but Regulus had taken it upon himself to kill that.</p><p>To kill <em>him</em>.</p><p>Regulus had <em>killed</em> his brother, and Sirius will<em> always</em> resent him for that.</p><p>Furiously —<em>painfully</em> —, an image of Regulus as a child washed over him. Before Hogwarts, before he met those nasty blokes that he surrounded himself with, before he stopped being <em>his little brother</em> to become the heir to the Black family.</p><p>Before all that, he remembered a boy, ten years old, with pale skin and rosy lips. Bright grey eyes that seemed made of silver. With a little sea of freckles scattered across his nose, which creased every time he laughed, or those cheeks that reddened every time he felt embarrassed, or someone complimented him, or hugged him, or whatever; honestly, Regulus had always blushed very easily.</p><p>He remembered a fateful morning when he entered Regulus’s room, when Sirius was eleven years old and about to enter Hogwarts for the first time. It was one of the last times he entered Regulus’s room; years ago, there came a point where his brother did everything possible to keep his distance from Sirius, and the easiest way was to lock himself in his room and not allow anyone except <em>that stupid elf</em> to enter.</p><p>When Sirius entered Regulus’s room that morning, he found him reading a tale about mermaids, and he started telling Sirius something about a certain mermaid princess who liked to collect human toys, because humans fascinated her, but her father forbade her to go to the surface to see them closer because he thought humans were dangerous.</p><p>That same day he took a train that took him to Hogwarts. The last image he had of <em>his brother </em>was him waving goodbye with one hand, while holding his mother’s hand with the other.</p><p>Sirius remembered his rosy cheeks, and how his lips tried to smile as his eyes filled with tears. He remembered seeing Regulus trying to run after the train with the other little siblings, who were also saying goodbye to their older siblings, and he also angrily recalls how a sharp tug on Regulus’s arm by his mother prevented him from fulfilling his wish.</p><p>That Christmas he did not return home; James had offered to stay with him at Hogwarts for Christmas as well. He sent a congratulatory letter to his brother — whose birthday was at Christmas time— but never received a reply. He supposed his mother had intercepted the letter and burned it —she had already made it clear to him how very ashamed he had made her feel and how disgusted she was to have him as a son the moment she found out that he had been sorted into Gryffindor, so he hadn’t been that surprised either.</p><p>By the time he was forced to return home in the summer, his little brother was <em>missing</em>, and there seemed to be no hope that he would ever <em>return</em>.</p><p><em>Because that child was not his brother</em>. His brother’s eyes weren’t like that; his brother was not <em>empty</em>. His brother was <em>full</em> of life, <em>full</em> of curiosity, <em>full</em> of innocence and ingenuity.</p><p>Everything went downhill from then on.</p><p>Sirius and James were entering the great all, followed by Remus and Peter. In heavy tones they sat down at the table; James was crestfallen, glaring at the floor tiles as if they had done something to him.</p><p>“I hate everything.”</p><p>“Same,” Remus muttered.</p><p>James snorted. “Can we set their common room on fire for the hell of a time?”</p><p>“We can look for Snivellus later on the map,” Sirius mused, grabbing a good amount of food from the bowls on the Gryffindor table. “He always manages to put me in a good mood.”</p><p>James gave a dry, bitter laugh. “Not even pulling Snivellus’s pants is going to make my day better.”</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes. “So, today’s plan is to see you wallow in your own misery?”</p><p>Sirius gave Remus a bad look. “Pretty much.”</p><p>“We should take the opportunity to study,” suggested James. “We have an exam with McGonagall in two weeks; since I’m not in the mood to do anything fun, let’s at least do something minimally productive.”</p><p>Sirius looked at James heavily. “The exam is still like ten days away!”</p><p>“Not all of us have your ability to study the day before and get from an E.E up, Padfoot,” Remus pointed bitterly.</p><p>Sirius shrugged. “It’s not my fault you guys are so slow!”</p><p>The apple that James threw directly at his forehead managed to bring out a smile from Sirius.</p><p>“Didn’t you want to talk to Hunter from Ravenclaw?” Peter asked, lifting his face from his plate.</p><p>Sirius and James nodded. “We should stop by the Rav-”</p><p>Peter interrupted them, pointing somewhere behind them. “He is right there.”</p><p>James turned his head slightly, seeing how in the Ravenclaw table was indeed the person they were looking for. He shared a look with Sirius. “Are we going to talk to him now?”</p><p>“So are we sure we’re going to use the Ravenclaw lady?” Sirius inquired. “I think we could find another way to get rid of McGonagall and Filch.”</p><p>“We can give it a try and if we see that it doesn’t work out we get a little more creative,” suggested James. “McGonagall knows us too well; we can lock Filch in the trophy room or something, but McGonagall is going to be a little more complicated than that.”</p><p>Sirius nodded. “As you say.”</p><p>They asked Remus and Peter if they wanted to go with them, but they gave them a resounding negative answer, arguing that they were hungry and wanted to eat.</p><p>The atmosphere at the Ravenclaw table was calm, not at all like the bitterness in Gryffindor due to the recent events. James greeted the girl he had met the other day, Arti, who was sitting idly listening to the conversation of three other girls.</p><p>Sirius was quick to take a seat next to the boy they intended to talk to; he was pale, sickly pale, and had deep dark circles on his face. He was talking to a plump, freckled, green-eyed boy, looking disinterestedly at a magic history book on the table.</p><p>“Morning Hunter,” Sirius said. “Brown, how’re you doing?”</p><p>The so-called Hunter and Brown raised their heads from the book and turned to Sirius in surprise. “Black,” began the paler boy, apparently named Hunter. “What brings you here?”</p><p>“We need your help with something,” James said, standing behind Sirius’s seat.</p><p>“If it’s something to get back at the Slytherins for yesterday’s game, don’t count on us,” the chubby boy muttered. “It was a shame they won the match, but we prefer to stay out of the whole Slytherin-Gryffindor conflict, hope you understand.”</p><p>James gave him a bad look. “It’s not about that,” he said bitterly. “We are planning something for New Year’s Eve, and we need your help with an organizational detail.”</p><p>“And by planning ‘something’, you mean…” Hunter asked.</p><p>“Party,” Sirius replied lightly. “We have a little problem with the teachers and we need your help to get rid of Filch and Minnie, would you be willing to give us a hand?”</p><p>Hunter shared a look with Brown, and they both shrugged. “I don’t see how we could be of any help to you, but as long as you don’t get caught —or if you do, don’t mention our name—, we’re in.”</p><p>James gave them a knowing smile. “Perfect,” he looked around the large dining room; when he came across the ghost he was looking for, he covertly pointed his finger at it. “The Grey Lady, do you happen to get along with her?”</p><p>Sirius and James had hopeful eyes, but they dropped as Hunter and Brown shook their heads. “Do you need help from the Grey Lady?” Inquired Brown; Sirius and James nodded obviously. “We cannot help you; she is very dry with almost everyone.”</p><p>James sighed heavily. “And do you know who can help us?”</p><p>“Didn’t your sister say that she had a friend who got along with the grey lady?” Hunter said, looking at Brown. “The day we had to do a work for history of magic and we had to go asking the ghosts of the castle for anecdotes of their past lives, don’t you remember she got us five minutes with the Grey Lady?”</p><p>Sirius and James felt the hope grow again. “You have a sister?” Sirius asked.</p><p>Brown nodded. “<em>Half-sister</em>. Now that you mention it, I think I’ve seen her talk to Helena Ravenclaw a couple of times.”</p><p>“Where is she?”</p><p>Brown shrugged. “I don’t know...” He looked around the great hall. “Where the hell is this girl?”</p><p>He surveyed the area where several sixth-year girls were sitting. “Arti! Pst! Arti!” He exclaimed, and James glanced at the Indian girl he had met the other day.</p><p>Arti looked bored; her elbow was resting on the table, her chin resting in the palm of her hand. She turned heavily to Brown and raised an eyebrow, inviting him to continue talking.</p><p>“Where is my sister?” Asked the boy.</p><p>Arti snorted. “That’s what I wonder,” she said bitterly, getting up from her place without saying goodbye to the girls around her. “We had met here half an hour ago so she could help me with Arithmancy’s homework, but I can’t find her anywhere.”</p><p>It was unclear what mental process James’ brain went through to reach the conclusion it had reached. The thing is, he remembered the other day in the great hall, when he saw a girl walking with Regulus, and Peter informed him that her name was Heather Brown, and then he remembered the other day when Arti talked about this same girl saying that she had jilted her.</p><p>The thing is, James wasn’t sure if he had come to a very hasty conclusion no, but his expression fell on the spot.</p><p>“For the love of Merlin, tell me your sister isn’t Heather Brown,” James mused, remembering why he was in such a bad mood that morning.</p><p>Brown, Arti, and Hunter raised an eyebrow. “Actually, yes,” Brown replied. “Why? Do you know her?”</p><p>“Who is Heather Brown?” Sirius asked.</p><p>James, who was considering hitting a plate on his own head, gave Sirius a long look. “The Ravenclaw chick that was with your brother yesterday,” he said bitterly. “Do you know of anyone else who can help us?” He asked the three Ravenclaws hopefully.</p><p>“Don’t fuck with me,” Sirius said desperately. “Oh, my God.”</p><p>“Is something wrong with my sister?” Brown said with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>James gave him a dry look. “We doubt he holds us in high regard,” he explained. “Yesterday we had a problem with her and her friends.”</p><p>“What happened?” Arti inquired.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Sirius muttered. “Do you know of anyone else we can ask for help?”</p><p>“What do you need?” Arti asked again.</p><p>“We need a favour from the Grey Lady.”</p><p>“Lovegood and his girlfriend used to be friends with her back in the day,” Hunter commented. “But they have already graduated, so...”</p><p>“Heather could serve you,” Arti said. “Black and she get along well with Helena Ravenclaw, but I don’t think she will be willing to help you, and well, as far as I know, you and your brother are not in the best...”</p><p>James seemed surprised at the information that Regulus also got along with the ghost of the Grey Lady; he frowned and tried to share a look with Sirius, but he was still looking at the Ravenclaws insistently. If the information was the least bit surprising to him, he did not let it be seen.</p><p>“No,” Sirius said clearly. “No, he is obviously not an option.”</p><p>“Neither is she,” Arti added. “I don’t know what happened to you yesterday... But it’s not that she liked you very much before.”</p><p>James raised an eyebrow. “How could she not like us if she didn’t even know us? “</p><p>Arti scratched the back of his neck, uncomfortable. “I don’t know, what I do know is that she doesn’t like you. Now,” she began, hurrying to change the subject. “I suppose you could try talking to that ghost yourself; maybe if you catch her in a good enough mood ...”</p><p>“You could also speak to Lord Draben,” Brown said with dissent. “The Grey Lady has an almost embarrassing crush on him, if you can get him to speak-”</p><p>“No thanks,” Sirius cut him off. “We prefer to stay as far away from that slimy ghost as possible.”</p><p>“Well, I don’t see what other options you have,” Arti mused. “We can ask around, anyway.”</p><p>James nodded. “Avoid mentioning that we want to throw a party and such,” he warned. “If the word starts to spread, it will reach the teachers in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.”</p><p>After explaining to Arti that they wanted to throw a party on New Year’s Eve, and sharing a couple of anecdotes about previous parties with Hunter and Brown, James and Sirius went back to their table.</p><p>“Was there any luck?” Peter asked them.</p><p>Sirius gave him a downcast look, and James snorted bitterly. “Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.”</p><p>Lily hummed sardonically. “Some call it pessimism, others bad luck; I call it <em>Murphy’s law</em>.”</p><p>“Whose law?” Sirius asked as he took a seat next to James.</p><p>“Murphy’s,” Lily repeated.</p><p>James gave her a tired look. “Evans, we’re not in the mood for a lecture on muggle culture.”</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes, looking back at the book she was reading.</p><p>“So,” Sirius began, resting his arms on the table and his face on them. “Prongs, Marlene told Moony and me that you had a date.”</p><p>James nodded. “Nao Shio, a Hufflepuff girl,” he explained. “She introduced her to me yesterday morning.”</p><p>“And?” Sirius said, raising an eyebrow. “You like her?”</p><p>James gave an unsure sigh. “It’s a bit early to talk about liking ... I mean, the girl is cute and nice.”</p><p>“But?” Remus said.</p><p>“I don’t know,” James said. “I guess I haven’t talked to her enough; she seemed cool. The date sure goes well,” he said with false optimism. “<em>Or so I hope</em>.”</p><p>“Sure it will,” said Peter.</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “So there has been no love at first sight?”</p><p>It took James a couple of seconds to decide to shake his head.</p><p>“Meh, don’t get crazy,” Sirius muttered. “It took me six years to realize where my soul mate was, and he was right in front of me,” he added sarcastically.</p><p>James laughed lightly; then he turned into a mighty laugh when he saw the tremendous blush that Remus wore on his cheeks and that he was trying to hide pathetically behind a fork full of bacon.</p><p>“If the Grey Lady thing doesn’t go well,” Remus commented, trying to shift the attention elsewhere. “We can always put sleeping pills in McGonagall’s cup and lock Filch in a broom closet.”</p><p>James quickly dismissed the idea saying that he preferred to avoid drugging teachers for the moment; then Sirius suggested leaving the idea on the table, in case they found themselves at a dead end.</p><p>(…)</p><p>Regulus walked the corridors wishing a stone would fall from the ceiling and crush him.</p><p>Evan and Barty walked ahead of him, while he pretended to read a book down the garden.</p><p>His hypothesis had been wrong.</p><p>A whole day had passed and he <em>hadn’t</em> forgotten about the kiss.</p><p>He hadn’t forgotten when they were in the garden and Barty leaned closer to the point that Regulus could feel his breath on the back of his neck to ask him what he was studying.</p><p>He hadn’t forgotten when Barty asked him for help with potions and they were inches from each other to cut the ingredients.</p><p>And much less had he forgotten when Barty had grabbed his shoulders when Mulciber was saying some bullshit at lunchtime and Evan had asked him why was he blushing, and then Barty had touched his forehead slightly to see if he had a fever, and Regulus had run out of the great hall saying he <em>suddenly</em> needed to go to the bathroom.</p><p>At that point, Regulus didn’t know if his life was just a forced medieval satire, or was it simply that he loved to make a fool of himself.</p><p>The thing was, by that time it was almost dusk, and Barty, Evan, and Regulus were walking along the shore of the black lake. Regulus walked at a safe distance from his friends, reconsidering the crap of life he had and if it wouldn’t be easier to just jump off the astronomy tower and end it all.</p><p>Aside from the fact that next weekend he was going to spend it in detention with Potter and his lack of neurons, yesterday he had met his <em>beloved older brother</em>, and that had struck a chord with him.</p><p>Especially considering the fact that they had been the first words spoken in over a year or so.</p><p>Barty had taken it upon himself to finish the encounter with a fight, and it wasn’t that Regulus didn’t thank him for defending him, but seriously, why?</p><p>Years of experience had served Regulus to learn that keeping quiet was the best option when you were in a difficult situation. Regulus preferred to avoid conflict, meanwhile, the people around him seemed to feed off of it.</p><p>Anyway, he hated everything. On top of that he had found out that Potter had told his brother about his little meeting, and in short, the world was falling on him.</p><p>He still didn’t know if imagining Sirius rejoicing in his pathetic loss of control made him sad or angry.</p><p>Maybe sad wasn’t the right word; <em>ashamed</em> would be more appropriate.</p><p>After all, years of experience had taught Regulus that Sirius rejoiced in his suffering. Regulus still remembered when he was ten years old and Sirius had just started Hogwarts; he remembers not receiving a single word from Sirius until he saw him return in the summer. He remembers Sirius looking at him with different eyes when he returned.</p><p>There came a time when Sirius stopped meaning <em>family</em> to mean <em>nothing</em>. To signify pain, abandonment, suffering, rejection.</p><p>‘<em>Family</em>.’</p><p>What a funny thing to say.</p><p>His parents were his family. They were the only ones who were there when he didn’t have anyone else. They were the only ones who were <em>still</em> there.</p><p>His older brother was nothing more than a cockroach to exterminate, and Regulus was sure that he and his stupid friend were laughing at him at that moment, laughing at how <em>pathetic</em> he was-</p><p>Nah.</p><p>Who did he want to fool?</p><p>
  <em>Regulus knew for a fact that Sirius had not the slightest thought of him.</em>
</p><p>But still, the memory of Sirius telling him he had been <em>a fucking cry baby</em> pinched his brain.</p><p>And that wasn’t even the worst. Barty and Heather had heard Sirius mention the ‘little encounter’ with Potter, and that morning they didn’t seem to have remembered to ask him, but Regulus was sure that as soon as the subject came up, they would question him thoroughly.</p><p>He preferred to be swallowed by the earth before telling his friends what had happened.</p><p>And if that wasn’t enough, add to that that he had detention with Potter for a whole weekend.</p><p>And to that, add the furtive glances Regulus was giving Barty every two minutes, trying to figure out what his own damn problem was.</p><p>After seeing that the kiss was definitely not going to be forgotten, Regulus, in a foolish attempt to use the logic that had served him so little until now, tried to understand why he was so attracted to the memory.</p><p>It wasn’t Barty, that was for sure.</p><p>
  <em>Or so he hoped.</em>
</p><p>He really didn’t want to go too deep into that thought because it just sounded <em>so</em> outlandish.</p><p>For God’s sake, he was stirring just thinking about it.</p><p><em>Barty was like a brother to him</em>. But the good kind of brother, not the kind of brother who stabs you in the back and has no qualms about making your life a <em>pit of misery</em>; the good kind of brother, the one who help you and defend you and don’t leave you alone when you need him most.</p><p>Also, <em>he didn’t swing that way. </em></p><p>Not that he had anything against the people who did, but you see, Regulus was a rich, white, privileged straight man, and he wanted to keep it that way.</p><p>(As soon as that sentence left his head, he sent a silent apology to Simone de Beauvoir.)</p><p>Regulus followed a long list of things that could have drawn him so much to the kiss; Distorted memories of a kiss being more pleasant than it really had been due to alcohol? The rise in the levels of oxytocin? The secrecy of it?</p><p>Maybe he was jumping to too hasty conclusions, but if he let the issue go too far uncontrollably, he could end up at a point of no return.</p><p>They passed two boys who were sitting on the shore of the black lake; They seemed to be talking about something, though they flinched when they saw the three Slytherins pass by.</p><p>Barty and Evan greeted Joe Butler curtly, not missing the detail of how he pulled his hand away from Connie Macmillan’s.</p><p>“Rumour has it they’ve been involved since the beginning of the year,” Evan muttered.</p><p>“I couldn’t care less who Butler fucks in his spare time, honestly.”</p><p>Regulus looked back and gave them a curious look; he caught his hands intertwining again as Macmillan laughed at something Butler had said.</p><p>Instantly afterwards he kept looking at his book.</p><p>It was a romantic book —of course— about a princess who fell in love with a commoner.</p><p>Tragic love, of course.</p><p>If Regulus didn’t like such things, no one did.</p><p>“What has gotten into you today?” </p><p>Regulus, helplessly lost in the lines of the book, did not notice how Evan and Barty slowed down to catch up with him.</p><p>“You’re very quiet today,” Evan muttered.</p><p>Regulus shrugged, putting the book down because it was rude to keep reading when his friends tried to talk to him. “I’m just thinking,” he replied.</p><p>Barty scowled at him. “Are you by any chance affected by what happened yesterday with Potter and your brother?”</p><p>Regulus looked negatively at him, clasping the book in his arms. “No.”</p><p>“What happened with the Gryffindor pigs yesterday?” Evan asked, glancing up at the night sky harshly. “Apart from the fact that you fought with that glasses, obviously. Good punch by the way.”</p><p>“It was a smack,” Barty corrected.</p><p>“And it wasn’t good,” Regulus added, smiling slightly. “I’m not cut out for fighting.”</p><p>“Then?” Barty replied, taking the conversation where he wanted it. “Could you tell us what the hell you’re worried about?”</p><p>“Nothing!”</p><p>Barty rolled his eyes. “Don’t think I forgot what your brother said yesterday about you and Pot-”</p><p>“Barty, drop it!” Regulus cut him off annoyed, hitting his arm hard. “Mind your own business for once!”</p><p>Barty blinked a few times foolishly, before snorting and shaking his head. “Do whatever you want,” he said bitterly, turning on his heel. “I’m going to the common room,” he finished dryly.</p><p>“Hey!” Regulus exclaimed. “Wait! Come on Barty, I’m sorry!”</p><p>Barty didn’t turn around.</p><p>Regulus sighed sadly, watching his best friend walk away from him.</p><p>He knew Barty well enough to know how explosive he could be when he was angry, so he resisted following him. “Fuck,” Regulus muttered, picking up his way, pressing the book closer to his chest.</p><p>He heard Evan’s footsteps following behind him. “You can go if you want,” Regulus told him. “Today I’m unbearable, you don’t have to put up with me.”</p><p>Evan shook his head. “Nah, the night sky is stunning tonight.” He shot Regulus a sideways glance. “It would be a shame not to appreciate it.”</p><p>Regulus snorted dryly. “What does that have to do with anything? And since when do you know how to appreciate the night sky?”</p><p>Evan shrugged. “I appreciate the things that are worthwhile.”</p><p>Regulus raised an eyebrow at him. “When we were little, you hated being shown the night sky,” Regulus recalled. “Andromeda would always take us out into the garden and tell us stories about the stars, and I don’t think I ever saw you paying attention.”</p><p>Evan gave a dry laugh. “Yeah, well, it’s just when Andromeda was babbling like an idiot about the stars, I was tearing chunks of dirt out of the grass and throwing them at your brother while we whispered insults as low as we could,” he explained. “So no, I never paid attention to her lectures.”</p><p>Regulus rolled his eyes. “They were fascinating,” he said, his tone bland.</p><p>“You say that about everything.”</p><p>Regulus shrugged, flashing a goofy grin at the ground. “That’s because everything can be fascinating.”</p><p>Evan sighed dazzlingly as Regulus’s features reflected the starlight. “<em>You are fascinating</em>,” he murmured, neither intending nor being able to help it.</p><p>There were two tense seconds until Regulus asked “What?” hinting that he hadn’t heard him, and that was when Evan was able to breathe normally again.</p><p>“Nothing,” Evan said quickly. “I don’t understand how you can find anything interesting in a couple of white dots in the sky.”</p><p>Regulus gave him an offended look. “It’s not just a couple of white dots!” He exclaimed. “They hide wonderful stories behind, they have meanings, enigmas, mysteries; astrology itself is an exciting subject, the zodiac is magical and fascinating; the stars are one of the most interesting things that surround us.”</p><p>“They are just burning fire rocks.”</p><p>Regulus narrowed his eyes looking up at Evan in annoyance. Without adding anything else, he grabbed his hand and stepped out of the way, heading into the middle of the greenish meadow that made up the Hogwarts gardens.</p><p>Evan didn’t bother to ask where they were going.</p><p>Regulus stopped at a point near a tree. “Lie down.”</p><p>A chill ran down Evan’s spine. “Beg your pardon?”</p><p>Regulus pointed impatiently at the ground. “Come on! Lie down!”</p><p>Evan shook his head in bewilderment; At Regulus’s insistent gaze, he gave up, sitting a bit away from the tree on the green meadow.</p><p>Regulus quickly took a seat next to him; He dropped his head back, causing his curls to spread out on the grass.</p><p>Evan and Regulus shared a sideways glance; Regulus insisted that Evan lie down beside him. He took a deep breath before dropping his head next to Regulus’s, allowing himself to gaze at his profile for a few seconds. “What am I doing on the ground filling my clothes with dirt?” He finally asked.</p><p>Regulus nudged him gently. “Look up.”</p><p>Evan did. “A lot of white dots on a black background, okay, so what?”</p><p>Regulus snorted wearily. “Shut up,” he snapped. “The stars can be incredible if you stop to look at them well. Look, that one for example,” he raised an arm and pointed to the sky. “That’s Vega, and that one over there,” he pointed to a spot a little further to the left. “That’s Altair. They call them-”</p><p>“I have no idea where are you pointing,” Evan cut him off, slurring his words.</p><p>Regulus sighed dryly. “There- Agh,” in a tired tone, he grabbed Evan’s arm off the ground and pulled it up; he intertwined his fingers so he could point to the stars with Evan’s arm. “Those,” he repeated, pointing at two points in the sky once more. “You see them?” Regulus asked insistently, seeing that Evan had fallen silent.</p><p>Evan nodded, swallowing hard. Regulus’s hand was surprisingly small compared to his; and smooth, tremendously smooth. There was a moment when he was tempted to move his thumb and caress the side of his hand, but he didn’t dare to do so.</p><p>“Those are Vega and Altair, they call them the lovers of heaven,” he murmured. “There is a legend that says they were a princess and a shepherd who fell in love and were punished for it, condemned to live separately on the Milky Way,” he explained. He gazed at the two dots in the sky for a moment, remembering the stories his cousin told him about them as a child. He moved his and Evan’s arms a little to the right. “That’s Scorpio; Barty’s zodiac sign. And that’s Capricorn, my sign,” he commented.</p><p>“Don’t tell me you believe in the zodiac, Regulus,” Evan spluttered, trying to avoid observing how the light from the night sky shone on Regulus’s features, or how his grey eyes seemed to blend in with the moon in its waning state. “It’s a string of rubbish.”</p><p>Regulus squeezed Evan’s hand, intending to reproach him for what he had just said, <em>but it didn’t have the desired effect</em>. “I didn’t say I believe in it!” He exclaimed. “I find it entertaining, nothing else. Muggles are fascinated by these things, you know?”</p><p>“I honestly don’t give a shit about Muggles.”</p><p>Regulus rolled his eyes. “It was just a fun fact.” He gulped and went back to his task of showing Evan the stars. “Your sign is Gemini, by the way, that one over there.”</p><p>“Where is your star?” Evan asked curiously.</p><p>Regulus gave a soft laugh, swinging Evan’s arm to the side, his gaze searching the sky. “That one,” he whispered, pointing to a constellation.</p><p>“The top one?”</p><p>“No, no, the bottom one,” Regulus corrected. “That’s my star, Regulus, in Leo’s constellation.”</p><p>Evan nodded, staring at the star. “Is blue.”</p><p>Regulus sighed. “It looks blue,” he corrected. “‘Regulus’ is supposed to mean <em>‘little king’</em>; I suppose it has something to do with its belonging to the lion’s constellation, which is considered the king of the jungle, but I have never checked it.”</p><p>Regulus shook his head, ready to change the subject, pointing to another point in the sky, and another, and another.</p><p>After a few minutes, Evan said something that made Regulus laugh, and he squeezed Evan’s hand inadvertently; Evan took a long breath, watching Regulus’s nose wrinkle and his eyes narrowing adorably; when it got to the point where he couldn’t take it anymore, Evan let go of Regulus’s arm, sitting up on the ground.</p><p>Regulus gave him a puzzled look, making no attempt to move.</p><p>“Very interesting,” Evan said wryly. “But it’s still rubbish.” Before Regulus had time to complain, Evan continued speaking. “It’s just a bunch of silly stories and names that someone made up to entertain very boring people.”</p><p>Regulus sighed in resignation. “That’s because I’m the one explaining it to you, you idiot!” He snapped. “The trick to making you like astrology is to have someone explain it to you who makes you want to learn. Astrology or any other subject, actually.”</p><p>Evan raised an eyebrow, bending one knee and pressing it to his chest, as he watched Regulus prop himself up on his elbows and stare at him insistently.</p><p>“Look, forget I’m here,” Regulus muttered, dropping back to the ground, and trying to drag Evan with him. “Come on!”</p><p>Evan snorted heavily as he leaned back next to Regulus, gulping nervously. “Okay, I’m listening.”</p><p>Regulus gave him a pleased smile. “Okay, forget I’m here,” Evan nodded, wondering where the conversation was going. “Imagine another person, someone with whom you like to spend time with.”</p><p>“I like spending time with you,” Evan replied, turning his head to look at Regulus.</p><p>“Well, I know, but it’s not the same,” Regulus said. “We’re family, and besides, I’m a boy. I mean someone-”</p><p>“We are not family,” Evan cut in quickly, his tone firm.</p><p>Regulus looked puzzled. “Well, but, practically ...”</p><p>“Well, practically or not, we are not related; we are just people with common relatives,” he stated flatly.</p><p>Regulus looked hurt by the comment, but he made no attempt to correct Evan. “Uh, well, yeah, whatever,” he spluttered. “Imagine someone you... you know, someone you like.” Evan nodded, not taking his eyes off Regulus. “But don’t look at me, you idiot; look at the sky,” Regulus snapped, forcing Evan to look away.</p><p>“Someone I like in what way?”</p><p>“Someone you fancy,” Regulus said finally. “Imagine... I don’t know, a girl, pretty, blonde; whatever your type is. Or if you have someone in mind already you can imagine her... you don’t have to tell me the name, just imagine her. “</p><p>Evan nodded.</p><p>“Now imagine her voice,” Regulus whispered. “Imagine she’s holding your hand and telling you the story about Vega and Altair, or the one about Scorpio and Orion; whichever you like best,” he murmured, his tone enthusiastic, as if nothing amused him more than imagining romantic scenes in his head.</p><p>“But that’s what you just did.”</p><p>“I know... I know... But imagine her!”</p><p>He exclaimed exaltedly. “And imagine that she leans on your shoulder, and continues to tell the story about the stars. And her hair tickles your cheeks, and you can hear her heart beating...”</p><p>Regulus was staring up at the sky, and he seemed so enthralled by his story, that he didn’t notice how Evan wasn’t taking his eyes off him.</p><p>“And she laughs, and you hear her laugh and you think her laugh is precious. And then she will grab your hand tighter, lean in closer, and point to her favourite star,” he murmured, lost in his own narrative.</p><p>Evan was grateful that Regulus was speaking, because if they were silent, he could clearly hear how fast his heart was beating.</p><p>“And then you kiss,” he kept talking. “Not passionately, something quick, like first date kisses, and then she keeps telling you about the stars, and you find it fascinating, because she is telling it to you, not because the subject itself is.”</p><p>He gave a soft laugh, and Evan was terribly tempted to move closer to see if his cheeks were flushed.</p><p>Regulus turned his head and looked at Evan with a smirk. “Don’t you think it would be a lot more fun to learn about the stars that way?”</p><p>Evan nodded. “Definitely.”</p><p>Regulus shook his head. “You just have to use your imagination a little.”</p><p>Evan watched Regulus yawn, and, after suggesting that they return to the castle, as it was already getting late, he wondered<em> how in his right mind could he ever want to imagine anyone else.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Regulus doesn't know how to pick a lock</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>December 2nd, 1977</em>
</p><p>
  <em>3.26 pm.</em>
</p><p>The noise of raindrops splashing against the ground was clearly heard in the corridors of Hogwarts. The gardens were completely empty, the green grass covered with mud, and the trees dripping drops of water from their highest leaves.</p><p>On rainy days people did not usually leave their rooms, much less the castle. December had just started, and the weather was terribly cold. The only students outside their common rooms that Friday afternoon were the students who wanted either to be alone or to study.</p><p>Regulus was in the library, sitting at a table at the back of the room, enjoying some alone time, hidden behind shelves full of herbology books, which no one normally approached. He was sitting in a chair, with a book in his hands, reading silently, not wanting to be disturbed.</p><p>In any other circumstances, he would be in his room right now, but there was one tiny problem.</p><p>Regulus had been avoiding his best friend —and roommate— all week.</p><p>He went out early to breakfast, and came back late to sleep, making sure Barty was either in bed or in the bathroom whenever he had to be in his room. He avoided the Slytherin common room and the great hall as much as possible, and barely passed his friend in the hallways.</p><p>He missed his best friend, obviously, but it's just that everything was so weird. Or he was making it weird, who knows.</p><p>The thing is, every time Regulus saw Barty he couldn't help but think how nice it would be to kiss him again, and he had decided that the only possible solution to that problem would be to stop seeing Barty.</p><p>Thanks to his crappy solution, of course, Regulus had found himself in various somewhat awkward situations throughout the week, such as Wednesday, when Slughorn ordered them to brew a sleep potion for homework and bring it completed the next day.</p><p>"In pairs," said Professor Slughorn's voice, looking at his students smiling. "You have one day to do it; if everything goes well, in about three hours you will have finished it."</p><p>Barty was already opening his mouth to ask Regulus when they were going to start doing the job, obviously assuming that as always, they were going to do it together, when Regulus nervously turned to Evan and asked if he wanted to be his partner.</p><p>To no one's surprise, Evan agreed.</p><p>Regulus felt awful bad when he saw Barty's puzzled expression, but just before he had time to come up with some stupid excuse Barty turned his back on him sharply and focused on his potions book again.</p><p>And at that moment, he was pathetically hiding behind some bookshelves in the library, freezing in the cold, all so as not to have to meet glances with his best friend.</p><p>Anyway,<em> teenage drama.</em></p><p>"What are you reading?"</p><p>Regulus sighed softly, recognizing the voice instantly. He raised his head from his book and met his eyes with the translucent grey ones that were staring at him. A woman with beautiful features, a desolate expression, slim and arrogant, wearing a long dress and glittering jewels, watched him, floating in front of the table.</p><p>Regulus shrugged, showing Helena Ravenclaw the cover of the book. "It's titled 'Appointment with death,'" he whispered. "It's by Agatha Christie."</p><p>"I don't know it," replied the ghost with a frown. "What is it about?"</p><p>"It's about a murder," he explained. "A detective is interviewing family members to find out who killed a woman named Mrs Boynton."</p><p>Helena nodded. "And are you liking it?"</p><p>Regulus shook his head. “Heather has insisted that I should read Agatha Christie, but mystery books are just not my thing; besides, you already know how difficult it is to find Muggle books in Hogsmeade. "</p><p>"In the Ravenclaw common room there is a bookcase full of Muggle books," Helena added. "Maybe you should stop by someday."</p><p>Regulus hummed. “Maybe I could stop by there one day; although if they catch me, it is very likely that they will punish me. And I already have detention this whole weekend, so I don’t want to get more. "</p><p>"I know," Elena said sadly. "My mother implanted that rule, you know? The one that prohibits going to the common rooms of other houses." She added spitefully. “It doesn’t surprise me that the houses hate each other; anyway, I think you should have ended up in Ravenclaw. That old hat no longer knows what he's doing."</p><p>Regulus gave a quiet laugh, shaking his head. "Heather thinks the same, y’know?" he mused. "I don't see it,” then firmly, added, "I think 'hate' is a very strong word, though."</p><p>Helena raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Slytherins have a reputation for hating Gryffindors," she pointed out with certainty.</p><p>"I hate some Gryffindors," Regulus declared. “I don't know all Gryffindors, I can't hate all Gryffindors because I don't know all Gryffindors. The fact that I hate the few that I know doesn’t mean all of them are distasteful. "</p><p>Helena nodded thoughtfully. "That’s very mature."</p><p>"It’s just common sense."</p><p>“I thought you didn’t approve blood traitors,” Helena said. “‘Blood traitors’, is that how it’s called? My mother’s friend, Salazar, used to say that a lot, but it’s been a lot of time since that so I don’t quite remember the terms he used.”</p><p>Regulus gulped, awkwardly. “I was talking about them as individuals, I guess,” Regulus tried to justify. “I do hate blood traitors.”</p><p>Helena raised a questioning eyebrow. “That’s silly.”</p><p>“Why would you say that?”</p><p>Helena shrugged. "I guess I still don't quite understand the concept. My mother tried to explain it to me, but I think she didn't quite understand it either; that was part of the reason why she and Salazar got along so badly, I guess," she commented, approaching Regulus floating, leaning over the table to see the book more clearly. "Someone tried to explain it to me some time ago, but he got angry and never spoke to me again; not until years later, unfortunately."</p><p>"Who tried to explain it to you?" Regulus asked curiously.</p><p>"Someone who made me a promise and broke it," Elena responded spitefully. "Do you believe in blood purity, Regulus?"</p><p>"Don't say it like that," Regulus said.</p><p>"How do you want me to say it?"</p><p>"Not like that," Regulus replied. "It sounds like you are asking me for a belief, as if you were asking me if I believe in God or not. Believing or not believing in blood purity is like being a flat-earther or not. You can choose to acknowledge a fact or you can choose to pretend it doesn't exist and get on with your life. "</p><p>Helena cocked her head, waiting for Regulus to add something, but Regulus didn't. "So do you?"</p><p>Regulus sighed heavily. "Yes, I do."</p><p>"So, do you think you can answer a question for me?" Helena asked. "The other day I heard some students speak, and I have several doubts regarding their conversation."</p><p>Regulus nodded. "What’s the problem?"</p><p>"What about the half-bloods?"</p><p>Regulus frowned. "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean."</p><p>"The other day a Slytherin boy, I think he is a friend of yours, passed two Gryffindor students. One was short and chubby, and one was tall, very tall, and had a lot of weird scars on his face. He said something like 'half-blood scum’ to them." Helena explained, her tone calm. "But I know that there are some Slytherin boys who are half-bloods as well, and the rest of Slytherin seems to get along with them. What's the norm? How do you know when a half-blood is right and when one is wrong? "</p><p>Regulus opened his mouth to say something, but fell silent, thinking foolishly about his response. "Well... uh ...."</p><p>Helena gave him a questioning look.</p><p>"I suppose it depends on the half-blood," he explained. "If they are ... uh ... ashamed of being half-blood, then they are fine, as long as they understand that being pure-blood is better. If they are friends of muggle-borns and blood traitors, like the two Gryffindors you have described, they are wrong."</p><p>Helena nodded. "But wasn't it dependent on their blood?"</p><p>Regulus nodded doubtfully. "Yes, uh... well, yes. But it depends..."</p><p>"And what if a Muggle-born is ashamed of their roots and admits that purebloods are better than them and their race?" Helena asked. "Would you accept him as your friend?"</p><p>Regulus shook his head. "Of course not!"</p><p>"But I thought that if they regretted being born as..."</p><p>“But no muggle-born would regret being born as a muggle-born, that’s ridiculous.”</p><p>“What if you explained to them your points for pure-bloods being superior to muggle-borns and they agreed with you because they think they make sense? Would they be better than other muggle-borns?” Helena asked, in an insistent tone of voice, curiosity filling her features. “Because if half-bloods are not pure-bloods either but you accept them basing on their beliefs, couldn’t you do the same with muggleborns?”</p><p>Regulus bit his lip. “I guess you are right,” he said after a couple of seconds. “But I don’t know any muggle-born that doesn’t like being a muggle-born, so thinking about it is useless.”</p><p>“And you never thought of convincing muggleborns that they are inferior by trying to talk to them? Wouldn’t that solve basically everything?”</p><p>Regulus opened his mouth, trying to say something, and closed it a few seconds later, not knowing what to say.</p><p>“Regulus?”</p><p>“I guess you are right,” Regulus said, dubitably. “But you can’t just go to people and tell them that they are inferior and expect them to understand you.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because that’s not how the human mind works!”</p><p>Helena nodded, a slight frown on her features. “So, muggleborns don’t know why you hate them?”</p><p>Regulus shrugged. “Uhm- They probably guess it?” He mused. “I don’t know, I guess they don’t.”</p><p>“Guess it?” Helena asked, sceptically. “I’m not capable of guess it, so I really doubt they are either,” she pointed. “Why do you hate muggleborns, Regulus?”</p><p>
  <em>What’s with everyone and that question these days?</em>
</p><p>“Blood shouldn’t be tainted,” he said, quietly. “They steal magic from purebloods.”</p><p>Helena gave a soft laugh. “That’s ridiculous.”</p><p>Regulus frowned.</p><p>“You can’t steal magic, Regulus,” Helena stated funnily. “Magic is something ethereal, that is not touched and that is not transferred; you can't just steal someone's magic. Also, as far as I know, muggleborns are born with magic, just like purebloods; how could a baby steal magic?”</p><p>Regulus stared at Helena with a puzzled expression. "But… they are so unnatural!" He stated. "How can magic be born from something as ordinary as a muggle?”</p><p>Helena cocked her head to the said, frowning. “Don’t you think that should be looked at as something interesting?” She asked. “I certainly think so. I would have loved to investigate where the magic muggleborns are born with comes from,” then, she added, sadly, “I didn’t have enough time to do it.”</p><p>Regulus gulped. “Is not interesting.”</p><p>“I think it is.”</p><p>“Is not!”</p><p>“Don’t get mad,” Helena said, defensively. “I’ve always been really curious about this, but everyone gets mad at me when I ask; I thought you wouldn’t be the same.”</p><p>Regulus closed his eyes and breathed softly. “I’m afraid I don’t know how to answer.” He admitted forcefully. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Helena nodded. “Admitting that you don’t know something is the first step to wisdom; that’s what my mother used to say, at least,” she added. “Would you like to help me investigate my unfinished project?”</p><p>Regulus raised his head. “What project?”</p><p>“I want to know where muggleborns magic comes from,” she said. “I can’t grab books, so it’s a bit difficult for me in this condition, but maybe with your help I could.”</p><p>Regulus thought it wouldn’t be a good idea.</p><p>“I don’t know Helena…”</p><p>Helena gave him an insistent expression. “Please? Maybe that would help get your ideas in order as well?”</p><p>Regulus gave her an apprehensive look. Putting his ideas in order sounded good, but he had a bad feeling about the whole thing.</p><p>"Okay," he finally agreed, unsure. "We can start next week." At Helena's disappointed look, Regulus added, "Sorry, I've been given detention today."</p><p>Helena nodded understandingly. "If you get out soon enough, come here," she suggested. "Excuse my insistence, it's just that I haven't done a proper investigation for so long and I missed it."</p><p>Regulus nodded graciously. "We can’t leave until we finish the task that they order us; I think it’s something in the stables with Professor Kettelburn, but I'm not sure, we have to go to Professor McGonagall's office and there they will tell us what to do."</p><p>"We?"</p><p>"Oh," Regulus said with resignation. "Potter and I," he explained, "We had a little altercation after the Quidditch match."</p><p>Helena rolled her eyes. "Quidditch, what a ridiculous game," she muttered bitterly. "He, Potter, is he a blood traitor?"</p><p>Regulus nodded.</p><p>"Could you ask his views on the matter?" Helena asked. "Maybe that will help you clarify your ideas."</p><p>Regulus looked at her with a horrified grin. "Not in my worst nightmares."</p><p>Helena scowled at him. "Why are you closing yourself off to knowledge?"</p><p>"I'm not myself closing off to anything!" Regulus exclaimed defensively. "It's just that it would be a waste of time to talk to a blood traitor, one especially <em>like him</em>!"</p><p>"How is ‘one like him’?"</p><p>"He is a fucking asshole."</p><p>Helena nodded. "You don't seem to get along."</p><p>"I assure you we don't get along," he snapped. "And he wouldn't give me any argument other than 'we're all the same' or some bullshit like that."</p><p>Helena frowned. "Regulus, what you're saying doesn't make any sense."</p><p>Regulus looked offended. "What do you mean?"</p><p>"You say he can only give you one argument, but it's not that yours are much better. Besides, do you remember the day you told me about house-elves?" She asked, Regulus nodded. "You said exactly the same thing; that we were all the same and that the treatment they received from the rest of the magical world seemed very unfair to you. Why is it valid for some but not for others?"</p><p>Regulus went out of words.</p><p>"I think," Helena continued, cautiously, "that you should try to talk to someone who has another point of view and compare them. You may be able to put your ideas in order more easily."</p><p>Regulus licked his lips, looking away, feeling uneasy. "I don't think that's a good idea."</p><p>"Why are you so afraid of the answers you might get?"</p><p>Regulus narrowed his eyes, looking at Helena apprehensively. "I'm not afraid."</p><p>"Then I don't see what the problem is."</p><p>Regulus shrugged. He glanced sideways at the clock on the wall, seeing that it was almost four in the afternoon. "I have to go," he said dryly.</p><p>Helena nodded, stepping away from the table so that Regulus could pass without having to go through her. "Will you come later to help me with my project?"</p><p>Regulus paused for a few seconds, before smiling softly and nodding his head. "Yes, of course I will," he said kindly. "See you later Helena."</p><p>"Goodbye Regulus," she murmured, watching Regulus walk away through the corridors of the library.</p><p>(…)</p><p>James wrinkled his nose at the smell of tobacco; Sirius and Remus sat smoking on the floor, reading their arithmancy books. James was holding some transform notes dryly, practising the spell movements with his wand, without actually pronouncing them.</p><p>He glanced sideways at the clock on the wall, discovering that it was almost four in the afternoon and that he should be heading to the fifth floor for his punishment with McGonagall. "I should get going," James mused, laying his notes on his bed and looking at his three friends. "I don't want to be late with McGonagall, you know how she gets."</p><p>Sirius nodded, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth, holding the smoke in his lungs. "Try not to do something stupid that will get you punished again."</p><p>"You are one to talk," James muttered. "I think we have to do something with Kettleburn; I just hope they don't force us out into the garden in the rain."</p><p>"I have to go too," Peter said, setting his herbology notes aside. "I'm meeting... <em>uh</em>... a girl."</p><p>"A girl?" Sirius asked, one eyebrow raised. "Are you gonna just drop that bomb and walk away? You have a date and you haven't told us anything?"</p><p>Peter scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Well, it... it was very casual and ..."</p><p>"Bullshit!" Sirius exclaimed. "Sit down right now Peter Pettigrew! Tell us everything about her!"</p><p>Peter laughed. "I really have to go."</p><p>"I don't give a shit, I can't let my friend go around with just anyone,” Sirius stated funnily “Come, sit down, tell us who's the lucky one."</p><p>"Leave the boy alone, Padfoot," Remus told him, nudging Sirius, letting the smoke out of his mouth, causing James to wrinkle his nose. "Oh, excuse me Prongs, your Quidditch player lungs can't take a little smoke?"</p><p>James showed his middle finger to Remus. "Fuck you Lupin," he muttered. "Good luck with your date Wormie; see you later gentlemen."</p><p>"Prongs!" Sirius exclaimed before James walked out the door. "Wait, I want... Ehm. I wanted to ask you something."</p><p>James frowned. "Okay, but make it quick, I'm going to be late if..."</p><p>"It’ll be quick," Sirius said. "The other day... uh- with hi- Regul- my- uhm- <em>you know who</em>.”</p><p>James's frown deepened. "Yes?"</p><p>"Well, uhm. The other day in the hall, after you both got scolded by professor McGonagall, I mentioned in front of him that you had a... 'run-in'. And well- He looked quite affected at the memory," Sirius muttered, sharing a look with Remus, which encouraged him to continue talking. "Was what happened that day on the fifth floor that bad?"</p><p>James scratched the back of his neck, uncomfortable, remembering Regulus's deep red eyes, his shaking hands, and how he tried to pull away from James like he was hurting him.</p><p>"Yeah, uh- It was kind of- Maybe I went a bit too far,” he sighed awkwardly. "He did seem quite affected, I’m sor-"</p><p>“Don’t apologize,” Sirius cut off quickly. “I'm not reproaching you. I just wanted to, well, to know what had happened."</p><p>James nodded apprehensively. "Hey, if you want me to say something to him today so-"</p><p>"No," Sirius denied quickly. "No, no, don't waste your time. I don't care. I was just curious to know what happened. My b- Regulus never liked being told the truth to his face," he affirmed, disinterestedly, taking another drag on the cigar. "<em>Don't bother with him.</em>"</p><p>James waited for Sirius to add something, but he didn’t. He glanced one last time at the clock on the wall “Okay… Imma go now," James said, with a pinch of guilt for making Sirius uncomfortable with the whole thing. “You sure you don’t want me to-”</p><p>“<em>Yes</em>,” Sirius said firmly. “See you later, Prongs."</p><p>James nodded, "See ya."</p><p>The common room was obviously full of people, on a Friday at four in the afternoon. There was a group of first-years playing chess on the ground, some third-year boys trimming the leaves of an insect-eating plant, and several groups of people sitting around the fireplaces laughing, warming themselves with the flames.</p><p>James greeted Frank and Alice, who were huddled together in an armchair, both reading from a book resting on Alice's lap.</p><p>When he walked through the picture of the fat lady, a wave of cold swept through him. It was December, and it was raining, so the weather was extremely cold; it was bearable inside the common room, with the fireplaces burning and so many people in attendance; but the corridors were bloody Siberia.</p><p>James walked up the two floors of stairs that separated him from Professor McGonagall's office, and watched Regulus approach from the opposite end of the hall. He held the wand in his hand, and was spinning it in the air, creating animal shapes with it. When he saw James, he put it in his robe pocket.</p><p>They both reached the office door at the same time; neither made an attempt to say greet the other, or share any words at all. Regulus was the first to reach out and open the door, not giving James a glance.</p><p>Inside the office waited McGonagall and Professor Kettleburn, a man in his forties with brown hair, although some grey was already noticeable. He was tall, broad-shouldered, and wore a quirky wizard's robe that was filled with small feathers and animal hair.</p><p>"Good afternoon, gentlemen," Kettleburn said, in an amused tone. "Can I take them now, Minerva?"</p><p>McGonagall nodded. "Give me your wands," she ordered, reaching out to James and Regulus.</p><p>Regulus sighed resignedly, handing McGonagall the wand roughly; James, already used to the formalities of detention, was already handing it to McGonagall before she asked for it, and when she took it from him, he added, smugly, "Take good care of it, eh Minnie?"</p><p>McGonagall gave him a withering look. "It's Professor McGonagall to you, Mr Potter," she said dryly. "You can take them, Silvanus."</p><p>The professor nodded, glancing enthusiastically at James and Regulus. "Well, troublemakers, you're going to help me with the nifflers," he indicated, pointing toward the door. "The third-years and I have been playing with them this morning and they have gotten awfully dirty."</p><p>(…)</p><p>Professor Kettleburn kept the magical creatures in stables near the greenhouses. He opened the door of the site with a huge copper key and made them cross quickly so that the animals would not escape, closing the door behind them.</p><p>Birds and insects of different colours and sizes flew through the air. Regulus recognized some from the divination class, and James recognized the doxies that he and Sirius used to play a prank on Mulciber, Snape, and Avery in their fourth year.</p><p>Behind fences, different creatures could be seen; murtlaps, kneazles, porlocks, knarls... In one corner, there was a small glass box with streelers, and James was struck by a completely empty plot.</p><p>"What do you keep there, Professor Kettleburn?" James asked, pointing to the empty area as they walked between the different animal patches.</p><p>Both Regulus and Professor Kettleburn turned to the area James was pointing at. Regulus frowned, wondering where they were supposed to look; Kettleburn, on the other hand, nodded understandingly. "It's not empty, Mr Potter," he said, stopping his way and standing in front of the 'empty' lot. "What you don't see there are Thestrals."</p><p>Regulus then became aware of the grotesque and sinister-looking horse-shaped animals that seemed somewhat crammed into the plot they were being kept. "Oh right, only those who had seen death up close could see them, right?"</p><p>"Oh yeah, we studied them last year," James said, looking at the empty area, trying to see a sign that there was an animal in there. "Are you sure it's not empty? "</p><p>Regulus rolled his eyes.</p><p>"I can't tell you for sure, Mr Potter," laughed Professor Kettleburn. "I'm afraid, luckily or unfortunately, I can't see them either."</p><p>"And how did you get them in here?" Regulus asked curiously, approaching the quirky animals. One of them poked its nose out of the rail, and Regulus was able to see its dark, empty-looking sockets. He raised a hand tentatively, checking if the animal was going to get upset or not; When he saw that it didn't seem to resist, Regulus stroked the area from its eyes to its nose, feeling its rough skin under his touch. The animal closed its eyes, as if it liked the gesture, and Regulus smiled softly, unable to help himself. "Don't you think they're a bit crowded?" Regulus asked seriously, watching as at least fifteen Thestrals trudged across the small plot. "It would be better to leave them in the forbidden forest."</p><p>"Oh, can you see them, Mr Black?" Kettleburn asked curiously. "I remember your brother said being able to see them last year as well, maybe it's for the same reason?"</p><p>Regulus swallowed uncomfortably. "Uh, yeah, probably; when I was little, like seven years old or so, our oldest house-elf died in our living room," he sighed, his tone grim. "His name was Freaker."</p><p>Kettleburn nodded. "I'm sorry, Mr Black."</p><p>Regulus shook his head. "No, it’s fine. Going back to..."</p><p>"Professor Dumbledore helps me get them in here," Kettleburn said, anticipating Regulus's question. "He has never told me why he is able to see them, but he is. Hagrid also thinks that we should keep them in the forbidden forest, although I am afraid that, since I cannot see the thestrals, it would be very counter-productive if I ever wanted to show them in a class. I don't usually use them in my classes, since these are to pull the carriages that take you from Hogsmeade station to Hogwarts every year, but still, if the opportunity arises, I need to have them within my reach."</p><p>Regulus nodded. He thought about saying that it seemed cruel to him to show animals in his classes keeping them locked in cages as if they were fairground monkeys, but he decided that even if he said something, nothing would change, so he preferred not to waste time.</p><p>Regulus caught how James was staring at the point where his hand was touching the thestral's head, as if trying to calculate if it was really supported by an animal or Regulus was deceiving them and was simply supporting his hand in the air.</p><p>"You can touch it," he said dryly, "if you don't believe there’s something here."</p><p>James looked surprised. "What?"</p><p>Regulus rolled his eyes. "Raise your hand," he said, nodding at a point in the air, "not too fast, you could scare him."</p><p>James was about to send Regulus to hell when Professor Kettleburn said. "Come on James, raise your hand gently, don't be afraid, they won't hurt you."</p><p>James did as he was told with resignation. “I’m not afraid,” he said dryly. James raised a hand softly to where Regulus had told him to. "And now what?"</p><p>"Wait," Regulus muttered bitterly, giving James a withering look, pulling his own hand away from the animal. The thestral watched James's hand for a few seconds, then leaned toward him, gently bringing his head close to James's palm, but not touching his hand. "Now, touch him."</p><p>James lowered his hand suspiciously, shooting captive glances at Regulus from time to time, who was staring at the animal. He dismissed the idea of Regulus trying something to hurt him, as they were in front of a professor, but still tried to be as cautious as possible when touching the invisible animal.</p><p>"Careful!" Regulus exclaimed, grabbing James's wrist and stopping his movement. "You're going to stick a finger in his eye, you idiot," he reproached in annoyance.</p><p>Before James could complain, Regulus placed his hand over James's fingers and ran his hand up to the animal's muzzle. "There," he added dryly, pulling his hand away from James's quickly, crossing his arms instantly afterwards.</p><p>James felt the rough skin of the thestral under his hand, scaly in a way, though dry. He slid his hand carefully since he couldn't see the animal, and he wasn't sure where he was touching. It was a completely strange experience; his eyes told him that there was nothing there, instead, his hand felt the touch of the skin of an animal, and how its breath hit his arm.</p><p>James caught Regulus's smile out of the corner of his eye, as he watched the animal's eyes close, moving its muzzle in the direction of James's brush. "They don't come to see you very often, huh?" Regulus whispered to the animal, gladly watching it squirm pleasantly.</p><p>Regulus noticed James's gaze on him, and gave him a dry snort and a sharp look. "What?" He snapped, annoyed.</p><p>James had been surprised by the gentleness of Regulus's voice a few seconds ago, but came to his senses once Regulus gave him the same contemptuous look that characterized all their interactions. "What?" James repeated, angrily, uselessly.</p><p>"Well, enough thestrals for today," Kettleburn said, placing an arm around both boys' shoulders. "Let's keep going, the nifflers are right there."</p><p>James carefully separated his hand from the animal, following Professor Kettleburn, Regulus waved goodbye to the creature as he walked away as well.</p><p>Professor Kettleburn led them to a secluded room, "I have to keep them isolated because they tend to steal all the shiny things they see," he explained, opening the door.</p><p>Regulus and James followed him into a dark room, in which there were only two windows that had no knobs to open. The atmosphere was very stuffy, given the poor ventilation; Regulus wrinkled his nose at the unpleasant smell of mud and grass.</p><p>They looked at the ground to find about fifteen nifflers scampering from side to side, jumping on small swings that hung from the ceiling, or climbing the walls and then jumping to the ground; James had the silly idea that they seemed to be running competitions with each other. They were all covered in mud, so much that James and Regulus could barely make out the colour of their fluffy fur.</p><p>"Well, gentlemen," Kettleburn said, picking up two buckets from the floor, which had sponges and soap cans inside. "You have to clean them all, as well as the whole room, muggle style."</p><p>He handed the buckets to James and Regulus, who took them bitterly. "Cheer up those faces, when you're done you can go," he said in an amused tone. "Be careful not to lose any niffler. To clean the room, you can find mops and non-magical brooms in the warehouse, which is outside the stables, just open the door and you will find it on the right; I’ll leave it open for you, once you are done close it, but be careful because it can only be opened with the keys, so make sure to have taken everything you needed. I will come later to see if you have completed your job. If you put enough care into it, I may try to convince Professor McGonagall to release you from detention on Saturday and Sunday, but you have to leave this clean as a whistle! You have a tap there for the water," he pointed to a corner of the room. "But don't put the nifflers directly under the stream, they don’t like it."</p><p>Professor Kettleburn said goodbye to them, finally leaving the room.</p><p>James and Regulus were left alone, in a room full of muddy nifflers, not even knowing where to start.</p><p>Regulus caught the corner of his eye as a niffler sneaking up on him through one of the rafters in the ceiling —which was uncomfortably low. "Get it out of your head," Regulus exclaimed, looking at the ceiling niffler sternly. "If you like shiny things look at the sun, but you are so not touching my rings,” he affirmed defensively, stretching his shirt sleeves and hiding his hands in them. "Don’t."</p><p>James gave Regulus a tired look. "He's not understanding you, you know that, don't you?"</p><p>Regulus glanced at James, but decided to ignore him completely. "Get down from there, come on."</p><p>The niffler was looking at Regulus with a funny expression, his eye still following the movement of Regulus's hands under the cuffs of his shirt.</p><p>"Come on!" He exclaimed, looking at the animal reproachfully. "Agh," Regulus gave a resigned sigh, sticking his hands out into view, he had four rings in one hand and three in the other, and the nifflers tensed as the expensive-looking jewellery pieces were hit by the rays of the lightning sun. "Bloody magpies."</p><p>One by one he removed the rings from his fingers, putting them in his shirt pocket, protecting them from the small mammals. The index finger of his right hand had a silver ring, with a black crest in the centre, James glanced at it and recognized it, having seen it on Sirius' hand when they were little —he stopped wearing it when they started their second year—, it was the ring with the Black family crest.</p><p>Regulus seemed hesitant to remove it, and seemed on the point of not doing so, until he saw the apprehensive gaze of the nifflers, and decided that taking it off would be the smart thing to do.</p><p>He showed the nifflers his empty hands. "Better?"</p><p>James grew impatient as Regulus waited for a response from the nifflers, and annoyed added. "Can we start now? I have places to be."</p><p>Regulus ignored him again. Instead, he looked apprehensively at the bucket and sponges. He walked over to the faucet the professor had pointed out and bent down to fill it with water, watching as some nifflers followed him across the room.</p><p>James followed Regulus. "What? Now you’re giving me the punishment of silence?" He asked sarcastically.</p><p>"'The punishment of silence?'" Regulus repeated sarcastically. "We aren’t ten years old. I’m not punishing you; I’m ignoring you."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>Regulus raised an eyebrow. "Because I don't want to talk to you."</p><p>"I don't want to talk to you either."</p><p>Regulus sighed heavily. "Great, then let's not talk and that's it."</p><p>James seemed offended at that. "And why do you get to decide when we talk and when don’t?" James raised an eyebrow. "I'm the one who’s here because of you!" He claimed. "If you hadn't cheated in the match, we wouldn't be here! It's not my fault you're so bad that you can't win any other way!"</p><p>Regulus looked at him incredulously. "You were the one who decided to punch me in front of a professor, you fucking asshole!" He snorted loudly, trying to quench his anger. "I'm not doing this today," he stated, grabbing the bucket full of water off the ground, not making contact with James. "I don't want to talk to you, leave me alone."</p><p>James watched, offended, as Regulus ducked to catch up with one of the following nifflers and gently wrung the soaked sponge over him, slightly wetting his fur.</p><p>He swallowed his anger and leaned down to fill his bucket as well.</p><p>(…)</p><p>"Can you pass me the bottle of shampoo?" James mumbled bitterly.</p><p>Regulus didn't say a single word as he grabbed the bottle and sent it to James sliding it across the floor.</p><p>James grabbed it roughly, squirting a few drops of liquid onto the sponge, and carefully lathering up the ninth niffler. "Can you tell what the fuck is wrong with you?"</p><p>Silence.</p><p>"It’s just that I don’t understand how it’s possible that you’re the one who has cheated and on top of that you have the audacity to be the one who’s offended."</p><p>Silence.</p><p>James grunted harshly, rinsing the niffler. "Could you tell what kind of victim role are you playing now?"</p><p>Regulus sighed loudly, but made no attempt to reply to James.</p><p>"I hope you guys had a good time at the little party you had after," James muttered. "How do you celebrate a game that is won by cheating?"</p><p>Regulus laughed, and James raised an eyebrow at that.</p><p>"Yes, I think so too," Regulus whispered. James turned, to watch Regulus chuckling softly, watching a niffler roll across the floor, drenched in soap. “That was the last one," Regulus said, finally directing his voice to James. "One of us has to go to the warehouse while the other rinses the sponges and dries the nifflers.”</p><p>“Now you can talk?”</p><p>Regulus gave James a resigned sigh.</p><p>"Yes, I can talk, now collect the things while I go to the warehouse."</p><p>"Why do you go to the warehouse and I stay drying the nifflers? What if I want to go to the warehouse?"</p><p>Regulus closed his eyes and counted to ten. "Have you ever been told you act like a bloody child?"</p><p>"More often than you'd think," James muttered. "I'm going to the warehouse."</p><p>"Fine! Do whatever you want, I don't give a shit," Regulus snapped. "Just hurry up, I want to get out of here."</p><p>"Oh, do you have places to be?" James asked sarcastically. "Don't tell me, are you going to paint some landscapes in the fifth-floor classroom?"</p><p>Regulus gave James the coldest look he could get.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Regulus snorted through his nose. "And what the fuck do you care? Last time I checked I was <em>pathetic</em> and a <em>waste of time</em>.”</p><p>James was thrown back at that. He saw the smouldering look Regulus was giving him, and remembered what Sirius had told him an hour or so ago about Regulus looking 'a bit shaken' at the mention of the event.</p><p>"Hey," he began cautiously. "About the other day-"</p><p>"Save it," Regulus cut in firmly, looking away. "I don't want to hear you rejoice."</p><p>"I wasn't going to rejoice," James said defensively. "Maybe I went a bit too far; maybe if you weren't giving that shitty pro-elf speech when you go about ruining the lives of muggleborns in your spare time, those things wouldn't happen to you. I still don't understand what affected you so much, anyway.”</p><p>“We are not doing this again, Potter," Regulus said dryly.</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>Regulus looked at James as if he couldn't believe what he was saying. "<em>Forget me.</em>"</p><p>"I wish I could," he said dryly. "You are not someone I like to remember."</p><p>"Then why the hell are you still talking to me?!"</p><p>James closed his mouth in resignation, huffing in annoyance. "I'm going to the warehouse."</p><p>James left the room, taking one last look at Regulus, who was holding a niffler down, stroking the fur on its belly.</p><p>He couldn't help but think that the future-death-eater-Regulus-Black concept did not fit at all with the image of Regulus scratching the tummies of animals with such gentleness, and James was even more convinced that the existence of that boy didn’t make any sense at all.</p><p>When James arrived at the warehouse, using the hood of his robe to protect himself from the rain, he found the door ajar, which led to a staircase that led down to a dark room. With only the lighting coming from the cloudy sky outside, James cautiously descended the stairs, glancing around the room.</p><p>It was filled with several different objects, but no mops.</p><p>James sighed heavily, rummaging through a couple of cabinets and furniture, but amid the dim light and the chaos of things in there, he wasn't able to find anything.</p><p>James resigned himself to returning to the stables empty-handed. When he got to the niffler's room, he found Regulus with a niffler on his lap, wrapped in a towel, while Regulus dried him off like some kind of puppy.</p><p>"Where are the mops?" Regulus asked, looking away from the towel-wrapped animal for a few seconds.</p><p>"I haven't found them," James said, watching Regulus gently wipe the niffler's beak. "I see you like nifflers."</p><p>Regulus raised an eyebrow, glaring at James in annoyance. "Who doesn't like nifflers?"</p><p>"When we studied nifflers in third year Mulciber and Avery used to kick them when the professor wasn't looking," he pointed out spitefully.</p><p>Regulus stared at James with wide eyes and a drooping jaw. "<em>They did what</em>?"</p><p>James frowned at the sight. "Yeah, well, Sirius and I stopped them as soon as we saw them," he added quickly. "They spent a week in the infirmary."</p><p>"Just one?" Regulus asked insistently.</p><p>James laughed at that. "I'm afraid Pomfrey is very good at what she does, otherwise would have been at least three."</p><p>Regulus nodded, returning the niffler's gaze. "Hope you didn’t get detention. Poor thing, why would anyone want to hurt you?" He added, looking at the niffler go back running awkwardly with his friends.</p><p>James watched Regulus dry the last of the nifflers; he was wiping the towel carefully over his face, so as not to hurt his eyes or his beak.</p><p>When he set him down, the niffler stirred, ruffling his fur, splashing Regulus with the last few drops he had left. Regulus grunted trying to cover himself with his hands as James laughed.</p><p>Regulus glared at James. "It's not funny," he muttered, looking down at his wet clothes now. "I thought we were friends," he whispered to the niffler, his expression sullen.</p><p>"I like you, buddy," James said, approaching the niffler and patting him on the back.</p><p>Regulus snorted in annoyance as the niffler allowed himself to be stroked. "Where the hell are the mops?"</p><p>"I told you," James said. "I have not found them."</p><p>"How hard can it be to find a couple of mops and brooms in a bloody warehouse?"</p><p>"It's very dark and messy!" James justified himself, diverting his attention from the animal. "Go and see for yourself!"</p><p>"Are you sure your ego can bear me finding them before you? Won't you start crying?"</p><p>"<em>The only one crying here is you, Black</em>," James said wickedly. "If you want, let's go together and see how there is no trace of the fucking mops."</p><p>Regulus gave James a cold look. "Can’t you just go and look properly?"</p><p>James shook his head dryly. "I'm telling you there’s nothing."</p><p>Regulus snorted. "Whatever you say," he said, getting up from his place and setting the towels he'd used to dry the nifflers aside. "Fine, let’s go."</p><p>James rolled his eyes, standing up and following Regulus to the door.</p><p>They left the stables and used the hood of their tunic to protect themselves from the rain until they reached the ajar door of the warehouse; Regulus leaned out of the frame toward the dark stairs, and began to descend cautiously so as not to slip and end up on the floor.</p><p>"Do you see how there’s nothing?" James said insistently.</p><p>"At the moment all I see is darkness," Regulus said heavily. "Isn't there a lamp or something?"</p><p>James shrugged his shoulders. "I haven't checked."</p><p>"Why haven't you checked?" Regulus claimed annoyed. "That’s like the first thing you should have checked!"</p><p>"Sorry I have no experience searching dark warehouses, Black!"</p><p>"I can't say I'm not surprised!"</p><p>James fumbled for a switch near the door while Regulus scanned the interior of the warehouse. He found nothing.</p><p>"Great," Regulus mused at the news. "Why the heck do they need such a large warehouse?"</p><p>James shrugged his shoulders. "Well, do you see how there is nothing?"</p><p>"There must be something," Regulus said stubbornly, trying to see something in the darkness. "I believe I have..."</p><p>He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a crumpled paper. "Maybe it was in the other one," he whispered, before reaching into the other pocket and pulling out a kind of greyish metal rectangle.</p><p>"A lighter?" James asked. "Why do you have a lighter?"</p><p>"I planned to burn Hogwarts with it," he replied sarcastically, lighting the lighter and trying to see something in the small flame light.</p><p>"Do you need help down there?" James asked, from the doorframe, feeling the icy wind on the back of his neck, watching as Regulus tried to open a closet and go through it while he held the lighter with his other hand.</p><p>"No," Regulus stated dryly. "Where are the damn mops?"</p><p>"Do you see how there’s nothing?!" James exclaimed, his tone exasperated. "Let's go back inside and we'll think of something to clean the floor!"</p><p>"No!" Regulus exclaimed. "The problem is that there isn’t enough light... Is there a dry stick lying around or something?"</p><p>James raised an eyebrow. "It's raining, everything is wet, there's nothing you can make a torch with."</p><p>"Look close to the door, where the rain won't reach it," Regulus insisted, his voice tired. "There must be something."</p><p>James rolled his eyes but did as requested, he looked down and search the ground for dry branches, big enough to make a torch. Finally, he found one that was near the hinge of the door, half inside the room half outside; large and dry enough to be of use to them.</p><p>James grabbed the stick from the ground and ran down the stairs.</p><p>Regulus suddenly had a bad feeling.</p><p>He turned abruptly to look for something out of place, as the low light grew dimmer, and the sound of the rain much louder.</p><p>"What have you done?" He asked James, narrowing his eyes in annoyance, looking around the room.</p><p>"What?" James asked incredulously, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. "I didn-"</p><p>The squeak of hinges interrupted him, and the thud of a door closing plunged both James and Regulus into darkness.</p><p>(…)</p><p>At least the stick had functioned as a torch.</p><p>Okay, Regulus and James had been yelling and blaming each other for at least fifteen minutes —James was already starting to feel his throat getting sore—but at least they weren't completely in the dark.</p><p>"You told me to get a stick!"</p><p>"I didn't mean the stick that kept the door open!</p><p>"I told you to leave more than five minutes ago, but you decided to ignore me!"</p><p>"If you had done your job well before and looked for the mops when I asked you, now we wouldn't be locked down here!"</p><p>"Thank Merlin we didn't find the mops because you don't want to know what I would do with them!"</p><p>"Fuck you!"</p><p>"<em>Not exactly</em>!"</p><p>Regulus was approaching James in a menacing tone, his eyes blazing, when he inadvertently kicked a pile of stacked boxes that fell to the ground with a loud crash.</p><p>"Bloody genius," James muttered, watching a bunch of crystal balls roll out of the box and start rolling on the floor. "How the hell haven't they broken? What the hell are these things made of?"</p><p>"They're protected with magic so they don't break, you idiot."</p><p>"Why do you know so many useless things?"</p><p>"To make up for the useful things you don't know," he replied dryly. He glanced at the door apprehensively, making out its details with difficulty in the dim light of the flame. "Do you have anything sharp?"</p><p>James crossed his arms, watching the door as well. "If your plan is to stab me, don't expect me to help you," he replied sarcastically. "It looks flimsy, maybe we can break it?"</p><p>"I had thought of picking the lock," Regulus replied bored. "But if you'd rather try to break your knuckles first, I won't be the one to stop you."</p><p>James raised an eyebrow. "You know how to pick a lock?"</p><p>"Maybe," Regulus replied. "My cousin tried to teach me and my brother when we were little," he explained. "I've never actually done it, although I know the theory."</p><p>James opened his mouth in surprise. "So that's how Sirius learned," he whispered, more to himself than to Regulus. "And the prick refused to tell me."</p><p>"Fascinating," Regulus said, cutting off James' cabs, bending down to pick up the crystal balls he had thrown to the ground. "Do you have something sharp?"</p><p>James shook his head. "There must be something around here, anyway."</p><p>Long story short, James found some kind of super old rusty fork-shaped gardening tool that Regulus saw fit enough to try to pick the lock with. He crouched in front of the door, wrinkling his face at the sight of his pants getting dirty on the muddy and dusty floor, and began turning it like a screwdriver inside the lock. He had been doing that for more than two minutes, and the door had not signalled that it was going to open anytime soon.</p><p>"Sirius never takes that long."</p><p>"Well, I'm sorry that Sirius has a natural talent for vandalism and I don't. It turns out that not all of us are born with indecency in our veins."</p><p>In about five minutes, they gave up.</p><p>James tried to pull the door hard enough to break the lock, or the hinges, or something, but it didn't work either.</p><p>So, at that moment they were silent, locked in the warehouse, while the flame of their improvised torch was being consumed with a worrying rapidity.</p><p>James had taken a seat on one of the steps, staring at the ceiling, bored to death. Regulus was pacing the room, investigating the shelves and cabinets, which appeared to only have garden or animal care tools.</p><p>“What are you doing?” James asked, watching as Regulus stood on tiptoe to reach for something on top of a shelf.</p><p>"Nothing," Regulus ignored him, stretching his arms up, not being able to reach the object he was looking for.</p><p>James glanced up and could see that Regulus was trying to reach for a chandelier. He took a quick look at the torch and saw that it was about to go out.</p><p>With a heavy sigh, he rose from his seat and approached Regulus. "Let me, I'll take it-"</p><p>"I can do it on my own, thank you very much," Regulus replied angrily, making a small leap upward, almost brushing the chandelier with his fingertips.</p><p>James rolled his eyes and decided that reasoning with Regulus was a waste of time. He reached over and pressed his chest to his back, pinning Regulus against the shelf for a few seconds, as he reached for the chandelier.</p><p>He stepped back and handed it to Regulus, who snatched it from his hands, glaring at him, looking humiliated. "I could do it myself," he told him furiously.</p><p>"Yeah, whatever you say."</p><p>Regulus strode over to the torch and brought its flame close to the candles in the candelabrum, lighting them carefully one by one.</p><p>Once lit, he placed it on a shelf, and blew out the torch, which was emitting a very nasty smoke.</p><p>James leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, trying to find something to entertain himself with.</p><p>After a couple of minutes, Regulus surprised James by being the first to break the silence.</p><p>"Potter," he whispered uncertainly, sitting in the corner of the room, fiddling with a crystal ball in his hands.</p><p>James raised his head and looked at Regulus. "Now you want to talk?"</p><p>Regulus swallowed hard. "I need to ask you something."</p><p>James raised an eyebrow. "What would you have to ask me?"</p><p>"About the other day," he whispered, looking down at the ground, his tone quiet. "What happened in the class on the fifth floor." James frowned. "Other than my brother, have you told anyone else?"</p><p>James scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Why you ask?"</p><p>Regulus didn't look up from the ground, he just shrugged. "I want to know how many people are going to laugh at me behind my back because of that, nothing else."</p><p>James frowned. "No one's laughing at you," James exclaimed. "What kind of sadists do you think we are?"</p><p>Regulus gulped. "So, does anyone else know?"</p><p>"Peter and Remus," James said dryly. "Do you think that's what we do? To laugh at you tear-"</p><p>"Oh yeah, because I'm sure the oh so great Sirius Black didn't enjoy hearing how his best friend made his pathetic little Slytherin brother cry. Tell that shit to someone else."</p><p>"Hey look, I'm sorry-"</p><p>"<em>You aren’t sorry. Don't say you're sorry. I don't want you to be sorry.</em>"</p><p>"I'm sorry for the way I said it, not what I said," James insisted. "I went too far, and even Sirius asked if you were okay —in his way. He cares about you, you know? But he can't just ignore the path you're following, no one can, Black."</p><p>Regulus did not deign to look at James. "I don't want to talk about him."</p><p>"You’ve brought up the subject."</p><p>"I just wanted to know in front of how many people I would have to look down when I cross the hallways, not listen to how much you love your damn best friend and how good people you are all in Gryffindor. And now, if you don't mind, let's be silent again."</p><p>James didn't want to drop the subject.</p><p>"Why did you get like that day, Black?" James asked, staring at Regulus from the wall he was leaning against. "One would expect you to get mad and yell at me about 'muggle-borns <em>stealing magic from purebloods</em> and taking a place that doesn't belong to them', about me ‘being a filthy blood traitor as dirty as the half-bloods and muggle-borns that I surround myself with.'" James stated, certainly. “But instead, you didn’t know what to answer and despaired as if the world was falling on you. "</p><p>Regulus looked down, terribly humiliated. "<em>You cannot steal magic</em>."</p><p>"What did you say?"</p><p>"You can't steal magic," Regulus repeated, his voice shaking. "Magic is ethereal and non-transferable; furthermore, muggle-borns are born with magic, and a baby cannot steal magic."</p><p>James frowned. "I... I know that," he said, his voice confused. "Padfoot told me that your parents used to tell you that when you were little, it seemed ridiculous to me, it doesn't make any sense."</p><p>Regulus remembered <em>that</em> day.</p><p>Sirius, he and his father were walking in a park near their house, when they saw how a little boy had an accidental magic attack and made a breach in a statue. His father, who knew for sure that there were no more wizards living in Islington, wrinkled his nose in contempt, explaining to Sirius and Regulus how that <em>mudblood</em> had stolen the magic from a pureblood kid and turned them into a squib.</p><p>"Indeed, it doesn't make any sense," Regulus whispered, playing with a ring in his hands. " And tell me, <em>why don't you hate muggle-borns</em>?"</p><p>James raised his eyebrows in confusion; offended, he added. "Beg your pardon?"</p><p>"Is a genuine question," Regulus whispered. "Someone told me to ask."</p><p>"Who is someone?"</p><p>Regulus shrugged. "A friend."</p><p>"What friend?"</p><p>Regulus snorted frustratedly. "Are you going to answer me or not?"</p><p>"I don't know how to answer," James snapped. "It's a stupid question. Why would I hate Muggle-borns?"</p><p>Regulus sighed. "I don't know, why wouldn't you?"</p><p>"It's obvious!" James said. "They haven't done anything wrong! They are just children who at the age of eleven discovered they could do magic, and it turns out that there are people who want to kill them for it," James said spitefully. "They are normal people, there are some who are good, and some who I would like to punch. And some are brilliant, while others are fucking useless. Lily Evans, a girl of my year, could beat the ass of most of the purebloods in this bloody school."</p><p>"Maybe she has wizard ances-"</p><p>"She doesn't," James said firmly. "Slughorn tried to search for wizards or squibs in her family line because apparently, his little brain couldn't handle that a muggle-born was the best of his class. It seems yours can't either."</p><p>Regulus was thrown back at that.</p><p>"I've already answered your question, now you answer mine," James asked. "Why do you hate muggle-borns?"</p><p>Regulus gulped. He dared to look up from his hands, shooting James an apprehensive, nervous look. He shrugged foolishly.</p><p>"Do you even hate them?"</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>," Regulus responded instantly.</p><p>"Why?" James asked then. "Do you enjoy reading the articles in The Daily Prophet announcing Muggle deaths? Do you enjoy that?"</p><p>Regulus watched him with a shocked face. "Of course not!"</p><p>"Then you don't hate them."</p><p>"Yes, I do!"</p><p>"And why don't you rejoice to see those articles in The Daily Prophet? I've seen your friends laugh at the articles, boy have I seen them. The other day, when they announced the death of the entire family of that Hufflepuff boy," James pointed out. "I wanted to get up and punch most of your table. Then I noticed you," he said, as he watched Regulus look at him in shock. "You weren't laughing."</p><p>"The boy had just lost his entire family," Regulus muttered in a shaky voice. "I can't laugh at something like that."</p><p>"You should do it."</p><p>"How- How can you say that?"</p><p>"Because you hate muggle-borns."</p><p>"I think there is a difference between hating someone and wanting them to die!"</p><p>"So, what are you <em>not</em> supporting? You-know-who? Death Eaters?"</p><p>"<em>I haven’t said that</em>."</p><p>James, against all odds, threw his head back, letting out a long sigh that turned into a laugh. He laughed for several seconds, under Regulus's confused and angry gaze. "What's so funny?"</p><p>"<em>You</em>," James said foolishly.</p><p>"I wasn't trying to be funny," Regulus mused.</p><p>"I know," James said, still smiling. "That's the funny part." He ruffled his hair with his hand, raising both eyebrows in funny disbelief. "Nothing you say makes sense. You don’t make sense at all.”</p><p>Regulus gulped.</p><p>"Why do you hate muggle-borns, Black? You haven't answered me yet." Regulus did not move; James waited for him to say something, but he didn't. "Is it because of your parents?"</p><p>Regulus frowned, flatly denying. "Of course not."</p><p>"Really?" James said cautiously. "Because I have seen what your parents are capable of doing to those who are against them."</p><p>"I'm not afraid of them," Regulus said with certainty. "They would never hurt me. They- they love me. And I love them."</p><p>"Your parents are not capable of loving anyone."</p><p>"What would you know?" Regulus said curtly. "You don't know them, all you know about them is what <em>he</em> has told you, and <em>he</em> doesn't know anything."</p><p>James snorted angrily. "Your parents abused his son just because he chose the right path!" James exclaimed. "They didn't love him, and they don't love you either. <em>You're just Sirius' replacement</em>, and that you try so hard to make them proud is just pathetic."</p><p>"Sirius devoted his existence to disappoint them!" He justified —justified them— with a trembling voice. "They loved us, and all they asked in return is that we do what they asked of us, that we make them proud, but <em>he</em> thought it was too high a price and-"</p><p>"You shouldn't pay a price for your parents to love you!"</p><p>"Why not?!"</p><p>"Because not!" James exclaimed without understanding. "Because they should love you unconditionally! You don't owe them anything! You don't have to pay a price for someone to love you!"</p><p>Regulus looked at James pleadingly. "But-"</p><p>"Do you really <em>want</em> to hate muggle-borns?" James finally exclaimed.</p><p>"I don't think you can choose that,” Regulus responded defensively.</p><p>"<em>I think you can</em>, and I also think you want to chose not to,” he stated, "Do you want to hate muggle-borns or are you just trying to convince yourself that you do just to make <em>those motherfuckers</em> proud because the idea of your parents not loving you terrifies you?"</p><p>"That's ridiculous," Regulus snapped, shaking his head.</p><p>"Is it? Cause, forgive me for telling you, but the anti-muggle thing doesn’t fit with the 'house-elves are equal beings to us' speech or the ‘you should keep the thestrals in the forbidden forest because it makes me very sad see them here squeezed in’ idea."</p><p>"Those are completely-"</p><p>"Don't try to tell me that shit, Black," James muttered, moving closer to Regulus, finally pulling away from the wall. "Give me one reason to hate muggle-borns and I swear I'll leave you alone, give me one, that's all I ask of you."</p><p>James crouched down in front of Regulus, watching him with an expectant expression.</p><p>"Uhm..." Regulus stammered, leaning back against the wall a little, away from James. "They are..."</p><p>"What is your plan for the future, Black?" James told him seriously.</p><p>"Wh-what?"</p><p>"Do you want to join the Death Eaters?"</p><p>Regulus met James's insistent gaze. He shook his head uncertainly. "<em>I have not thought of it yet</em>."</p><p>"Your friends want to join."</p><p>Regulus snorted, shaking his head. "Even if I knew, I wouldn't tell-"</p><p>"It wasn't a question," James cut him off. "They want to join, all of them." He affirmed, with certainty. “They don't need to think about it. "</p><p>Regulus opened his mouth foolishly. "And what does that have to do with anything?"</p><p>"You don't want to join <em>him</em>," James whispered. "You don't even hate muggle-borns. You're scared."</p><p>"That’s not true."</p><p>"Yes, it is," James insisted. "You are afraid and you don't even know you are. I think you don't want to hurt anyone and you hate people who hurt others, but you know that if you admit it out loud you are going to be alone, and no one wants to be alone. "</p><p>"Shut up."</p><p>"I think you try to make all the shitty speeches they tell you make sense, but you can't, because they don't, so you prefer to ignore it and not think about it."</p><p>"Potter, <em>shut up</em>."</p><p>"You can ask for help," James said, giving Regulus a reassuring look. "I know you think Sirius hates you, but if you went to him-"</p><p>"SHUT UP!" Regulus exclaimed, giving James a shove, destabilizing him from his squatting position and making him sit on the ground. "You don't know anything! <em>Anything!</em>" He squealed, getting up from his place, looking at James on the ground. "They make sense! <em>Mudbloods</em> are filthy scum that deserve to be exterminated! All of them! And of course I want to join the Death Eaters, to finally get rid of all of them and scum like you and my fucking brother!"</p><p>James rose from the ground with his blood boiling. He grabbed Regulus by the shoulders and pinned him against the wall, holding him in place. "Repeat that until you believe it," he mumbled derisively. "You know what, Black? Do whatever you want. Sink until it's too late to surface again."</p><p>"<em>I won't be the one to sink</em>."</p><p>"You are already doing it,” James said dismissively. "Just do the people who love you a favour, if there is anyone who loves you, and make sure you make them hate you before it's too late. Because if there is something worse than voluntarily sentencing your life, it’s forcing others to be spectators."</p><p>James let go of Regulus.</p><p>Regulus shook his head, looking at James distantly. He opened his mouth to say something, and in a weak voice he uttered, "<em>I hate you.</em>"</p><p>It was a soft whisper, James barely heard it.</p><p>"I hate your house," James muttered. "I hate your family, I hate your friends, but surprisingly, <em>I don't hate you</em>."</p><p>Regulus narrowed his eyes at that. "I want you to hate me."</p><p>"<em>I want to do it</em>."</p><p>"You should do it."</p><p>"Make me hate you," James murmured, the candlelight glinting off his glasses, looking at Regulus with a blank expression. "<em>If you can</em>. Tell me something about yourself that makes me hate you."</p><p>"I've hated you my whole life," Regulus added. "Since I was a kid, since the first time I heard your name, the only thing you have produced me is <em>disgust</em>. I hate you and everything you stand for. I hold you grudge for things you can't even imagine. I wish the worst for you and everyone around you," he whispered, in a drawling voice, the only sounds in the room being the raindrops falling outside and the candle flames sputtering. "Isn't that reason enough to hate me?"</p><p>"No," James said, with a grin, shrugging. "I didn't think you would have such strong emotions for me," he added slyly. "You see, I don't hate you, Black, because I've never given you the slightest thought."</p><p>Regulus gave James a furious grimace.</p><p>"And now, <em>it turns out I can't stop thinking about you</em>," he added. "I don't understand you in the least. You should be a bad person. You should disgust me. It's your fault. You're the one doing things that don't make sense. It's your fault because you're the one that should make me hate you but then you act like you're a damn good person who's just lost and alone and I don't understand you."</p><p>Regulus frowned in confusion. "I am not a good person."</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>Regulus did not reply.</p><p>"I feel sorry for you, Black," James snapped. "I feel sorry for you because you're trying to force something you weren't born to do. You know this is all bullshit and that it's wrong and it's horrible, but you're so scared that you repress it. I don't hate you, Black. I just feel sorry for you. <em>You are a coward</em>."</p><p>Regulus's vision blurred.</p><p>"But until you realize that, no one can help you," James finished with a shrug. "It would be a shame if you realized when it's too late."</p><p>"Please stop talking," Regulus muttered in a thin voice, clenching his fists tightly.</p><p>James gave Regulus a pitying look. "As you wish," then he added, foolishly. "<em>Know that I am always up for a fight, if you are interested."</em></p><p>Regulus, eyes bright, tear-shot, clenching his fists at his sides, nodded delicately. "Don't get too high hopes."</p><p>They did not exchange another word for the rest of the afternoon. Professor Sprout opened the door half an hour later.</p><p>Turns out the mops were under the ladder.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. The funeral</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>December 3rd, 1977</p><p>
  <em>8.45 pm.</em>
</p><p>Could James Potter be any more obnoxious? Apparently, the answer was yes.</p><p>Regulus had never in his life met someone who made so much damn noise when he wrote. Was he aware that he did not have to scratch the paper so sadistically with the feather? That he just had to write smoothly? Damn it, he was going to make him bloody deaf.</p><p>Honestly, Regulus couldn’t think of a worse way to spend his Saturday than copying texts from the history book with James Potter, supervised in a class by Professor McGonagall, who after giving them a talk about how damned useless they were for ending up locked in a gardening warehouse, decided that she was going to give them a more routine punishment, considering that they could not be trusted with other more creative tasks.</p><p>It was fifteen minutes before they could leave, and Regulus was in his lasts. Whether James was to cough again, to drop a drop of ink on the floor, or to make an unfortunate noise with the parchment on the table, he was going to get up and hurl unforgivable curses at him until he was not able to move.</p><p>Regulus had studied those sections of his history of magic book long ago, one day when he was bored in the afternoon and decided that he was going to read the entire book. Barty hit him when he found out, obviously.</p><p>Light streamed in through the windows, and Regulus wrote in his perfectly aristocratic calligraphy, built on the basis of many writing teachers during his childhood. He occasionally shot a withering look at James —even though James didn’t seem to be looking at him— and he was able to see his handwriting on his parchment. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t as good as Regulus’s, although Regulus was shocked even that James could write, so he was quite surprised that his handwriting was not completely disgusting to look at.</p><p>He glanced at the watch on his wrist, noting that there were still eight minutes left for McGonagall to let them go back to their lives. Regulus couldn’t go to his room because, well, the avoiding Barty thing was still there, so he would probably go find Evan and stay reading in his room or helping him with his homework.</p><p>Although he’d had another nightmare that night, and he was still a bit uneasy —he’d had a feeling of discomfort all day that wouldn’t go away, and he couldn’t quite attribute why—, so maybe he would go take a nap in his room and pretend he was asleep in case Barty came in.</p><p>He shot one last irate glance at James, who was writing dispassionately on the parchment, his lips moving as if he were silently humming a tune. His hair was, as always, messy, and Regulus couldn’t help but scoff at the brazenness of his looks. He had tanned skin, much more tanned than Sirius, and he fiddled with his maroon-coloured, rectangular glasses.</p><p>Unlike Regulus, who always wore his uniform carefully placed, and tie perfectly tied, James dressed in an untidy way, with his tie poorly tied, and the first buttons of his shirt unbuttoned; Regulus couldn’t help rolling his eyes at his obvious insistence on looking cool and laid-back, leading him to the extreme of wearing his sleeves rolled up and his shirt half-buttoned in early December.</p><p>He wondered if James was simply unable to feel cold or if he just was foolish enough to sacrifice his protection against colds just to look hotter.</p><p>The teacher finally allowed them to leave. She tapped the quill into the inkwell, drawing their attention, and pointed at the door with a curt nod, “You are free to go,” she said, not looking up from the scrolls she was correcting. “Mr Black, Professor Dumbledore has told me to give you this,” she added, as Regulus got to his feet and gathered up his things. He glanced at the teacher and saw that she was pointing to a yellowish envelope on her table. “Express delivery.”</p><p>Regulus scrutinized the envelope with his gaze, before picking it up and stuffing it in his backpack, not looking who the sender was.</p><p>James was the first to open the door and leave the classroom; he glanced down the hall and was surprised not to see any of his friends waiting for him, as Sirius had promised to come to pick him up after detention to go to the forbidden forest and have a little fun in their animagus forms.</p><p>No, instead his gaze met Barty Crouch’s, who gave him a frown but did not seem to intend to make a fuss on that occasion.</p><p>Regulus left the class after James, and James frowned when he saw him take a step back in surprise when his gaze met Barty. James had a wild thought that Regulus looked unsettled, but he became even more confused when Regulus seemed to compose himself, smiling shyly and waving at Barty. “Hey,” Regulus greeted awkwardly, “Wh- What are you doing here?”</p><p>Barty shot him a withering look before scooting over to Regulus and grabbing his wrist, dragging him down the hall. James watched Regulus looking confused, then trying to resist as Crouch dragged him through the corridors.</p><p>James raised an eyebrow, watching them walk away, wondering what Crouch was up to.</p><p>He glanced across the hall, the way to the Gryffindor common room.</p><p>He threw another look at Crouch and Regulus, who were walking away down the hall.</p><p>He repeated the movement.</p><p>And he repeated it again.</p><p>And finally, he decided to return to his common room, because now that he had confirmed that the kid was no threat, what little Black did with his friends didn’t interest him at all.</p><p> Meanwhile, Barty dragged Regulus down the hall, while Regulus made stupid attempts to ask where they were going, or what was wrong, or if he was okay.</p><p>Regulus asked him to loosen his grip on his wrist, but he didn’t, he just quickened his pace. He walked in front of Regulus, holding his arm like he was a small child late for school. When he turned the corner, making sure no one was around them, he shoved Regulus into a classroom and slammed the door.</p><p>“You’ve been avoiding me,” Barty said blankly, turning around and cornering Regulus against one of the desks inside the classroom. “Why?”</p><p>Regulus took a deep breath, analysing the things that had happened in the last twenty seconds, trying to place himself in space and time. The proximity between them at that moment made him nervous, not because of the kiss, but because his friend was obviously angry.</p><p>He swallowed nervously, leaning back against the desk, “I- What?”</p><p>“Don’t play dumb with me, Black,” he snapped. “What’s your problem?”</p><p>“I’m- I don’t-”</p><p>Barty narrowed his eyes, searching Regulus’s face thoughtfully. “I barely see you in our room, you don’t talk to me in the great hall, you run away every time I enter a class and you avoid me in the hallways,” he stated, “So, what happened?”</p><p>“No- Nothing,” Barty raised his eyebrows. “I don’t do- I don’t know what you are talking about, and I’m certainly not avoiding you.”</p><p>“Bullshit! I had to do a potions work with Lestrange because you paired with Evan instead, “ he replied. “Lestrange! Regulus! <em>Fucking Lestrange</em>!”</p><p>“He needed help with...”</p><p>“We always pair together for potions, or anything really.”</p><p>“I was just-”</p><p>“What if you stop giving me excuses and tell me why the hell are you being so weird with me?”</p><p>Regulus held Barty’s cold gaze for a few seconds, then ducked his head and gripped the edges of the table as if they might protect him.</p><p>What if he just told him?</p><p>It’s not like it was <em>that</em> serious. It was just a kiss. Barty had kissed a lot of people, maybe he would know what to do.</p><p>
  <em>Or maybe he would call him a weirdo and send him to hell.</em>
</p><p>Barty would never do that.</p><p>
  <em>Would he never do that?</em>
</p><p>Regulus lowered his head and heaved a sigh. “It’s nothing.”</p><p>Barty leaned more into Regulus. “Reg, seriously, is there something wrong?”</p><p>Regulus raised his head to watch Barty’s worried expression, and he felt his heart sunk. “It- It’s just… I don’t know, okay?” He said, apologetically.</p><p>“You can-”</p><p>“I know!” Regulus yelled defensively, tightening the edges of the table. “I know I can tell you. But-”</p><p>“So, what’s the problem?” Barty insisted. “I don’t know if I have to clarify this, but if you’ve done something illegal or anything you should already know that you can count on me to-”</p><p>“I have not done anything illegal,” Regulus cut him off, rolling his eyes. He sighed, again, and mumbled something unintelligible.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Re-remember last Saturday?” He repeated, more clearly.</p><p>Well, it seems we are going down the rabbit hole.</p><p>“On match day?” Regulus nodded. “Yeah, what about it?” He asked quickly; then he added angrily, “Is this about your brother? Or Potter? Have they done something to you? Did they threaten you? Hurt you?”</p><p>“No!” Regulus said instantly. “No, of course not; it’s not about them.”</p><p>Barty frowned. “So, what’s the problem?”</p><p>Regulus sighed shakily, looking away. “Do you remember the kiss?”</p><p>Barty blinked idiotically, “Yours with Brown?”</p><p>“No,” Regulus denied, heavily.</p><p>Oh, right, he kissed Heather too.</p><p>He was surprised that he had forgotten about the kiss with Heather — he hadn’t really thought about that in the slightest all week. It struck him how curious it was how his brain had decided to focus on Barty’s kiss instead of Heather’s, when it would have made a lot more sense for him to have felt a strange attraction for her instead of Barty.</p><p>He decided not to dwell on that thought for the moment.</p><p>“No, yours with...” he sighed, again, and Barty thought Regulus should work on being clearer and more concise when speaking, “Yours with me.”</p><p>Barty blinked, puzzled. “When Brown dared us?” Regulus nodded. “Uhm- Yeah. What about it?”</p><p>Regulus did not reply. Barty’s jaw dropped.</p><p>He took a step back, away from Regulus, looking at him like he couldn’t believe it.</p><p>“I did not see that coming.”</p><p>“<em>I’m sorry</em>.”</p><p>“Don’t apologize,” he said quickly, almost reflexively, “But ... I don’t- huh- I don’t understand. What about the kiss?” He asked stupidly. “You mean you like... you like m-”</p><p>“No!” Regulus answered firmly. “I mean. I don’t think so- Or I don’t-” he huffed in frustration, “I don’t know.”</p><p>Barty nodded. “So let me get this <em>straight</em>;” he murmured, “you’re not?”</p><p>Regulus frowned, confused. “What?” He asked, his expression wrinkling. “Of course I am. What does that have to do with anything?”</p><p>“Well, I just directly assumed that... We’re talking about you liking... And I’m a...”</p><p>“But- But that has nothing to do with it!” Regulus exclaimed, looking at his friend as if he had lost his mind. “And that’s not what concerns us! The problem is that I want to kiss you again!”</p><p>Barty raised both eyebrows, shaking his head. “Sorry Regulus but I don’t think I’m following you.”</p><p>Regulus exclaimed in frustration. “I’m not following myself either!” He snapped. “I want to kiss you, but I don’t want to kiss <em>you</em>.”</p><p>Barty nodded. “Dear, have you accepted any pills from Lestrange recently? You know how you get when-”</p><p>“I’m not on drugs!”</p><p>“I can’t think of another logical explanation for what you’re telling me!” He replied obviously. “Look, Regulus, I only know one thing;” he followed, relaxing his tone, watching despair flood Regulus’s features. “<em>Fire is fought with fire</em>.”</p><p>Regulus looked at him blankly. “I’m not following you.”</p><p>“If a kiss started it-”</p><p>“No!” Regulus exclaimed. “No! Fighting fire with fire will only make things worse!”</p><p>“You’ve been ignoring me for a week because we kissed once,” he pointed out avidly. “I don’t know how it can get worse than that.”</p><p>Regulus shrugged, looking apprehensively at Barty. “But...”</p><p>Barty raised an eyebrow, giving a step closer to Regulus. “So?”</p><p>“But- How- You mean now?”</p><p>“Obviously,” Barty said, rolling his eyes.</p><p>“But what if-”</p><p>“Reg,” Barty said. “We wouldn’t be in this situation if you didn’t constantly think about things so much, so just... You know, stop thinking.”</p><p>“I can’t- I can’t stop thinking just like that!” He exclaimed. “And are you okay with this? You don’t mind-”</p><p>“Dear, it’s just a kiss,” Barty said heavily. “Saliva exchange, nothing more.”</p><p>“It’s not just a kiss!”</p><p>“Did it mean something to you, then?” Barty said raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“Well, uhm- Obviously!” Regulus said. “Kisses are exchanges of passion, they say things, it’s not something as frivolous as-”</p><p>Barty pushed Regulus against the wall, a hand on his shoulder, cutting off his speech. Regulus let out a whine as he stared at Barty with wide eyes. “Wha- What are you-”</p><p>“Reg,” Barty interrupted, grabbing one of Regulus’s wrists and pinning it against the wall. “<em>Shut up.</em>”</p><p>Barty broke the distance between them by bringing their lips together, swallowing Regulus’ cry of surprise.  He forced his lips open and thrust his tongue into his mouth, pressing him closer to the wall.</p><p>Regulus, in the midst of the ecstasy inevitably produced by the kiss, thought that the sensation was certainly pleasant. His eyes were closed, and the only thing he could do was feel; he felt how the grip on his wrists became looser as the kiss became more insistent, he felt Barty’s lips move freely on his, even he swore to feel how he bit his lower lip at some point.</p><p>Yes, it was definitely a nice sensation.</p><p>Regulus tried to follow the kiss as best he could; the hand he had free went up to Barty’s shoulder, and he clung to the fabric of his shirt as he tried to get up on his toes so that Barty could stop bending over.</p><p>He felt Barty put one knee between his legs, pinning him down, and he gasped in surprise.</p><p>Damn, Barty was a hell of a lot better than the people he’d kissed before.</p><p>Regulus allowed his eyes to open for a moment.</p><p>It should have been no surprise when he confirmed that Barty was the one kissing him, but he felt like a bucket of water was being thrown on him. The feeling was no longer pleasant.</p><p>It was still physically arousing, but Regulus found it impossible to enjoy it.</p><p>He pushed Barty gently, and he pulled away quickly, as if he had been waiting for the moment for Regulus to stop the kiss for a long time. “So?” Barty asked, walking away from Regulus and sitting at the desk closest to him.</p><p>“I like the kiss,” Regulus explained. “I don’t like you.”</p><p>Barty raised an eyebrow, “Imma need some more information.”</p><p>“The kiss is fine,” Regulus mused. “It’s nice, it’s- It’s better than the ones I’ve had so far, but-”</p><p>“That was no mystery,” added Barty, “You just have to look at your record to know it’s not difficult to kiss better than those birds you’ve snogged.”</p><p>“Don’t say that,” Regulus replied quickly, “As I was saying, the kiss is fine, but then I remember that it’s you and it turns disgusting to me. But it’s nice. But disgusting.”</p><p>Barty scrutinized Regulus with his gaze, sweeping him up and down. “So,” he said, “You like the action itself, but when you remember that it’s me it stops being pleasant.”</p><p>“Yeah!” Regulus said, ignoring the embarrassment he felt talking about this with Barty. “Basically.”</p><p>Barty tilted his head, brooding on one last thought, before bursting into laughter under Regulus’s stunned gaze.</p><p>“I’m glad you find it funny,” Regulus said in annoyance. “It doesn’t amuse me at all.”</p><p>Barty bit his lip to stifle his laughter. “I’m- I’m sorry,” another laugh. “It’s just that it’s obvious what’s wrong with you,” he said bluntly.</p><p>“And that is?” Regulus asked, still watching Barty unravel spitefully.</p><p>“Darling, you need a hookup.”</p><p>Regulus frowned, “What?” Barty nodded, as if he had just figured out the solution to all of Regulus’s problems.</p><p>“When was the last time you kissed a chick?” He asked. “Brown doesn’t count, obviously.”</p><p>Regulus shrugged. “I don’t know, quite a few months ago, I guess.”</p><p>“Exactly,” Regulus said. “Your body misses oxytocin, no wonder it grabs onto the first place it can find it! Which in this case it happens to be me!”</p><p>“I’m going to ignore how surprised I am that you know what oxytocin is,” Regulus pointed out. “That doesn’t make sense. I don’t date anyone because I don’t want to.”</p><p>“So they all say,” Barty sneered, rising from the desk and approaching Regulus in a friendly tone.</p><p>“Evan doesn’t date anyone either and you don’t tell him he needs a hookup,” Regulus pointed out in annoyance.</p><p>Barty couldn’t help but laugh. “Evan is not the best example, believe me.”</p><p>Regulus frowned. “What do you mean?”</p><p>Barty shook his head, grinning in amusement, “Oh, nothing,” he said casually. “You need to snog someone to shake off those desperate cravings you have for arousal,” he put an arm around Regulus’s shoulders, “And, y’know, in for a penny in for a pound, I think it’s time for you to lose your-”</p><p>“Barty!”</p><p>Barty laughed. “Okay, sorry,” he sighed. “Look, leave it to me, I’ll find someone to... satisfy your needs.”</p><p>Regulus screwed up his face, shaking his head. “It sounds gross when you say it like that.”</p><p>“Shut up,” he said with a laugh. “Just trust me, I know about these things.”</p><p>Barty pointed to the classroom door, and they both started back to the common room. “And don’t avoid me again because you become obsessed with one of those crazy ideas of yours,” he added, with an annoyed undertone. “You can tell me anything.”</p><p>Regulus nodded. “I know. I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t apologize,” he mused. “Just don’t do it again. Come to me if something worries you.”</p><p>(…)</p><p>James walked up the stairs to the common room at a leisurely pace. He heard laughter and music coming from downstairs as he headed into his room.</p><p>The door to the marauders’ room was unmistakable. It was red in colour and had marching band stickers —both muggle rock-groups and wizard musicians— all over its surface. He was surprised that no noise came from inside, since whenever they were in the room -especially on a Saturday afternoon- they always played songs by Queen or Blodwyn Bludd on the record player. He assumed the room was empty.</p><p>He pushed the doorknob and opened it, finding the room practically dark, lit only by a dim light that seemed to come from a candle. “Padfoot? Moony?” James asked, trying to place someone in the dark. “Wormie?”</p><p>“Prongs?” There was a breathy voice coming from behind one of the beds. “No- Aren’t you coming back a bit soon?”</p><p>“Mate, it’s almost nine at night,” James said, walking into the room and turning on the light. “What are you doing in the dark? Where are Moony and Wormtail? “</p><p>“They are studying in the library with Evans,” Sirius replied.</p><p>James finally walked over to the corner of Remus and Sirius’s bed, where Sirius was sitting on the floor, an ashtray with about twenty unlit butts next to him, and a crumpled white piece of parchment clutched in one of his hands.</p><p>His eyes were wildly red and irritated, his lips were swollen, and his cheeks had traces of dried tears.</p><p>“What happened?” James exclaimed, his voice filled with concern as he crouched next to Sirius and pushed the ashtray aside.</p><p>Sirius bit his lip, shaking his head, his eyes crystallizing, turning bright under the reflection of the flames.</p><p>“Padfoot?” James insisted.</p><p>Sirius did his best to keep the tears out of his eyes before he hid his head in his arms. He gave James the white paper he was holding, with a trembling gesture, letting out little moans as he pressed his head against his arms to try to silence them.</p><p>James glanced over and took it in a concerned tone, preferring to hear an explanation from Sirius’s words. The writing of the letter was careful and rounded, written by someone who had obviously spent many hours perfecting it.</p><p>‘Dear Sirius,</p><p>I am completely saddened to have to be the one to give you this news. I’m sorry you have to find out this way, from a mere frivolous letter, but I’m afraid it’s better this way than tomorrow in the newspaper.</p><p>Uncle Alphard was found dead yesterday afternoon at his home.</p><p>His rabbit was in his lap when the healers found him, Nymphadora has offered to take care of him.</p><p>I would like to give you more details when we speak in person, the funeral will be tomorrow. Neither your parents, nor Narcissa, nor Bellatrix will attend, I’ll give you more details tomorrow. I have sent Professor McGonagall a special permission signed by me so that you can go to the funeral, you are of legal age so I think there will be no problem from the school.</p><p>You don’t have to come if you aren’t ready, but Uncle Alphard would have liked you to say goodbye to him properly.</p><p>I’m so sorry. I’m just as devastated as you, Sirius. Remember that you are not going to go through this alone.</p><p>My best wishes,</p><p>Andromeda.’</p><p>James looked at the letter in a dazed tone. He raised his head in pity and watched as Sirius’s arms shook as he gripped his uniform clothes tightly. “I’m so sorry, Pad-”</p><p>Sirius cut him off with a soft, high-pitched cry. It was as if he had been holding it in for quite a while until he just didn’t have the strength to keep trying. After that came another, and another, and after that James was hugging Sirius as he broke into James’s arms.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Pads.” James felt Sirius tremble as he kept trying uselessly to stop crying. “Are you going to the funeral?”</p><p>“I- I don’t-” he stammered, his voice cracking. “I don’t know- I want to-”</p><p>James nodded.</p><p>Sirius took several minutes to calm down. Sometimes it seemed like he was going to stop crying, but he just lost control again a few seconds later. When James considered that Sirius had already reached a point where he was calm, he put an arm around his shoulders and hugged him tightly.</p><p>“What do you feel?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged. “I don’t know,” he mused. “I can’t believe that- I can’t believe I’m not going to see him again.”</p><p>James nodded.</p><p>“I don’t understand-” Sirius sighed. “It’s as if he was here. As if as soon as I leave Hogwarts and go visit his house he will still be there, taking care of the rabbits and the geraniums, and greeting me with a smile and a hug-” he sniffed. “But he’s not going to be- And I- It doesn’t make sense-”</p><p>James nodded again, fanning the wick of the candle that was on the ground in front of them silently, letting Sirius vent.</p><p>“He said we were going to go on vacation in the summer,” he whispered. “He promised that Andromeda would go, and me, and Nymphadora, and Ted. He said we were going to go somewhere we had never visited, and that <em>they</em> were never going to find out,” he said, wrinkling his expression. he. “What if <em>they</em> have done something to him?”</p><p>James had learned enough to know that ‘they’ meant <em>the Black family.</em></p><p>“Alphard kept contact with you and Andromeda in secret so as not to endanger you two or him, right?” Sirius nodded. “Then it doesn’t make sense that they did anything to him.”</p><p>Sirius nodded. “That makes sense,” he said in a broken voice, looking at the candle apprehensively. “He was really cool, you know? He would have liked you.”</p><p>“I would have liked to meet him,” James whispered.</p><p>“You were going to do it,” Sirius said. “I wanted you to meet him this summer. All of you. And also Moony. And Wormtail, obviously, but especially Moony,” he said, with a dry, hurt, and graceless laugh.</p><p>“He sure would have loved Moony.”</p><p>“Who could not love Moony?” Sirius pointed out, his eyes flooding with tears again. “When I was little, he always brought sweets home,” he murmured, continuing his account. “He passed them to us under the table; he was an expert when it came to mom not catching us. And he taught me about muggle music,” he explained, “he loved muggle music.”</p><p>“Why if we put on a song?” James suggested, pointing to the corner of the room where they kept the record player and vinyl records. “Did he like something in particular?”</p><p>“Led Zeppelin,” Sirius said, apprehensive. “He loved it, he had a shirt that he wore as pyjamas.”</p><p>James laughed, picturing the image from the photos of the aristocratic Alphard Black that Sirius had shown him wearing a black muggle rock band T-shirt. “Let’s see what we have.”</p><p>He hesitated for a moment before removing Sirius’s arm and approaching the corner of the room. Sirius seemed to miss the protection James offered him but didn’t complain.</p><p>He rummaged through the box until he found the record he was looking for.</p><p>He carefully removed it from its cardboard and put it on the record player. He adjusted the tonearm on the vinyl until a song began to play and flooded the room with its rhythm.</p><p>“‘Stairway to heaven’?” Sirius asked bluntly, as James sat down next to him on the floor, “Sounds appropriate,” he said, with fake amusement.</p><p>“It’s the only one I like,” James said, shrugging, hugging Sirius again in a brotherly gesture. “<em>In a tree by the brook, there’s a songbird who sings...</em>” hummed James. “<em>Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven</em>...”</p><p>“Don’t start singing,” Sirius complained with a smile. “You are destroying the song.”</p><p>“Let me enjoy the song!” James said playfully. “<em>There’s a feeling I get when I look to the west...</em>”</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes, leaning his head on James’s shoulder, shrinking further into his place. “<em>And my spirit is crying for leaving..</em>.” he joined James in humming the melody. “<em>In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees... And the voices of those who stand looking...</em>”</p><p>Sirius looked apprehensively at the record spinning slowly on the record player, as images of his childhood and adolescence passed; in all of them, he appeared playing with Alphard, being happy, listening and discovering things with his favourite uncle.</p><p>“<em>It’s just a spring clean for the May queen...</em>” James mused, noticing Sirius relax under his embrace, noticing how he slowly closed his eyes and seemed to fall asleep. “<em>Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run... There’s still time to change the road you’re on...</em>”</p><p>(…)</p><p>Barty pushed Regulus into the room as they both laughed out loud. Regulus tossed his backpack onto his bed and flopped onto it, brushing his hair from his forehead.</p><p>He caught sight of an object on Barty’s bed and scrutinized it curiously, raising an eyebrow, “Is that a book?”</p><p>Barty, who was taking off his uniform tie, turned around and looked at the point at which Regulus was watching with such interest. “I don’t know, is it?”</p><p>Regulus rolled his eyes, “What are you reading?”</p><p>Barty shrugged. “Brown came over here yesterday when you were in detention with Potter,” he explained, “In short, the Ravenclaw harpy has made it her personal mission in life to make me ‘stop being an ignorant and uneducated pig’.” He pointed to the book on the bed. “She brought that, said I was probably gonna like it, and asked me to give it back to her when I finished it.”</p><p>Regulus leaned over the bed and read the title with interest. “Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde ‘,” he observed that that there was a folded corner of a page of the book marking a point. “You are almost done with it!”</p><p>“Huh?” Barty muttered, then shrugged. “Ah, yeah, well, I had nothing to do last night,” he said lightly. “I guess it’s not terrible. But don’t tell Brown.”</p><p>Regulus laughed. “As you wish.”</p><p>He flopped back onto the bed, and heard Barty close the closet door and walk to his own bed. “How was detention with Potter yesterday?” He asked sarcastically. “I hope you at least cursed him.”</p><p>Regulus shook his head, chuckling. “No,” he said bluntly. “No, it was horrible, but they took our wand from us so it’s not like we could do anything to each other.”</p><p>“What a waste,” he muttered. “At what time you arrived? I didn’t hear you come in.”</p><p>“Late,” Regulus replied. “We ended up locked in the warehouse next to the greenhouse. I stayed with Evan in the common room last night when I got back, though, so when I got to the bedroom you were probably already sleeping.”</p><p>“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Evan these days,” Barty pointed, giving a wry laugh. “Poor bastard, no wonder he’s been so smiley lately.”</p><p>“Why would you say that?”</p><p>“Silly things of mine,” Barty said, waving his hand to dismiss it. “And nothing happened between you and Potter in detention? Really?”</p><p>“What did you expect to happen?”</p><p>“Don’t know,” Barty replied. “Now that the topic comes up, what happened between you and Potter a few weeks ago?”</p><p>Regulus gulped, cursing his innocence when the other day he came to the wrong conclusion that Barty had forgotten about <em>that</em> thing. “It’s not important.”</p><p>Barty glare at him. “Come on, what happened between you two?”</p><p>Regulus rolled his eyes. “Nothing,” he said heavily. “We argue, that’s-”</p><p>“I thought we’d already made it clear that you could tell me anything,” Barty muttered.</p><p>Regulus sighed deeply. “I know,” he stated. “Look, it was nothing. He stumbled upon me while I was going to the kitchens and decided that as a head boy, he had the right to follow me or something,” he explained. “He started questioning me, he spilled some blood-traitor rubbish and I was tired and with a headache and I didn’t react in the best way.”</p><p>Barty shot him a look from Regulus. “What did he tell you?”</p><p>“He said that the Dark Lord wanted to kill all muggles and muggle-borns and that I was to blame for everything and would be a murderer and... well, that.”</p><p>“The typical routine Gryffindor talk,” Barty mocked with an eye-roll. “And what did you say?”</p><p>“That that was ridiculous,” he sneered.</p><p>Barty looked at Regulus with a raised eyebrow. “In what way?”</p><p>“What do you mean in what way?” Regulus said incredulously.</p><p>“Sounds pretty accurate to me,” he explained. “Kill mudbloods and enslave muggles,” he sighed heavily. “<em>Master them all</em>.”</p><p>“<em>Enslave</em>?” Regulus repeated, sitting up in his place. “Why would you want to enslave muggles?”</p><p>Barty frowned. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Wizards have already unjustly enslaved an entire race. I don’t think we need another.” He stated in an offended tone. “Besides, why would you want to enslave Muggles? They are mediocre beings, useless, they do not serve us any benefit.”</p><p>“Either that or kill them,” Barty said, shrugging. “I wouldn’t have a problem with that either.”</p><p>Regulus blinked idiotically. “Why?”</p><p>“What do you mean why?” Barty said incredulously.</p><p>“Why kill them?” He said in a whisper. “The Dark Lord doesn’t want to kill them. Why would you want to kill them?”</p><p>Barty raised an eyebrow. “Dear, the Dark Lord wants to make them disappear,” he said bluntly. “They are mediocre beings who don’t deserve to live. We have been hiding for years because of them. Keeping them alive is useless, they should be grateful that we want to enslave them,” he affirmed with certainty. “Mudbloods, in the other hand, must die, obviously; their magic does not belong to them, they must give it back.”</p><p>Regulus felt a ball form in his stomach. “Bu- But you can’t steal magic,” he whispered, repeating Helena’s words for the second time. “It’s something ethereal. Untransferable-”</p><p>“And then where do they get it from?” Barty said greedily. “That magic does not belong to them. They are abominations.”</p><p>Regulus stuttered as he continued with the sentence, and felt like an idiot doing so. “But- But you can’t kill them-”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because” Regulus sighed deeply, looking at Barty as if he couldn’t believe he had to clarify that to him “<em>killing is wrong</em>.”</p><p>Barty gave a hearty laugh. “Regulus don’t be ridiculous,” he said disdainfully, “They deserve to die. That muggle rubbish you read so much is brainwashing you. I thought you wanted to join the Dark Lord.”</p><p>Regulus looked at the ground nervously. “And I want to,” he whispered quickly. “Or so I think. I haven’t thought about it.”</p><p>“You haven’t thought about it?” Barty said incredulously, losing his sardonic smile. “Maybe you shouldn’t join if you have so many doubts,” he added seriously.</p><p>“No!” Regulus exclaimed. “I don’t have doubts!”</p><p>“Hey, really,” said Barty. “If you don’t want to, you don’t have... I don’t care. I have my reasons, but if you don’t have yours, you should-”</p><p>“I have reasons!” Regulus exclaimed desperately. “I get it,” he whispered. “They-” he gulped. “I have them. I want to join him, really.”</p><p>Barty looked sceptically at Regulus, but he nodded anyway. “As you say.”</p><p>He pretended not to notice Barty’s calculating gaze on him as he reached for his backpack, spinning more ideas in his head.</p><p>It was hard to mull over an idea when the foundation of that idea crumbled more and more each time he talked about it, but he tried. Seriously, he tried.</p><p>He tried to mentally repeat the speeches that had been repeated to him all his life. He tried to make sense of it and sink into Barty’s words, but he didn’t know where to hold on.</p><p>He remembered James asking him about elves, asking him in that angry tone how they differed from muggles, and Regulus couldn’t help but ask the painful question of why he should be in favour of enslaving muggles when he considered an inhumane slaughter what the wizards had done with elves.</p><p>He tried to hold on to the conviction of Barty’s voice, and then Helena would appear in his mind, undoing all his bases with such simple and logical questions.</p><p>And then he remembered his mother. And his father. And there they were, with their regal posture, their unreadable, cold, joyless expression, talking about mudbloods being hindrances in magical society. About how it was a complete abomination that they were the ones who had to hide from such disgusting and obscene beings.</p><p>And then Sirius came in. Sirius, whom Regulus couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose in disgust at his mere memory. Sirius, who argued with his parents about his half-blood and muggle-born friends who could win their parents in a duel with their eyes closed.</p><p>Regulus remembered Sirius’s words. The ones that spoke of all of them being equal, the ones that spoke of muggle-borns deserving their place in the wizarding world just as much as purebloods. Sirius, whose speeches Regulus had rejected with contempt just because they came from Sirius.</p><p>He felt like he was on a suspension bridge, made of rotten wood and gnawed ropes. As if everything in which he stood with stale decency and feigned stereotype was reeling, leaving one more trembling to fall into the void.</p><p>The base didn’t make sense. But if the base didn’t make sense, nothing made sense. And if you admit that nothing makes sense you are lost. And nobody wants to be lost. Maybe it was selfish —<em>it was</em>—, clinging to an idea that hurt other people just for your own self-preservation, but Regulus has never claimed to be a good person.</p><p>The doubts, the tremors, being lost; they were things that had no place in Regulus’s life. His destiny was to stay in the middle of the bridge until the ropes gave way and dragged him into the abyss, him and all his glory, until there was nothing left.</p><p>And there was nothing he could do to prevent it. So, while the flimsy strings of the bridge were enough to hold him, he would grab on them like his life depended on it. Until the base was completely broken, he would hold on it until the trembling of broken ideas prevented him from standing.</p><p>And when that time came, whether he would run off the bridge or sink under his own weight, it was something that neither Regulus knew nor wanted to ask.</p><p>He was rummaging in his backpack, Barty having already forgotten about him, glancing at the letter from Professor McGonagall about an hour ago.</p><p>He pulled out the off-white envelope, and heard Barty ask curiously, “What’s that?”</p><p>“A letter Professor McGonagall gave me,” Regulus replied. “Express delivery, I suppose it arrived this afternoon.”</p><p>He turned it over and stared in awe at the silver and black wax seal that closed it.</p><p>“Whose is it-”</p><p>“It’s from my parents,” Regulus whispered, eyeing the envelope with concern, carefully breaking the seal and unfolding the parchment paper.</p><p>His mother’s clean, neat handwriting stood out on the paper, written in black ink. The envelope was so white it hurt the eyes, and Regulus passed through it, having a hard time understanding the elaborate capital letters of his mother.</p><p>‘Regulus,</p><p>Alphard Black was found dead in his home yesterday afternoon.</p><p>You are aware of the dislike that both your father and I have always felt for him, but recent discoveries have made us realize that he has finally gone too far.</p><p>You are not going to the funeral. You won’t cry for your uncle. You won’t consider him your uncle anymore. He has proven himself unworthy of belonging to our family. He is a blood traitor and has died as such.</p><p>I am sending you this letter so that tomorrow’s newspapers do not catch you in an oversight.</p><p>I feel tremendously embarrassed by Alphard’s actions, and so do you.</p><p>Your cousins send you their best wishes,</p><p>Walburga Black.’</p><p>He reread the letter, once, twice, and three times.</p><p>His mother mentioning with such irrelevance the detail that his uncle Alphard was dead made him reread that sentence more than ten times, trying to check if he had misunderstood it.</p><p>Barty was asking him something, but Regulus ignored him.</p><p>He breathed in.</p><p>And he breathed out.</p><p>Barty tore the envelope from his hands when he saw that Regulus was not listening to him, and Regulus did not find the strength to stop him.</p><p>“<em>Oh</em>.”</p><p>Regulus laughed, because yeah, ‘oh’ was the only appropriate reaction to what he had just read. He swallowed hard remembering the image of Alphard dead on the ground in his dreams. He laughed again, because he should have seen it coming.</p><p>“A blood traitor,” he repeated incredulously. “Who would have thought?”</p><p>“<em>Disgusting</em>,” Regulus whispered.</p><p>“Hmmh,” Barty hummed. “A bit cold for a letter advising you of your uncle’s death, I suppose,” he pointed out awkwardly, laying the letter on Regulus’s bed. “Is that all? Don’t you know anything else? How he died or something?”</p><p>Regulus shook his head. “He’s dead,” he said aloud, staring at a fixed point on the wall. “Dead.”</p><p>Barty frowned. “Are you okay?” He asked doubtfully. “Hey, I know your mother told you not to cry for him and all that stuff, but I don’t think anyone is going to blame you for-”</p><p>“Perfectly,” Regulus cut him off, grabbing the letter, crumpling it up, and tucking it into his pocket. “I’m perfectly,” he insisted, getting out of bed. “Perfectly.”</p><p>“Where are you going?” Barty asked, frowning at Regulus.</p><p>“To the fifth floor,” he answered, without giving any further information. “See ya.”</p><p>“Reg, I don’t think-”</p><p>“I’m probably going to be there all night,” he said, turning around, his hand on the doorknob. “See you tomorrow.”</p><p>Regulus left Barty hanging as he left the room and closed the door softly, beginning to exit the dungeons. He hadn’t been to the fifth-floor classroom in a long time. It was good to go back and get on with his little secret project. Maybe Helena would stop by the class too and he could talk to her for a bit. Yes, that sounded good.</p><p>
  <em>Alphard Black was dead.</em>
</p><p>Cool.</p><p>His uncle was- No, he wasn’t his uncle anymore.</p><p><em>That man</em> was dead, and Regulus wasn’t even going to be able to say goodbye to him properly.</p><p>Perfect.</p><p>Everything was <em>perfectly </em>fine.</p><p>(…)</p><p>Drunk Sirius was the best Sirius.</p><p>He was funny and loud and crazy, and did things without thinking beforehand and always ended up giving everyone a good night. Drunk Sirius was sort of like sober Sirius only with less stability when walking.</p><p>Now, sad drunk Sirius, on the other hand, was the worst Sirius.</p><p>James had insisted on what a terrible idea it was to steal a bottle of Pepperup Elixir from the girls’ room, but sedating themselves with alcohol was the only way Remus and Sirius had to solve their problems, and without some responsible person like Lily or Frank —who were together with Alice, Dorcas and Marlene in a clandestine movie theatre that some Hufflepuff boys put on in their common room once a month— to back him up, he had had to witness his friends getting drunk to overcome their problems.</p><p>James was painting a moustache on Peter’s face —who had already fallen unconscious after three glasses about fifteen minutes ago— with permanent ink, while Sirius and Remus huddled against the back of the bed humming a song from ‘The Hobgoblins.’</p><p>“<em>Because whenever I look at you, I never really know what to say…</em>” Sirius sang, terribly out of tune, his voice sounding drawl and vague. “<em>Remember me… In case your heart looks for an owner… Or if you want a kiss in some dream…”</em></p><p>James pushed the half-empty bottle off the bed, wrinkling his nose in sobriety. “Padfoot, you are destroying the song.”</p><p>“I think he sings it much better,” Remus jumped in, hugging Sirius tighter, pushing his hair back from his face. “Do you feel better?” He asked him, in a velvety tone.</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “Are you going to come with me to the funeral?” He whispered.</p><p>James shot him a sad look, “Sorry Pads, only you have permission to leave the school.”</p><p>“Sure you can put Wormtail in your jacket pocket if you’re worried about going alone.”</p><p>James laughed, wondering how on earth Remus was able to talk with everything he had drunk.</p><p>Surprised once more by his friend’s resistance to alcohol, assuming it had something to do with his lycanthropic condition, he added, “Maybe we can insist on McGonagall to let us go with you, she sure is understanding- “</p><p>“No,” Sirius said quickly, “Funerals are horrible,” he pointed out foolishly, leaning more on Remus, “I don’t want you to come to one of those.”</p><p>James nodded, Remus stroked Sirius’s hair, and Sirius reached out vaguely to reach for the pile of photos that were lying on the bed.</p><p>James and Sirius had been looking at the old photographs that Sirius kept in his bay; with his friends, James’s parents, and the few worthwhile family members, which obviously included Alphard Black.</p><p>He tried to grab several pictures, but due to how stunned his body was, he was only able to grab about three.</p><p>Sirius smiled at the sight of little Nymphadora on his lap. They were in the garden of Andromeda and Ted’s house, sitting at a wooden table; Nymphadora taught him her metamorphomagus skills, still somewhat poor due to her age, but which allowed her to do silly tricks like changing her hair colour or enlarging her ears. In the photograph, Sirius was laughing as Nymphadora increased the size of his nose, and his Uncle Alphard sitting on the other side of the table looking at them both with a wide smile.</p><p>He handed it to Remus, who nodded, smiling, not knowing what to say, and then to James, who got up to pick it up and look at it for himself.</p><p>“He seemed really cool,” he mused.</p><p>Sirius said nothing, picking up the second photograph and looking at it. This time, Sirius was younger, and he was on a beach sitting on a towel, completely soaked, with his uncle Alphard at his side, hugging him by the shoulders.</p><p>“When we were children my uncle used to take my cousins, Regulus and me every year in the summer for a week to Italy,” he explained. “He had a huge blue house in a muggle town that was really close to this beach,” he pointed to the landscape in the photograph. “My mother would not let us go to the beach, or the pool, or anywhere near the water, but my uncle would secretly take us and make us promise that we would not tell her anything.”</p><p>James picked up the photograph inspecting the broad smile of a young Sirius. “Who are those in the background?” He asked, noticing the two people in the background of the photograph; a blonde girl sunbathing, and a black-haired boy writing in a notebook; the photo wasn’t clear enough to make out their faces.</p><p>“Narcissa and Regulus,” he replied foolishly, grabbing the next photograph. “Bellatrix had already graduated and was busy doing her Death Eater stuff, Andromeda had already been disowned, and Alphard couldn’t risk inviting her with Regulus and Narcissa hanging around, so it was just the three of us,” he explained, with a snort; later, he added, “That was the last year the two of them came; Narcissa graduated from Hogwarts and found playing around with Malfoy much more interesting than spending time with Alphard, and Regulus just didn’t want to spend so much time alone with me, I guess.”</p><p>“Why would he rather spend time with your crazy mother than with your Uncle Alphard?” James asked incredulously.</p><p>Sirius shrugged, looking at the last photograph. “I don’t know, I don’t understand how his mind works either,” he whispered.</p><p>The third photograph was of the summer that Sirius ran away from home. Sirius had gone to visit his uncle, who invited him to come as soon as he heard the news, and took him for a walk through an apple grove near his house. In the photograph, Sirius appeared on the stairs, while Alphard held a wooden basket where they were throwing the apples they were picking.</p><p>Sirius stared at the photograph without taking his eyes off his uncle’s face, who was wearing a funny plaid shirt and was sweating terribly.</p><p>He rested his head on the crook of Remus’s neck, staring at the photo sadly, his eyes crystallizing again.</p><p>“I miss him,” he mused. “He just left and I already want him to come back.”</p><p>James sighed apprehensively. “I’m so sorry Padfoot.”</p><p>“Don’t be sorry,” he said foolishly, “It’s not your fault.” He let Remus put an arm around his waist, pulling him closer to him. “I wonder what happened for the rest of the family to not be going to the funeral,” he said absently, dropping the photograph to the ground.</p><p>James picked up the photograph, took all the others out, arranged them, and put them back in the box. “I don’t know,” he said softly, “Andromeda will tell you tomorrow, surely.”</p><p>Sirius nodded.</p><p>“Do you think your brother knows?” James asked, pushing the box aside.</p><p>Sirius shot him a puzzled look, but only shrugged. “I don’t know,” he sighed. “Probably. I would be very surprised if mother let Regulus find out from a newspaper.”</p><p>James nodded.</p><p>“Surely he’s crying,” Sirius mused softly, staring at a fixed point on the wall. “He loved him. Or so I think. I also believed that he loved me and look at us,” he added bitterly.</p><p>“Let’s not talk about that now,” Remus whispered, squeezing Sirius’s hand comfortingly. “Do you want us to do something?”</p><p>Sirius shook his head. “Just stay here,” he whispered, closing his eyes and leaning over Remus, hiding his face on his shoulder. “Good night Prongs.”</p><p>James watched as Remus silently said goodbye to him and closed the curtains of the bed. “Good night Padfoot,” James whispered back, getting up and levitating Peter onto his bed.</p><p>He glanced up at the starry sky and turned off the light in the room, hearing the last phrase of the song play until the record player turned off by itself.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Hope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>December 4th, 1977</p><p>
  <em>1.15 pm.</em>
</p><p>Remus didn’t seem to intend to eat anything that morning. He looked apprehensively at his plate, stirring the food with his fork, not intending to eat a bite. James watched him with concern, suggesting from time to time that he eat something, as he could get sick if he didn’t, but he always got a negative response from his friend.</p><p>James sighed in surrender. He looked at his own plate, not too hungry either, and glanced at the rest of the table. Beside him, Lily was talking softly to Alice, probably not wanting to disturb the already dismal mood of the boys. Marlene wasn’t in the great hall, Dorcas was reading a book silently, and Frank was scribbling things in a notebook.</p><p>Sirius had gone with Professor McGonagall up the floo fireplace a couple of hours ago to meet his cousin Andromeda, and the mood was quite low among the marauders. Even Peter seemed to have a lack of appetite, and that did worry James considerably, as Peter was always hungry.</p><p>It was Sunday, and in the wizarding world <em>there was</em> mail on Sundays, so James was waiting languidly for the owls with the number of the Daily Prophet.</p><p>That’s why —despite on normal days causing him great exasperation— that morning, hearing the idiot third year yelling “Mail!” when he saw the owls come through the windows, made his day.</p><p>James received with open hands the rolled paper of the prophet that fell on him, catching it with surprising skill. Wasting no time, under the watchful eye of both Remus and Peter, he unrolled the scroll by removing the tape that held it and spread it on the table.</p><p>There was nothing on the cover, neither on the second page nor on the third; finally, in the fourth, an image of a man exactly like the one in the photos that Sirius had shown them last night blinked gracefully avoiding the flashes of the cameras that followed him.</p><p>Just below the photo, it could be read in large black letters, ‘ALPHARD BLACK CONFIRMED DEAD’.</p><p>‘On Friday night, Alphard Pollux Black was found dead in his home. Through his family members, it has been indicated to us that healers confirm death from natural causes.</p><p>Born in 1931, Walburga and Cygnus’ middle brother was just 46 years old. His closest family has chosen not to comment. It seems that around the death of the middle of the three Black siblings, more than one secret is hidden. According to ministry files (which our star reporter Rita Skeeter has obtained in a completely legitimate way) it has been discovered that Black had changed his will a few weeks ago to make all his fortune and property remain an inheritance for his nephew, who was involved in a scandal with the family also a few years ago, the eighteen-year-old Sirius Black.</p><p>The funeral will be today, Sunday, at sunset, although the family that has been willing to give statements (no less than Andromeda Tonks herself!) has requested to have a private ceremony. It seems that his closest family, anyway, has decided not to attend. Although we have been informed that the young wizard Sirius Black has left Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry this morning with a special permit signed by Tonks, presumably to attend the funeral.’</p><p>The rest of the article spoke of the net worth of Alphard Black, recalled the most lurid details of the scandal that occurred when Sirius and Andromeda ran away from home, as well as mentions of the aggressive treatment that the reporters had received from <em>certain</em> members of the Black family who had refused to give statements.</p><p>James opened his mouth stupidly as he handed the newspaper to Remus and Peter. When they finished reading the article, their jaw dropped as well.</p><p>“My God,” Remus whispered, “Do you know what this means to Sirius?”</p><p>James nodded apprehensively, “He’s going to feel guilty when he finds out,” he said sadly. “Doesn’t this all sound a little weird to you?”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Asked Peter.</p><p>“He died shortly after changing the will to leave absolutely everything to the son dishonoured by his older sister?” He said sceptically, “There’s something very fishy about that ...”</p><p>“Do you think the Black family may have something to do with his death?” Remus asked in a carefully low voice, squeezing the edges of the newspaper in an unconscious gesture.</p><p>“Could be,” whispered James, “I can’t think of something they wouldn’t be capable of.”</p><p>“But ...” Peter whispered, “Do something to their own brother?”</p><p>“They almost did it to their own son,” James said grimly, “I don’t see what would stop them.”</p><p>“But the article says it was due to natural causes-”</p><p>The conversation was cut off by the sound of whispering and several heads turning in the same direction; there was a couple of strangled sighs, and James glanced at what had caught the attention of the great hall.</p><p>James caught glances then with Regulus Black, who was leaving the great hall at a rapid pace, loosening his tie with a desperate gesture, as if it were suffocating him.</p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the Barty Crouch rise from his seat, then sat back in a resigned tone.</p><p>“Mister Black-” Professor Slughorn began from the staff table, but was silenced by a tap on his arm from Professor McGonagall, signalling him to let Regulus go alone.</p><p>Remus and Peter were too busy watching Regulus disappear behind the doors of the great hall to notice James slipping out of his seat and hiding under the table.</p><p>“James?”</p><p>James lifted his head from the ground to look into Lily Evans’ green eyes, which were staring at him in confusion. He put a finger to his lips, motioning for Lily to be quiet.</p><p>Lily frowned, “What are you doing?” She whispered shaking her head.</p><p>“I’m going to the bathroom,” James said pathetically.</p><p>“And why are you getting under the table?”</p><p>“Because I have the brain of a goat,” James said defensively, “Don’t tell the others you’ve seen me,” he whispered, before crawling under the table, careful not to hit any feet or legs. Thanks to Merlin that the tables in the great hall were spacious.</p><p>“But-” Lily exclaimed in a whisper, watching him walk away under her tablecloth. “James!” Shaking her head, she dropped the cloth from the tablecloth that she had lifted so that she could look at James, and James caught the last sentences of the conversation that his friends were having.</p><p> “How weird,” Remus said, “Well, as long as the attention is on Regulus, the less trouble Sirius will have.” He added with certainty. “Ah, James? Where-”</p><p>“He’s in the bathroom,” Lily said with ease.</p><p>“But he was here a second ago…” Peter pointed out.</p><p>“Yeah, well,” Lily replied, “He’s quick, haven’t you seen him play Quidditch?”</p><p>James was skilled enough —and the Gryffindor table was close enough to the door— to be able to get out from under the tablecloth and run for the door fast enough to only be noticed by the first-years sitting at that end of the table.</p><p>When he disappeared behind the door, he was able to see Regulus disappear into the corner at the end of the hall.</p><p>James followed, running after him not careful to be stealthy. When he crossed the hall, he watched Regulus run up the stairs.</p><p>He thought of yelling at him to stop, but realized that if Regulus found out he was following him he would probably speed up his pace until he was out of sight, and since he didn’t have the marauder’s map with him, decided not to.</p><p>Regulus didn’t stop running until he reached the fifth floor. Walking down the hall, he took the first detour, the second, and finally, he unlocked the door that led to the hall that James knew led to <em>that</em> classroom, the one that was full of cobwebs and had a couple of broken windows.</p><p>Regulus was running so fast that he forgot to close the door behind him, which James appreciated considerably, as it would allow him to enter the hall without making a sound.</p><p>It wouldn’t have mattered, anyway, because just as James was about to grab the doorknob and push it, he heard a lot of glass shattering. It was such a loud and sudden sound that James for a moment thought that a pile of vases had exploded on some floor of the castle.</p><p>James was paralyzed for a few seconds until he heard the sound of a door opening and closing suddenly with a loud bang, and then, he finally decided to step into the hall.</p><p>The windows were completely smashed, and crystals and sandy dust littered the floor. Under his shoes, James could hear the crunch of small crystals that he inevitably stepped on.</p><p>James walked over to the door, and he hesitated to open it for a few seconds. He heard Regulus’s ragged breathing through the wood, and the quivering strangled voice he let out made his hair stand on end. Maybe it was how much he reminded him of Sirius crying the previous afternoon, but he decided to open the door and come face to face with Regulus.</p><p>Regulus turned suddenly at the squeak of the door hinges; his cheeks were red, and his breathing was terribly heavy, yet when he saw James his eyes widened.</p><p>James looked him up and down; his right hand clutched his wand desperately, while the other shook erratically. “Black,” he said in a whisper. “What happened out there? What are you doing here? Are you ok-”</p><p>James’s question was cut off by a slap that echoed throughout the room.</p><p>It took James a couple of seconds to react, and when he finally did, he felt Regulus grab his shirt collar and shake him violently, drawing him furiously. He heard Regulus stammer something raggedly, as he struck his shoulder with a clenched fist.</p><p>“It’s ... your ... fault ...!”</p><p>James grabbed his wrists and pulled him back, but Regulus used all his efforts to continue attacking James, hitting his shoulders, chest, neck, and every now and then a blow that reached his cheeks, insistently.</p><p>“Black!” James screeched, noticing his glasses fall to the ground and his vision blurring. “Black stop it or I swear-”</p><p>Regulus kicked James in the ankle, knocking him off balance; because he had Regulus’s wrists firmly gripped, he ended up dragging him to the ground with him.</p><p>Regulus fell on James, but it seemed that he was not able to react with the same speed as the Gryffindor, because James took little time to turn them both and ended up being the one who was on top of Regulus, holding him by the wrists, pressing him against the soil. “What the fuck is wrong with you Black ?!”</p><p>Regulus shook his face to brush his bangs from his eyes as he tried futilely to struggle against James, thrashing violently. “I hate you,” he whispered under his breath, “I hate you so fucking much, both of you. All of you!”</p><p>It was not relevant, but James couldn’t help but think that when Regulus was flaring from his eyes and his face was contorted with rage, he looked a lot more like Sirius.</p><p>“Black!” Screeched James. “Black! Fuck! Calm down!”</p><p>Regulus grew more desperate as his attempts to free himself from James were completely futile. His erratic breathing became more erratic, his screams became more unintelligible, and his movements more frenzied.</p><p>“It’s your fault. It’s your fault. It’s yo-your fault,” he repeated over and over, staring at James with eyes filled with despair and, why not say, contempt.</p><p>James was completely confused at Regulus’s reaction. Okay, it wasn’t that he had given much thought to what he was doing, and maybe if he had tried to think more deeply about following Regulus, he would have determined that it was not a good idea.</p><p>And okay, he didn’t expect Regulus to welcome him with open arms —Why had he even gone there? To comfort him? Observe his reaction? Taunt him? Shit, James, you need to start thinking things more through —; but he didn’t expect him to slap him and start beating him!</p><p>James tightened his grip on Regulus’s wrists, “BLACK! FUCK! STOP!”</p><p>Regulus closed his eyes reflexively, surprised by the loud growl. When he came to himself, he seemed surprised by his own outburst.</p><p>“What’s my fault?” James said in an idiotic tone.</p><p>Regulus tried to control his breathing again, as he looked into James’s eyes uneasily.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Regulus asked, calmer.</p><p>“I saw you running out of the great hall,” he said, as if that served as an answer.</p><p>“So?”</p><p>“So ... I had to- And what does it matter why I’m here?” He snapped defensively. “What the fuck was that?”</p><p>“Let go of me,” Regulus said, avoiding the question. “<em>And get lost</em>.”</p><p>“What the hell is wrong with you?” James blurted out. “Shit, you just tried to beat me up, be thankful I don’t curse you until you end up in the infirmary for a week.”</p><p>Regulus gave a raspy laugh, “I’d love to see you trying,” he said bitterly, trying once more to get James to let go of his wrists, “Fuck! Potter! Let go of me!”</p><p>James finally pulled away from Regulus and let him sit on the floor, as he brushed his numb wrists to regain sensation. James groped for the dropped glasses and found them luckily close. He put them on quickly, and James stayed on his knees in front of him, cautiously watching his every move.</p><p>“What do you want now?” Regulus said, almost wearily. “Don’t you think we’ve had enough encounters for the rest of our lives? McGonagall has freed us both from detention today, is it really that hard to thank the universe for not having to see my face today and live your fucking life without interfering with mine?”</p><p>“You seemed upset when you came out of the great hall,” James said bluntly, somewhat offended, “Excuse me for-”</p><p>“Oh,” Regulus scoffed, in a fake tone as if he was moved, “Don’t tell me you were coming to see if I was okay; how pathetically Gryffindor of you,” he added cruelly. “Yes, Potter, I am magnificently well. Would you like us to run into the sunshine while raining petals of friendship and ease on our heads now?”</p><p>Regulus’s words sat James like a bucket of cold water.</p><p>
  <em>See if he was okay?</em>
</p><p>Well, if James thought about it, yeah, that was probably what he was doing.</p><p>James shook his head, shoving Regulus and getting up on his spot. “I don’t even know why I bother,” he muttered, “I figured you were affected because one of the few decent people in your family just died and maybe you wanted to have someone to talk to and since you’re my best friend’s brother I thought it would be cruel to let you suffer alone, but I see that trying to be nice to you is a waste of time.</p><p>“You have no right to be nice to me!”</p><p>“Nor do I want it!”</p><p>“Good!” Regulus exclaimed. “Because you don’t! And for your information, if you were so concerned, let me inform you that I don’t give a shit that my pathetic uncle is now six feet under!”</p><p>James froze at that.</p><p>“And I don’t give a shit about not going to his pathetic funeral! Nor do I care that my pathetic brother takes everything and leaves me once again with nothing!” Yelled Regulus. “I don’t care about not saying goodbye properly or having to stay here without knowing what happened or how he died! NOR DO I CARE TO KNOW THAT MY UNCLE CARED FOR ME SO LITTLE AS TO FORGET COMPLETELY ABOUT ME FOR ALMOST A YEAR AND THEN HAVE THE LITTLE DECENCY OF DIE! <em>I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK</em>!”</p><p>James didn’t look away from Regulus, who hadn’t even bothered to get up from the ground. He swallowed hard, running his hand through his hair in discomfort.</p><p>“Hey, Black ...”</p><p>“Get out,” Regulus mused. “I don’t want you near me. You disgust me. Get lost. You and everyone else. Live happily with your shitty fortune inherited by the bloody blood traitor and drown in it.”</p><p>“Sirius didn’t ask to inherit anything from Alphard,” James jumped in defence, “Besides, you and your parents have a fortune far more than enough, I don’t know why you would worry about a couple of thousand galleons-”</p><p>“I don’t care about the money,” Regulus said quickly. He finally pulled himself together, getting up in his place. “I don’t care about anything, I already told you, now get lost.”</p><p>James sighed heavily. “Did you find out from the newspaper?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“About your uncle,” James muttered, “Did you hear from the newspaper?”</p><p>“Of course not,” Regulus said in an offended tone.</p><p>“And why haven’t you gone to the funeral?”</p><p>Regulus drew back at that; he shot James a confused look, before composing himself and raising his brow in a mock smug gesture. “I would never go to the funeral of a blood traitor.”</p><p>James raised an eyebrow, “Two days ago you didn’t even know he was a blood traitor,” he said bluntly, eyeing Regulus sceptically.</p><p>Regulus frowned. “What does that matter?”</p><p>“They won’t let you go to the funeral, won’t they?”</p><p>“And what the fuck do you care what they let me do and what they don’t?” Regulus exclaimed. “And even if that’s the case, I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go near-”</p><p>“Yes, you do want to go,” James stated.</p><p>Regulus clenched his fists at James’s raised eyebrows; he was giving him the same look that you would give to a little boy who keeps insisting on something that makes no sense and does not allow himself to be reasoned with.</p><p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p><p>Regulus had managed to maintain his composure all night and part of the morning. When Barty asked him if he was okay when he entered in their room at dawn, he had smiled and shrugged, so easily that he even convinced himself that he had managed not to care about the death of his uncle. He thought that spending the night working on the mural and with his mind distracted in something else had helped him to clear things up and think things through, but when he saw himself lose his temper, he understood that that had not been the case.</p><p>All because of Potter and his fucking saviour complex. Well, thank you so much for nothing, bloody idiot.</p><p>In his defence, the article of the Prophet had caught his humour and composure, tossed a ball with them, set it on fire, kicked it, and dropped it to the bottom of the black lake for the Kraken to eat it.</p><p>It had pushed buttons that hadn’t been pushed in a long time.</p><p>What the hell had Sirius done to deserve that? Why had Alphard preferred him to Regulus?</p><p>That wasn’t about money, he didn’t give a shit about money, honestly, his inheritance was enough to feed him and five other generations without lifting a finger.</p><p>And the worst of all, was that shit was affecting him when it shouldn’t. Because the moment his mother told him that his uncle was a blood traitor and that he shouldn’t consider him his family anymore, he should have obeyed her and felt terrible disgust against his uncle, but he didn’t, no matter how hard he tried. He was only capable of feeling sadness, and of remembering the last time he saw his uncle almost ten months ago and shouting at his memory why the hell he had decided to go and leave him in the shadows.</p><p>And on top of that, Potter decided to appear in all his glory, believing that he had the right to speak to him and check if he was okay. <em>How damn ridiculous it sounded</em>. He, who would surely rejoice with Sirius as soon as he returned from the funeral that apparently he had the right to go but Regulus didn’t. He, who would rejoice that Sirius had stopped being the bloody bum he deserved to be to go back to swimming in money like he had all his bloody life. In money and in the knowledge that <em>he had one more thing Regulus did not have</em>. Because it’s a universal law that nothing could ever go wrong for Sirius Black.</p><p>“Black,” James whispered, interrupting his thoughts, “Really. Do you want to talk?”</p><p>“Why would <em>you</em> want to talk?”</p><p>James shrugged his shoulders. “I know how bad it is, and I know how bad both you and your brother are at dealing with difficult things. I don’t want you to have a seizure in the middle of school.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>James shrugged again. “I wish you no harm,” he mused. “I don’t know what kind of sadists who get off with other people suffering you think we are, but neither Sirius nor I waste our time fantasizing about you suffering.”</p><p>Regulus stared at James for a moment, before shaking his head sharply. “There’s nothing to talk about, I’ve told you, I don’t need to be comforted, much less comforted because of the death of a disgusting blood traitor like-”</p><p>“Really?” James said, his expression changing, seeming almost mocking, cutting Regulus off mid-sentence. “So, you don’t care? You don’t mind not being able to go to the funeral?”</p><p>Regulus snorted in annoyance. “I don’t give a shit.”</p><p>“And don’t you get mad that Sirius can go and you can’t? Doesn’t it make you sad that he’s able to say goodbye and you can’t?” He insisted mockingly. “That he is there, with his cousin and his real family, who really loves him, while you are here, without a miserable remembrance of your uncle?”</p><p>Regulus took a step back. “I don’t need-”</p><p>“Neither does it matter to you that one of the last things your uncle did before he died was to change his will to erase all the heirs except Sirius? That the last thing he thought of you for was to consider you worthless enough to take you out of his will? Doesn’t it bother you that you didn’t even receive a miserable letter from him explaining what happened?”</p><p>Regulus was about to open his mouth, but didn’t know what to say. Anger grew inside him when he saw how James raised his eyebrows in expectation to see if he said something worthwhile, and he felt as if he was slapped when he saw James shook his head trying not to smile when he saw that Regulus was not able to say anything.</p><p>“Doesn’t it bother you that your uncle cared so little about you?”</p><p>“Wh-”</p><p>“And doesn’t it bother you to know that Sirius is going to be able to mourn his uncle in peace while you are going to be here having to pretend that you don’t care and living a miserable life because nobody cares enough about you to ask you to take out the things that you are keeping to yourself?”</p><p>Regulus felt his eyes lose vision, while his hands trembled. “No.” He said firmly, looking James straight in the eye.</p><p>“Wow, <em>impressive</em>,” James whispered, stepping forward. “And doesn’t it bother you that you have to pretend that you care that your uncle was a blood traitor, even though you certainly don’t?”</p><p>“I do care.”</p><p>“No, you don’t,” James pointed out cruelly, “That your parents have probably told you to pretend that he is no longer your uncle or some similar shit and that you are doing it with all your pathetic efforts because you are worth nothing more than to do what you are told? That the only way you have of dealing with emotions you can’t control is to lock yourself up and rage in secret because you have no one to turn to because you have turned your back on the only family that cared about you and having those friends that you have and not having is practically the same?”</p><p>Regulus felt tears roll down his cheeks. James’s hair stood on end when he saw them, but he decided to insist a little more.</p><p>“Are you sure it doesn’t bother you that the only person who came to see if you were okay was a disgusting blood traitor that you despise with all your might and not some of those pureblood friends of yours?” He said in a drawled tone. “Are you sure you don’t mind that no one-”</p><p>Regulus tried to grab his wand from his pocket, but it fell from his hand and slid to the ground with a pathetic gesture. His hand flew to his mouth, trying to stifle the choked cries. His knees gave out and he just sat on the floor with tears blurring his view and a knot in his chest that made it hard for him to breathe.</p><p>James finally moved from his place and crouched next to Regulus.</p><p><em>Shit</em>. He didn’t want to go that far.</p><p>Sometimes it worked on Sirius, pissing him off until he got everything out of him- But Sirius used to blurt it out in a fit of rage, not sadness.</p><p>James mentally added that to his list of ‘fundamental differences between the Black brothers’.</p><p>Shit. James touched one of his shoulders, but Regulus pulled away from him with a shaking gesture. “Stop it, please, s-”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” James said quickly, as if it would help. “Merlin, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to-”</p><p>Regulus began to gasp, like these times when you are a small child and you cry so much that the air does not seem to reach your lungs. He tried to gasp for air, James’s words mingling with all the emotions inside him. He mentally asked whoever controlled his emotions to make it stop, because fuck, he couldn’t take it anymore.</p><p>James grabbed one of Regulus’s shoulders, then the other, and held him in place so that he would stop moving and see if he would calm down. He brushed Regulus’s hair from his face and watched as his arms fell inherently to his sides, as if he had given up trying to move.</p><p>James finally put an arm around Regulus’s shoulders and pulled him forward, hugging him against his chest. Regulus resisted at first, but finally seemed to give up and slumped against James, drowning the tears on his shoulders.</p><p>“I hate you,” he whispered, patting James on the shoulder. “I hate you, Potter.”</p><p>“I know,” he replied, squeezing his shoulder gently. “I know, I’m sorry.”</p><p>(…)</p><p>Regulus had pushed James away just a couple of minutes later. James watched him slide over to one of the table legs and sit there, leaning against the wide wood, with his legs up to his chest and his arms and chin resting on his knees.</p><p>“Hey, I’m sorry, really-” James whispered, staying in his place that time.</p><p>“Don’t be sorry,” Regulus said staring at nothing, his eyes still running into tears. “I don’t want you to be sorry.”</p><p>James swallowed hard, but stopped himself from commenting anything.</p><p>“<em>How are you?”</em></p><p>Regulus looked at James with the permanent scowl on his face. “What?”</p><p>“How are you?” James said again, somewhat louder. “You. How do you feel? I think it’s a simple question.”</p><p>Regulus drew in a ragged breath, not finding himself with the energy to make any sarcastic remarks. He looked at the window, and observed the cloudy sky and the cold that crept through it, and noticed that it had finally stopped raining. “<em>Fine</em>.”</p><p>“How are you really,” James said, shooting him a reproachful look.</p><p>Regulus looked back at James. “Fine,” he repeated insistently.</p><p>“Black ...”</p><p>“I’m fine!” Regulus exclaimed, throwing his head back, exposing his white neck to view. “I’m just ... Tired. And overwhelmed. That’s it.”</p><p>“Black,” James whispered. “Hey, look, I understand that you don’t want to talk about what’s wrong with you, much less with me, but seriously, let it out.”</p><p>Regulus licked his lips in a ragged breath. “I don’t know how am I,” he finally said.</p><p>James nodded. “What do you feel?”</p><p>“<em>Nothing</em>,” Regulus said grimly, “<em>and everything</em>. I feel empty and full. On the verge of exploding and completely inert. I feel dead from cold and on fire. I feel everything and at the same time nothing.”</p><p>James nodded. “What would you like to do right now?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Regulus said, staring at the ceiling. “Nothing,” he said tentatively, then seemed to change his mind. “I’d like to sleep. Or get high. The acid that Lestrange sells is not bad, maybe I could walk up to the dungeons and see if- “</p><p>“What if we avoid drugs?” James suggested with a wry smile.</p><p>Regulus rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Well, then I want to sleep.”</p><p>“You want to stop feeling,” James corrected. “Your options are to sleep or get high because you know that will take you away from reality and you won’t have to deal with the shit you’re feeling. But you can’t just pretend it’s not there, you have to deal with it.”</p><p>“Do you have a therapist complex?”</p><p>James laughed, shaking his head. “Seriously. How about you try to ... uh ... tell me exactly what you feel?”</p><p>Regulus gripped his knees tighter. “I don’t know how I feel, Potter,” he whispered.</p><p>“Do you miss your uncle?”</p><p>“Yes,” he quickly added, “And that makes me feel even worse.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because I shouldn’t feel like this,” he said curtly.</p><p>“Because he is a blood traitor?”</p><p>Regulus shot James a wary look before nodding.</p><p>“Does it really matter that he’s a blood traitor?”</p><p>“Yes,” Regulus said quickly. “It has to.”</p><p>“But it does?”</p><p>Regulus nodded.</p><p>“I think it doesn’t,” James pointed tentatively. “He was someone you loved and you can’t just suddenly hate him for being told you should.”</p><p>“But I should be able to!” Regulus exclaimed out of the blue. “Everyone else can! Why can’t I ?!”</p><p>“Because you know that everything they tell you is bullshit,” said James. “You don’t want to admit it, but you know it. And you can’t force yourself to feel things. And that’s why you can’t even hate your uncle, nor can you even give me a coherent reason to hate muggle-borns.”</p><p>Regulus shook his head. “I just have to find one,” he whispered. “There is one. I just have to find it.”</p><p>James shot Regulus a thoughtful look. “What if there wasn’t?”</p><p>“There is!”</p><p>“Okay,” said James, “But what if not?” When he saw that Regulus was about to scream again, he quickly added. “There is, okay, I already heard you; but let’s assume that there was not, imagine that you spent years of your life thinking about reasons and you never found one, and finally you gave up and admitted that there is no reason, no logic, no sense in pureblood supremacy,” he said insistently. “Can you do that? Can you imagine yourself in that situation?”</p><p>Regulus looked at him apprehensively. He bit his lip, and seemed to lose himself in his thoughts for a few seconds, but he ended up nodding.</p><p>James sat up in his place. “What would you do then?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“If you decided that there is no reason, that it doesn’t make sense, that it’s just a story that purebloods tell to gain more power,” James explained. “If you saw things the way I do, or the way Sirius sees them, what would you do then?”</p><p>Regulus gulped. “You mean if I got to the point where there isn’t a single wretched branch I can hold on to?” Regulus asked. “To the point where I absolutely and firmly confirm that there is no way that pureblood supremacy is a real theory and that there’s no hope that it will ever make sense? That I see myself with the only option to admit that my life is a lie and everything I’ve ever believed in has only been hurting people who don’t deserve to be hurt? That everything and everyone I trust has been lying to me for their own selfish purposes my whole life? Do you want me to put myself in that case? “</p><p>“<em>Yes.”</em></p><p>Regulus took a deep breath. He looked down at his hands, twirling the Black family ring on his index finger.</p><p>Then raised his head and looked James straight in the eye. “I would apologize to <em>Lily Evans</em>.”</p><p>James’s breath hitched. “Why Lily?”</p><p>“I don’t think there is a single day that I go to the Slughorn club meetings and chuckled at her lack of information about the wizarding world. I don’t think I’ve ever looked so much down on a person’s accomplishments for being muggle-born like I’ve done with Lily Evans. Or the number of times I’ve told Severus to ignore his feelings about her because she’s a muggle-born and doesn’t even deserve to have truly worthy people look in her direction,” Regulus mused. “I don’t hate too many people, contrary to the popular belief. I hate <em>you</em>, I hate my brother, and I hate a couple of other people who have played me during my years at Hogwarts. The only person who’s on that list for reasons I can’t explain it’s her. <em>I hate her</em>. I hate her so much that I wish her the worst,” he insisted, as if he hadn’t made it clear enough to James. “If I found myself in the situation where the foundations of pureblood supremacy crumbled under my feet, the first thing I would think about is how I have looked down on a great witch who only deserved to be admired by her achievements,” he stated firmly. “The first thing I would do is ask Lily Evans for forgiveness.”</p><p>James didn’t know what to feel at the time. “She is an incredible witch,” he said, feeling the need to make that clear.</p><p>Regulus shrugged.</p><p>“So,” James replied, looking at Regulus with wide eyes, “If, as you say, the foundations of blood supremacy collapsed on you, would you stop insisting on blood supremacy? I mean, would you try ... to fix what you’ve done? “</p><p>Regulus gave James a ridiculous look. “How could I continue to insist on pureblood supremacy if I found mymself in the situation of knowing that it does not make any sense?”</p><p>“You are a Slytherin.”</p><p>Regulus blinked idiotically. “So?”</p><p>“You are hungry for power,” he drawled. “And you don’t mind hurting others to win it, why would you tremble to keep believing in an untenable idea just to have your craved-”</p><p>“What the fuck are you saying?” Regulus said defensively. “No one in their right mind would pretend to believe in something that hurts other people and makes no sense just to gain power!”</p><p>James seemed off-kilter at the thought, “But ...”</p><p>“I would never do such a thing!” Regulus screeched defensively. “And that I’m from Slytherin doesn’t mean I’m a bad person!”</p><p>“You are always saying that you are a bad person!” James exclaimed.</p><p>“But not because I’m from Slytherin!” Regulus replied. “I’m a bad person who ended up in Slytherin! Not a good person who turned bad right when I ended up in Slytherin!”</p><p>“That’s not what your brother says!”</p><p>“MY BROTHER DOESN’T KNOW A SHIT!”</p><p>James watched Regulus get upset again, and decided that continuing down that path would not be a good idea. “Okay,” he whispered, “Okay, I’m sorry,” he reviewed what they’d said so far, and looked at Regulus curiously, “Then would you be willing to change if you found yourself in the situation of -”</p><p>“I already said yes,” he snapped. “Not that it matters. That’s not our situation. You’re the blind one. Not me.”</p><p>James ignored that. “You mean there’s like ... hope for you?”</p><p>Regulus frowned, “What a stupid question,” he muttered. “It depends on what you consider hope. I’m pretty sure the definition of hope for me is not the same as it’s for you.”</p><p>“Is there hope? Is there hope for my hope?” James asked, ironically hopeful.</p><p>Regulus looked at him like he was an idiot. “<em>I guess</em>.”</p><p>Regulus did not understand James’s ridiculously enlightened expression or the way his jaw dropped and eyes widened.</p><p>“Good,” James said, not wanting to screw up now that he had Regulus where he wanted him. “Good.”</p><p>“I already told you the other day,” Regulus said dryly, “Don’t get too high hopes.”</p><p>“Too late,” he whispered under his breath, so low that Regulus could barely hear him. “So, we were talking about your uncle ...”</p><p>Regulus snorted heavily, resting his chin on his arms again. “I already told you that I don’t know what I feel!” He exclaimed, anticipating James’s next words. “It’s not just that he’s a blood traitor ... It’s that ... It’s-” He sighed in resignation, shaking his head, not bothering to keep trying.</p><p>“It’s?</p><p>“I don’t know,” he mused. “I don’t understand anything. Yesterday afternoon he was at his house. Happy. With his rabbits and his geraniums. And now he’s dead, and I’m supposed to take that in,” he explained hastily, “And then there’s the will... I don’t give a shit about him leaving it all to my brother! I have money to spare! I don’t need any more! It’s just that- “ He drew in a shaky breath. “I would like to know that he remembered me at some point ... It’s as if- Did he care so little about me?” He hid his face in his arms. “Shit, I’m the worst,” he whispered. “My uncle is dead and I’m thinking if he thought of me when he was- I’m disgusting. Fuck.”</p><p>James glided tentatively toward Regulus’s place. Regulus stared at him, but did not seem to intend to stop him. Anyway, James kept a little distance from Regulus, just in case.</p><p>“You’re not disgusting,” James said. “It’s normal to think about these things, and even more so when they leave you as much in the dark as they have left y’all.”</p><p>Regulus looked at James apprehensively, shrugging. “Why can Sirius go to the funeral and I can’t?”</p><p>James waited for Regulus to add something, but he didn’t.</p><p>“Do you want me to tell you why?” He said foolishly.</p><p>“Yes,” Regulus said. “You’re his bes- Practically his brother,” he corrected himself with a tremor in his voice. “What has he done? What has he done that I haven’t done?” He whispered through trembling lips. “Why can he have it all? Why did my uncle choose him and not me? Why is he the one everyone takes into account? What have I done?”</p><p>James didn’t know what to say to that, but he didn’t have to, because Regulus kept talking. “Why could Sirius and Alphard spend the summer together and I wasn’t even invited? Why does he have the right to go to the funeral? He hasn’t been home in two years! He’s not part of the family! Why does he and I don’t?”</p><p>Regulus noticed James’s shocked expression. “And on top of that I’m a idiot,” he muttered. “Who do I think to ask? None other than the great James Potter. So that he can run and tell the even greater Sirius Black and they can both-”</p><p>“I’m not going to tell Sirius,” James said quickly. “Black I ... I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I told you that I don’t want you to be sorry.”</p><p>He ruffled his hair with his hand, in a thoughtful gesture. “Didn’t they invite you to summers in Italy?” James asked, noting the detail.</p><p>“No,” Regulus said quickly; then he added. “How do you know they were in Italy?”</p><p>“Ah- Huh- Sirius told me,” he said awkwardly. “He said you didn’t want to go once your cousin graduated-”</p><p>“I was not invited,” Regulus said firmly.</p><p>“How do you know?”</p><p>“My parents told me. That he had invited Sirius but not me. That they didn’t want me with them.”</p><p>James gulped, “The same parents who forbade you to go to your uncle’s funeral?” He said with an awkward grin.</p><p>Regulus glared at James. “What would you know,” he said scornfully.</p><p>“Why would they have told you not to go to your uncle’s funeral if it weren’t for the most selfish reasons that only benefit them? Because it’s obvious that this does not benefit you.”</p><p>“I have no idea why they told me not to go to the funeral or to forget about my uncle and all the feelings I had for him or that he is a blood traitor and has died as such!” Regulus exclaimed, “But I’m sure they wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for my good! Because unlike what <em>some</em> people say, they care about me and what happens to me!”</p><p>“Your parents told you what?”</p><p>Regulus reached furiously into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of parchment and threw it at James angrily.</p><p>James caught the paper on the fly, and unravelled it, glancing at Regulus as he did so, who watched James manipulate the paper with heavy breathing. He came face to face with the crisp handwriting of Walburga Black. He read the letter once, twice, and the third time he couldn’t help but curse at the woman.</p><p>“Fuck,” he said, looking at the letter as if he couldn’t believe it. “Black, this is completely <em>brutal</em>.”</p><p>Regulus seemed confused at the comment. “It’s not.”</p><p>“They can’t just tell you to-” he mumbled insistently. “And not letting you go to the funeral- Black this is completely horrible.”</p><p>“It’s not.”</p><p>“And what would happen if you disobeyed them?”</p><p>Regulus shook his head. “What do you mean?”</p><p>James gave him an insistent look.</p><p>“I don’t think I’m following you,” Regulus said idiotically.</p><p>“What would happen if you didn’t turn off your feelings like some kind of rag doll.”</p><p>“What do you mean what would-”</p><p>“Damn it, Black!” James yelled, “You know what I mean! What would they do to you!”</p><p>“Nothing I didn’t deserve!”</p><p><em>Shit</em>.</p><p>James fell silent, suddenly feeling sick in his stomach. He took a hard breath and blew out just as slowly.</p><p>He nodded. “Okay,” he said, staring at the letter. “Uh,” he huffed, not knowing what to add, licking his lips. “Sirius told me that you used to go to the beach when you were little,” he commented, in a low, somewhat trembling voice. “Yesterday he showed me a photo in which you were with your cousin ... The blonde one, I never remember the names-”</p><p>“Cis- Narcissa,” Regulus replied. “Yeah, he used to take us to a white sand beach in Italy, near a muggle town where he had a cottage,” he explained.</p><p>“Did you like the beach?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“The sand bothered me,” he explained. “The sea wasn’t bad, but there was a lot of seaweed, and it always scared me when it got on my legs or arms,” he commented. “Also, Andromeda gave me a book about marine animals once for my birthday and I prefer to avoid going near a beach since then. Piranhas make me panic.”</p><p>James was amused by that comment, but didn’t feel like laughing. “And what else did you do with Alphard?” He asked, finally deciding to get fully close to Regulus and sit across from him. Regulus raised his head and looked into his eyes, seeming to have no intention of telling James to turn away again.</p><p>“Well,” he guessed thoughtfully. “He had many plants. He was a herbology fanatic, and in his garden, he had many geraniums. And in his house, there were no house elves, he did all the chores.”</p><p>James nodded, “Would you rather people not have house-elves?”</p><p>Regulus nodded. “I’d rather they weren’t slaves. I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do at this point, anyway,” he murmured, surrendered. “They have so internalized the idea that they have to serve wizards that if we tried to free them all they would probably go completely insane and end the elven race themselves. Or give themselves to alcohol. You’d be surprised how much house-elves like to resort to butterbeer to solve their problems.”</p><p>James gave him a weak smile. “I think you can always do something,” he whispered .</p><p>Regulus looked at him, curious. “Don’t you know when a cause is lost?”</p><p>“I don’t believe in lost causes,” he replied.</p><p>Regulus nodded. “Your way of seeing the world is too optimistic.”</p><p>“And yours too pessimistic.” Regulus shrugged, still not taking his eyes off James. “And tell me,” James replied. “Where did all this elf stuff come from?”</p><p>“What elf stuff?”</p><p>“You know,” he murmured. “Ask them nicely, be so ... considerate, with them. Having conversations with them,” he listed. “I don’t know of any other wizard who does something so ... weird. “</p><p>“They also have feelings,” Regulus said. “If instead of elves we had wizards as servants to whom we paid a decent pay, you would not treat them like vermin,” he said sadly. “It’s not fair. History has treated them badly. They are beings with powers that overcome many of the barriers that we wizards have to follow, and still, their talents are looked down upon by all other magical beings.”</p><p>James cocked his head, attentive to Regulus’s speech.</p><p>“And their entire culture has been eradicated. They have nothing, they know nothing of their past because we have taken it and thrown it away to make them believe that they are only worth serving and obeying. It’s unfair.”</p><p>James tried to hold back but finally couldn’t help himself. “And don’t you realize that’s what Death Eaters want to do with muggle-borns ?”</p><p>Regulus gulped.</p><p>“Black,” James whispered, placing his hand over Regulus’s, who stared at the joined hands wide-eyed. “Seriously, I think you are capable of… doing a lot of good,” he stated. “You got ... shit Black, if you brought that into the ministry it would revolutionize the world as we know it.”</p><p>Regulus jerked his hand away from James’s in a brusque gesture. “Stop saying non-”</p><p>“You need to get rid of all the shit that’s holding you back,” James told him, his hand tentatively close to Regulus’s in the air, as if he wanted to put them back together but didn’t dare to do so. “Or you’ll never be happy if you can’t do it.”</p><p>Regulus cocked his head, frowning confused, or lost, or something like that. “I don’t understand what-”</p><p>“I don’t understand you either,” James stated. “I just know that ... I just know that you say things that don’t seem like they come out of your mouth and that is making you miserable. And ... It just doesn’t fit you.”</p><p>“You don’t know what fits me and what doesn’t,” Regulus replied defensively. “Don’t pretend you know me.”</p><p>“I don’t,” he said quickly. “But I could do it.”</p><p>Regulus raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know what idea you’re making of me, but let me tell you that you’re terribly wrong.”</p><p>“I’m never wrong.”</p><p>“Me neither.”</p><p>James reached out to Regulus, who looked at his arm suspiciously. “It’s a challenge then,” James said smiling. “I’m always up for a challenge.”</p><p>Regulus looked down at James’s hand, then at his face, taking in his wide, genuine smile.</p><p>“No trick,” James clarified, disappointed to see Regulus scan his arm and the space around him, as if he expected to see something jump up and start laughing at him.</p><p>Regulus reached out tentatively, and James waited for him to shake his hand.</p><p>James couldn’t help but notice the contrast of Regulus’s cold fingers on his permanently warm palm. He adjusted his glasses over the bridge of his nose, and watched as Regulus pulled his hand away from him quickly.</p><p>“You’re wasting your time,” Regulus stated, matter-of-factly.</p><p>James shook his head, leaning back in place, resting his arms on the ground behind his back. He glanced at the window. “We’ve been here quite a while,” James pointed out. “It must be almost three o’clock, it’s getting dark already.”</p><p>Regulus looked at the window as well, but didn’t add anything.</p><p>James finally took the liberty of looking around the class, his signt stumbling upon the white mural that he had observed the last few times he had been there.</p><p>Regulus had advanced considerably. The arch had taken on a more irregular shape, as if it were some kind of ruin, and the hill now had rocks all over it, as if it were more of a pile, and stood in the middle of a very smooth meadow.</p><p>“What did you say you were painting there?” James asked curiously, sitting up in his place to get a better look at the layouts.</p><p>Regulus then looked at the painting. “I don’t know,” he sighed.</p><p>James raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean you don’t know?”</p><p>Regulus shrugged. “I don’t know,” he repeated. “I have the image in my head, but I can’t see it clearly. I saw it in a dream; but not quite, I just knew it was there, but I couldn’t see anything.”</p><p>James cocked his head. “What?”</p><p>Regulus snorted in frustration. “Forget it,” he said wearily. “It’s silly.”</p><p>James swallowed hard, wanting to press the point. “But how are you painting something that you don’t know what it is and that you haven’t seen clearly?”</p><p>Regulus gave him an unsettled look. “Painting it,” he said firmly.</p><p>“That makes no sense.”</p><p>“It does for me.”</p><p>James nodded, raising his arms in surrender. “Okay, okay, excuse me,” he added, rolling his eyes. “Hey, I’m a little hungry,” he commented, looking at the half-open door of the classroom. “Do you want ... to come to the kitchens and ask the elves for something?”</p><p>Regulus scowled at him. “Why would you want me to go with you?”</p><p>“Maybe you can tell me how to treat elves well,” James suggested tentatively.</p><p>Regulus shot him a hopeful, curious, almost innocent look, but it only lasted a few seconds, as he quickly returned to his usual suspicion of him. “Are you serious?”</p><p>“No, I’m Jam-” Seeing Regulus’s raised eyebrow, James coughed uncomfortably and corrected himself. “Yeah, I’m serious.”</p><p>“It’s daylight, the school is full of people,” Regulus pointed out. “They can’t see me with you.”</p><p>James laughed at that. “Why not?”</p><p>“Because they can’t.”</p><p>James blinked idiotically. “Does it matter that much to you that they see you walking with a blood traitor?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“If someone told my parents they would be disappointed,” he said bluntly. “I don’t want to disappoint them. They don’t deserve that.”</p><p>‘Because he would disappoint his parents.’</p><p>Not because James was a disgusting blood traitor and didn’t want to be six feet from him. Not because his status in Slytherin could be affected. Not because James wasn’t worthy enough to hang out with people as pure as him.</p><p>“Forget about the kitchen,” James replied simply. “We are going for a walk to the black lake; and don’t try to tell me that there is anyone, other than us, fool enough to go out for a walk a December afternoon in the cold.”</p><p>“Why do you insist on spending the afternoon with me?”</p><p>“I have nothing better to do,” he said with a shrug. “Come on, get up, if you are so worried about being seen, it would be best to get out of the castle quickly.”</p><p>Regulus didn’t seem to feel like getting up. “Can’t you just-”</p><p>“Nope,” James stated. “Hurry up.”</p><p>(…)</p><p>James walked on the front, while Regulus followed behind with crossed arms. They had taken a passageway that led from a hole in the wall hidden behind a tapestry near the prefects’ bathroom to the greenhouse.</p><p>“Peter found this when we were thirteen,” James explained, passing through the dark tunnel. “We don’t use it much, but keep my secret, okay?” He added with a wink.</p><p>Regulus nodded disinterestedly, without the slightest interest in exploring passageways at Hogwarts.</p><p>There was a moment when a bat flew past them, and Regulus let out a gasp as he dramatically placed his hand on his heart. “Bloody buggering hell!”</p><p>James laughed, barely able to make out Regulus’s expression in the darkness of the tunnel. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of the dark, Black.”</p><p>“I’m not afraid of the dark, that’s ridiculous,” he snapped angrily. “I am afraid of what may be in the dark, which is a completely rational and logical fear! It’s not my fault that your poor brain is so stupidly bold and reckless that you are not able to feel fear!”</p><p>James shook his head, pointing with his arm to a small point of light in the distance, assuring that was the exit from the tunnel.</p><p>“I wonder why they put all these passages at Hogwarts,” James whispered, slowing down to walk alongside Regulus. “There are hundreds of them, you would be surprised if you knew them all.”</p><p>“I know,” Regulus said stubbornly. “Each one was created in different circumstances, it’s not like they all belong to a complex catacomb system or something like that; most were created by students, although most of the ones that are in the dungeons are safe passages made by the founders in case the school is attacked.”</p><p>James looked at Regulus curiously. “How do you know that?”</p><p>“Someone told me.”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“A friend.”</p><p>Regulus caught a glimpse of light in James’s glasses, noting that his features could be better seen as they neared the end of the tunnel. He watched his confused face, as if he wanted to ask something but didn’t dare to do so. “What?” Regulus asked insistently.</p><p>“Is by any chance,” James began, glancing at the ground for just a second, “this friend ... Helena Ravenclaw?”</p><p>Regulus looked surprised. “How-”</p><p>“I heard you get along with her,” he clarified. “It surprised me, that’s all.”</p><p>Regulus frowned suspiciously, but shrugged and nodded anyway. “Yes, it was her, I ran into a passage in my first year when I got lost trying to get out of the dungeons and she showed me the way back.”</p><p>“Dungeons can be a maze if you don’t know them well,” James pointed out.</p><p>“I know, I walk them every day, Potter.”</p><p>When they finally emerged from the tunnel, Regulus realized that it was impossible for anyone to see them together out there, because it was impossible for someone to be brainless enough to come out of the dungeons with that damn cold near the lake.</p><p>In his defence, Potter was the brainless one who had the idea, he was just the brainless one who had agreed.</p><p>Regulus hugged himself, trying to cover his arms from the cold. James kept walking ahead, past the greenhouse and stables.</p><p>They walked along the path through the garden, from where they could see the entire surface of the black lake. There was a kind of hill that descended to its shore, but the students only approached the shore of the black lake at the end of spring, when the year was about to end and the weather was already beginning to be good.</p><p>The sky was getting darker and darker; being early December, the sun disappeared devilishly soon, and when it was practically six in the afternoon you could already see the stars in the sky.</p><p>“What do you like to do, Black?” James asked, breaking the comfortable silence Regulus had melted into.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“What do you do to pass the time,” James rephrased. “Hobbies, pastimes, I don’t have the slightest idea what you like.”</p><p>Regulus frowned. “Do you want to chat about hobbies?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Better that than being silent.”</p><p>“I like the silence.”</p><p>“Well, I hate it.”</p><p>Regulus snorted, gulping, shuffling down the dirt road. “I like reading.”</p><p>“What do you like to read?”</p><p>“Everything.”</p><p>James laughed at that. “Can’t you be more specific?”</p><p>Regulus smiled weakly. “I like to read everything,” he snapped. “Romance, adventure, horror, history, philosophy; everything can be interesting.”</p><p>“You read muggle books,” James pointed out. “You said it, a couple of weeks ago, with that elf ... What was <em>its</em> name?”</p><p>“<em>Her</em> name was Vinke,” Regulus blurted out, shooting James an irritated look. “Don’t call them ‘it’, they are not objects, they don’t like that.”</p><p>James breathed in gently. “It’s what everyone does.”</p><p>“What everyone does is not always right,” he said undoubtedly.</p><p>“How do you know that it bothers them?”</p><p>“Wouldn’t it bother you?”</p><p>James turned his head and locked eyes with Regulus, who was glaring at him. “<em>Her</em>,” he finally said. “Okay. Vinke, was that <em>her</em> name?”</p><p>Regulus looked pleased. He nodded gently, and looked away from James’s eyes.</p><p>“You were talking with her about a muggle book,” James returned to the source of the conversation. “Why do you read Muggle books?”</p><p>“They are normal books-”</p><p>“I know,” James said clearly. “But, I mean, why?”</p><p>“What do you mean why?”</p><p>“Why did you decide to open a muggle book and sit down to read it?”</p><p>Regulus seemed to back off at that. “Well,” he sighed. “Ah ... A friend, from Ravenclaw, told me that her parents had given her a collection of Muggle books for Christmas,” he explained.</p><p>James nodded, inviting him to continue speaking.</p><p>“And ... It was a book about magic,” James raised an eyebrow. “I mean, not magic, it was like a magic world, but not like ours, it was different. It was hidden in a closet.”</p><p>James cocked his head, grimacing sceptically. “In a closet?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Regulus said, smiling helplessly. “And ... it was a cool world. There was a witch, but she wasn’t a witch like our witches, she didn’t use a wand, and she controlled the snow, and she was evil.”</p><p>“Control the snow?” James said sarcastically, laughing ridiculously. “<em>That’s ridiculous</em>.”</p><p>“I know,” Regulus said, looking at James smiling. “It was so ridiculous that I wanted to read more. We live with magic, we don’t- We can’t imagine it any other way, we don’t create new worlds that work with other laws; muggles are trapped in their mediocrity, and that allows them to invent incredible worlds that play with its own rules, and that’s ... I don’t know. I find it fascinating.”</p><p>James looked at Regulus with his mouth slightly open, and Regulus’s smile faltered at that. “What?”</p><p>“Nothing,” James said, gulping stupidly, looking away. “It just sounds really interesting.”</p><p>Regulus didn’t know what to say, so he just gave a nervous smile and nodded. “And, you know, I also like Quidditch.”</p><p>James cocked his head with a smug smile, raising both eyebrows, glaring at Regulus with a twisted expression, “Yes, it sounds familiar,” he drawled. “I also remember that you are a cheating little bastard.”</p><p>Regulus bit his lip nervously. “Yeah, sorry about that. I wanted to beat you.”</p><p>James shook his head, rolling his eyes. “Me or Gryffindor?”</p><p>“Uh- Gryffindor, of course.”</p><p>“I hate people who cheat at Quidditch,” he said. “It is a very personal game for me.”</p><p>Regulus ducked his head in shame. “Sorry,” he repeated. “Is the girl okay? McKinnon?”</p><p>James nodded. “She is a bit touchy every time we talk quidditch. And she wants to make mincemeat with your heads, but nothing serious has happened to her.”</p><p>Regulus nodded. “Sorry, I didn’t mean ...” he sighed. “I didn’t think about what Rebastan was going to ... Sorry, it’s my fault.”</p><p>James clapped him uncomfortably on the shoulder, and Regulus jumped in surprise at the gesture. “‘s okay,” he said. “But you don’t need to cheat to win a game. Marlene had been preparing for weeks because we weren’t sure she could beat you. You’re devilishly fast, you know?” he mused. “And the Wronski feint you did in the middle of the game? God, it was awesome.”</p><p>Regulus smiled shyly. “Sorry,” he repeated. “God, I’m sorry, I screwed up your- Ah. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s fine, I shouldn’t have reacted as I did. And on top of that, it cost us three days detention for both of us.” James said calmly, then added, in a cocky tone. “Anyway, we are going to beat you in the next game, so there’s nothing that worries me.”</p><p>Regulus raised an eyebrow. “We’ll see about that.”</p><p>James laughed, staring at the black lake, and Regulus couldn’t help but do the same. In his defence, James had a very contagious laugh.</p><p>He looked at the watch on his wrist, and saw that it was late. He should go back to his common room or his friends were going to freak out.</p><p>“I should get going.”</p><p>James looked at Regulus in surprise. “Where?”</p><p>“With my friends,” he replied. “Uhm ... They’ll start asking questions if I’m gone too long and ... well.”</p><p>James nodded. “Yeah, sure, yeah, it makes sense,” he stammered. “Do you feel ... uh ... better?”</p><p>Regulus shrugged. “<em>It hurts</em>.”</p><p>“Understandable,” James whispered. “But ... uh, you know, it’s not right for you to bottle things up ... If you keep ignoring your emotions like that, you will eventually break down.”</p><p>“How unfortunate,” Regulus said sarcastically.</p><p>James looked away.</p><p>“Goodbye, Potter,” Regulus said finally, turning and walking towards the castle.</p><p>James watched him walk away for a few seconds, before turning and walking back down the passage.</p><p>(…)</p><p>When Regulus entered his room, Barty dropped the book he was reading abruptly and sat up in bed. “Where have you been?” He asked quickly.</p><p>Regulus closed the door behind him gently. “Taking a walk,” he replied dryly.</p><p>“For four hours?”</p><p>Regulus shrugged. “I needed to clear my mind,” he whispered.</p><p>“And have you done it?”</p><p>“Something like that.”</p><p>Barty nodded. “Are you sure,” he muttered.</p><p>“Positive,” he said dismissively. “What are you reading?” Regulus asked then, approaching the bed and sitting on Barty’s mattress.</p><p>“Nothing,” Barty replied blandly. “A book about a father who goes crazy and chases his wife and his son through a hotel.”</p><p>Regulus laughed weakly. “It suits you,” he murmured, “Is it from Heather?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he replied. “She said horror novels could be my thing. Not bad, but don’t tell her.”</p><p>“My lips are sealed.”</p><p>(…)</p><p>“Prongs!” Exclaimed Peter, who was sitting between Marlene and Frank on the big couch in the common room, playing chess against Lily. “Do you want to play a game with me after I beat Lily?” He asked cheerfully, “I want a rematch!”</p><p>“Don’t be so full of yourself, Pettigrew,” Lily muttered, staring at the chessboard with a concentrated expression. “Horse to E4.”</p><p>Peter captured Lily’s knight with a bishop with unsettling ease. Lily shot him a withering look, and Dorcas laughed, hiding her smile behind the book she was reading.</p><p>“Sure,” James replied to Peter, closing the common room door behind him and walking over to a chair.</p><p>“Where the hell have you been all day?” Lily asked reproachfully. “After your great getaway from the great-”</p><p>“I’ve been,” James cut her off, shooting Lily a meaningful look, silently asking her not to mention his escape from the great hall, “taking a shower in the prefects restroom. I had a lot on my mind and I wanted to think calmly.”</p><p>Lily shot her a suspicious look, but she nodded anyway. “Did it sit well with you?”</p><p>“It has done me wonderfully,” he said grinning. “Where’s Moony?”</p><p>“He was unwell,” said Peter. “He is sleeping upstairs.”</p><p>James cast a worried glance up the stairs. “Until Padfoot comes back he’s not going to be calm,” he said sadly.</p><p>“Probably not,” Lily said, staring intently at the board, moving the next piece that was most likely going to be captured by Peter.</p><p>James heard Frank and Alice silently laugh at something they were talking about with each other, and shook his head at the couple’s sappiness.</p><p>Once Peter and Lily finished the game —with a landslide victory by Peter— James and Lily exchanged seats, and James prepared to beat his only worthy rival when it came to chess. “Ready Pettigrew?”</p><p>“I was born ready,” said Peter smiling, moving the first pawn.</p><p>During one of the long moments Peter spent staring at the board, weighing which piece to move and where, James turned his head to find Lily casting furtive glances from time to time at the book Dorcas held in his lap.</p><p>“Evans,” James began. “You like to read and such,” he started, and Lily raised both eyebrows at that.</p><p>“Yes,” she said in a slurred voice. “Why?”</p><p>“Do you know of any book that talks about a world hidden in a closet?”</p><p>Lily frowned before bursting out laughing. “You mean the Chronicles of Narnia?”</p><p>James shrugged, “Does it have a world hidden in a closet and an evil witch who controls the snow?” Lily nodded. “Then yes.”</p><p>Lily shook her head. “It’s a muggle book,” she clarified, “Where have you heard anything about muggle books?”</p><p>James sighed deeply. “It’s hard to explain,” he murmured. “And what’re the Chronicles of Narnia about?”</p><p>“Do you want me to tell you the plot of the seven books?”</p><p>James nodded, “If you don’t have anything better to do ...”</p>
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